single8259 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Been seeing a guy for over a month, we'd been texting for months previously and finally met. I've been trying to communicate without coming off as needy. I basically told him that I still want to get to know him better but I don't want to have sex with other people. I'm not interested in dating anyone else at the moment and I reallly like him. We talked about it and we both had sex with one other person early on. Whenever we have sex he asks me during if I've had sex with someone else, I say no because I haven't. Why does he still ask me that even though I've experessed that I like him and don't want to have sex with other people? He seems to be into me but I've been with guys that have lied before so I'm skeptical. He had an update come up on his phone while we were watching a video from POF. When he saw that I saw it and looked away he said he just has the dating apps to have them. I have them too and look at messages every now and again but I'm not actively using them. We spend most of the time hanging out and talking and he asks me to sleep over. He's told me he's cheated on girlfriends in previous relationships. I'm planning on being patient and seeing where things go but I'm also tired of getting played. What do you think?
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 He's told me he's cheated on girlfriends in previous relationships. I'm planning on being patient and seeing where things go but I'm also tired of getting played. What do you think? You are nuts. When a guy tells you he cheats or has cheated....he feels he is taking the responsibility off himself and putting it onto you. So when you catch him, he's just going to tell you "I warned you about that..." If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Dump this chump.....you were warned. 9
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 He can't trust himself, therefore, he doesn't trust anyone else either. It's classic transference . . . I basically told him that I still want to get to know him better -- He's told you all you need to know. Why in the world would you keep seeing a guy who has told you he has cheated in several past relationships?????? If you are thinking you're going to be the ONE who changes his world, you're gonna find yourself in a world of hurt. 11
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Ugh. Once again I feel the need to repeat one of my fav quotes; you are the creator of your own chaos. So you've had some bad experience with players in your past who've lied and here you are having casual sex with a man who is an admitted serial cheater and you're worried about being played?!? Come on!! As far as I'm concerned, it's irrelevant why he keeps asking you if you're sleeping with anyone else. You have bigger problems to worry about. I'm sorry but I feel like the real problem is you for picking questionable men in the first place and for jumping into the sack without really knowing the guy or if you're even on the same page about what you're doing. I'm curious OP, have you asked HIM if he's sleeping with anyone else? And if so, does that or would it bother you? 6
Zahara Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) He's told me he's cheated on girlfriends in previous relationships. I'm planning on being patient and seeing where things go but I'm also tired of getting played. What do you think? Big slap upside the head with no effect. What would make you want to engage with someone that is blatantly telling you he is a serial cheater? Pay attention to these things and take them seriously. He's telling you he cannot be trusted. Don't believe for one minute you're going to be that special someone that's going to keep his interest loyal. I'm not sure why and how you can let something like that completely go over your head. Also, he's asking you because he's likely doing it himself. Edited July 6, 2017 by Zahara 5
coolheadal Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Been seeing a guy for over a month, we'd been texting for months previously and finally met. I've been trying to communicate without coming off as needy. I basically told him that I still want to get to know him better but I don't want to have sex with other people. I'm not interested in dating anyone else at the moment and I reallly like him. We talked about it and we both had sex with one other person early on. Whenever we have sex he asks me during if I've had sex with someone else, I say no because I haven't. Why does he still ask me that even though I've experessed that I like him and don't want to have sex with other people? He seems to be into me but I've been with guys that have lied before so I'm skeptical. He had an update come up on his phone while we were watching a video from POF. When he saw that I saw it and looked away he said he just has the dating apps to have them. I have them too and look at messages every now and again but I'm not actively using them. We spend most of the time hanging out and talking and he asks me to sleep over. He's told me he's cheated on girlfriends in previous relationships. I'm planning on being patient and seeing where things go but I'm also tired of getting played. What do you think? Wow so he ask you doing sex if you were having sex with someone. I am not being rude but if your not tight down there he might think you been with another man. If you use toys that's going to make it look like you been with another man. But you see your with a guy who's fooling around on you. You best watch it so you don't catch STDs condom might help but if I was you quit this guy and get someone else he's still active on POF.. He can go from you to another girl so quick. I am sure you don't want that sort of action.. It's to you if you put up with his game. My advise is to pull out and leave his pad (apartment, condo, townhouse, house, boat house, man cave, tree house, mansion, trailer an etc..) 1
