Hannahhawks87 Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 He always seemed alittle bit interested. He bought me flowers for my birthday and flirted with me. Anyway a couple of weekends ago, we gave in and slept together. I didn't feel used and it was nice. It wasn't a drunken mistake either because it happened more than once over the weekend. On the way home, he asked me if this was a one time thing or do I want to do it again. I have previously said to him, I'm not sure what I want yet. I replied to him with don't know. He then said okay, well we will just see where this goes then. He has also said to me, he is a rubbish texter and only texts when he needs too. and doesn't wanna play games. But this week I have hardly heard anything from him. He said to me if he's out early from work he'll give me and shout and we can meet (which he never did). I've had to text him first and he's only replied with short answers. I saw him a few days ago and we were exactly the same as we were before we slept together. He gave me a kiss and touched my bum when we were saying goodbye, and I've not heard anything from him since. Why is this? I'm starting to feel like he just used me. What do you think? Honest answers please! I've liked him for a longtime now and don't know what to do next? 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 He always seemed alittle bit interested. He bought me flowers for my birthday and flirted with me. Anyway a couple of weekends ago, we gave in and slept together. I didn't feel used and it was nice. It wasn't a drunken mistake either because it happened more than once over the weekend. On the way home, he asked me if this was a one time thing or do I want to do it again. I have previously said to him, I'm not sure what I want yet. I replied to him with don't know. He then said okay, well we will just see where this goes then. He has also said to me, he is a rubbish texter and only texts when he needs too. and doesn't wanna play games. But this week I have hardly heard anything from him. He said to me if he's out early from work he'll give me and shout and we can meet (which he never did). I've had to text him first and he's only replied with short answers. I saw him a few days ago and we were exactly the same as we were before we slept together. He gave me a kiss and touched my bum when we were saying goodbye, and I've not heard anything from him since. Why is this? I'm starting to feel like he just used me. What do you think? Honest answers please! I've liked him for a longtime now and don't know what to do next? He's doing exactly what he said he would do based on you telling him you don't know what you want. If you've changed your mind about that, maybe you should tell him. 9
Redhead14 Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 He always seemed alittle bit interested. He bought me flowers for my birthday and flirted with me. Anyway a couple of weekends ago, we gave in and slept together. I didn't feel used and it was nice. It wasn't a drunken mistake either because it happened more than once over the weekend. On the way home, he asked me if this was a one time thing or do I want to do it again. I have previously said to him, I'm not sure what I want yet. I replied to him with don't know. He then said okay, well we will just see where this goes then. He has also said to me, he is a rubbish texter and only texts when he needs too. and doesn't wanna play games. But this week I have hardly heard anything from him. He said to me if he's out early from work he'll give me and shout and we can meet (which he never did). I've had to text him first and he's only replied with short answers. I saw him a few days ago and we were exactly the same as we were before we slept together. He gave me a kiss and touched my bum when we were saying goodbye, and I've not heard anything from him since. Why is this? I'm starting to feel like he just used me. What do you think? Honest answers please! I've liked him for a longtime now and don't know what to do next? I'm not sure what I want yet. I replied to him with don't know. He then said okay, well we will just see where this goes then. -- Why not just let things flow and see where it goes like you apparently agreed to? You've seen him since that intimate night, he's told you he stinks at texting, etc. If you have something you want to say to him now and again, go ahead and reach out. If he doesn't respond, you leave it there and continue to observe. Short answers may be because he's just busy but he's answering at least. If he continues to respond and see you, great. Let him lead. If you don't like how he leads, you end it or let him know what you need from him in a non-critical, reasonable way and observe whether he makes the effort to accommodate you better. Either way, he did not USE you. You willingly participated. You both own it. I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, even after a few dates, she should assume it will be a one-night stand unless he shows her otherwise. Sit back and observe. 4
Simple Logic Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 After you told him you didn't know what you wanted he probably thinks you used him for sex. 6
smackie9 Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 In his eyes during that conversation, you were rejecting him. He's thinking the sex wasn't good enough for you, so he's pulling back on his efforts. He has cut back because he doesn't want to waste anymore energy on you. He will keep things going enough to throw a hump into you whenever the opportunity arises. You have liked him for a long time.....well then ACT LIKE IT! Why do you discourage him by giving him answers like "I don't know what I want...I don't know". You are being an dummy. This guy ain't gonna put you on a pedestal to show your worth to him. Stop playing games. 12
