oceansaway Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Unreal. Been almost five months NC...and he's back! We had a huge blow out 5 months ago and stopped speaking (again). Up and down and back forth for the last five years. But this time I moved on. Life has been good this time around so I was SHOCKED to see his caller ID this morning. Most will say "why did you answer?"...reason was...because I have nothing left anymore. I wish him...and his wife the best...really. No hard feelings but I am DONE. Some will say...block him. I don't feel the need. I truly have lost everything I once had for him. I wish him the best. He asked to see me tomorrow...my reply was..."are you still married?" Of course, he said yes...so I said no thanks, Life is what it is. I made a excuse that I had to go...and I hung up. Feels good to have control of my heart again. Moral is to all struggling....someday you will get where I am. I just takes a long time but you will get there. Stay strong 18 1
Author oceansaway Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 Simple...A ego boosting..I want my cake and eat it too type personality. Well he can have his cake...but that is it 4
trailwolf Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 good for you , i think ur doing the right thing ! 1
BaileyB Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Good for you! Just because he wants to come back into your life, doesn't mean that you have to let him. 1
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Unreal. Been almost five months NC...and he's back! We had a huge blow out 5 months ago and stopped speaking (again). Up and down and back forth for the last five years. But this time I moved on. Life has been good this time around so I was SHOCKED to see his caller ID this morning. Most will say "why did you answer?"...reason was...because I have nothing left anymore. I wish him...and his wife the best...really. No hard feelings but I am DONE. Some will say...block him. I don't feel the need. I truly have lost everything I once had for him. I wish him the best. He asked to see me tomorrow...my reply was..."are you still married?" Of course, he said yes...so I said no thanks, Life is what it is. I made a excuse that I had to go...and I hung up. Feels good to have control of my heart again. Moral is to all struggling....someday you will get where I am. I just takes a long time but you will get there. Stay strong What if he had said no I'm not married, I'm divorced? How would you have reacted and what would you have said? Now he knows he can contact you at any time and you'll answer by breaking NC on your end. BLOCK HIM and stay in NC mode. This isn't the end of contact on his end, he'll reach out as long as you answer. He will try again to manipulate you. 2
DKT3 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 First off great job.... however, there is still something very troubling about how you handled this. I don't believe for a second you are "over" this. I think much like you beliveving it's an ego boost for him, I believe it's an ego boost for you knowing he contacted you. In my opinion blocking him would put an end to him having the opportunity to connect with you in the future. That doesn't appear to be what you want. You are leaving the door open, he will adjust and come at you again. 5
Cali408 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 First off great job.... however, there is still something very troubling about how you handled this. I don't believe for a second you are "over" this. I think much like you beliveving it's an ego boost for him, I believe it's an ego boost for you knowing he contacted you. In my opinion blocking him would put an end to him having the opportunity to connect with you in the future. That doesn't appear to be what you want. You are leaving the door open, he will adjust and come at you again. You're right. However, Im not into blocking people. I have enough discipline not to engage. Blocking for most people is the right thing to do. For me, I want to let her know she's has so little to do with my life that blocking would be putting an effort toward her. Nice work telling him to pissoff Great win for you 2
freengreen Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 You have come a long way.. wow... *applaud* However be careful, all he wants is that little gap in the door, these people can sneak up. He knows you and he knows what buttons to press.
