Advice needed in dating a very emotionally unstable woman

[carhill]

 

I think the irony is that her greatest fear, having another woman scoop me up, actually manifested by us breaking up as a result of her jealous insecurity.

 

Is this common for BPD people? Does it ever dissipate? It seems really extreme.

 

 

Looks like you've received some well-considered advice and I'd guard against investing in such social interactions.

 

To answer your question quoted above, not uncommon when engulfment flips to abandonment.

 

OTOH, combine some engulfment and mania and it's pretty wild in the bedroom. If the person in question is also attractive, it's very difficult to resist. While relationships may not last, there is a never-ending supply of parties desiring a spin of the wheel thinking they'll be the lucky ones.

 

Up to you.

[Woggle]

I agree but it is easier said than done

 

How so? He doesn't have a kid with her, is not married so their finances are not tangles and she is not the last woman on earth. What possible advantage does he have if he continues to see her?

[guest569]

How so? He doesn't have a kid with her, is not married so their finances are not tangles and she is not the last woman on earth. What possible advantage does he have if he continues to see her?

 

I noticed that OP used the term 'love bombed' and seemed rather smitten initially but upon posting here, was feeling 50/50. When speaking about the good aspects of the relationship, it seemed exceptional. I think he may be hanging onto the good aspects and hoping that it will work out, but seems to have a strong feeling that this isn't for him and throughout this thread, appears to be gradually moving towards that decision. Even when there are glaring issues, it can be hard to let go of hope and the wonderful feelings that preceded the drama.

[elaine567]

How so? He doesn't have a kid with her, is not married so their finances are not tangles and she is not the last woman on earth.

What possible advantage does he have if he continues to see her?

 

Answer....

 

She’s very attractive

[guest569]

It just absolutely breaks my heart.

 

I think it runs deeper than good looks or sex. This really struck me in the original post.

[Woggle]

Answer....

 

So there is only one attractive woman on the planet and there are no ones that also happen to be sane and well adjusted people?

[carhill]

So there is only one attractive woman on the planet and there are no ones that also happen to be sane and well adjusted people?

OP is likely still in reproduction period (I was in mid-40's) and if subject lady is 10+ years younger and very attractive she's a strong reproductive draw, all else being equal, and engulfment, even without mania, is very intoxicating. It's like altered consciousness.

 

It all became clear to me one evening at a party years ago when a friend's wife started humping me in the living room. I think the next time I saw her she hurled something at me. The honeymoon was over.

[DashRiprock]

I noticed that OP used the term 'love bombed' and seemed rather smitten initially but upon posting here, was feeling 50/50. When speaking about the good aspects of the relationship, it seemed exceptional. I think he may be hanging onto the good aspects and hoping that it will work out, but seems to have a strong feeling that this isn't for him and throughout this thread, appears to be gradually moving towards that decision. Even when there are glaring issues, it can be hard to let go of hope and the wonderful feelings that preceded the drama.

 

I'm the OP. Smiley1 hit this right on the head. What she wrote is 100% true. When it is/was good, it was really good and she filled a part of me that had been empty for years and years.

 

I'm really struggling with this, but I think it's just best to go total NC and see what happens.

[DashRiprock]

Trying to understand specifically what she offers you for you to feel the need to tie yourself to this woman.

 

I think my heart is ruling my head. Logic tells me to leave and never look back.

 

But...

 

Another part of me wants to call her and have a serious talk about the BPD. I wish I knew what this was before our fight. And if she's willing to continue with the treatment/therapy, and have me call her out when she's acting up (and I won't put up with any BS), then I'm thinking we may have a shot.

 

There is so much chemistry and fun and it's hard to let go of that because it's really hard to find. I was in a LTR/marriage (9 years) up until 18 months ago and though we respected and "liked" each other, it was a sexless, roommate situation for the last 2-3 years.

[RecentChange]

Look,I understand the broken heart part.

 

What's hard about a mental illness like this, is I am sure, just like other suffers that she doesn't want to be like this. It's not something she decided she wants to do.

 

Buuuuut.... This is not something you can just put a cast on and fix. It's a permanent affliction. With hard work and treatment, she maybe able to control her actions a bit. But it will always be there, and the very fact that she suffers from it will make her resistant to any sort of effective treatment.

 

I have never heard of a "cured" or even well manged BPD.

 

But I do know about the years of therapy those who have loved a BPD person have needed to grapple with the damage the BPD person did to their psyche.

