rnjr7 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 my girlfriend has a finsta , which is a fake social media page where she posts private pictures of her ( pictures in her panties ... and pictures not nude but kind of slutty ) i follow her and she only has 10 followers which are girls. She always tells me how loyal she is and she gets jealous when i talk to a girl , like she really cares about me and i can feel she loves me , thats why i trusted her and never really accused her of cheating or even fought with her whenever she told me somethingn about a guy ( im really chill althought i get a little jealous. Ut i keep it to mysef ) . So one day i went to her finsta and checked her followers and found a guy ... yea a guy, my heart dropped literally like i was so shocked. So i immideatly texted her and asked her who this guy was so she told me he was her friend . I was like do u let all ur guy friends see u in ur panties ? She was like only if theyre very close to me yea , i swear reading these sentences just made my jaw drop. I was like " so this guy is close enough to see these pictures or u ?" She was like "yea" and i was like well that sums everything up , i didnt go off on her nor disrespect her my last sentence was " think about your doing really" so she said Okay. And never texted her back . Do i text her or call her a day later or wait for her to text me . I know girls very well , they dont like apologizing. Wven if theyre damn wrong. She took advantage of me because im nice to her and i respect her but the thing she did is really sick. So everytime i try and say let Me text her i say to myself its her fault let her figure what she did on her own . Any advice would be helpful ... thanks for taking the time to read this guys btw this happened 2 days ago
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Why is this a weird fight? You found out that your GF was showing sexy pictures of herself to another guy. You objected. She doesn't see that there is anything wrong with what she's doing. You have two choices: deal with it & continue to date her or break up with her & find a nice girl who doesn't show all her goodies to the world on social media. 5
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Forgive me OP, but why exactly does it shock you that a girl who poses in her underwear and posts it online for her "friends" would also be willing to let a guy see this? The fact that she even has an account like that is shady in and of itself. I don't see why you would consider continuing this relationship. She's not girlfriend material and she's just confirmed that for you. 5
Author rnjr7 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Posted July 9, 2017 Why is this a weird fight? You found out that your GF was showing sexy pictures of herself to another guy. You objected. She doesn't see that there is anything wrong with what she's doing. You have two choices: deal with it & continue to date her or break up with her & find a nice girl who doesn't show all her goodies to the world on social media. We're currently not texting . I think the best option is leave it as it is and when she think she did something wrong let her text me because im sure as hell i wont accept the fact that she has him on there . She'll know my worth once I ignore the **** out of her right? Plus telling her" think about what you're doing really " is a good sentence to make her feel guilty in a respectful way right? Thanks for the answer
Author rnjr7 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Posted July 9, 2017 Forgive me OP, but why exactly does it shock you that a girl who poses in her underwear and posts it online for her "friends" would also be willing to let a guy see this? The fact that she even has an account like that is shady in and of itself. I don't see why you would consider continuing this relationship. She's not girlfriend material and she's just confirmed that for you. You know how girls are these days . I thought its not a big deal because she only has her closest girl friends plus half of the pictures were funny pics of her friends and half were her in a top and panties or with a slutty pose . When i talked to her about it she made me feel that it was something normal but now that i think of it no thats not normal . You tell me you love me you get jealous u call me everyday we talk 24/7 and thats what i get a guy who you dont have a problem with seeing u half naked . No thats ****ed up but she makes it feel as if its normal
Superchicken Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Listen dude, Anyone that likes to post half nude, pantie shots or similar of themselves, is doing it for one reason. Attention. This is the "Worrying" kind of people, as they need to get this attention by means they think is needed. What's worse, is that they will up the anti a little at a time, and soon, will become FULL nude uploads, by means of private messaging, or other web sites. You know that this may well be going on now. Maybe open a fake account, go to her page, and request a nude of her. See what happens. Your in a bad spot, and I agree, women have a life threating allergy to admitting they made a mistake, or earth shattering event when they admit to being "Wrong". She is trouble, and anyone posting images of once self like that, will end up trouble for their partner too, unless your OK with it. Me, she'd be "Toast". You, up to yourself. Dial up the pain factor, and let it rip !. Good luck. Ted. 2
Author rnjr7 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Posted July 9, 2017 Listen dude, Anyone that likes to post half nude, pantie shots or similar of themselves, is doing it for one reason. Attention. This is the "Worrying" kind of people, as they need to get this attention by means they think is needed. What's worse, is that they will up the anti a little at a time, and soon, will become FULL nude uploads, by means of private messaging, or other web sites. You know that this may well be going on now. Maybe open a fake account, go to her page, and request a nude of her. See what happens. Your in a bad spot, and I agree, women have a life threating allergy to admitting they made a mistake, or earth shattering event when they admit to being "Wrong". She is trouble, and anyone posting images of once self like that, will end up trouble for their partner too, unless your OK with it. Me, she'd be "Toast". You, up to yourself. Dial up the pain factor, and let it rip !. Good luck. Ted. I know bro , but im pretty sure she wont accept it , no shes not a slut trust me but she loves attention and im pretty skeptical about this guy because hes the only one guy other than me on her list... what does she expect me to say oh cool i dont have a problem with that? Im just curious about this guy she told me hes her friend and shes just close to him ... how should i respond to that because letting this guy seeing pictures of her like that is wrong as hell .. if shes smart enough she would know that , but i think she wants attention more than love which sucks :/ ill just ignore her and see what's gonna happen
