WNM Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Hi Everyone. I've been doing the online dating thing for a while and usually have a good sense of whether a guy is interested or not, but this latest one has thrown me for a loop. Would love to get some feedback/opinions (especially from men) on why guys do this, or what could've happened. Went on 3 dates with a guy over the course of almost 3 weeks. All went really well and ended with a kiss and him asking to hang out again. In between dates there was frequent texting, 90% of which were initiating by him. The last date was on a Wednesday and we made plans to hang out the following Sunday. On Friday of that same week, he texted me last minute and asked if I wanted to meet up with him and his roommate for a drink at a local bar. I had plans so couldn't make it, but thought it was a good sign he wanted me to meet his roommate. He even texted afterwards saying something to the effect of "we need to check this bar out again sometime together.". Anyways, Saturday rolls around and he texts me asking if we are still on for doing something Sunday. I said absolutely and he suggested an activity for the day and so we planned to meet the following afternoon/evening. The conversation was very upbeat and he seemed genuinely excited to hang out. Then Sunday afternoon, I get a short cryptic text from him saying he's not feeling well and it's probably best we don't hang out. I got the gut feeling it was an excuse but gave him the benefit of the doubt and just told him I hoped he felt better. You know the rest of the story. I checked in one more time and got another short response that he felt better and then didn't hear from him again. I waited a few days and then called him out on ghosting, to which he immediately apologized and admitted that it was "really rude of him". Any thoughts on what could've happened here? The only thing I can think is that there was someone else he was dating and he decided to pursue that instead. But why the constant texting and asking to hang out? I just don't understand how guys can act so interested in you one day and literally overnight they go MIA.
fred123 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Hi Everyone. I've been doing the online dating thing for a while and usually have a good sense of whether a guy is interested or not, but this latest one has thrown me for a loop. Would love to get some feedback/opinions (especially from men) on why guys do this, or what could've happened. Went on 3 dates with a guy over the course of almost 3 weeks. All went really well and ended with a kiss and him asking to hang out again. In between dates there was frequent texting, 90% of which were initiating by him. The last date was on a Wednesday and we made plans to hang out the following Sunday. On Friday of that same week, he texted me last minute and asked if I wanted to meet up with him and his roommate for a drink at a local bar. I had plans so couldn't make it, but thought it was a good sign he wanted me to meet his roommate. He even texted afterwards saying something to the effect of "we need to check this bar out again sometime together.". Anyways, Saturday rolls around and he texts me asking if we are still on for doing something Sunday. I said absolutely and he suggested an activity for the day and so we planned to meet the following afternoon/evening. The conversation was very upbeat and he seemed genuinely excited to hang out. Then Sunday afternoon, I get a short cryptic text from him saying he's not feeling well and it's probably best we don't hang out. I got the gut feeling it was an excuse but gave him the benefit of the doubt and just told him I hoped he felt better. You know the rest of the story. I checked in one more time and got another short response that he felt better and then didn't hear from him again. I waited a few days and then called him out on ghosting, to which he immediately apologized and admitted that it was "really rude of him". Any thoughts on what could've happened here? The only thing I can think is that there was someone else he was dating and he decided to pursue that instead. But why the constant texting and asking to hang out? I just don't understand how guys can act so interested in you one day and literally overnight they go MIA. Hes not that into you obviously. It hapoens. Only 3 dates. Count urself lucky it wasnt 6 months like me!!
