Stephen Furry Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 There's this girl online I like, I plan on messaging her. Should I start off with small talk, or just straight up tell her I have a crush on her. Just wondering because when I usually small talk, the convo never goes anywhere and the girl loses interest. But if I just tell her my intentions, maybe something will happen? I just don't want to come off like those dudes who are d-bags. What approach should I take???
idontknowanymore122 Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Go with small talk first and try and find out if she likes you, ask for her hobbies and such...find out if you have stuff in common.
BaileyB Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Tell a girl that you have never met that you have a crush on her... And freak her out such that she will walk away. How can you know that you like her when you've never talked to her? That's just weird. Talk to her, get to know her... About little things initially and then get to know more about her. Begin to build a relationship with her. Then, you will know if you really like her. Good luck.
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Small talk first. Announcing you have a crush on somebody is rarely well received. It comes across as too startling, too jarring & makes the object of your crush suspicious that you have no social skills. 1
kendahke Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Big talk, not small talk. it's a TED talk---look it up and use what you learn. 1
Erik30 Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Just wondering because when I usually small talk, the convo never goes anywhere and the girl loses interest. But if I just tell her my intentions, maybe something will happen? I just don't want to come off like those dudes who are d-bags. What approach should I take??? Usually if small talk doesn't go anywhere, it just means the girl wasn't that into you. I doubt you did anything wrong, unless you were dragging it out. Don't tell her your intententions. Just some small talk first, then ask her out 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 I'm always curious to know what small talk means to different people. How old are you btw? When I was on OLD, my inbox would be jammed with men and their 'small talk'. The problem with so many of those men and their small talk were absolutely horrible at it. I can only handle so many one word answers with no follow-up questions before I tap out and delete him. Conversation is a two way street. And yes, women are guilty of this as well. If you're not guilty of this and conversations still go nowhere, the reality is they're just not that interested in you. Telling them straight up that you've got a crush on them wouldn't have made any difference. Good luck.
Bastile Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Small talk is always the go to. Poke her with a stick, and see if she's game, before any sort of heavy investment.
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 I'm always curious to know what small talk means to different people. When I was on OLD, my inbox would be jammed with men and their 'small talk'. The problem with so many of those men and their small talk were absolutely horrible at it. I can only handle so many one word answers with no follow-up questions before I tap out and delete him. Conversation is a two way street. Small talk means trying to get to know somebody without going into the core of who they are as people. It's things like what's your favorite restaurant? Have you seen the XYZ new movie yet or did you catch the game last night? It's not tell me all your hopes & dreams. The need for small talk before getting right to I'm interested in meeting you on OLD is not as critical. Presumably you are there to get a date. Here, the OP wants to message some woman he knows OL (but not necessarily through a dating site) & announce that he has a crush on her. Some announcement like that can't be his opening salvo. He'd be better off with something like this: HIM: Hey how are you? Haven't seen you around the site in a while HER: [answers him] HIM: [Reacts to what she said with happiness or empathy] Did you see this or that change on the site? HER: yes/no HIM: what did you think about it? HER: [answers him] HIM: You know I really enjoy talking to you about stuff like this. You're a cool person. Is there any way we could get together to talk more in person?
spiderowl Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 (edited) This is interesting because it is something I have been wondering too. What approach is best. If a guy just talks about being attracted physically, it can be off-putting because he doesn't seem interested in the person just a body. On the other hand, if he just talks about things he's doing and there is no mention whatsoever of him feeling attracted, that feels weird too. Small talk is essential just at first to get a conversation started but then it is best to go into talk that builds an emotional connection. Ask about her feelings about various things and tell her yours so you get a sense of whether you two could connect on an emotional level. Tell her what kind of connection you are looking for. Try not to let it stay at the level of superficial party chat. I think the best approach is to express attraction and interest so that she knows but not push anything at first. Give her time to adjust to the idea. Don't declare undying love or a mad crush, that is a bit too strong. Compliments are nice but a little restraint shows self-control and respect. Daring to talk about attraction and giving compliments shows strength and confidence. Then just see how it goes and what her reaction is. Edited July 7, 2017 by spiderowl 1
Author Stephen Furry Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Ok, I won't tell her how hot she is and my crush... yeah it is a turn off, a girl told me that once and it felt weird. Hopefully my small talk leads to something good.