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 My fiance who sadly passed away mentioned that I was a little loose down there. I asked him "Am I too loose or are you too small?" He was suddenly quite content with the situation . . . 7
BaileyB Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 My fiance who sadly passed away mentioned that I was a little loose down there. I asked him "Am I too loose or are you too small?" He was suddenly quite content with the situation . . . This made me laugh - it's all a matter of perspective... But seriously. He's cheated on other girlfriends - plural. BIG RED FLAG. He slept with another woman early in your relationship. BIG RED FLAG. And, he has dating apps on his phone "just to have them." that's too funny... I suggest that you give him the opportunity to use them, because you are taking a big risk if you chose to stay with this guy... 1
stillafool Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 He asked you if you were sleeping with other men because even Players don't like sloppy seconds. 2
coolheadal Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 He asked you if you were sleeping with other men because even Players don't like sloppy seconds. Wow you said that here, ouch! Loose lips let loose sails then would be loose fit also. To me how would you say this so clean. Sloppy seconds is reffer to something else not this. Has to do with tightness or loose. That's why he said that. I don't want to get rude but that's what he meant. A guy can tell how down there is..
kendahke Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) I think he's projecting onto you when he keeps on bringing up you sleeping with others because that's what he's doing. I wouldn't be so quick to shut down my dating app. Doesn't matter what he's telling you when his notifies him--he's still fielding other women and you're still fielding other men--otherwise, you both would have suspended your accounts if you weren't. This isn't going to go anywhere. I'd just keep him as a side piece and not invest any emotion in him. He's told me he's cheated on girlfriends in previous relationships. I'm planning on being patient and seeing where things go but I'm also tired of getting played. What do you think? Walp, the countdown clock has started. I think you're really not all that tired of getting played because here you go again. Is it going to take you walking in on him in your bed with some other woman for you to get it? You're with someone who cheats, probably as naturally as he draws breath if it's a pattern of behavior for him. Edited July 6, 2017 by kendahke
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 The only other reason a guy might ask this question is if the thought/vision of her being with another man helps him climax 5
spiderowl Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 He's already told you he's cheated before. This means the chances of him doing it again are very high. Do you want to be with a guy who will cheat on you? Don't think he'll change if he falls in love. It sounds to me like you two have not made any agreement to be sexually exclusive with each other. If you had, why would he ask you? You saying to him that you don't want to sleep with anyone else is not the same as both saying to each other that you will be exclusive with each other. But, be aware that although guys tend to want their partners to be sexually exclusive with them, that does not mean they want a relationship. They just don't want one of their women sleeping with other guys. It has nothing to do with love. 1
Author single8259 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 Ugh. Once again I feel the need to repeat one of my fav quotes; you are the creator of your own chaos. So you've had some bad experience with players in your past who've lied and here you are having casual sex with a man who is an admitted serial cheater and you're worried about being played?!? Come on!! As far as I'm concerned, it's irrelevant why he keeps asking you if you're sleeping with anyone else. You have bigger problems to worry about. I'm sorry but I feel like the real problem is you for picking questionable men in the first place and for jumping into the sack without really knowing the guy or if you're even on the same page about what you're doing. I'm curious OP, have you asked HIM if he's sleeping with anyone else? And if so, does that or would it bother you? He's been cheated on too and I did sleep with someone else too so I could see how he could be worried. Yes, I've asked him several times if he's sleeping with anyone else or dating and he's said he's not and that he's not interested in anyone else. The woman he slept with was someone he met before he met me and hasn't seen her since. It's not like I meet every guy that bothers to send a message on okcupid, we'd been texting for months before I even met him and he supported me through some hard times.
mortensorchid Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Not healthy whatever the case may be. Best to consider other options.