 

If I was your friend I would be PLEADING you not to persue this woman

[SevenCity]

So there is only one attractive woman on the planet and there are no ones that also happen to be sane and well adjusted people?

 

When you're in love, that what it feels like.

 

Men don't often look at women as commodities - despite popular belief.

 

It's not easy to find someone you connect with.

[SevenCity]

Look,I understand the broken heart part.

 

What's hard about a mental illness like this, is I am sure, just like other suffers that she doesn't want to be like this. It's not something she decided she wants to do.

 

Buuuuut.... This is not something you can just put a cast on and fix. It's a permanent affliction. With hard work and treatment, she maybe able to control her actions a bit. But it will always be there, and the very fact that she suffers from it will make her resistant to any sort of effective treatment.

 

I have never heard of a "cured" or even well manged BPD.

 

But I do know about the years of therapy those who have loved a BPD person have needed to grapple with the damage the BPD person did to their psyche.

 

If I was your friend I would be PLEADING you not to persue this woman

 

This is assuming she sees it as a problem and wants to change.

 

Evidence presented says otherwise.

[SevenCity]

I think my heart is ruling my head. Logic tells me to leave and never look back.

 

But...

 

Another part of me wants to call her and have a serious talk about the BPD. I wish I knew what this was before our fight. And if she's willing to continue with the treatment/therapy, and have me call her out when she's acting up (and I won't put up with any BS), then I'm thinking we may have a shot.

 

There is so much chemistry and fun and it's hard to let go of that because it's really hard to find. I was in a LTR/marriage (9 years) up until 18 months ago and though we respected and "liked" each other, it was a sexless, roommate situation for the last 2-3 years.

 

I understand. But ask yourself, historically how have decisions based on emotions rather than logic worked out?

 

It's hard. REALLY hard. I in no way wanted to break up with my gf but I felt I had no choice if long term happiness was my goal.

 

I dated a lot in the 10 months since my 7 year LTR dumped me and this was the first girl I really liked and saw a future with. I thought "Finally - this is what I was waiting for"

 

It was hard to let that go.

[Chilli]

It's understandable man. Not easy to find someone you like or love and have everything with, this stuff doesn't grow on trees

It's damn rare, and if we're lucky at that.

 

l lived with a girl in my early 20s similar in that park thing that happened with yours. But l'm afraid she didn't change . Every time we were around other people mostly, she'd get the sh@ts about something and would stop talking or walk off or be in a sh@t for hours. It never changed with her.

She was good with her family though , no drugs either ,great job, very organized, very smart.

Her crap never stopped though.

 

But on the other hand, gf l'd been with 16mths now , sadly no more , also had a lot of these tenancies but she did improve in time and she was conscious of it when we'd talked about things , and she did make an effort at least.

There was other big things to though as we were also 3/4 LDR and couldn't work that part out either soooo,it hasn't worked out.

l would have tried longer with her because we had so much, l think she would've gotten better going on those things above and the way l felt about her, but with our other LDR problems, well.

 

But l recognized it all in yours , but there is one thing, the fact that it hadn't come out at all until then and only that once so far. That's at least a good thing.

Personally l think if your really feel for her , or love her, you could try a bit longer. See if she actually acknowledges her crap too ,to me l think that's a really big thing as in my gf, she could and did and worked on it.

So at least there could be something to work with.

 

But if she doesn't then l reckon that's a really bad sign and you could expect much more of it as time goes on and no way to work with it.

 

Good luck anyway in whatever you decide .

Edited July 13, 2017 by Chilli

[bluefeather]

Your title is confusing to me. Why do you need advice on dating a very emotionally unstable woman? My advice is to not date anyone like that. If someone is very emotionally unstable, a romantic relationship would be the last thing I would suggest to help that person. It is like you are asking for advice on how to hurt yourself.

[elaine567]

Another part of me wants to call her and have a serious talk about the BPD. I wish I knew what this was before our fight. And if she's willing to continue with the treatment/therapy, and have me call her out when she's acting up (and I won't put up with any BS), then I'm thinking we may have a shot.

 

I don't see how accusing her of having BPD, ie mentally ill (which after all just an internet diagnosis) is going to help your cause any...

 

She caught you oogling another woman, she was not best pleased, she called you out on it (dramatically I grant you), she blanked you. I guess she saw it as a deal breaker and has gone NC except to get her jacket back.

I think you are dumped actually.

[salparadise]

- I do care about her. I see BPD no different than high cholesterol or high blood pressure or a thyroid problem. It’s a medical condition. BUT, the BPD person needs to choose how to address the medical problem. I know she goes to therapy once a week.

