spiderowl Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 (edited) It's thoughtless of her to talk about other men if it clearly upset you. You have said you don't like it, so she should stop. On the other hand, you two have only just started dating and there is no commitment yet, so you cannot tell her what to do on that front. She is free to date others if she wishes. Regarding how she was treated as a princess, it seems rather unnecessary to tell you that. It does rather sound as if she is saying she is used to the good life. It is one thing to say she doesn't need that any more but then why did she even mention it? I am sure there are plenty of women who've had the good fortune to meet someone who was able to give them a lot materially who would not dream of mentioning it. I can understand why it bothered you. My feeling is she was sounding you out on that front to see whether you were likely to do the same. Edited July 7, 2017 by spiderowl 1
Gaeta Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 If we put your insecurities aside she is still a woman that lacks sensitivity and non-stop brags, it's a very ugly trait. I cannot imagine under what circumstances I would mention my ex's salary or the fact I have expensive china in a storage!!! really??? who says that! and I think WHO would care about hearing that eh! 2
JuneL Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 OP: Literally any given woman gets hit on or get compliments by guys often. You don't even have to dress particularly nicely or be particularly flirty. But I notice that there are some women who have this hang-up about their looks and would make a huge deal of such attention by guys. OP: This woman seems to be one of those.
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 8, 2017 Author Posted July 8, 2017 Well, last nights meeting went fairly well. We met at a local to her ale house and had a drink. When I first met her, I gave her the small bouquet of flowers that I bought. We walk inside together and talk for a few hours. She was smiling a lot as well as I was. She was a little shy and feeling a lil nervous. When we left I walked her to her car and talked for a bit, a few hugs and a small kiss. We both said that we had a great time and definitely wanted to see each other again. She wanted me to call her on my way home, so we talked a bit then about the date. Maybe my gut is right, my POF profile is hidden and I haven't talked to anyone but her since we first started talking and we agreed to hide our profiles. Well, I texted her good morning and she responded with the same. Well, I happed to look on POF and she has un-hid her profile and was online. We agreed that we would focus on what we have going on and not talk to others unless there wasn't a connection. We agreed that we that if we didn't feel a connection or wasn't attracted to each other that we would tell the other, not lead on. Everything was great, she was smiling a lot, touching me a lot, laughing. Said that she wanted to see me again, as I agreed. I just don't get why people cant be honest if this is the case. I be damned if I beg, look needy and pursue her after seeing this, or am I overreacting? I want to confront her about this or should I?
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 8, 2017 Author Posted July 8, 2017 Well, I think I got my answer. I asked her if she was on POF lately and she said yes, to delete stuff. Then I asked her if her profile is hidden, she says yes, but she is online now and you can publically see her profile. I had a gut feeling that with all the guy flirting comments she has been making that she wasn't being honest about POF, so I set up a fake one just to see if her profile was public, and it is.
fred123 Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 Well, I think I got my answer. I asked her if she was on POF lately and she said yes, to delete stuff. Then I asked her if her profile is hidden, she says yes, but she is online now and you can publically see her profile. I had a gut feeling that with all the guy flirting comments she has been making that she wasn't being honest about POF, so I set up a fake one just to see if her profile was public, and it is. Shes not into you otherwise she wouldnt be on pof! She jave taken the profile down by now
Gaeta Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 Well, I think I got my answer. I asked her if she was on POF lately and she said yes, to delete stuff. Then I asked her if her profile is hidden, she says yes, but she is online now and you can publically see her profile. I had a gut feeling that with all the guy flirting comments she has been making that she wasn't being honest about POF, so I set up a fake one just to see if her profile was public, and it is. Wait................. You agreed to be exclusive BEFORE meeting face to face? You need to relax, you come across as controling and possessive. Before deciding if you want to concentrate on 1 person you need to meet 3 or 4 times. It's ridiculous to give someone a couple of hours and then ask them if there is a connection. A connection takes time! After meeting my bf the first time I went home thinking I didn't want to see him again. If he had asked me then and there to concentrate on him it would have been a big NO. But he gave me just right amount of space, he invited me on a 2nd date, a 3rd date and by then I knew I only wanted to date him. By confronting her with her pof profile at this time in the game you are shooting yourself in the foot, big time.
