idontknowanymore122 Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Met this girl on an American server and found out she only lived 30 minutes away from where i am in the UK. We exchanged phone numbers and spoke to each other pretty much all day, after we sext each other she became very distant and became concerned about my fantasy that i had, i explained to her that it was not a priority and was happy to let it go. We managed to meet up two weeks after talking to each other, she was very flirty...biting her lips and just being seductive but she explained that because she just came out of a relationship that she ended, she was not looking for a relationship. I said i really enjoyed meeting her and she said the same vice versa, we got back in the car and we snogged and kissed....i drove her back to where she wanted me to drop her off but she wouldn't let me drop her off at her place even though she kept hinting she wanted sex for all those weeks. Now, Its been a few days after and i am so confused. she isn't acting the same as she used to be and seems distant...she blames it on work but keeps going on social media. have i been friend zoned? I cant seem to get her out of my head, i feel rather depressed when not talking to her and when ever we talk i feel amazing. i asked her if i was being clingy just now and she said "no, but you are being a little bit too paranoid"
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 She's told you she doesn't want a relationship, but you don't seem to be listening. Also, she's a tease, and not in a good way. 1
Gaeta Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 She is not emotionally available. She is just interested in getting some male attention. I wouldn't be surprised she is still in a relationship. You are wasting your time. The fact she is always in your mind isn't a good reason enough to continue pursuing her. Block and delete her, it will be difficult a few days then you'll be back to normal. 3
elaine567 Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 ...after we sext each other she became very distant and became concerned about my fantasy that i had, i explained to her that it was not a priority and was happy to let it go. I guess she saw a side to you that she didn't like, so has clammed up. Your idea of sex and her idea of sex did not match up. She doesn't want a relationship with you and has made that plain, you have to just let it go.
Author idontknowanymore122 Posted July 7, 2017 Author Posted July 7, 2017 I kind of got the point she only wanted to be friends but would of liked it to be as it was....but she took it to a whole different level as being friends....so i kind of cooled it today and just messaged her when she messaged me pretty much, she texted me asking if i was available to voice call and i said not really as i was in the cinema. 2 hours later i asked if she was busy and had no response for an hour but she was going on snapchat. so i called her and she declined. so thats it.
Author idontknowanymore122 Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 She's found another toy to play with..... Pretty sure you are right, Texted her sunday saying I got the hint and i appreciated her meeting up with me. She replied this morning saying she was sorry she didn't reply but she was busy....even though i could see every time she logged onto snapchat. So being the gullible guy i am, i asked if we could chat later and she replied sure, ill call you in an hour or earlier when i get off work. An hour has been and shes on the train right this moment. she used to call me all the time even when at work. All signs seem to say she has met another guy, but why is she acting the way she is? I am an honest guy that doesn't deserve to be played along, I do want a second chance but after all this.... i feel as if she is seeing how her new fling pans out.
Author idontknowanymore122 Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 I thought I was obsessed with this girl. But in reality I think I was obsessed with the feelings of being wanted. Of the feelings I associated with actually having real intimate feelings with someone else. My brain never wanted me to forget what it felt like to actually have real feelings for someone. So it began to obsess. And it took the form of me thinking that I could only have those feelings for that specific girl. And once I recognized that I could take the girl off the mountain as they say. She wasn't that great and even that hot. What she did have was she was somebody I could really love. But once you realize you can love any other of the 4 billion girls on this planet just as much the obsessive feelings go away. And now I can look back and be happy that in the moment I felt that way. And in the present feel good knowing that as I improve myself I will meet an even higher quality, more attractive girl whom I can share intimacy with. I think if you find yourself obsessed with one girl, you aren't actually obsessed with her. You are obsessed with wanted to find intimacy. And just realize that you can find that with any girl, not just the one specific girl you are in love with. Just like to Quote this because i think it explains alot. 1
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 All signs seem to say she has met another guy, but why is she acting the way she is? Because she is weak and fears being true to herself. She choose the path of least resistance which is ghosting. I am an honest guy that doesn't deserve to be played along, I do want a second chance but after all this.... i feel as if she is seeing how her new fling pans out. If you are an honest guy that doesn't want to be played then block and delete. The only person out there to watch your back is ....*you*. If you don't watch out for yourself no one else will so in this instance, watching out for yourself is to move on and not spend one more minute on a woman that is liar and a time waster. 1
juniorrocha Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 So being the gullible guy i am, i asked if we could chat later and she replied sure, ill call you in an hour or earlier when i get off work. An hour has been and shes on the train right this moment. she used to call me all the time even when at work. She's right, you're paranoid. I hope you do realize that the problem here is not necessarily the girl, but you. I mean, she's told you she's not available for a relationship, yet you're expecting from her what a girlfriend would do. She's only interested on playing around whenever she wants to. You're with the wrong girl at the wrong time. Leave her alone, block her if you must and soon enough you'll be with someone new.