 

You're dead wrong here. This is not in any way similar to cholesterol or high blood pressure. It's a personality disorder.

 

 

If anyone here is experienced in dealing with a BPD partner, I have a few questions:

 

I am experienced. Mine was milld (high functioning) compared to this one. You need to get real about this. There isn't a bigger mistake you could make than to think you could be a good influence and that she'd end up being appreciative and therefore decide to be a good girlfriend/wife or whatever. If you want to ruin your life, hitch your wagon to this one.

 

1-Do they realize how irrational they act and have any remorse—even days later? Or, is it always the other person’s (me) fault? If I acted this way for whatever reason to my S.O., I’d probably call asap and apologize out of fear of losing them. So far, I’ve received no word after 5 days.

 

No. They can't tolerate the thought that they're at fault or flawed.

 

2-I’ve read much about BPD and the articles all mentioned “Splitting” and “Black and White Thinking.” I was gleaming white 5 days ago but now probably black as coal. How do I manage this? Do they usually come around at some point and try to reconnect? It was an intimate, committed relationship—that she really pressed for.

 

Usually yes, but they're stubborn as hell. She's damn sure you are the culprit, so she may just stay gone if she has a backup. What she's dong is waiting for you to come back around and apologize, and that will be the pattern.

 

3- What are the prospects of at least some semblance of a healthy relationship with a person with strong BPD? ALL relationships have their hang-ups, but these seem extraordinary.

 

Zero.

 

You really need to examine why you don't believe that you deserve a healthy relationship. You have codependent tendencies. Asking these kind of questions is revealing.

 

Don't get back with her no matter what. Don't give her an entry point. Go to counseling and explore what it is about you that makes this so hard to just walk away with nary a thought or regret.

Edited July 13, 2017 by salparadise

[Downtown]

We had, by her admission, the best day of the summer on Sunday (5 days ago) and then had a huge blowout later that same day.

Dash, if she is a BPDer, it is not surprising that a "huge blowout" immediately followed on the heels of "the best day of the summer." With BPDers, the very WORST fights typically occur immediately after -- if not during -- the very BEST of times.

 

Like nearly every other adult, a BPDer craves intimacy. Yet, because her self identity is so fragile and her personal boundaries are so weak, she will quickly start feeling like she is losing herself (i.e., disappearing) into your strong personality when intimacy is sustained for very long. It is frightening because she can feel like her identity is evaporating into thin air and that you are controlling and suffocating her.

 

When that scary feeling of engulfment occurs, a BPDer's subconscious protects her by projecting this painful feeling outside her body -- onto you. Because this projection occurs entirely at the subconscious level, she is absolutely convinced -- at a conscious level -- that the hurtful feelings and thoughts are originating from you. She therefore will start a fight -- over nothing at all -- to push you away and give her breathing space.

 

This is why a BPDer often will start fights immediately after a very intimate evening or great weekend -- or right in the middle of a very expensive vacation. And this is why you often will see an angry BPDer making allegations so absurd that you are amazed any adult is capable of saying such nonsense while keeping a straight face.

 

I’m absolutely baffled by the bizarre behavior especially after the awesome day and month we had and how close we were getting.

As I noted above, her abusive behavior is not "bizarre" but, rather, is to be expected if she is a BPDer. It is a logical response to your drawing closer and becoming intimate with her. This response -- of pushing you away -- is why BPDers typically have no close long-term friends (unless they live a long distance away).

 

Any casual friend who makes the mistake of drawing close will start triggering the two fears. But those fears typically will not be triggered by business associates, clients, casual friends, and total strangers because NONE of those folks pose a threat. There is no close relationship that can be abandoned and no intimacy to cause the suffocating feeling of engulfment.

 

I was gleaming white 5 days ago but now probably black as coal. How do I manage this?

It is impossible to "manage it" if she is an untreated BPDer. As long as you remain in the relationship, you will lose no matter what you do. This predicament occurs because a BPDer's two great fears (abandonment and engulfment) lie at the opposite ends of the very same spectrum. This means that it is impossible for you to back away from triggering one of her fears without starting to trigger the other fear.

 

As you draw close to assure her of your love, for example, you will trigger a BPDer's engulfment fear because, although BPDers crave intimacy, they cannot tolerate it for very long. Due to a BPDer's fragile, weak sense of self identity, she will quickly feel like you're trying to control her -- and she will get the scary feeling of being engulfed. As I noted above, she therefore will create a fight -- over absolutely nothing -- to push you away. Yet, as you back away to give her breathing space, you unavoidably will start triggering her abandonment fear.