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I think I'd agree with you.....someone else. Unless you have a criminal record and he found that out, I can't think of why he'd behave this way because it sounds like he was really into you. 1
Lorenza Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Happens all the time. That's why I hate OLD, people are flaky and everyone's replaceable. Try not to put up your hopes after just a couple of dates. No matter what they're telling you. If anything, a quick start promises a quick fade. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Hi Everyone. I've been doing the online dating thing for a while and usually have a good sense of whether a guy is interested or not, but this latest one has thrown me for a loop. Would love to get some feedback/opinions (especially from men) on why guys do this, or what could've happened. Went on 3 dates with a guy over the course of almost 3 weeks. All went really well and ended with a kiss and him asking to hang out again. In between dates there was frequent texting, 90% of which were initiating by him. The last date was on a Wednesday and we made plans to hang out the following Sunday. On Friday of that same week, he texted me last minute and asked if I wanted to meet up with him and his roommate for a drink at a local bar. I had plans so couldn't make it, but thought it was a good sign he wanted me to meet his roommate. He even texted afterwards saying something to the effect of "we need to check this bar out again sometime together.". Anyways, Saturday rolls around and he texts me asking if we are still on for doing something Sunday. I said absolutely and he suggested an activity for the day and so we planned to meet the following afternoon/evening. The conversation was very upbeat and he seemed genuinely excited to hang out. Then Sunday afternoon, I get a short cryptic text from him saying he's not feeling well and it's probably best we don't hang out. I got the gut feeling it was an excuse but gave him the benefit of the doubt and just told him I hoped he felt better. You know the rest of the story. I checked in one more time and got another short response that he felt better and then didn't hear from him again. I waited a few days and then called him out on ghosting, to which he immediately apologized and admitted that it was "really rude of him". Any thoughts on what could've happened here? The only thing I can think is that there was someone else he was dating and he decided to pursue that instead. But why the constant texting and asking to hang out? I just don't understand how guys can act so interested in you one day and literally overnight they go MIA. 3 dates does not a commitment make. It's part of the "process". You date someone to see if there is enough there to take it further, if not, you move on. He just wasn't feeling it for you. You can't/won't be everyone's cup of tea. And, frankly, after only 3 dates, I don't expect much in terms hearing that they are moving on. That's not ghosting. Ghosting is dating you for a couple of months consistently and then dropping of the face of the earth. act so interested in you one day and literally overnight they go MIA -- they are interested until . . . they know they aren't. I waited a few days and then called him out on ghosting -- You two did not declare anything so he doesn't owe you anything -really. In the very beginning, they call you for dates or they don't, so be it. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Happens all the time. That's why I hate OLD, people are flaky and everyone's replaceable. Try not to put up your hopes after just a couple of dates. No matter what they're telling you. If anything, a quick start promises a quick fade. This is true, unfortunately. Some guys, like myself, try to be consistent and enthusiastic. I believe that this guy did like you, but found someone who fit his mold a little better. Can't blame him for that, but he should have been more transparent and let you know. I also believe his 'fade' may be due to his uncertainty with whomever he has his eye on now. You're the sure bet, so he was not quite ready to jettison you until he knew for sure the other person was a sure thing, or he just didn't know how to let you down. Anyway, I have tempered my ways and do my best to simply enjoy whatever time I have with whomever I date. I am also the type to let you know if I've gone another direction. It sucks, but it happens. 2
kendahke Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 There is no way of knowing because none of us know him. For whatever reason, he chose not to keep up momentum. Just keep it moving. 1
kendahke Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 3 dates does not a commitment make. It's part of the "process". You date someone to see if there is enough there to take it further, if not, you move on. He just wasn't feeling it for you. You can't/won't be everyone's cup of tea. And, frankly, after only 3 dates, I don't expect much in terms hearing that they are moving on. That's not ghosting. Ghosting is dating you for a couple of months consistently and then dropping of the face of the earth. act so interested in you one day and literally overnight they go MIA -- they are interested until . . . they know they aren't. I waited a few days and then called him out on ghosting -- You two did not declare anything so he doesn't owe you anything -really. In the very beginning, they call you for dates or they don't, so be it. ^^cosign OP: Everyone is entitled to their preferences, even you, even him. You aren't his preference and he found that out in 