DKT3 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 You're right. However, Im not into blocking people. I have enough discipline not to engage. Blocking for most people is the right thing to do. For me, I want to let her know she's has so little to do with my life that blocking would be putting an effort toward her. Nice work telling him to pissoff Great win for you I don't believe blocking is about preventing contact, the truth is if someone really wants to contact you they will. Blocking is for yourself, making that final choice to make it the end. Choosing that you no longer want to be involved in any level. OP engaged, gave him a platform and an opportunity (opening the door) for continuing contact. Let's not discuss that too much, she did well for just a few months. I don't believe she is as far along as she thinks but heading that way. Next time she will nail that coffin shut. 4
aileD Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 He asked to see me tomorrow...my reply was..."are you still married?" Of course, he said yes...so I said no thanks, Life is what it is. I made a excuse that I had to go...and I hung up. Feels good to have control of my heart again. Omg I'm so proud of you. I always say THIS ^ is the only response he should get when a MM breaks NC. "Are you still married?" "Uh yes". "BYE!" 1
Author oceansaway Posted July 7, 2017 Author Posted July 7, 2017 What if he had said no I'm not married, I'm divorced? How would you have reacted and what would you have said? Now he knows he can contact you at any time and you'll answer by breaking NC on your end. BLOCK HIM and stay in NC mode. This isn't the end of contact on his end, he'll reach out as long as you answer. He will try again to manipulate you. I don't think that way. He can contact me anytime because I have lost what I once had. It's called moving on. If he said he was divorced...I would react the same. I do not want a man who lies and cheats. We had been extremely close years ago until the fog lifted and I see him for what he is. But I have no hard feelings. Just moved on 1
Author oceansaway Posted July 7, 2017 Author Posted July 7, 2017 I have all the self discipline to not get involved with him again. Of course he said I could contact him anytime...however I have nothing to say...therefore I won't. Anger, sadness, jealously is all gone. I feel for his wife. I wish them both the best in their relationship. Just hoping others here can get to the point I am and move on with their lives.
stillafool Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 I have all the self discipline to not get involved with him again. Of course he said I could contact him anytime...however I have nothing to say...therefore I won't. Anger, sadness, jealously is all gone. I feel for his wife. I wish them both the best in their relationship. If you really feel for her, block him from contacting you. What do you have to gain by not blocking him? 1
angiep Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 He asked to see me tomorrow...my reply was..."are you still married?" Of course, he said yes...so I said no thanks, Life is what it is. I made a excuse that I had to go...and I hung up. Feels good to have control of my heart again. Moral is to all struggling....someday you will get where I am. I just takes a long time but you will get there. Stay strong Great answer!You ve been very strong.I hope mine comes back just to ask him the same thing!Great line. You give me hope because I ve been really struggling these days 2 weeks after he sent a stupid Snoopy with a heart sticker.someone texted me in a private message that I may have missed a chance to initiate a conversation and may get answers and this has really affected me and I'm really struggling.Hope to remain strong.. Good work, you should be proud of your progress regardless of blocking him or not.. 2
Noideanow Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Good for you, but remember for a long time you played along so He is not the only One "bad" if we shall label it, in your case it sure doesnt sound like love (from your side)- more like you love his wife? I can see why your bitter having wasted so much time but that's on yourself-lessons to be learned- for not putting the foot down as soon as feelings hurt - stating your needs clearly and walking away till he showed himself one not to be You unfaithful with his wife:cool: Afterall if its love its meant to be and will benefit also his wife to be set free since he is not the one for her as she not for him:love: Forgive me for writing this if he Indeed IS an idiot see those types around too:( words and imagination can sometimes get the best of us and screw the mind but we really can't judge something we have never seen\and even then we can't see whats underneath..so maybe sorry for provokation just meant to say if he is a "good" man maybe he deserves a chance when he is divorsed. 1
Author oceansaway Posted July 7, 2017 Author Posted July 7, 2017 ANGIEP. Someday you will realize that getting answers doesn't matter. I use to want the same however I realized he is a liar...so I'd never believe anything he said. End of story
DKT3 Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 I have all the self discipline to not get involved with him again. Of course he said I could contact him anytime...however I have nothing to say...therefore I won't. Anger, sadness, jealously is all gone. I feel for his wife. I wish them both the best in their relationship. Just hoping others here can get to the point I am and move on with their lives. Hard to make this argument, seeing you hadn't had the discipline prior, nor the discipline to ignore his call. You can justify it however you like the fact remains he called you answer. If there is nothing to talk about why answer? If you're not interested why ask his status? Your actions don't match your words. 3