 

Sadly, there is no midpoints solution (between "too close" and "too far away") where you can safely stand to avoid triggering the two fears. I know because I foolishly spent 15 years searching for that Goldilocks position, which simply does not exist.

 

What precipitated the event/blowout was no different than glancing at your watch... I didn't make eye contact, smile, speak or do anything.

Dash, a BPDer carries enormous hurt and anger deep inside from early childhood. You thus don't have to do a thing to CREATE the anger. Rather, you only have to do or say some minor thing that TRIGGERS a release of anger that is already there. Indeed, even when you don't say a thing and don't move a muscle, just being in the same room with a BPDer is sufficient to trigger a temper tantrum.

 

As I tried to explain above, a BPDer has such a powerful need to externalize her painful feelings and thoughts -- moving them outside her body -- that she will subconsciously project them onto YOU. Hence, without doing anything, you will sometimes trigger a hissy fit or rage by simply being in the room.

 

I see BPD no different than high cholesterol or high blood pressure or a thyroid problem.

As RecentChange and SalParadise observe, these conditions are very different when you consider the impact on your relationship. Absent years of intensive therapy, having strong BPD traits will make the BPDer incapable of trusting you for any extended period. This will destroy the relationship because trust is the foundation on which all close relationships must be built if they are to be successful. Moreover, the BPDer's inability to regulate her own emotions means she will frequently experience feelings so intense that they severely distort her perception of your intentions and motivations -- as seemed to have occurred when you two walked into the dog park.

 

Do they realize how irrational they act and have any remorse—even days later?

A very small portion of BPDers -- I would guess 5% -- do have such self awareness when they have time to later cool down. For the 95%, however, such awareness occurs only rarely. Indeed, it is so rare that the abused partners refer to these events as "moments of clarity." In my 15 year marriage, for example, my exW exhibited such clarity on 5 or 6 occasions -- when she had been caught doing something so awful that she feared I was going to divorce her. In each case, the clarity lasted a day or two and then vanished -- having absolutely no lasting effect.

 

So far, I’ve received no word after 5 days.... Do they usually come around at some point and try to reconnect?

Yes, if she is a BPDer, it is likely she will eventually split you white and start love bombing you to pull you back. BPDer relationships are notorious for having multiple breakups. A BPDfamily survey of about 460 such relationships found that nearly a fourth of them (23%) went through 10 or more complete breakup/makeup cycles BEFORE finally ending for good. About 40% of the BPDer relationships experienced at least six breakup/makeup cycles before ending. And 73% had three or more breakup/makeup cycles before finally ending. See "Results" at BPDfamily Breakup/Makeup Poll.

 

What are the prospects of at least some semblance of a healthy relationship with a person with strong BPD?

Based on your reading, you already know the answer to that. Although most major cities offer excellent treatment programs (e.g., DBT and CBT), it is rare for a high functioning BPDer to seek treatment, much less remain in such a program long enough to make a real difference. By their very nature, BPD thought distortions are so harmonious with the ego's desires that these distortions are invisible to nearly all BPDers. This is why BPD is said to be "egosyntonic."

 

Another part of me wants to call her and have a serious talk about the BPD.

If you tell her you suspect she has strong BPD traits, there is a roughly 95% chance she will project the accusation right back onto you. As I stated earlier, that projection will occur in her subconscious. She therefore almost certainly will believe that YOU are the one with a BPD problem. Granted, if she really is a full-blown BPDer, it is possible her therapist has already told her. That is unlikely, however. As I discuss at Loath to Diagnose, therapists generally withhold the name of the diagnosis so as to protect their high functioning BPDer client.

 

I think it's just best to go total NC and see what happens.

What is likely to happen, if she's a BPDer, is that you will find her behavior to have dramatically improved when she eventually reaches out to you. Like a smoker who is always throwing away his "last pack" every two months, a BPDer typically exhibits dramatic improvements every couple of weeks or months. When a BPDer is splitting you white, her behavior is very VERY good. And when she is splitting you black, her behavior is very VERY bad. That's the way emotionally unstable people behave. Remember, even a roller coaster will be seen making dramatic gains half of the time.

[zivo]

I am dating a woman whos in her early 20s and I'm about 4 years older than her and she's definitely a BPDer.

 

Seems like everyone on here is telling you to run the other way and don't look back. However I, like yourself, are still dating a person that is a BPDer so I'll give you some other insight as I've been dating her for around 6 years now.