Poutrew Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Like, what exactly are you going to text her first about? "Listen Bae, I just wanna tell ya I am real sorry I got upset when I saw those pics of you in your long johns on your finsta. You have every right to show your assets to anyone you want to and I definitely don't wanna come off as a controlling as@hole. Heck, even if you post legs wide open nude pics, I wont complain anymore. I actually feel really grateful that you allow me to even see them, as it means you think I am at least as important to you as your other friends..." And, why is her sending nasty pics OK as long as it is girls only? Seriously, how do you think she would react if she stumbled on your finsta where you and a group of men are sending dic pics to each other? Yeah, I thought so... Don't text this girl again. Don't answer any eventual texts from her either. You can do better. Leave her to her pervy friends. They deserve each other. 1
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Seriously, how do you think she would react if she stumbled on your finsta where you and a group of men are sending dic pics to each other? Yeah, I thought so... iI doesn't really work that way, does it? 1
Author rnjr7 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Posted July 9, 2017 Like, what exactly are you going to text her first about? "Listen Bae, I just wanna tell ya I am real sorry I got upset when I saw those pics of you in your long johns on your finsta. You have every right to show your assets to anyone you want to and I definitely don't wanna come off as a controlling as@hole. Heck, even if you post legs wide open nude pics, I wont complain anymore. I actually feel really grateful that you allow me to even see them, as it means you think I am at least as important to you as your other friends..." And, why is her sending nasty pics OK as long as it is girls only? Seriously, how do you think she would react if she stumbled on your finsta where you and a group of men are sending dic pics to each other? Yeah, I thought so... Don't text this girl again. Don't answer any eventual texts from her either. You can do better. Leave her to her pervy friends. They deserve each other. Thats 100% true my man every word you said. Thanks for making my point clear and for convincing me for sure that its her fault and i really dont have anything to say to her after what she did . Thanks bro
Author rnjr7 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Posted July 9, 2017 iI doesn't really work that way, does it? Nah it doesnt lmao! You know how girls are they go to the bathroom together they change together ... all that crappy stuff
Bastile Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 (edited) You don't need me to tell you how farcical this is. Inviting some random idiot to peruse her intimate photographs. Must look funny on the followers side with you (her boyfriend) being sat next to this random mug. Here's what I find about such scenarios: women that value their relationship with you will nip that stuff in the bud the moment that they sense how much it displeases you. You don't even really need to have a direct argument about it or anything. Some girls are so entrenched in that kind of negative cycle that they aren't getting out anytime soon - and you just FWB. But this girl sounds like it's well within her means to smarten her act up. She chooses not to, because it's a reflection of how seriously she takes the relationship. i think she wants attention more than love which sucks :/ The relationship you can have with this girl is limited. Don't try to push for something more than what she is capable - be discerning. Every woman wants to think they are capable of being taken seriously, and will try to escalate the relationship regardless of their own lack of quality for being in that same relationship. You need to be the judge of that, and you need to not ignore red-flags. Gaslighting you about male "friends" is one of the biggest red-flags. At the end of the day, there are two ways of looking at the problem. There's the player way, or the commitment way... Player way is that I simply don't mate-guard. I express subtle displeasure and distaste in her behaviour and watch her response carefully. If she doesn't get rid of the guy, then I start viewing the skull beneath the skin of the situation: being crude "I'm F'ing her, and he isn't". That's all that matters, because that's the limit in real terms of what it can be anyway. I'd of course advise to be approaching other women. Commitment way, you talk about the issue. Which you did and got gaslighted... leading to an ultimatum. My advice would be to make less of a deal out of this, and just deescalate the relationship - stop taking it more seriously than she is. And keep ploughing on looking for someone more worthy of a serious investment. Stop applying the commitment way to a woman unworthy of commitment. Edited July 9, 2017 by Bastile
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Nah it doesnt lmao! You know how girls are they go to the bathroom together they change together ... all that crappy stuff OP, I am a woman. I have not once posed in my underwear for my friends. Never. Stop trying to pretend this is normal behaviour among platonic female friends. It is not. There is something really not right about this entire situation. This might be a strange question, but since you mention a lot of texting and online activity: this isn't an online relationship, is it? You date her in real life, correct? 1
Author rnjr7 Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 OP, I am a woman. I have not once posed in my underwear for my friends. Never. Stop trying to pretend this is normal behaviour among platonic female friends. It is not. There is something really not right about this entire situation. This might be a strange question, but since you mention a lot of texting and online activity: this isn't an online relationship, is it? You date her in real life, correct? Yea real life ofcourse