Author oceansaway Posted July 8, 2017 Author Posted July 8, 2017 Hard to make this argument, seeing you hadn't had the discipline prior, nor the discipline to ignore his call. You can justify it however you like the fact remains he called you answer. If there is nothing to talk about why answer? If you're not interested why ask his status? Your actions don't match your words. I guess you didn't understand my post. HE asked to see me...my REPLY was "are you still married" which are of course already knew the answer. It was my round about way of telling him I'm not interested anymore because of his status. We all don't know each other here and all have different beliefs. However I have always been the strong independent type. I am sure we all have had ex's in our past. I have never blocked anyone. No need when you reach a point and move on from a relationship. Just how it is...for me 2
DKT3 Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 (edited) I guess you didn't understand my post. HE asked to see me...my REPLY was "are you still married" which are of course already knew the answer. It was my round about way of telling him I'm not interested anymore because of his status. We all don't know each other here and all have different beliefs. However I have always been the strong independent type. I am sure we all have had ex's in our past. I have never blocked anyone. No need when you reach a point and move on from a relationship. Just how it is...for me I get it, I know what you said and in what context you are trying to convince us and yourself that you meant it. The problem is simple, you are unwilling to kill this thing off at this point. Not blocking prior exes is irrelevant, unless they too were married. Listen I believe you on the surface, I believe you want it over, however there is still a part of you holding out for something to change, that is why you took his call, that is why you asked about the status. I don't know you, but I know human behavior, you left the door cracked for a reason. If your actions and words matched you would have 1) never answered the call 2) been more assertive with the rejection without the qualifier. IE I'm no longer interested in having any type of relationship with YOU. Not are you still married. I know it may come across as nitpicking but as the saying goes actions are louder than words. Your actions say I'm holding on. Edited July 8, 2017 by DKT3 3
Author oceansaway Posted July 8, 2017 Author Posted July 8, 2017 I get it, I know what you said and in what context you are trying to convince us and yourself that you meant it. The problem is simple, you are unwilling to kill this thing off at this point. Not blocking prior exes is irrelevant, unless they too were married. Listen I believe you on the surface, I believe you want it over, however there is still a part of you holding out for something to change, that is why you took his call, that is why you asked about the status. I don't know you, but I know human behavior, you left the door cracked for a reason. If your actions and words matched you would have 1) never answered the call 2) been more assertive with the rejection without the qualifier. IE I'm no longer interested in having any type of relationship with YOU. Not are you still married. I know it may come across as nitpicking but as the saying goes actions are louder than words. Your actions say I'm holding on. Sorry I disagree. I have answer calls, texts and emails ffrom many in my past for years. It meant nothing and went nowhere. One knows when they are finally over a relationship. Those who block people are just not strong enough. They block so the temptation no longer exists to get sucked back in. Hopefully you or anyone reading this will get to the point I am. It took years to get here. Good luck with whatever brings you here
MidnightBlue1980 Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 Those who block people are just not strong enough. They block so the temptation no longer exists to get sucked back in. Sometimes being strong though means knowing yourself and your weaknesses. There is not always something to prove as typically no one is watching, it's just you and your own demons. At a certain point you just do whatever you need to do. I also subscribed to what you said but seeing him made me feel bad. Finally I decided I didn't want to feel bad anymore. We have no reason to speak ever again and I had the power to erase him, as if he never existed, so I finally just did it. Who am I proving something to? If that makes me weak, so be it. I'd rather be happy than fall on my sword. I do realize you don't feel bad and I'm sure it feels good to have said that to him but people here are just saying that it's dangerous to open that door at all. Most here speak from experience as well. 1
Whodatdog Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 You are living proof that the opposite of love is indifference. If you didnt feel that way, you couldnt have answered that phone call. 1
DKT3 Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 Sometimes being strong though means knowing yourself and your weaknesses. There is not always something to prove as typically no one is watching, it's just you and your own demons. At a certain point you just do whatever you need to do. I also subscribed to what you said but seeing him made me feel bad. Finally I decided I didn't want to feel bad anymore. We have no reason to speak ever again and I had the power to erase him, as if he never existed, so I finally just did it. Who am I proving something to? If that makes me weak, so be it. I'd rather be happy than fall on my sword. I do realize you don't feel bad and I'm sure it feels good to have said that to him but people here are just saying that it's dangerous to open that door at all. Most here speak from experience as well. Excellent point about understanding your weakness. I honestly don't think OP is being honest with herself. Now she has boundaries? The suggestion that only weak people need to block contact is asinine, but whatever justification is needed
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