Empathy [by the wayward for betrayed] in Infidelity (video)

[funraiser]

I think the biggest problem for WS to understand what is true remorse is the lack of empathy, the impossibility of putting themselves in the BS shoes. I don't think is completely perfect but I thin every WS should watch this video to try to grasp the pain and devastation they have caused. I hope it helps.

Edited July 9, 2017 by funraiser

[Zenstudent]

I agree with you. But empathic people wouldn't betray a partner in the first place.

 

Learning empathy is a tall order for most ws, I imagine. In my case it seems even impossible.

[knabe]

I agree with you. But empathic people wouldn't betray a partner in the first place.

 

Learning empathy is a tall order for most ws, I imagine. In my case it seems even impossible.

 

Wrong. People can become so resentful they shut it down. But it can be restored.

[reboot]

Thanks for making me cry...

[Mrs. John Adams]

I agree with you. But empathic people wouldn't betray a partner in the first place.

 

Learning empathy is a tall order for most ws, I imagine. In my case it seems even impossible.

 

Zen..

 

I am a very empathetic person...always have been. So I dont agree with you on this one....but i think i understand what you are saying.

 

I think some people can learn to be more empathetic...but i do think empathy is part of personality...an if you are not empathetic by nature...you are right...it is a tall order.

 

I am a very compassionate person...almost to a fault. My parents used to say...you are always for the underdog...even if it is wrong.

 

Well..maybe so.

 

But i still cheated....I still put myself first....

 

So I think you can be empathetic...but you certainly can become selfish

[K.K.]

So why didn't the guy in the video just forgive her? She obviously did something very stupid whether it was because she was lonely all the time he was away or maybe she just needed a human touch. Where's all the working through it and all? She ran after him. She obviously worshipped the ground he walked on. She was obviously very very remorseful.

 

So they both drank themselves to death instead of being together.

 

So why didn't he just forgive her like so many betrayed spouses supposedly do on this board.

 

She hated herself for her mistake. She suffered her whole life because of it. And they both ended up dead before their time.

 

Which is more important, empathy or forgiveness. Can't empathy also be forgiveness?

[Mrs. John Adams]

So why didn't the guy in the video just forgive her? She obviously did something very stupid whether it was because she was lonely all the time he was away or maybe she just needed a human touch. Where's all the working through it and all? She ran after him. She obviously worshipped the ground he walked on. She was obviously very very remorseful.

 

So they both drank themselves to death instead of being together.

 

So why didn't he just forgive her like so many betrayed spouses supposedly do on this board.

 

She hated herself for her mistake. She suffered her whole life because of it. And they both ended up dead before their time.

 

Which is more important, empathy or forgiveness. Can't empathy also be forgiveness?

 

KK...empathy can CERTAINLY be forgiveness...and i beleive it is. Which is why some betrayed spouses can not forgive...they too cannot empathize.

 

In my opinion...reconciliation requires both partners to be able to empathize with the other....

 

If i cannot empathize then how do i become remorseful? and if he cannot empathize how does he ever forgive?

 

It takes both...and thank you for pointing this out....because we often dont think of this....

[funraiser]

So why didn't the guy in the video just forgive her? She obviously did something very stupid whether it was because she was lonely all the time he was away or maybe she just needed a human touch. Where's all the working through it and all? She ran after him. She obviously worshipped the ground he walked on. She was obviously very very remorseful.

 

So they both drank themselves to death instead of being together.

 

So why didn't he just forgive her like so many betrayed spouses supposedly do on this board.

 

She hated herself for her mistake. She suffered her whole life because of it. And they both ended up dead before their time.

 

Which is more important, empathy or forgiveness. Can't empathy also be forgiveness?

Obviously you and I have a different definition of workshipping ...

Forfiveness and reconciliation are very different. Many people (including myself) know that deserve better than a person who can't preotect us when we most need it...

 

For the guy in the video the betrayal was more that he could handle, many people reconcile but very few are really happy after with their choice... I don't think suicide is a good option either therefore I said that the video is not perfect, but is a good example of the pain infidelity causes... I only hope it may open some eyes about the feelings of the other side ( both sides , as there are two sides of the story, and two voices telling this story).

Edited July 9, 2017 by funraiser

[elaine567]

KK...empathy can CERTAINLY be forgiveness...and i beleive it is. Which is why some betrayed spouses can not forgive...they too cannot empathize.

 

 

Perhaps in some cases but sometimes the degree of betrayal is just too much. Long term affairs, multiple affairs, affairs with the BSs best friend, false reconciliations, gaslighting and abuse of the BS... etc. etc.

There can be a limit to empathy.

[Redhead14]

Sometimes they can empathize which in itself is overwhelming and they dissociate from that which in turn allows them to carry on and each time they get with their AP, they become more and more desensitized. But, the fact that they have such a strong ability to dissociate in the first place, says there maybe something else going on with them that has never been brought to light.

[wmacbride]

I think the biggest problem for WS to understand what is true remorse is the lack of empathy, the impossibility of putting themselves in the BS shoes. I don't think is completely perfect but I thin every WS should watch this video to try to grasp the pain and devastation they have caused. I hope it helps.https://youtu.be/IZbN_nmxAGk

 

 

I don't think you can teach people empathy. they either have it or they don't.

 

When I say this, I don't mean that it's not possible to teach empathy when it comes to an affair, but the basic foundation of empathy has to be there in the first place.

 

I think most people who cheat are capable of empathy for their bs, but they have just pushed it down so far and ignore it. Let's face it.No one like to think of themselves as causing another person's heartache, and only a fool, or someone who was tying their mind up in knots to rationalize their actions, won't see it.

 

Someone who is truly incapable of empathy is someone I wouldn't ever want to be in a relationship with.

[AlwaysGrowing]

So why didn't the guy in the video just forgive her? She obviously did something very stupid whether it was because she was lonely all the time he was away or maybe she just needed a human touch. Where's all the working through it and all? She ran after him. She obviously worshipped the ground he walked on. She was obviously very very remorseful.

 

So they both drank themselves to death instead of being together.

 

So why didn't he just forgive her like so many betrayed spouses supposedly do on this board.

 

She hated herself for her mistake. She suffered her whole life because of it. And they both ended up dead before their time.

 

Which is more important, empathy or forgiveness. Can't empathy also be forgiveness?

 

 

Or one can see the ending as both having to reach their "bottom" , let their old selves go, grieve who they once were. To come together again. The BS was the first one to reach their bottom, when the WS saw how deeply they hurt the BS, they reached their bottom, it took the WS longer to become the "new" I.