fred123 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 What would you do in this situation? They slept with each other twice and she told me it was just **** buddy and it was while ago. She still texts him now and again. Not sure if they have met up or not or will do...
central Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 I wouldn't do much, other than stay aware of things. I wouldn't even be concerned if they met for lunch occasionally, if it's in public. It sounds like you have not met him, and she isn't seeing him - only texting. I think meeting him is a useful thing to do, to gain a sense of him and their interaction - IF they want to meet in person. It may ease any concerns, but even if it doesn't, that does not mean there is a problem - it could be entirely misperception on your part. We both have several friends each who are ex lovers/relationships. We see them occasionally, together and alone. It's never been an issue, or created any problems - we both have good boundaries. Not everyone does, of course.
doyathinkso Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 You wrote "she told me it was just **** buddy and it was while ago. She still texts him now and again." Oh hell no!! Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't be okay with that. 1
confusedgirlfriend11 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 I would say try and trust her. I've still remained friends with guys I've slept with. It was purely one off's or just a bit of fun. If it was meant to develop into anything further, it would have. Like others have said, be mindful of the situation but try and trust her. The more rules you put in place, the more you may push her away. Ask how she would feel if the situation was opposite? This usually allows for a bit of clarity.
Author fred123 Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 I would say try and trust her. I've still remained friends with guys I've slept with. It was purely one off's or just a bit of fun. If it was meant to develop into anything further, it would have. Like others have said, be mindful of the situation but try and trust her. The more rules you put in place, the more you may push her away. Ask how she would feel if the situation was opposite? This usually allows for a bit of clarity. Its a deal breaker for me. So you would be fri3nds with your exes and still hang out with them? For.me no. It doesnt work for me sorry
confusedgirlfriend11 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Its a deal breaker for me. So you would be fri3nds with your exes and still hang out with them? For.me no. It doesnt work for me sorry An ex is completely different from just someone I've slept with. With an ex there was emotions etc there. Just someone you've slept with is different. You can sleep with someone and there be no emotional tie. If you've already decided it's a deal breaker for you then why start this thread? Are you going to bully her into never speaking to the person again or are you just going to not see her anymore? I just think it's silly that if this is the only issue, you'd stop seeing someone nice. How many people do you have in your phone/social media that you've slept with? Unless you block all of them, there is the potential for communication. I know that may not be exactly the same as meeting for lunch but it's still along the lines. Hope you don't mind me being straight talking with it. It's just my opinion and everyone is entitled to different opinions. 2
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Is there a reason why she still is in contact with him? And what is awhile ago? a few months? 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 What would you do in this situation? They slept with each other twice and she told me it was just **** buddy and it was while ago. She still texts him now and again. Not sure if they have met up or not or will do... Ugh. I don't know who ended it, but this would be a red flag for me. No go. My instinct would be that one or the other yearns for more from the other and/or FWB continues to be an option in the future. 1
TaxMan Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Its a deal breaker for me. So you would be fri3nds with your exes and still hang out with them? For.me no. It doesnt work for me sorry For me, a FWB doesn't necessarily count as an "ex," if there were no real deep feelings between them. I've had a few FWB over the years where feelings never really developed, and I've had deep feelings for people with whom there was no sex. I'd be way more worried about the second situation, where there were strong feelings of love, than someone who just happened to sleep with them a few times. I'd say trust her until she gives you a reason not to. As long as she's open and honest about their interactions and doesn't try to hide things, I'd say its fine. 1
central Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Its a deal breaker for me. So you would be fri3nds with your exes and still hang out with them? For.me no. It doesnt work for me sorry Then why are you asking us? Just break up with her since it's a clear deal breaker for you. End of story. 2
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 If I am happy in my relationship, if my bf is happy in our relationship, there would be no reason what so ever for us to chitchat with an ex lover. Happy couples don't spend time entertaining ex-lovers. If they do it's because something is missing in their current relationship or they are attention seekers which is highly destructive in any relationships.
goldenlotus Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 I don't know, sometimes people have friends. And friendship can involve people of different or the same genders, and there can be an initial attraction or maybe even "hell, we're single so we might as well try it". She was honest about her situation with this guy, and there doesn't seem to be any reason to end it. I'd trust her, unless she starts spending way too much time talking to him. It's all about balance. A lunch here, a couple of text there is fine. If she's becoming too focused on texting or seeing this guy, then I'd start getting suspicious. 1
Tribble Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 What are the texts about? In my friendship group, there are a couple of people I have slept with. One was a guy I was seeing for 3 months and the other I've slept with a couple of times, because we were both single and wanted some fun. I still speak with both occasionally and see them when we all go out. This would not change if I was in a relationship. (Apart from inappropriate messages with the second one - we are both still single). This is life. I would be upset if someone I was seeing expected me not to go out with my friends just because they were there. Of course, they would be invited but I would still go if they couldn't make it. The guy I was seeings gf has a problem with me. And, tbh, it just makes it awkward and uncomfortable for the people around. I have zero feelings for this guy anymore and barely speak to him. But she is not happy. That is her perogative but they are my friends and I am not going anywhere. There is nothing for her to be concerned over and yet, it's still a big deal. OP, I'd be more concerned that you don't know whether they have met up...
darkmoon Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 (edited) no, it is not thoughtful of her get a stray FWB of your own, though the guy ought to back off, it is just good dating etiquette do not get billed as the bad guy in all this this is her drama, her big show to her friends, two men she has been sexy with, both in her life, real immaturity for you to contend with Edited July 10, 2017 by darkmoon 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 I don't know, sometimes people have friends. And friendship can involve people of different or the same genders, and there can be an initial attraction or maybe even "hell, we're single so we might as well try it". She was honest about her situation with this guy, and there doesn't seem to be any reason to end it. I'd trust her, unless she starts spending way too much time talking to him. It's all about balance. A lunch here, a couple of text there is fine. If she's becoming too focused on texting or seeing this guy, then I'd start getting suspicious. Agreed, but they were FWB. Presumably sex only....presumably.
knabe Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Nope. If it was a serious relationship then there are too many feelings and too much past involved. If it was "just casual sex," then you don't really know them anyway, so why fight to hang onto them? Nope 2
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