Gaeta Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 He's been cheated on too and I did sleep with someone else too so I could see how he could be worried. Yes, I've asked him several times if he's sleeping with anyone else or dating and he's said he's not and that he's not interested in anyone else. The woman he slept with was someone he met before he met me and hasn't seen her since. It's not like I meet every guy that bothers to send a message on okcupid, we'd been texting for months before I even met him and he supported me through some hard times. You don't seem to understand what is the matter here. We are not talking about you or him having sex with other people at the begining. We are talking about this: He's told me he's cheated on girlfriends in previous relationships This man is a cheater. He did not cheat on ONE woman, he cheated on SEVERAL girlfriendS in previous relationshipS. No matter how slow you take this, he will remain a CHEATER and the chances of him cheating on you in the future are HIGH. Why do you want to date a cheater? 2
Author single8259 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 He's already told you he's cheated before. This means the chances of him doing it again are very high. Do you want to be with a guy who will cheat on you? Don't think he'll change if he falls in love. It sounds to me like you two have not made any agreement to be sexually exclusive with each other. If you had, why would he ask you? You saying to him that you don't want to sleep with anyone else is not the same as both saying to each other that you will be exclusive with each other. But, be aware that although guys tend to want their partners to be sexually exclusive with them, that does not mean they want a relationship. They just don't want one of their women sleeping with other guys. It has nothing to do with love. I told him I don't want to sleep with other people and that I don't want him to either while we're getting to know each other. If he wants to mess around, fine, but not with me too. He said he understands why I'd want that and that he doesn't want to sleep around. Its the what if that's keeping me around. Yes, tons of red flags but there's enough there and there's enough communication that I'm willing to see where it goes. Also, I'm getting something in return too. It's not like he's having all the fun, hes a very giving partner.
Author single8259 Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 You don't seem to understand what is the matter here. We are not talking about you or him having sex with other people at the begining. We are talking about this: He's told me he's cheated on girlfriends in previous relationships This man is a cheater. He did not cheat on ONE woman, he cheated on SEVERAL girlfriendS in previous relationshipS. No matter how slow you take this, he will remain a CHEATER and the chances of him cheating on you in the future are HIGH. Why do you want to date a cheater? Do you think I'd be posting here if everything was hunky dory and I didn't have any concerns? Of course I'm worried that if it ever did get serious that he would cheat. Thats why I want to enjoy the time I am spending with him and get to know him. I'm getting something out of this too and I've been around the block enough times to know what to expect. My best friend has cheated in past relationships and she's been married, happy and monogamous for the last eight years. Ive been on soooo many dates with men that I felt nothing for. And I don't mean just one date and I make that decision. I don't think it's as black and white as he's a cheater, he'll always be a cheater. I'd rather see where it goes instead of cutting him out now and wondering if it could have been something. I've been hurt before. You're sad for a bit, you spend time with family and friends that love you and you move on with your life. Going out with a guy that I'm not into because on paper he's perfect doesn't mean that I won't get cheated on or hurt.
