kvondoom Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Has anyone experienced extended loss of sex drive after a break up? My ex and I were together almost 8 years and since our breakup, I have no interest in sex and its been almost 2 years now since we split. I'm with a really wonderful person and we've been together less than a year, but its really starting to take toll on me emotionally since intimacy is really important. I would love some insight on this if anyones gone through something similar.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I think it's normal for one's sex drive to take a dive after a breakup, particularly if you were in love. I know I certainly went through that phase after my break-ups. Having said that, I can't say that mine lasted 2 years or while I was dating someone else. That does seems a bit odd. Are you still pining for your ex even these many years later? Did you break up with your ex or did she break things off? How often do you have sex now? Is this new girlfriend the first person you've had sex with since your break-up?
preraph Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I think it's about the stress of it and it may be even that feeling sexual is so closely associated with her for you that it's kind of miserable to even feel sexual because it's just a reminder. As with all breakups, the best medicine is for you to make yourself get out and be social and begin new and old activities and stay really busy and make a mental list of things that always make you laugh, movies, tv shows, books, or anything that inspires you, art, music, whatever, and make yourself get real busy doing those things and moving on with life, because it's a brain thing. Your brain gets stuck in a rut and the longer you just sit and let it run through those thoughts over and over, the worse it becomes, and making new memories and making yourself feel even momentary joy instead of stress and sadness is how you dig your way out. I hope that makes sense. It is not easy. When spending time with friends, do not waste that time reiterating your pain to them but enjoy the times spent. IF you feel you have pent-up pain it would help to vent, then do therapy and get it all out, but after two years, I bet you've beat the subject to death and now it's time to just move on whether you can accept it or reconcile it in your mind or not. That requires a plan and discipline and doing stuff out of your comfort zone for awhile, but all that will come back to you and it will get easier. Good luck.
Author kvondoom Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 We were married for 3 months, then he cheated on me right after and we separated and divorced shortly after that. We have been no contact since the divorce was final, but I don't really pine or think about him much other than I do have some sadness over how painful it all was. We had a very high sex drive relationship. Im just not sure how to regain that part of myself?
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 We were married for 3 months, then he cheated on me right after and we separated and divorced shortly after that. We have been no contact since the divorce was final, but I don't really pine or think about him much other than I do have some sadness over how painful it all was. We had a very high sex drive relationship. Im just not sure how to regain that part of myself? Sorry, not sure why I assumed you were a guy. His cheating might have something to do with your lost libido. I haven't been cheated on so I can't really connect the dots myself but if your relationship was high sex drive and he cheated on you just 3 short months into your marriage, that would screw anyone up for a really long time. How do you feel when you're having sex with your new partner? Does it feel like a chore most times? This partner aside, have you slept with anyone else since your divorce?
Author kvondoom Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 Nope, my ex was my first ( I was 18 when we got together & 25 when we split) and the guy I'm seeing now is the 2nd. Honestly I didn't expect our relationship to click so well, I saw him more as a rebound at first, but he grew to be someone I honestly can't image being without. Sex with us hard sometimes, a lot of the time I just feel uneasy/scared or uninterested completely. Literally being tipsy is the only way to calm my nerves enough to relax and enjoy sadly. He is super patient and he knows how I feel and we communicate about it very well, it just hasn't solved the problem.
SpecialJ Posted July 7, 2017 Posted July 7, 2017 My sex drive disappeared for about 8 months to a year due to my last relationship. This was directly tied to a lot of mean things he said to me and blamed me for. It isn't abnormal to experience some issues after a breakup. If it's been 2 years and you have a new partner and it's still not back to where it was, I'd suggest speaking to a therapist. If I had to guess, you may have leftover issues with sex and trust (and fear of a repeat situation) because, how horrible is it to be cheated on in a highly sexual relationship (or at all)? There may also be an underlying sense of inadequacy -- why wasn't what you provided good enough to the extent that he went to seek it elsewhere (even if that's not what the situation actually was or rational)? If you still enjoy sex when your inhibitions are down, it is probably a mental block. It's great that you have such a supportive and dedicated partner now, so don't take that for granted. I hope you're able to work it out
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