He makes plans with me, then doesn't follow through

[Anielaviv]

I really need some thoughts on this new guy that I'm dating so any help at all is appreciated. Here are some things about him/us:

 

-So far we've been dating for about 3 weeks but we've known each other/he has hinted that he has liked me for months

 

-We've been on 4 dates total; he asked me days in advance for the first 3 dates, but the last date was "loosely" planned. I wasn't even sure it was a date and I had to contact him to confirm. He asked ME what was planned for our 4th date when HE was the one who planned that date. I almost didn't want to go because I was sort of hurt that he seemed to have forgot about our date but ended up going out with anyway because I didn't want to seem like I was so emotionally invested in him that I got mad he forgot. He again, loosely suggested another date, which was supposed to be yesterday. when the day came, no word from him. I didn't ask him either because the last time I texted him to confirm our date, I didn't feel good about it.

 

-he seems into me when we are spending time together. Very handsy (starting from 3rd date), compliments me, wraps on his arms around me/kisses me a lot in public. On every of our dates, he talks about places he'd take me the next time/in the future

 

-he never calls me, only texts. And his texts are usually very short. He doesn't flirt/joke over texts like he does in person. He contacts me every 2-4 days if I don't reach out first.

 

-when we are together, I feel a connection. But that connection is lost in between dates because he doesn't make an effort to talk to me. I do try to initiate contact and flirt with him over texts but his answers are always so short it just makes me feel like what is the point.. and I read a lot from other websites that in the beginning I should wait and see how much effort he puts out to gauge his interest level, that my only job as a woman in the early stages of dating is to say yes and be good company.

 

 

In the beginning he would plan dates in advance and now it has come to him making vague plans and not following through. I don't want to give up so easily because part of me think that maybe I'm just overthinking things due to my insecurities. The other part of me believe that maybe he did really like me in the beginning, but now that he knows more about me, maybe he lost interest. I'm also not sure if maybe he's doing this on purpose to see if he can get me to chase him since he's been the one to make plans/initiate contact while I've been more relaxed and hard to read.

 

So my questions are..

 

-Should I initiate contact, after he didn't say anything about our date for yesterday? What should I say?

 

-Does he sound like he's just not that into me? Or am I overthinking?

 

-If it's better that I just move on, do I say anything when he tries to contact me or should I just ignore him since we only dated for less than a month?

[basil67]

The guy isn't a texter. If good texting is of utmost importance to you, then find another guy. But if he's got enough other good traits for you to continue seeing him, find a way to communicate which doesn't involve texting.

 

And I think it never hurts for you to suggest a date after he's already taken you on a few.

[salparadise]

...and I read a lot from other websites that in the beginning I should wait and see how much effort he puts out to gauge his interest level, that my only job as a woman in the early stages of dating is to say yes and be good company.

 

Ugh, if I was trying to date someone who was making no effort, playing coy and not reciprocating, I'd lose interest too. I don't know how this mentality still exists in the 21st century. I cringe when I read the line "see how much effort he puts out to gauge his interest." Seems to me you've gauged it- what do those websites say to do if he just gets bored?

[teak]

He's not that into you. If you're ever confused by a guy's behavior, that is almost always going to be your answer.

[Whodatdog]

Pay attention to how he's treating you, because if you continue to date him, you are agreeing to being treated that way. Your choice.

[Michelle ma Belle]

He's not that into you. If you're ever confused by a guy's behavior, that is almost always going to be your answer.

 

Agreed.

 

Texter or not, when someone is into you, especially a guy, they'll go out of their way to see you and and be with you.

 

This guy sounds like he's either not that into you any longer or he's a super lazy dater, in which case, do you really want to be with someone who is lazy about seeing you??

 

I know I wouldn't.

[phineas]

have you met this guy?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/628811-she-leaves-me-then-comes-back-then-leaves

 

my advice is pretty much the same.

just swap the genders.

[Vyliss]

My first impression after reading this is: "why does he need to do all the work?"

What happened to you making a date, setting the date and planning the date?

I think guys are over having to do everything for a woman. He sounds like he is losing interest because you're not putting in any effort.

Also, not every guy is a texter. If he isn't into that then all you can really do is bring it up that it bothers you. Otherwise, remember in a real relationship you should be talking and spending time together, not texting each other all day.

[angel.eyes]

He isn't interested or invested. He's not calling, texting, or even bothering to follow through on the vague dates he suggested. When you try to confirm, you end up planning his dates for him. It sounds as if he wouldn't have contacted you about your last date and things would have fizzled into oblivion if you hadn't called him and organized that third date. He's fading but you won't let him!

 

In your shoes, I wouldn't have bothered calling to confirm anything. I certainly wouldn't have bothered to plan a date he suggested then didn't bother to organize.. Not because I care, but precisely because I don't. Why waste my time on someone who can't even follow through on what he suggests and clearly can't be bothered any more?

 

For me early dating is about figuring out if a guy is worth my emotional investment and whether he has any potential as a relationship partner. Poor communicator, unreliable, questionable interest on his part? Just no! On to the next! Life is too short to be running down empty rabbit holes or banging my head against dead ends.

[Gaeta]

-So far we've been dating for about 3 weeks but we've known each other/he has hinted that he has liked me for months

 

-We've been on 4 dates total; he asked me days in advance for the first 3 dates, but the last date was "loosely" planned. I wasn't even sure it was a date and I had to contact him to confirm........

 

-he seems into me when we are spending time together. Very handsy (starting from 3rd date), compliments me, wraps on his arms around me/kisses me a lot in public. On every of our dates, he talks about places he'd take me the next time/in the future

 

So everything was perfect till after your 3rd date, right

 

and I read a lot from other websites that in the beginning I should wait and see how much effort he puts out to gauge his interest level, that my only job as a woman in the early stages of dating is to say yes and be good company.