 

Her being younger, I think you can definitely mold her and train her to be better and more stable. Its a tricky situation but I don't think all is lost and just for one freak out like this I don't think you should just run away from her.

 

Maybe thats what most people would do, I'm not sure but I try to really give everyone when it comes down to dating, and if their really attractive, a lot of second chances. As long as you can reason with them the next day and talk about it, hear her side of the story, and try to explain your side, I think you can get to her, and hopefully help her better understand.

 

Just because a chick is crazy doesn't mean she will always be like that as most people say on here. Especially if they are younger I think there is still hope and I suggest you have a serious talk to her and see how she responds. Make sure you ask her lots of questions and get her side of the story.

 

If she doesn't want to listen at all or give you anytime to discuss this then she already made her decision to end things.

 

I do want to say though my girlfriend starts a fight with me usually at some sort of event in our relationship. Either vacation, new years eve, whatever, any sort of special day or event there is usually something that triggers a fight. It can be something small that gets blown out even and is quite annoying to deal with but I usually don't let it bother me because the sex is good. Not sure if that makes me a bad person but in the end its a win / win scenario.

[carhill]

OP, over the decades I've found one canary to be fairly consistent.... does the lady in question have any close, long-time female friends? If so, how does that go? Among the dx'd folks I know with BP1-2, some with suspected co-morbid BPD, they have a hard time keeping healthy friendships, especially with same gender friends. Unlike romantic emotional attachments, friendships tend to be less likely to tolerate unhealthy behavior sets. If friends are few and distant, that's one sign to look at IMO.

[coolheadal]

Sorry for the novel, but I really need some advice here. I think I may be getting Love Bombed…

 

The girl I’m dating and I recently decided to become exclusive. We have had an absolute blast the past month or so hiking, dining, whitewater rafting, dining out, paddle boarding and just enjoying each other’s company. We see each other every 3-4 days. We text in-between our dates but not incessantly. The chemistry is really good between us. There is a lot of mutual attraction and we really seem to be “into” each other. The conversation is good and we just generally have a lot of fun together. I’m 10+ years older than her and I think she sees me as a confident, established, stable force in her life.

 

I’m not professing I’m perfect in any way in that I have many flaws, but I know this girl has some serious issues. I’ve learned she doesn’t communicate regularly with her family and hasn’t seen them in over 10 years (they are over 1000 miles away). From what I can piece together she grew up in an abusive household (according to her) but she didn’t provide much detail. She has very few friends and considers her current roommate whom she met at work about a year ago as her “best friend.” She’s 34, but does seem a bit immature for her age. She goes to a session of some sort each Wednesday morning for PTSD but hasn’t elaborated. She does take a SSRI (Prozac) she claims is really for her IBS symptoms. She doesn’t have a stable career (currently works retail 30-40 hours/week) and seems to change jobs and living situations fairly often. She has no car (not super uncommon for where we live) and very little money. She has also joked about doing illicit drugs on a few occasions—too much in fact that it is raising suspicions. I’ve asked her calmly if she used, like it would be no big deal, and she denied using any form of illegal drugs, though I think I have doubts about it.

 

We had a great time on Sunday paddle boarding. There’s always a lot of affection, fun, chemistry, and communication with us. We came back to my place and ate some dinner and then had really great sex as we always do, just saying. We then walked my dog to the dog park and there were a few people there. There was one very good-looking woman (maybe 40?) there. As we were leaving, I did look at the woman for maybe 2-3 seconds and my girlfriend who was 10 feet behind me starts yelling “Do you see something you like < my name>!!??” It was embarrassing but I shrugged it off and calmly walked out of the park. As we were walking home she kept on me about what I liked about the girl. I said all I did was glance at the group and then I said ok, I like the way she wore her hair just to end the conversation. I reminded my gf I was with her--and her only (we agreed to a committed relationship about a week ago) --and I put my arm around her and tried to reassure her. She continued to barrage me with other insults and nit-picks and then started walking 20-30 feet behind me and my dog. I kept telling her to come with us but she wouldn’t. Finally, I walked towards her and I was very firm and said I didn’t like her behavior and that she was acting very strange. I told her to come with us, again, and she just stood there 20 feet behind me. So, I started walking home. I get home and she shows up 5 minutes later, laughing to herself. She goes upstairs, changes into nicer clothes she initially came over with, and heads for the door. I called her name, but she said she had no interest in anything I wanted to say. I offered her a ride home but she said she could get one (I doubt it). She lives maybe 1.5 miles away along well-lit roads so I assume she just walked.