3 dates. He decided not to pursue you any further--and seriously? It's ok if he's also dating other women because he's not committed to you nor did he ask you for commitment/exclusivity. Up until the day he stopped contacting you, he may have thought he was interested enough--but something was said or done that made him change his mind. That's what dating is about: being able to determine if how someone is or what they do is tolerable enough for you to stick around. If they can't tolerate something, they're not going to be around. I'd also say that fact that you're considering him as one would a de facto boyfriend after 3 dates may be what made him draw back at breakneck speed. Your expectations at this point aren't in alignment with the reality of what has fallen out in experience. Expectations are resentments under construction. Check yours. 1
coolheadal Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Hi Everyone. I've been doing the online dating thing for a while and usually have a good sense of whether a guy is interested or not, but this latest one has thrown me for a loop. Would love to get some feedback/opinions (especially from men) on why guys do this, or what could've happened. Went on 3 dates with a guy over the course of almost 3 weeks. All went really well and ended with a kiss and him asking to hang out again. In between dates there was frequent texting, 90% of which were initiating by him. The last date was on a Wednesday and we made plans to hang out the following Sunday. On Friday of that same week, he texted me last minute and asked if I wanted to meet up with him and his roommate for a drink at a local bar. I had plans so couldn't make it, but thought it was a good sign he wanted me to meet his roommate. He even texted afterwards saying something to the effect of "we need to check this bar out again sometime together.". Anyways, Saturday rolls around and he texts me asking if we are still on for doing something Sunday. I said absolutely and he suggested an activity for the day and so we planned to meet the following afternoon/evening. The conversation was very upbeat and he seemed genuinely excited to hang out. Then Sunday afternoon, I get a short cryptic text from him saying he's not feeling well and it's probably best we don't hang out. I got the gut feeling it was an excuse but gave him the benefit of the doubt and just told him I hoped he felt better. You know the rest of the story. I checked in one more time and got another short response that he felt better and then didn't hear from him again. I waited a few days and then called him out on ghosting, to which he immediately apologized and admitted that it was "really rude of him". Any thoughts on what could've happened here? The only thing I can think is that there was someone else he was dating and he decided to pursue that instead. But why the constant texting and asking to hang out? I just don't understand how guys can act so interested in you one day and literally overnight they go MIA. My dear things happen like this. You just so new to him. I am sure he has other women beside you. There is no rule to dating he's not with you 100% and he might have had someone contact him to go out instead just maybe to have sex where you weren't going to do that since your so new. Which would be better sex or just going out. So he has chosen sex over you. Made up an excuse you had accept it and let him have sex with some ones. If the guy is really into you he would move heavens and earth to reach out to you more. This guy just drop and run.. All you can do is move on as well. 1
Author WNM Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 I never said I considered him a boyfriend, nor am I not expecting him to be dating other people. My confusion mainly is how he was showing all signs of being really interested...reached out to me Saturday and made plans Sunday, acting excited, and then Sunday an hour or so before we're supposed to meet he cancels and goes silent. The reason I called him out, really is because of the lack of respect and decency of people these days, especially in the online dating world like others have mentioned. You are replaceable in most people's eyes. And I don't care who you are, if I confirm plans with someone and make time for them and then they cancel last minute, it shows utter disrespect of me and my time. I also can see the one posters point about how guys can just act interested even if they are still trying to figure out their feelings. I think I need to be more mindful of that and take their words with a grain of salt, in the beginning at least.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 An ex who he never got over decided to get in touch and they gave it another shot. 2
coolheadal Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I never said I considered him a boyfriend, nor am I not expecting him to be dating other people. My confusion mainly is how he was showing all signs of being really interested...reached out to me Saturday and made plans Sunday, acting excited, and then Sunday an hour or so before we're supposed to meet he cancels and goes silent. The reason I called him out, really is because of the lack of respect and decency of people these days, especially in the online dating world like others have mentioned. You are replaceable in most people's eyes. And I don't care who you are, if I confirm plans with someone and make time for them and then they cancel last minute, it shows utter disrespect of me and my time. I also can see the one posters point about how guys can just act interested even if they are still trying to figure out their feelings. I think I need to be more mindful of that and take their words with a grain of salt, in the beginning at least. Your right, but he can do whatever he wants too you are not engaged or anything else at this point. He not following any rules or what. Sure this guy was rude, for what he did. But he did it! Just have to move on.. You do not want a toxic guy like this. You would only get hurt later on. You make plans yes but he broken it and got away with it. I am sorry for you and i know it hurts it happen to me from women. But just have to move on push it to one side. 1