Mrin Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 He's doing exactly what he said he would do based on you telling him you don't know what you want. If you've changed your mind about that, maybe you should tell him. This. A thousand times this. 1
BaileyB Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 It seems to me that he wanted to be friends with benefits or you caused him to take a step back when you told him that you were not sure what you wanted. Sleep with a guy and then tell him that you don't know what you want... What is he to think? That you used him for sex, that the sex wasn't good, that you want to pretend it never happened and be friends... I don't see much more here indicating that he wanted to seriously date you... But you could always clarify this by asking him what he wants when you talk again... 2
preraph Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 So he gave you flowers before he slept with you. Now he seems to be acting like do you want to sleep with me some more and I don't like to play games. Which can just mean he doesn't want to keep dating but just wants to come over for sex and wonders if you will do that -- or it could mean something else. So now you have to go by his actions. Does he continue to ask you out on real dates or is he just always angling to come over for sex? If he keeps dating you to spend time with you and talk to you and go do fun things, then just keep dating him. If he thinks he's done with all that now that you had sex, then he isn't wanting a girlfriend but just sex. 1
kendahke Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 He always seemed alittle bit interested. He bought me flowers for my birthday and flirted with me. Anyway a couple of weekends ago, we gave in and slept together. I didn't feel used and it was nice. It wasn't a drunken mistake either because it happened more than once over the weekend. On the way home, he asked me if this was a one time thing or do I want to do it again. I have previously said to him, I'm not sure what I want yet. I replied to him with don't know. He then said okay, well we will just see where this goes then. He has also said to me, he is a rubbish texter and only texts when he needs too. and doesn't wanna play games. But this week I have hardly heard anything from him. He said to me if he's out early from work he'll give me and shout and we can meet (which he never did). I've had to text him first and he's only replied with short answers. I saw him a few days ago and we were exactly the same as we were before we slept together. He gave me a kiss and touched my bum when we were saying goodbye, and I've not heard anything from him since. Why is this? I'm starting to feel like he just used me. What do you think? Honest answers please! I've liked him for a longtime now and don't know what to do next? No. You were not used. You told him you didn't know what you wanted and you went along with his "let's see where this goes". If you have a particular direction in which you want to see this go, then you need to own your voice and speak up. He's not going to read your mind, nor should he. You're a grown woman in charge of her own agency and autonomy--act like it. He's scaled back his forward motion because you don't know what you want and he's respecting that--he took it back to a place that he knew was more comfortable for you. What exactly do you want him to do? Own your voice and speak up. You know he's a rubbish texter, so if you need to text, then send the text and quit recoiling in horror over his not texting. If you've liked him for a long time, then own your voice and speak up. Give him something to work with other than wresting this information from your imagination. 3
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 You hurt him with your vague non-committal answers. He thinks you used him for sex & he's pulling away. When you figure out what you want if it's him, pick up the phone & ask him on a date. 1
coolheadal Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 He always seemed alittle bit interested. He bought me flowers for my birthday and flirted with me. Anyway a couple of weekends ago, we gave in and slept together. I didn't feel used and it was nice. It wasn't a drunken mistake either because it happened more than once over the weekend. On the way home, he asked me if this was a one time thing or do I want to do it again. I have previously said to him, I'm not sure what I want yet. I replied to him with don't know. He then said okay, well we will just see where this goes then. He has also said to me, he is a rubbish texter and only texts when he needs too. and doesn't wanna play games. But this week I have hardly heard anything from him. He said to me if he's out early from work he'll give me and shout and we can meet (which he never did). I've had to text him first and he's only replied with short answers. I saw him a few days ago and we were exactly the same as we were before we slept together. He gave me a kiss and touched my bum when we were saying goodbye, and I've not heard anything from him since. Why is this? I'm starting to feel like he just used me. What do you think? Honest answers please! I've liked him for a longtime now and don't know what to do next? Well I clearly see what you want, I see the others here didn't catch that bit. You still living as you have but unsure of things with this guy. This guy told you he doesn't play games. But not much text type of guy. So you have to communicate in person. Your still shy and unprepared for any type of relationship just yet. You need to find a place in your mind for the next step. Once you find you then you could try to date, but this guy might be the one or he might not be. Like with all men they will loose interest in time and not bother with you. I am sure you have seen this happen prior. If you want this guy then go after and speak your heart to him, see what he does next. We here can only direct you you have to be one to confront him.