 

I’m absolutely baffled by the bizarre behavior especially after the awesome day and month we had and how close we were getting. She seems to be wildly jealous and is always asking (somewhat jokingly) how many women hit on me today or approached me. Truth be told, I do keep in very good, almost competitive shape, and am a former male model so I have been blessed with good genes but also work hard to stay in top shape.

 

Does anyone have any experience in dating a woman with serious emotional instability issues? I’m 50/50 on ending this, but, nobody is perfect. I know people are people including me and as mentioned, there’s also a lot to like about her. But I’m wondering if this benign event is what I would have to look forward to many more times if I were to be with her long term. I think she may have some serious psychological/emotional issues.

 

Any thoughts appreciated.

 

Thank you.

 

Dash

 

You blew it with her now and you uncovered her demons. Why did you looked at the other woman? Was really worth it? Look at the trouble you have caused. This one is unstable behind healing her as Reiki/Shaman Master as I am. Can't fix something that is already damaged. She's classic TOTAL EMOTIONAL WRECK

 

Tell her sorry but it just not working, we are to different people and your just way to unstable for me. She works 40 hrs a week normal job don't knock anyone who doesn't work on your level. Then you shouldn't be with a woman like that then. She has done drugs both type. Her type of woman mostly has. She'll denial it. She'll tell you anything you want. But you had your fun with her, but now fun is gone and mental unstable is out and your in for more than you have bargain for. My Cuban the last one she was like this I did one little thing and trigger and explosive unstable woman. She was never the same and It was best to get end that. I did and I feel 100% totally relax..

 

You need to be free and away from this sort of woman you now have experience with this sort and you know what to do now. We all can say everything under the sun but the final call is yours. If you keep her your never going to be the same guy again. She has shown you what she can do to you. Walking behind you and the dog meant she was thinking how she can get back at you. She has done a great job doing that with you now. Nagging and etc over the same subject. Because you fancied another woman.

 

That's all I am going to say on this Dash!

Edited July 14, 2017 by coolheadal

[DashRiprock]

OP, over the decades I've found one canary to be fairly consistent.... does the lady in question have any close, long-time female friends? If so, how does that go? Among the dx'd folks I know with BP1-2, some with suspected co-morbid BPD, they have a hard time keeping healthy friendships, especially with same gender friends. Unlike romantic emotional attachments, friendships tend to be less likely to tolerate unhealthy behavior sets. If friends are few and distant, that's one sign to look at IMO.

 

OP here, she has very few if any real close female friends. She feel women at work are catty and doesn't keep in touch with any high school or college people. She considers her roommate her best friend and they only met less than a year ago.

[guest569]

OP here, she has very few if any real close female friends. She feel women at work are catty and doesn't keep in touch with any high school or college people. She considers her roommate her best friend and they only met less than a year ago.

 

I don't see why you make such a big deal out of the fact that her best friend is a roomie that she met a year ago. I say forget the diagnosing for now and start moving on. You definitely can't go accusing her of having a personality disorder. Ouch!

[elaine567]

You definitely can't go accusing her of having a personality disorder. Ouch!

 

Exactly.

That would be totally ridiculous behaviour on the part of the OP.

He hardly knows the woman, he can't possibly make any psychiatric diagnosis based on one incident where he was found ogling another woman.

Many people do not like that and can blow up over it.

I guess it was a trigger for her, BUT that doesn't mean she is an emotional wreck or a BPDer, there is some serious projecting and over exaggeration going on in this thread.

Do not like it, DO NOT date her, but to assume she has deep seated problems with her mental health is just going far too far.

[salparadise]

I do want to say though my girlfriend starts a fight with me usually at some sort of event in our relationship. Either vacation, new years eve, whatever, any sort of special day or event there is usually something that triggers a fight. It can be something small that gets blown out even and is quite annoying to deal with but I usually don't let it bother me because the sex is good.

 

Mine did that too. I dreaded any kind of special day. Dreaded having company. Dreaded my birthday, her's and my daughter's. At some point the sex will end and you'll be left with just the crazy. It's no way to spend a life.

 

 

Not sure if that makes me a bad person but in the end its a win / win scenario.

 

No, but you see, you probably believe that you are inherently a bad or flawed person and therefore not deserving of a healthy relationships with a woman who will love and affirm you. That's the reason people stay in these relationships... otherwise, it's just not something any rational person would choose to endure.