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so gutted

By so gutted
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so gutted Established Member

so gutted

Posted
Posted

Spent 12 hours with a guy (over 2 dates).

 

We got on well. He is 6 years younger. He said he is attracted to strong older women.

 

He lives in another country 8 hours away but will move here next year for work.

 

I knew this when I went on the second date.

 

After the second date there was contact via SMS.

 

All day today nothing and he flies back in 1 day.

 

I feel a bit led on.

 

He said he wanted to get to know me.

 

I think he has reassessed the whole thing due to the age gap.

 

Yesterday ( day after the date) he invited me for a quick lunch (at his place). I declined. As it wasn't arranged beforehand, I didn't think this was a huge deal.

 

Ok it isn't realistic given we live in different countries but for an intelligent guy to talk about a future relationship to drop of the radar so quickly is a bit disheartening,

 

Had he gone forever?

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
Spent 12 hours with a guy (over 2 dates).

 

We got on well. He is 6 years younger. He said he is attracted to strong older women.

 

He lives in another country 8 hours away but will move here next year for work.

 

I knew this when I went on the second date.

 

After the second date there was contact via SMS.

 

All day today nothing and he flies back in 1 day.

 

I feel a bit led on.

 

He said he wanted to get to know me.

 

I think he has reassessed the whole thing due to the age gap.

 

Yesterday ( day after the date) he invited me for a quick lunch (at his place). I declined. As it wasn't arranged beforehand, I didn't think this was a huge deal.

 

Ok it isn't realistic given we live in different countries but for an intelligent guy to talk about a future relationship to drop of the radar so quickly is a bit disheartening,

 

Had he gone forever?

 

So Gutted, your threads have a common theme/scenario -- one or two dates and anxiety about them not calling/ghosting, etc. You have to stop doing this to yourself for goodness sake -- for your own sake.

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so gutted Established Member

so gutted

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But where has he gone? I can see via the app he is at home.

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

If he's moving abroad, he is probably not emotionally engaging though he is talking as if he is. He is probably trying to figure out whether you declining his invitation is a rejection or not. He is probably torn about whether to pursue because he knows he is going away anyway. Let him work things out for himself. If he really did feel what he said to you, he will be in touch. If he isn't, well so much for all his deep and meaningful words. I tend to think that anything a guy says in the first three months should be taken with a pinch of salt as 'sweet nothings'. Cynical maybe, but it is amazing what people will say in the first flush of excitement at meeting someone new.

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so gutted Established Member

so gutted

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Yes. Its hard to be cynical when someone looks at you directly and says he wants to know you. His rational side probably came into play. Its the loss of hope that gets me each time. No more younger men.

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
Spent 12 hours with a guy (over 2 dates).

 

Had he gone forever?

 

Woah. Pump the brakes girl ;)

 

You went on two dates. Two.

 

He's already talking about a future with you after those two date??? I dont think I need to tell you thats a not a good thing but I will

 

Plus once he gets here he might have a lot going on seeing as he's made such a big transition in his life...he very could fall of the radar for that reason alone

 

Now I dont know this for sure but there is a chance that instead of taking you out like a gentleman...he invited you to his place for...maybe something else other than lunch?

 

I think you need to keep your feelings in check here :D

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
Posted

He was feeding you a line while he was here, before going back home. You're not hearing from him because you didn't join him for "lunch" at his place. This would be my guess.

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so gutted Established Member

so gutted

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He wanted a conclusion to his holiday romance. He ran out of charm after behaving himself for 2 dates. So globally they all want the goods. Some on date one and some less obviously on date 3.

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
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So Gutted, your threads have a common theme/scenario -- one or two dates and anxiety about them not calling/ghosting, etc. You have to stop doing this to yourself for goodness sake -- for your own sake.

 

sogutted,

 

Seeing as this is a reoccurring theme for you....you need to address this before you can find a healthy relationship

 

Until you do...you'll continue to suffer

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
Posted
He wanted a conclusion to his holiday romance. He ran out of charm after behaving himself for 2 dates. So globally they all want the goods. Some on date one and some less obviously on date 3.

 

In this case, I think you've hit the nail on the head.

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so gutted Established Member

so gutted

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How can I address bad behaviour.

 

If I trotted along to his lunch he would have tried it on and disappeared.

 

Instead he disappeared anyway.

 

He is a serial liar.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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I'm not sure you've known him long enough determine whether or not he's a serial liar or address his behavior/choices. I'd probably just let this one go.

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Dis Established Member

Dis

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How can I address bad behaviour.

 

If I trotted along to his lunch he would have tried it on and disappeared.

 

Instead he disappeared anyway.

 

He is a serial liar.

 

You need to address your behavior

  • Like 4
TheFinalWord Established Member

TheFinalWord

Posted
Posted
Spent 12 hours with a guy (over 2 dates).

 

We got on well. He is 6 years younger. He said he is attracted to strong older women.

 

He lives in another country 8 hours away but will move here next year for work.

 

I knew this when I went on the second date.

 

After the second date there was contact via SMS.

 

All day today nothing and he flies back in 1 day.

 

I feel a bit led on.

 

He said he wanted to get to know me.

 

I think he has reassessed the whole thing due to the age gap.