Bastile Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Ok, I won't tell her how hot she is and my crush... yeah it is a turn off, a girl told me that once and it felt weird. Hopefully my small talk leads to something good. Sir, this was a whole week ago. You are too badly overthinking it. Pull the trigger.
guy45 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 If someone likes you, even if you start small talking with them, (just don't write one word) it should be fine. People aren't hard to figure out or talk to. It's just your internal fear of rejection talking. When someone likes you, you could write almost anything to them and receive a positive response back.
basil67 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Does she know you exist? If so, what kind of interaction have you had in the past?
Author Stephen Furry Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Does she know you exist? If so, what kind of interaction have you had in the past? Yeah, I said a joke/compliment on one of her selfies and she thought it was funny.
Author Stephen Furry Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Sir, this was a whole week ago. You are too badly overthinking it. Pull the trigger. Yeah, I've been busy the past week. I'll just shoot my shot.
Author Stephen Furry Posted July 15, 2017 Author Posted July 15, 2017 Alright I messaged her using small talk. She responded with "thank you." I don't know how to take it, is she being short because she's uninterested, or just doesn't know what to say. I didn't respond because I don't know where to take it from here.
elaine567 Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 Alright I messaged her using small talk. She responded with "thank you." I don't know how to take it, is she being short because she's uninterested, or just doesn't know what to say. I didn't respond because I don't know where to take it from here. What did you actually say to her?
Author Stephen Furry Posted July 15, 2017 Author Posted July 15, 2017 What did you actually say to her? I said "I like your style, you take nice pictures."
Erik30 Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 Alright I messaged her using small talk. She responded with "thank you." I don't know how to take it, is she being short because she's uninterested, or just doesn't know what to say. I didn't respond because I don't know where to take it from here. Did you actually ask her a question, or did you just give her a compliment about something? If you did both, but she ignored the question part, she's probably not interested... There's nothing wrong with her answer if you only gave her a compliment, try again in that case
Author Stephen Furry Posted July 15, 2017 Author Posted July 15, 2017 Did you actually ask her a question, or did you just give her a compliment about something? If you did both, but she ignored the question part, she's probably not interested... There's nothing wrong with her answer if you only gave her a compliment, try again in that case I see, well I only complimented her. I should follow up with a question.
elaine567 Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 I said "I like your style, you take nice pictures." Ok so you follow that up with something about the pics and add a question, something for her to answer. I like the one with cute dog, is that your dog or what breed is he/she? or I like the one with the boat and the fantastic sunset, did you take that when you were on holiday or where was that taken? You need to try and keep the conversation going and if you can also add some humour then even better.
angel.eyes Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 I said "I like your style, you take nice pictures." What else should she say to a stranger who messages this out of the blue? :confused:The other option was to ignore the ungrammatical message. Next time, ask her a question. Example: That's a nice picture. Is that XYZ lake in the background? I've been meaning to get out there the last couple of weeks.
Author Stephen Furry Posted July 15, 2017 Author Posted July 15, 2017 Ok so you follow that up with something about the pics and add a question, something for her to answer. I like the one with cute dog, is that your dog or what breed is he/she? or I like the one with the boat and the fantastic sunset, did you take that when you were on holiday or where was that taken? You need to try and keep the conversation going and if you can also add some humour then even better. So humor like flirt???
preraph Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 Most women would rather you didn't just like them for how they look and since you haven't talked to her it can't be called a crush, really. She knows you don't even begin to know her, so it's not flattering, really. If you think you might want to get to know her, then show that by asking her about herself and telling her something about yourself. She knows just because you're talking to her that you find her attractive, so you shouldn't state the obvious because it comes off either embarrassing or like like you just want to hook up. If you want to get to know her, get to know her. If you just want to hook up, don't ask her that unless it says she does on her profile if there is a profile. Compliments from someone who doesn't know you and who you don't know just seem contrived.
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