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 8, 2017 Author Posted July 8, 2017 Wait................. You agreed to be exclusive BEFORE meeting face to face? You need to relax, you come across as controling and possessive. Before deciding if you want to concentrate on 1 person you need to meet 3 or 4 times. It's ridiculous to give someone a couple of hours and then ask them if there is a connection. A connection takes time! After meeting my bf the first time I went home thinking I didn't want to see him again. If he had asked me then and there to concentrate on him it would have been a big NO. But he gave me just right amount of space, he invited me on a 2nd date, a 3rd date and by then I knew I only wanted to date him. By confronting her with her pof profile at this time in the game you are shooting yourself in the foot, big time. No, were not exclusive. We did both say that we were tired of the dating game and have talked a lot on the phone this week. We agreed to hide our profiles and talk to just each other. We are both not into mulitdating, well, I thought. I know that im not, I don't have the time or energy for it. But whatever the reason, I asked if hers was hidden and she said yes, which to me, that is lying, its as public as anyone elses
Gaeta Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 No, were not exclusive. We did both say that we were tired of the dating game and have talked a lot on the phone this week. We agreed to hide our profiles and talk to just each other. We are both not into mulitdating, well, I thought. I know that im not, I don't have the time or energy for it. But whatever the reason, I asked if hers was hidden and she said yes, which to me, that is lying, its as public as anyone elses Her profile might have been on hidden at the time you asked. If you are not exclusive then don't act like you are. She is free to hide and unhide as she wishes for now. Don't skip any dating steps. The next step is to set up a second date, nothing else. No watching her online, no over analyzing. She said she was not into multi-dating it doesn't mean she not allowed to 2-3-4 dates with you before making her decision to concentrate on you. As far as I am concerned, I did online for almost 4 years, we should all go on at least 3 dates with the same person before hiding our profile. 1
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 9, 2017 Author Posted July 9, 2017 Her profile might have been on hidden at the time you asked. If you are not exclusive then don't act like you are. She is free to hide and unhide as she wishes for now. Don't skip any dating steps. The next step is to set up a second date, nothing else. No watching her online, no over analyzing. She said she was not into multi-dating it doesn't mean she not allowed to 2-3-4 dates with you before making her decision to concentrate on you. As far as I am concerned, I did online for almost 4 years, we should all go on at least 3 dates with the same person before hiding our profile. I had a long discussion with her last night. She claims that my text demeanor has changed. I work and operate 2 car dealership departments on saturday's, she assumed that i wasnt interested bc I didnt text her as much and she unhid her profile on POF. But another time she said that she hid it and dont know why its showing public, yea right! But she admitted to liking the attention from guys, either friends or customers at work and says that it isnt going to change. I dont mind friendly text every once in a while, but these guys are flirting with her, asking her out, taking her to dinner and so forth. But she gets tons of text and voluntarily gives her number out bc the attention is her drug. She claims that its just attention and that she doesnt cheat. Its not her that I am concerned about, its the guys perverted comments and what they would do to her, etc... She is trying to convince me that this is ok, but to me its disrespectful. Im not trying to control who she talks to or her friends but she could ask them to be respectful to her and not be talking like that if she is dating someone. This I cant deal with. Along with trust issues and jealousy made my decision to not pursue her. Strangely, she is still trying to make me think its ok and still wants to see me and see what becomes of us. That has never happened to me after I told someone that we needed to go our separate ways. So, it looks like I need to continue to work on myself with jealousy and trust.
Gaeta Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 I had a long discussion with her last night. She claims that my text demeanor has changed. I work and operate 2 car dealership departments on saturday's, she assumed that i wasnt interested bc I didnt text her as much and she unhid her profile on POF. But another time she said that she hid it and dont know why its showing public, yea right! But she admitted to liking the attention from guys, either friends or customers at work and says that it isnt going to change. I dont mind friendly text every once in a while, but these guys are flirting with her, asking her out, taking her to dinner and so forth. But she gets tons of text and voluntarily gives her number out bc the attention is her drug. She claims that its just attention and that she doesnt cheat. Its not her that I am concerned about, its the guys perverted comments and what they would do to her, etc... She is trying to convince me that this is ok, but to me its disrespectful. Im not trying to control who she talks to or her friends but she could ask them to be respectful to her and not be talking like that if she is dating someone. This I cant deal with. Along with trust issues and jealousy made my decision to not pursue her. Strangely, she is still trying to make me think its ok and still wants to see me and see what becomes of us. That has never happened to me after I told someone that we needed to go our separate ways. So, it looks like I need to continue to work on myself with jealousy and trust. You already know that's a big load of BS so no need for me to try to convice you. She is not ready to date seriously, that it all there is to it. Her need for male attention is not ok while dating exclusively a man, no matter how she turns it around. She is insisting to see you still only because she wants your attention like she wants all other men's attention. Block and delete. 2
Author 2005tahoe Posted July 9, 2017 Author Posted July 9, 2017 You already know that's a big load of BS so no need for me to try to convice you. She is not ready to date seriously, that it all there is to it. Her need for male attention is not ok while dating exclusively a man, no matter how she turns it around. She is insisting to see you still only because she wants your attention like she wants all other men's attention. Block and delete. I felt the same way, I am starting to trust my gut more than my emotions. That why I come here, awesome advice and guidance. The BS meter was pegged out on this one. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 You already know that's a big load of BS so no need for me to try to convice you. She is not ready to date seriously, that it all there is to it. Her need for male attention is not ok while dating exclusively a man, no matter how she turns it around. She is insisting to see you still only because she wants your attention like she wants all other men's attention. Block and delete. Agree especially with the bolded above. I get the feeling that she is the type who believes that SHE will the one deciding to dump someone rather than the other way around. I'm pleasantly surprised that you have the forethought and willpower to decide to cut her off. I do think you have the self-awareness to realize that you need to work on your insecurity and possessiveness. Funny that you picked someone who actually pushed those buttons, right? It had the potential to be really really dysfunctional. I think regardless of what you hope and wish about multi-dating, being tired of dating etc that that is not the "foot" you want to lead with regarding dates 1-4 or so and especially PRIOR to meeting even if you've had a good conversation. You will probably drive away some very good but normal girls who would never agree to that. Your own behavior would have them on alert. It's too clingy, possessive and not realistic to ask for those conditions. The only reason this person agreed to it was because she was just going to do whatever she wanted to do anyway and tell you what you wanted to hear--yet another red flag from her. Get comfortable with the uncertainty. Any "promise" you'd be given BEFORE you have a "base" of wanting to be together based on a real life meeting and time spent together is going to be false anyway. Good luck 2
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