Newbeginnings86 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Back story: my ex-husband was having an affair with a married coworker. They used to organize double dates and group hangouts between the four of us. Ultimately, it was the other woman's husband who found out about the affair, and he told me about it. We were friendly before but since the affair was revealed and our spouses left us for each other, we've become very close friends. We communicate daily and we've helped each other through some very dark days. Our friendship has evolved beyond the cheating/divorce and we now share all aspects of our lives with each other and don't really talk about the ex's much. The issue: ive always felt like we were strictly friends. Our friends and families on both sides give us a hard time and all assume there's something more happening but I honestly never saw that....Until recently when he came to vacation with his family in a town very close to me and He asked me to come visit Him. I spent the day with him and his family and had a total blast. BUT During that visit I realized I have strong feelings for him. I have no clue what to do about it!? It feels like such a ridiculous thing to go and do. I don't want to have feelings for him. Besides the fact that it makes a totally dramatic situation even more dramatic, the logistics of a relationship would be impossible. We now live on opposite sides of the country and although we talk daily, we don't see each other at all. Plus I have no idea how he feels about me but I suspect its platonic on his end. Does anyone have experience with this? am I the only crazy person whose fallen for her ex husbands mistress' ex-husband??? (Omg I can't believe I just wrote that sentence). I guess I'm just looking for advices. Or shared experiences. Thanks everyone!
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 My friend caught her married friend (a girl we grew up with) cheating with her husband. They all split up. Soon after my GF started dating her friend's ex. That was over 30 years ago.....The situation was messed up IMO and told her to take a step back and not do this rebound, but I guess she didn't want to be alone. Anyways, they stuck it out, he raised her daughter like his own, her ex was a deadbeat dad, and I think 10 years ago they finally tied the knot. There relationship wasn't perfect by any means but they seem happy. As for their exes, they didn't last a year together. Now I would walk with caution on this....you are hurt, lonely, and here is this guy emotionally supporting you. I think you are liking him for the wrong reasons. Give it time to sort out your feelings. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 He has been giving you comfort through a horrible time in your life. Since the logistics no longer work because you live on opposite sides of the country, just talk yourself out of it. Remind yourself that it can't work. 1
Gaeta Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 How long ago did you divorce? He was your support during a time you were both vulnerable. I'd be worry he is more an emotional crutch for you than anything else. It may be time to let him go to stand on your own. 2
kendahke Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 I think that if you've dated where you are since your divorce, then this guy is not a rebound. I dunno--depending upon how long ago the divorce happened, I see nothing wrong with you and him seeing if something is there. But you won't know that until you broach the subject with him and that may change the dynamic of your friendship--either towards the romantic or he bolts out into the wild and cuts off communication. Living in limbo isn't the answer, either. Does he talk about women he's dating? Do you talk about men you're dating? That may be a way to gauge his feelings for you. Ask him advice about dating and see how he answers it... if his answer is black and white/case closed type of answer, then you know he's not thinking of you in that way. If he interjects himself into how he would do whatever, then that's the opened door for you to step in an probe further about how he feels about you. I tend to believe that if he hadn't developed feelings for you, he would have washed his hands of anything that reminded him of his wife's infidelity and wouldn't be talking to you daily and visiting with you when he did come out your way.
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