elaine567 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 He's really sweet, we hold hands, cuddle and talk for hours before having sex. I know many men do this because it feels good in the moment and it doesn't mean anything long term. He said that we could stop having sex until he asks me to be his girlfriend if I felt more comfortable with that. In no way do I think that's a guarantee of any kind. . And has it not crossed your mind that that is why he has found it so easy to cheat... He has sussed out how to play women, so he is all things to all women. Of course he is sweet, of course he wants to hold hands and cuddle and talk for hours if you like that sort of thing, of course he can take sex off the menu, he will have other options... Cheaters are not only cheaters, they are accomplished liars too. I am not sure why you want to run headlong towards this guy, but it shows a tendency to want to self sabotage. Why are you doing that? 2
Author single8259 Posted July 9, 2017 Author Posted July 9, 2017 And has it not crossed your mind that that is why he has found it so easy to cheat... He has sussed out how to play women, so he is all things to all women. Of course he is sweet, of course he wants to hold hands and cuddle and talk for hours if you like that sort of thing, of course he can take sex off the menu, he will have other options... Cheaters are not only cheaters, they are accomplished liars too. I am not sure why you want to run headlong towards this guy, but it shows a tendency to want to self sabotage. Why are you doing that? Because it feels good and what if he is being genuine?
stillafool Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Because it feels good and what if he is being genuine? Well if this all feels so good to you why do you need LoveShack? Just go and enjoy what is happening. 1
guest569 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Well if this all feels so good to you why do you need LoveShack? Just go and enjoy what is happening. Yes, not sure what advice you are seeking OP. Reassurance that it is all ok? It sounds like you are unhappy with the arrangement. 1
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 Yes, not sure what advice you are seeking OP. Reassurance that it is all ok? It sounds like you are unhappy with the arrangement. Nobody can guarantee that he will not cheat on you. If that's what you are looking for, it is not what you will find here... In fact, you have a whole bunch of people telling you that this is high risk. Yet, you seem bound and determined to give it a go... So, best wishes to you. Let us know how it goes.
Author single8259 Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 It's rare that I go on a date and enjoy being around the other person and have chemistry with that person. Often I'll go on dates and have no desire to see the person again. I do enjoy spending time with him and I'm hesitant to stop because its nice having romance in my life. It's the what if that's keeping me around. What if, with open communication and trust building, we could build a strong relationship. If I dump him now and label him as a cheater, what if he's in a different place in his life and he's grown as a person? I don't think anyone is a lost cause because of past mistakes.
Zahara Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 I don't think anyone is a lost cause because of past mistakes. Serial cheating isn't a mistake. It's a choice, made over and over again. It's an ingrained pattern and character trait. You likely think this wonderful relationship you have with him and your "wonderfulness" is going to change this man. With your history, you likely saw the red flags with the other guys too that played you but chose to ignore it. It seems you project and get lost in fantasy thinking. You gravitate to these types of guys because you focus and latch on to the "feel good" emotions. So even when the red flags are flying, the "romance" often blinds and pushes you into situations that are glaring "dangerous" at you. 2
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Chemistry is great if it is backed up by other good points and desirable traits, not so good if it accompanied by massive red flags... 1
BaileyB Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 Chemistry is great if it is backed up by other good points and desirable traits, not so good if it accompanied by massive red flags... Absolutely. Without desirable traits like trust, loyalty, honesty, fidelity... Chemistry means nothing - it is nothing but a good time!
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