paloma22 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) Hi all, So in January I moved to the other side of the world to pursue the professional program of my dreams after quitting my job and uprooting my life. I was very lonely, so began some online dating despite not planning on entering a relationship this year. But given I was close to a milestone bday (30) I decided to go for it. In March I ended up meeting this guy who lives 1.5 hours away. Never in any relationship have things emotionally clicked so fast - we become exclusive and were calling each other babe and making future plans within a few dates. Fast forward a few weeks (maybe 5 dates total) and he had to move about 8 hours plane ride away for work. We decided to do long distance, so he could focus on work and i could focus on school. It seemed to be good and we texted/talked mostly daily - I even booked a weekend trip to see him. The weekend trip was alright, but we had a few minor arguments - I wanted reassurance the relationship was moving forward and he basically said he couldn't give me anything and he had no idea where his career would take him. I expressed how I felt I was giving more emotionally than receiving and he said he would work on it etc. Other than this he treated me to a lavish weekend with expensive dinners and outings. Weeks after this things were better, and I went back home on vacation where we were doing a 12 hour time difference. Since getting back from vacation, theres been little to no communication from him despite him being back home and back on the same time- i did initiate a phone call, which lasted an hour and was a big catch up about what he was doing and this big work decision about staying in the other city for 1-2 years or coming back home. I asked if we were seeing each other and he suggested Sunday, of which I agreed after checking my schedule. Before agreeing, I said "we haven't spoken in 3 days, should we even bother?" and he sort of said he'd been busy, etc trying to justify it, and asked if i wanted to... Now i haven't heard from him since that confirmation text - radio silence. Part of me thinks he's going to come down to see me and end it or maybe get one more hook up with me and end it. Or maybe i need to give him the benefit of the doubt and he really is just super stressed over this decision. Also he has met my parents and roommates and I have not met anyone in his life yet. I worry he's not proud of me as his gf... but without being too vain i am very accomplished and good looking- just not as confident as usual lately given my circumstances (and he's seen this insecure side). He has been a great source of comfort and companionship even from afar but it seems I'm no longer even getting that. At the beginning, I often went to him with my emotional baggage/stress given the time of my life because i felt we were very solid - this it seems was a huge mistake. Ultimately - I can't be emotionally dragged along, should I end things before he does or hear him out/discuss it when he visits? Edited July 6, 2017 by paloma22
Lorenza Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Wait, this is a little bit confusing - you are currently living abroad, met a local guy who had to move to a different country and now has to make a decision whether or not he's gonna stay there or come back to the country you're currently residing in? 1
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Hey if the situation look bleak, and you are not happy, then ya what are you waiting for? 1
kendahke Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Ultimately - I can't be emotionally dragged along, should I end things before he does or hear him out/discuss it when he visits? Let's look at this: ~I ended up meeting this guy who lives 1.5 hours away. ~Fast forward a few weeks (maybe 5 dates total) and he had to move about 8 hours plane ride away for work. ~he basically said he couldn't give me anything and he had no idea where his career would take him. I expressed how I felt I was giving more emotionally than receiving Since getting back from vacation, theres been little to no communication from him despite him being back home and back on the same time- ~this big work decision about staying in the other city for 1-2 years or coming back home. ~I asked if we were seeing each other and he suggested Sunday, and he sort of said he'd been busy, etc trying to justify it, ~Now i haven't heard from him since that confirmation text - radio silence. ~Also he has met my parents and roommates and I have not met anyone in his life yet. My dear, this is over except for the breaking up. His behavior is telling you this. You don't need for him to say it to you. It was cool while you were in the same proximity; but not only has he taken steps to put actual, physical distance between you two but he is also maintaining that distance by keeping you in the dark. I worry he's not proud of me as his gf... but without being too vain i am very accomplished and good looking- just not as confident as usual lately given my circumstances (and he's seen this insecure side). He has been a great source of comfort and companionship even from afar but it seems I'm no longer even getting that. At the beginning, I often went to him with my emotional baggage/stress given the time of my life because i felt we were very solid - this it seems was a huge mistake. This has nothing to do with what you look like or him not being proud of you. It may have more to do with he's got someone in his life already that his family knows who he's not going to throw over for you. Even if he says there is no one else, the truth of the matter is: you don't know that for sure. You can only speculate on what you think is going on and speculation isn't fact or truth. For all you know, he's still in that village 1.5 hours from you and hasn't gone anywhere--as you've said, you've never met anyone in his life. Online dating is rife with married people on the make. You only know what he wants you to know about him and what he wants you to know is what will keep the hook in your cheek. 2
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