spiderowl Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 I don't know, but I suspect you interpreted everything this woman was doing in a sexual way because you were seeing her like that. Why were you sexting with someone you hadn't met? Yes, people do that but many women see that as a sign a guy is only interested in one thing. If she didn't like your fantasy, she would have that at the back of her mind too. It sounds like she was not sure about you. Whereas you thought she was looking for sex, she was probably looking for someone who was relationship-material first. I see all the time guys making a consistent sexual approach despite my warning them they are moving too fast. Unfortunately, if all you are seeing is sexual signs, you are going to miss all the other messages she is giving you where she is not ready for that. Women can sense when a guy's approach is all about sex. He comments on looks. He talks about sex. He thinks chat about fantasies, fetishes and contraception are important for a first conversation (really?). He doesn't listen on a date and interprets every movement as a come-on. He thinks because they snogged a bit that she's really into him and wants - sex! Well sometimes he's not thinking all that clearly and it is mostly projection. 2
act00 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 The fact that she was sexting a stranger suggests she was seeking sex. Sure, she may want relationship-material first, but then she's going about it backwards. If the OP was hoping for/expecting sex, her behavior was certainly a part of his expectation. I certainly don't blame him for this. Agreed, however, that sometimes you need to take a step back and "start over" and not necessarily expect it after a first date, at least. Grow a little trust and genuine interest. Continue to date but expect nothing as far as commitment and continue to contact her, or stop and move on. If you're after something more serious, don't stop seeing other women who are more aligned with what you want.
Author idontknowanymore122 Posted July 11, 2017 Author Posted July 11, 2017 Just an update, after asking her to call me yesterday and her replying that she would in an hour and never did, I messaged her saying she needs to tell me what the **** is going on. she read the message but never replied. I couldn't sleep at all last night due to being depressed, i get a message from her "hello, im really sorry, i can call you in 10 mins if you are up" I reply in 20 minutes and tell her i am waiting. She told me that she IS seeing someone and that she is sorry that she left me hanging....i don't fully remember what i said but i quickly told her that i had to go due to being at work. but i message her back saying "Im glad you told me....just wish you told me sooner rather than later." she replies "Honestly its been a crazy few days. we can still stay friends if you like" I replied "dude, i thought we were just friends anyway, but the fact you've been so distant from me" I told her that she just came out of a relationship so id rather not be a rebound and asked who the other guy was and she just said some guy that lives in the same town as her.
kendahke Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 (edited) Biting a lip doesn't mean anything. It may just mean she forgot to put on chap stick and she's trying to avoid dry, cracked lips. As for the rest of this: I think she lost interest after sexting with you because she's embarrassed. Some things you don't do with someone you don't know unless you're going to keep it that way. Because she has nothing invested in you, it's not ghosting for her to not contact you back. Rude? Perhaps, but not ghosting. Ghosting is when you've been with someone, are building something together and they suddenly drop off the face of the earth. Edited July 12, 2017 by kendahke
basil67 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Just an update, after asking her to call me yesterday and her replying that she would in an hour and never did, I messaged her saying she needs to tell me what the **** is going on. she read the message but never replied. I couldn't sleep at all last night due to being depressed, i get a message from her "hello, im really sorry, i can call you in 10 mins if you are up" I reply in 20 minutes and tell her i am waiting. She told me that she IS seeing someone and that she is sorry that she left me hanging....i don't fully remember what i said but i quickly told her that i had to go due to being at work. but i message her back saying "Im glad you told me....just wish you told me sooner rather than later." she replies "Honestly its been a crazy few days. we can still stay friends if you like" I replied "dude, i thought we were just friends anyway, but the fact you've been so distant from me" I told her that she just came out of a relationship so id rather not be a rebound and asked who the other guy was and she just said some guy that lives in the same town as her. I really, really understand your frustration. But your posts to here were so aggressive and they reflect really poorly on you. If you wanted a chance at any type of future with her, those messages would have killed that chance. If you get to the stage where you find another person's behaviour so infuriating that you find yourself composing messages like this, you'd far wiser to quietly ghost on them. Unless of course you're not concerned if she remembers you with negativity - in which case, make your messages as aggressive as you wish.
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