Author Hannahhawks87 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 We've just recently come off a group holiday and we had a great time on holiday. We hooked up once (we have hooked up perviously), split away from the group and had walks together. It felt nice. He even rang me a couple of days later saying he missed me. But something is niggling alittle on me. I have noticed a girl he recently met and started posting pictures of selfies on his wall and had even changes he pp to him and her. Should I be worried?* When we were away he said he wanted to spend more time with me and wanted have evenings in together. So I arranged with him to come round mine and have a drink and watch a movie. I did the normal and asked him if he was coming round etc, he replied with sorry I've been busy, didn't get out of work will 9pm last night. So I replied with no sweat if you want to pop over later no problem, he replied with I'll bear that in mind. And nothing. I've heard nothing from him. I'm really confused by him as he seems to be blowing hot and cold. How do you deal with a guy that promises to see you then flakes? And do you think the working late is an excuse?
basil67 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Sounds like you were a holiday romance. Drop him. 1
girlinNYC Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Flakiness is a sign of indecision and therefore a lack of interest. Anyone who is on/off the grid isn't serious - I know from experience. Let him go before you develop serious feelings. Avoid a situation of unrequited love while you can. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I too sense romance of convenience -- you were there & the setting was right, Now that you are back to reality & you are asking him to come over, it feels too much like a relationship & he doesn't' want that.
Miss Spider Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 He might have something going on with that other girl, who knows. I'd move on
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 I have to concur with the others, this was a vacation fling. It sounds like he's got something else going on with this other girl now.
Author Hannahhawks87 Posted August 3, 2017 Author Posted August 3, 2017 I have known him for about 2 years now. He has always shown signs of interest. Flirting, touching etc. About 2 months ago we had sex for the first time. It wasn't just a one night stand as it happened about 4 times over the weekend. When we were driving home from the weekend he asked me what was this and I said I don't know. He replied with let's see where this goes. Anyway from there it was my birthday and he bought me some intraflora flowers and a cake, he even started texting me every other day. We recently came off a group holiday what we were both on. We only hooked up once as he said he didn't wanna have sex because he didn't want the other members to feel awkward is they heard, seem as we are not officially together. When I sneaked into his room we would cuddle and get so close to having sex, but then he would stop and say no. After meal out etc with the group me and him would go off and walk home together eating ice cream and chat. The people on the holiday said it felt like it was very much me and him and then the rest of the group. While we were on the holiday he told me he was "very fond of me and very impressed by me, probably more so than anyone else". He even said we are acting like an old married couple. Coming back from the holiday on the plane he sat next me with his head on my shoulder falling asleep and while landing he was holding my hand and stroking my leg. .. Once we got back from the holiday, the next day he text me and the day after that he rung me and said he has just spent 9 days with me and started to miss me. So I said to him why don't we meet up in the week and watch a movie "we don't have to do anything". His reply was that would be nice as I would like to see you, but with me being on holiday this week might be hard because of work. I said that's fine just let me know. He text me again the day after saying he just bought us tickets and train tickets to go somewhere in October with the message ending in "see I think of you". The evening came he was meant to come round mine and I just dropped him a text to say are you coming, because if you are I'll get something in for tea. He replied with "I didn't get out of work till 9.15 last night and doesn't look like I'll get out till the same tonight" I said okay well if you wanna pop round after you are more than welcome. He said thanks I'll bear that in mind. I didn't hear anything else from him. I have also noticed a girl he has just met from another social club what he teaches, keeps tagging him in posts that he always like (be never likes anything on FB) and she even took a selfie of him and her and she is now using that as her profile picture. He has not said that he like her or anything, but it's just made me feel alittle insecure. Do you think he thinks of me more than a friend and a friend's with benefits? Do you think he wants more from me?
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 I think he might but when he asked & you said that you don't know what this is, he concluded that you might not want anything serious so he didn't press further for fear of being rejected by you. If you want the label you need to speak up & start a conversation. Is he in the photos with the other woman? If not, it's just social media -- virtual reality -- nothing to get too worked up about. 3
BaileyB Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Perhaps you should have clarified this, before you had sex? It's certainly not to late to ask the question now, if that what you want... 1
Redhead14 Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 If you are being intimate with a man and like him enough, you are well within your rights and responsibility to yourself to have clarity PERIOD. You make a statement, you don't ask him anything. "I am looking for a long-term relationship for myself and have been enjoying the time you and I spend together. I am not interested in dating anyone else now." And, then let him talk. If he says he doesn't want exclusivity, doesn't know what he wants, says he's casually dating, isn't looking for a long-term relationship, etc., then you have to decide whether you're ok with the way things are between you. If not, then you move on. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Redhead The guy started the conversation looking for clarity. The OP gave him a non committal, vague, non-responsive answer. So until she figures out what she wants, I don't think it's fair for her to demand answers from the guy. 5
Redhead14 Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Redhead The guy started the conversation looking for clarity. The OP gave him a non committal, vague, non-responsive answer. So until she figures out what she wants, I don't think it's fair for her to demand answers from the guy. Her closing question is what confused me then -- Do you think he wants more from me? The opening post is a little disorganized which indicates "where" she's at. You're right, she needs to figure out what she wants first. But, to me it sounds like she really likes him and is feeling insecure about him, so she doesn't have to demand anything, she just needs to let him know how she feels about him. If she's unsure, she needs to let it sit. 2
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