 

Yesterday ( day after the date) he invited me for a quick lunch (at his place). I declined. As it wasn't arranged beforehand, I didn't think this was a huge deal.

 

Ok it isn't realistic given we live in different countries but for an intelligent guy to talk about a future relationship to drop of the radar so quickly is a bit disheartening,

 

Had he gone forever?

 

Did you counter with an alternative date/time? Most people assume declining an offer with no counter as a sign of disinterest in early dating stage.

  • Like 1
SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

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I wonder if this is a cultural thing. Expecting a man to act as if he's in a full-fledged relationship after only two dates.

 

I wonder where these expectations come from.

 

They don't seem normal or realistic to most of us.

 

Not judging. I'm just ... curious.

  • Like 5
Superchicken Established Member

Superchicken

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After reading only the few posts you put here, it sounds to me that your too clingy.

Your too attached too soon, and if your all over the place with your thoughts here, I wonder what was discussed and how "Often" you discussed these things with him.

 

 

Maybe you came across a little to hard, and he may have panicked a little, or just wanted to think about it a little more.

 

 

Bottom line, if he likes you, and wants to continue with you, he will be in contact with you again soon.

Stop trying to find reasons to why he isn't calling you, or what ever..

Give yourself a fixed time line, as to what answers you need, or position within your relationship, and have outcomes when they do, or don't come to fruition.

 

 

However, don't stop your life for him.

If in the meantime something else pops up, go for it.

 

 

 

 

Ted.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
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How can I address bad behaviour.

 

If I trotted along to his lunch he would have tried it on and disappeared.

 

Instead he disappeared anyway.

 

He is a serial liar.

 

Stop believing everything a guy you barely know tells you.

 

Don't get so attached to someone who is essentially a stranger.

 

Slow way down and dial back your expectations.

 

 

That's how.

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so gutted Established Member

so gutted

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After reading only the few posts you put here, it sounds to me that your too clingy.

Your too attached too soon, and if your all over the place with your thoughts here, I wonder what was discussed and how "Often" you discussed these things with him.

 

 

Maybe you came across a little to hard, and he may have panicked a little, or just wanted to think about it a little more.

 

 

Bottom line, if he likes you, and wants to continue with you, he will be in contact with you again soon.

Stop trying to find reasons to why he isn't calling you, or what ever..

Give yourself a fixed time line, as to what answers you need, or position within your relationship, and have outcomes when they do, or don't come to fruition.

 

 

However, don't stop your life for him.

If in the meantime something else pops up, go for it.

 

 

 

 

Ted.

 

I gave him 24 hours. I went out and did 2 things anyway with friends. I wasn't clingy, I think he talked himself up but he isn't ready for me, an older woman and it would be unfair to keep things going remotely. A lot of men say they want a relationship etc but in reality they have little time. They make time if they want to.

 

It was a holiday romance for him. He cannot now admit that all he said was sweet talk. It was said in the heat of the moment. I get it. Still hurts.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

The other posters make great points.

 

But what stood out for me is that you declined lunch at his place the day after. What happened there? Did you have other plans or were you playing games?

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so gutted Established Member

so gutted

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I had had lunch and it was late afternoon. Also, it was an unplanned invite and I did think that it was a bit forward.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Why are you meeting with a guy who lives in a different country?

Where did you really think that would go?

 

If YOU thought the age gap was too large then why meet him?

 

When you declined lunch did you suggest another time another place maybe? After only 2 dates you declined a third, so what was he really supposed to do then?

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so gutted Established Member

so gutted

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I have started meeting men that are visiting on a regular basis for work because they are less sleazy, genuinely want company and better than the local prospects.

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so gutted Established Member

so gutted

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I have met married men before. He is disinterested, not married.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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All day today nothing and he flies back in 1 day.

 

 

Yesterday ( day after the date) he invited me for a quick lunch (at his place). I declined. As it wasn't arranged beforehand, I didn't think this was a huge deal

 

I had had lunch and it was late afternoon. Also, it was an unplanned invite and I did think that it was a bit forward.

 

You met a guy & went on 2 dates. You haven't known each other long. He asked for a 3rd date to fit into the very limited time he still has in your country but you declined on the grounds that you didn't have enough notice. The Rules are made to be broken. He wasn't asking on short notice because he had no respect. He was asking on short notice because there was no other time.

 

Your expectations are unrealistic. The guy only had less than 2-3 DAYS left where you are. He still had to pack & get organized to go home on an international trip. He offered you what little time & space he had -- lunch in his present location where presumably he could pack, eat & spend time with you. There wasn't time to ask you on the date in advance nor was there time to for him to leave the house, travel to you, spend time, travel back & still get organized for his move.

 

Yes, the offer to go to his house might have been a request for sex. Yes, this might have been a holiday fling for him, but I doubt it since he's relocating here in a year. You two probably could have sustained an LDR.

 

When you declined, knowing his was short on time & rebuffing his offer to spend what precious little time he had, he took your actions as rejection.

 

Either way, after only 2 dates, you need to control your emotions. The amount of hurt & rejection you are feeling is more akin to the demise of a significant long term relationship. You need to address why you get so attached so quickly & stop.

  • Like 8
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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