Author rnjr7 Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 You don't need me to tell you how farcical this is. Inviting some random idiot to peruse her intimate photographs. Must look funny on the followers side with you (her boyfriend) being sat next to this random mug. Here's what I find about such scenarios: women that value their relationship with you will nip that stuff in the bud the moment that they sense how much it displeases you. You don't even really need to have a direct argument about it or anything. Some girls are so entrenched in that kind of negative cycle that they aren't getting out anytime soon - and you just FWB. But this girl sounds like it's well within her means to smarten her act up. She chooses not to, because it's a reflection of how seriously she takes the relationship. The relationship you can have with this girl is limited. Don't try to push for something more than what she is capable - be discerning. Every woman wants to think they are capable of being taken seriously, and will try to escalate the relationship regardless of their own lack of quality for being in that same relationship. You need to be the judge of that, and you need to not ignore red-flags. Gaslighting you about male "friends" is one of the biggest red-flags. At the end of the day, there are two ways of looking at the problem. There's the player way, or the commitment way... Player way is that I simply don't mate-guard. I express subtle displeasure and distaste in her behaviour and watch her response carefully. If she doesn't get rid of the guy, then I start viewing the skull beneath the skin of the situation: being crude "I'm F'ing her, and he isn't". That's all that matters, because that's the limit in real terms of what it can be anyway. I'd of course advise to be approaching other women. Commitment way, you talk about the issue. Which you did and got gaslighted... leading to an ultimatum. My advice would be to make less of a deal out of this, and just deescalate the relationship - stop taking it more seriously than she is. And keep ploughing on looking for someone more worthy of a serious investment. Stop applying the commitment way to a woman unworthy of commitment. Thanks man that was good to hear . Makes alot of sense now. I will stop giving the commitment way because if she doesnt care ,why should i ?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Thanks man that was good to hear . Makes alot of sense now. I will stop giving the commitment way because if she doesnt care ,why should i ? That is a good plan. As I said, she is not someone who cares about appropriate boundaries and thus she is not a candidate for a serious relationship. I would forget about her and move on. Out of curiosity, how old are you both? 1
Author rnjr7 Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 That is a good plan. As I said, she is not someone who cares about appropriate boundaries and thus she is not a candidate for a serious relationship. I would forget about her and move on. Out of curiosity, how old are you both? We're both 20 years old and we've been together On and off for a year. off i mean we still talk and everything but we're not techinically dating ( she still acted the same either way , showed me love etc...) but other than that we had only 2 big fights and they were not guy / girl related . This is the first fight where it includes a guy . It pisses me off because she really means alot to me and im 100% sure she never did anything with that guy but why would she do such a thing thats the real question? And now my heads always thinking , will she call me will she text me ? Cuz im the one who started and shes stubborn as hell . Last fight that happened between us, i made a mistake and i apologized for it but she didnt show me attention so i gave her NC for 2 weeks and she called me . Its the opposite now because shes wrong but what drives me crazy is that she thinks theres nothing wrong because she never actually "cheated on me" so thats why i think she will never text or call me again :/ . Should i stay NC with her ? Cuz i think thats the best way to know how much i mean to her and to show her that i can cut h r off and forget her as soon as she ****s up . That way she will learn her lesson no?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Eh, she may not learn anything. This is not something you should even need to "teach" her. She put her need for attention from another guy above your feelings. The fact that she even has an account like to begin with says a lot about her character and maturity level. She loves attention and has very poor boundaries. That might change as she gets older, or it may not. The point is that she is very clearly showing you that she values attention and validation from other people more than she values you and your relationship. You need to ask yourself why you want to be with a girl like this, and why you would be that upset if she never called you again. She isn't The One - not by a very long shot. 1
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Should i stay NC with her ? Cuz i think thats the best way to know how much i mean to her and to show her that i can cut h r off and forget her as soon as she ****s up . That way she will learn her lesson no? Not necessarily. NC is not meant to be a manipulation tool to get people to do what you want them to. It is supposed to be a tool to help you get over someone better, as you are not constantly reminded of them by staying in contact. What you are doing is called stonewalling and that is actually a form of abuse.
Superchicken Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 (edited) im 100% sure she never did anything with that guy but why would she do such a thing thats the real question?............... . Last fight that happened between us, i made a mistake and i apologized for it but she didnt show me attention so i gave her NC for 2 weeks and she called me . Hey rnjr7, look in front of you, way, way in the distance.. You see it coming ?. Its getting closer, and closer. Its nearly at you.. Here it comes, SLAP !. Wake up dude !. She will have hidden/deleted text messages, and OTHER social apps. Wait, here's one more, SLAP !. 100% my ass !. Go read the other peoples postings on this forum, that thought their partners were also 100% sure they never either. Ted. Edited July 10, 2017 by Superchicken 4
Bastile Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 (edited) You can dump this girl, but you will be encountering a lot of this - from her or others. Especially from girls of that age. Throwing a strop and dumping everyone is just not viable (I've been there lol), unless you want to be involuntarily celibate throughout your 20's or something. I've been where you are at your age. And you need to lighten up a bit - stop trying to hammer everyone into a rigid monogamous frame. Enjoy people for what they are. Go out with her, screw her brains out, have a great time, but keep seeing others too. When you find a girl worthy of a more serious relationship, that's when you indulge in those wants/needs instead - then you drop this one. Learn to navigate the scene, young man. Edited July 10, 2017 by Bastile
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