And how many dates is considered *the beginning*? Don't you think that those 3 dates were the beginning and it's time for you to reciprocate? Men are not made of stone and they also need to feel they are being appreciated. The 3rd date should be organized and paid by the woman. Many men after 3 dates would think you are the one not interested.

 

It's time for you to call him, make an invitation, and treat him.

[kendahke]

So my questions are..

 

-Should I initiate contact, after he didn't say anything about our date for yesterday? What should I say?

That depends upon how much you want to date this guy. He didn't really make a date with you--he just mentioned something in passing and you took that for concrete plans. Did you ask him for clarification as to if he was in fact asking you out?

 

Here's the thing that's jumping out at me:

-We've been on 4 dates total; he asked me days in advance for the first 3 dates, but the last date was "loosely" planned.

Meaning: you didn't really have plans. This was nebulous at best, but you think something concrete was planned.

 

It sounds to me as if he was seeing if you were going to be arsed enough to make plans and you didn't. You've been sitting back waiting to be served, so he may be interpreting your behavior as disinterest, so he's not going to exercise himself for someone who doesn't seem all that interested herself.

 

I wasn't even sure it was a date and I had to contact him to confirm. He asked ME what was planned for our 4th date when HE was the one who planned that date.

No, you didn't have anything planned based upon what you said above. What is wrong with you setting up a date? He's already extended himself 3 times and you're complaining because you had to do it once? Do you want to date or do you want to be waited on hand and foot?

 

I almost didn't want to go because I was sort of hurt that he seemed to have forgot about our date but ended up going out with anyway because I didn't want to seem like I was so emotionally invested in him that I got mad he forgot.

You are emotionally invested. Otherwise, you wouldn't be all in your feelings about this.

 

He again, loosely suggested another date, which was supposed to be yesterday. when the day came, no word from him. I didn't ask him either because the last time I texted him to confirm our date, I didn't feel good about it.

So now, you're down to keeping score? Giving to get is a really bad way to conduct a relationship... this tack will never work out to your advantage. I recommend you lose this frame of mind if you want to date in 2017.

 

 

-Does he sound like he's just not that into me? Or am I overthinking?

It sounds more like you're not interested. Yes you are overthinking this.

 

-If it's better that I just move on, do I say anything when he tries to contact me or should I just ignore him since we only dated for less than a month

You should move on and not date if you can't handle reciprocity.

 

His actions have been more than reasonable. Yours haven't. He's planned and followed through on 3 dates in 3 weeks, yet you've dropped the ball in terms of demonstrating your interest by planning the 4th date yourself. The 5th date, he just gave up because you're too invested in keeping score.

 

Unrealistic expectations are resentments under construction.

Edited July 9, 2017 by kendahke

[coolheadal]

I really need some thoughts on this new guy that I'm dating so any help at all is appreciated. Here are some things about him/us:

 

-So far we've been dating for about 3 weeks but we've known each other/he has hinted that he has liked me for months

 

-We've been on 4 dates total; he asked me days in advance for the first 3 dates, but the last date was "loosely" planned. I wasn't even sure it was a date and I had to contact him to confirm. He asked ME what was planned for our 4th date when HE was the one who planned that date. I almost didn't want to go because I was sort of hurt that he seemed to have forgot about our date but ended up going out with anyway because I didn't want to seem like I was so emotionally invested in him that I got mad he forgot. He again, loosely suggested another date, which was supposed to be yesterday. when the day came, no word from him. I didn't ask him either because the last time I texted him to confirm our date, I didn't feel good about it.

 

-he seems into me when we are spending time together. Very handsy (starting from 3rd date), compliments me, wraps on his arms around me/kisses me a lot in public. On every of our dates, he talks about places he'd take me the next time/in the future

 

-he never calls me, only texts. And his texts are usually very short. He doesn't flirt/joke over texts like he does in person. He contacts me every 2-4 days if I don't reach out first.

 

-when we are together, I feel a connection. But that connection is lost in between dates because he doesn't make an effort to talk to me. I do try to initiate contact and flirt with him over texts but his answers are always so short it just makes me feel like what is the point.. and I read a lot from other websites that in the beginning I should wait and see how much effort he puts out to gauge his interest level, that my only job as a woman in the early stages of dating is to say yes and be good company.

 

 

In the beginning he would plan dates in advance and now it has come to him making vague plans and not following through. I don't want to give up so easily because part of me think that maybe I'm just overthinking things due to my insecurities. The other part of me believe that maybe he did really like me in the beginning, but now that he knows more about me, maybe he lost interest. I'm also not sure if maybe he's doing this on purpose to see if he can get me to chase him since he's been the one to make plans/initiate contact while I've been more relaxed and hard to read.

 

So my questions are..

 

-Should I initiate contact, after he didn't say anything about our date for yesterday? What should I say?

 

-Does he sound like he's just not that into me? Or am I overthinking?

 

-If it's better that I just move on, do I say anything when he tries to contact me or should I just ignore him since we only dated for less than a month?

 

You have to wait on him that's not how to suppose to be. Really know one side of a guy when you chat with him through text. When you two meet in person that all changes. You can't expect him to text if he's not a good text as mentioned already. My advise is if you really like this guy in person, they see where it goes. I know you want love and you want it now and can't wait . So give him 3 weeks and if you don't hear back from him? Then you just don't bother to contact him again and move on, but next time find a guy that is really into you (head-over-heels) type someone with healthier ego these guys are happy, confident and have a prospective in life.