BaileyB Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 My best friend has cheated in past relationships and she's been married, happy and monogamous for the last eight years. I don't think it's as black and white as he's a cheater, he'll always be a cheater. I'd rather see where it goes instead of cutting him out now and wondering if it could have been sometthing. I've been hurt before. You're sad for a bit, you spend time with family and friends that love you and you move on with your life. Going out with a guy that I'm not into because on paper he's perfect doesn't mean that I won't get cheated on or hurt. No, it doesn't mean that you won't get cheated on or get hurt. And, if you feel like you have to give it a chance to see where it goes, it is certainly your decision. Just to point out, it's not as simple as being sad for a bit and spending time together with family and friends... Assuming you stay together, it gets much more complicated when your living together and your names are both on the lease, or you have children together, etc... I know that's a long way away... But, it would be terrible to look back and think - I saw the warning signs and I ignored them. And if I may, my best friend also cheated on her husband of 20 years and they had three kids. She has been in another relationship for 4 years now. As much as I hope it works out for them, I wouldn't trust her. Best wishes to you. 1
coolheadal Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 I told him I don't want to sleep with other people and that I don't want him to either while we're getting to know each other. If he wants to mess around, fine, but not with me too. He said he understands why I'd want that and that he doesn't want to sleep around. Its the what if that's keeping me around. Yes, tons of red flags but there's enough there and there's enough communication that I'm willing to see where it goes. Also, I'm getting something in return too. It's not like he's having all the fun, hes a very giving partner. Not going to end well you don't know what he's carrying for STDs. Tread carefully here. You are opening up a can of worms. You want to see where this goes it's not going in your direction you can clearly see that. He's not a one woman man, he's open player.. Well you been told and warn, just see where it goes then.. Someone going to get hurt and you know who right, but lets see where that goes okay! 1
coolheadal Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Do you think I'd be posting here if everything was hunky dory and I didn't have any concerns? Of course I'm worried that if it ever did get serious that he would cheat. Thats why I want to enjoy the time I am spending with him and get to know him. I'm getting something out of this too and I've been around the block enough times to know what to expect. My best friend has cheated in past relationships and she's been married, happy and monogamous for the last eight years. Ive been on soooo many dates with men that I felt nothing for. And I don't mean just one date and I make that decision. I don't think it's as black and white as he's a cheater, he'll always be a cheater. I'd rather see where it goes instead of cutting him out now and wondering if it could have been something. I've been hurt before. You're sad for a bit, you spend time with family and friends that love you and you move on with your life. Going out with a guy that I'm not into because on paper he's perfect doesn't mean that I won't get cheated on or hurt. You have no self-esteem if you believe a cheater can change his ways. Your wrong they can't. You want to be with a cheater then be with one. But we can't help you if you don't want to trust what we all know form our past experiences with cheaters. I know it had happen to me twice. I wouldn't want to be with a cheating woman. why in the world you would want to be with a cheating man. Don't say know it might work out because of so and so was a cheater and they got married and had kids. bla, bla.. Did you marry that man nope someone else did. You don't know what this guy is really like. Then there is STDS if can pick that up from any of the other women or cheaters he runs into that may or may not have. It can get messy. No cure for these STDs you know. You want to see where it goes it can go south it can go west it can go nowhere fast!
basil67 Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Here's a thought: Next time he asks you, reply with "why do you ask this?" Seriously, he's the only one who can answer your question - and it's not silly of you to enquire why keeps asking this. 6
coolheadal Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Here's a thought: Next time he asks you, reply with "why do you ask this?" Seriously, he's the only one who can answer your question - and it's not silly of you to enquire why keeps asking this. Shes in denial and he won't say why, we all know why.. She know why also. Just not saying it here. I can't see how she can either way. 1
Joga_31 Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 Been seeing a guy for over a month, we'd been texting for months previously and finally met. I've been trying to communicate without coming off as needy. I basically told him that I still want to get to know him better but I don't want to have sex with other people. I'm not interested in dating anyone else at the moment and I reallly like him. We talked about it and we both had sex with one other person early on. Whenever we have sex he asks me during if I've had sex with someone else, I say no because I haven't. Why does he still ask me that even though I've experessed that I like him and don't want to have sex with other people? He seems to be into me but I've been with guys that have lied before so I'm skeptical. He had an update come up on his phone while we were watching a video from POF. When he saw that I saw it and looked away he said he just has the dating apps to have them. I have them too and look at messages every now and again but I'm not actively using them. We spend most of the time hanging out and talking and he asks me to sleep over. He's told me he's cheated on girlfriends in previous relationships. I'm planning on being patient and seeing where things go but I'm also tired of getting played. What do you think? if he has a history of cheating most likely he will cheat on you too. I would not get in a relationship with him and run away while I still can.
amaysngrace Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 I don't think he respects the women he has relationships with very much if he is willing to cheat on them. You should probably set higher standards for yourself than getting involved with a serial cheat. But you like him in bed so you'll probably ignore everyone here and that's fine. Just try not to fall in love then. 1
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