kendahke Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I never said I considered him a boyfriend, I know. I said that based on the expectations you put on him after only 3 times seeing you in person. if I confirm plans with someone and make time for them and then they cancel last minute, it shows utter disrespect of me and my time. No it doesn't. Again, expectations are resentments under construction. But he did call you and tell you he wasn't going to be able to make it. It's not disrespectful to cancel plans just because you were hanging everything on those plans. Things come up--that's how life rolls sometimes. You'd have a legitimate complaint if he didn't bother to do that, but he did. He really doesn't owe you an explanation to your satisfaction--he did what he was supposed to do: let you know that he wasn't going to be able to make it. Also, he didn't stand you up--had he done that, you'd be well justified in being pissed off. I also can see the one posters point about how guys can just act interested even if they are still trying to figure out their feelings. I think I need to be more mindful of that and take their words with a grain of salt, in the beginning at least. Exactly. This buttresses what I said about you considering him as if he was your de facto boyfriend. 3 dates in isn't anything yet... not until he makes a declaration for you.
stillafool Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I never said I considered him a boyfriend, nor am I not expecting him to be dating other people. My confusion mainly is how he was showing all signs of being really interested...reached out to me Saturday and made plans Sunday, acting excited, and then Sunday an hour or so before we're supposed to meet he cancels and goes silent. The reason I called him out, really is because of the lack of respect and decency of people these days, especially in the online dating world like others have mentioned. You are replaceable in most people's eyes. And I don't care who you are, if I confirm plans with someone and make time for them and then they cancel last minute, it shows utter disrespect of me and my time. I also can see the one posters point about how guys can just act interested even if they are still trying to figure out their feelings. I think I need to be more mindful of that and take their words with a grain of salt, in the beginning at least. Of course he was interested that is why he went out with you. You said you know he is dating others too so he is also interested in them. He is interested in all of you and that is why he doesn't want to be tied down. 1
TheFinalWord Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I just don't understand how guys can act so interested in you one day and literally overnight they go MIA. In general, most men do not get attached that easily, especially if there are other prospects. Something was said or done that turned him off to the idea of going any further. You likely did nothing wrong, its just that not everyone's lifestyles mesh. It's pretty common for one person to think everything was going great, and for the other person to have a totally different interpretation of the interactions. Like most people, he didn't want confrontation so he tried to pretend like you never existed. It's easy to rationalize, but that doesn't make it easier for the one being ignored. The reason I called him out, really is because of the lack of respect and decency of people these days, especially in the online dating world like others have mentioned. You are replaceable in most people's eyes. And I don't care who you are, if I confirm plans with someone and make time for them and then they cancel last minute, it shows utter disrespect of me and my time. I would look at this as evidence that you two are not compatible. Some people genuinely do not plan and keep lousy time. 1
SwordofFlame Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I'm going to guess there was another woman in the picture. 1
Shining One Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 As others have said, it's likely another woman. While I don't ghost, I have been in similar situations. I'm dating Woman A when Woman B walks into my life. Woman B quickly demonstrates she is a better match for me than Woman A, so I end things with Woman A. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 As others have said, it's likely another woman. While I don't ghost, I have been in similar situations. I'm dating Woman A when Woman B walks into my life. Woman B quickly demonstrates she is a better match for me than Woman A, so I end things with Woman A. This is so tough. I have been in similar and you never really know if woman B is better for you. I too will need to make this decision, again, after this weekend. Ugh. One thing I LOATHE to do is get in too deep before making such a decision. Luckily, if it is lucky, I am seeing both ladies for the first time on the same weekend, so, hopefully, I can decide with whom to continue w/o much discomfort.
Recommended Posts