My girlfriend's friend

[Relasam]

So my gf has a male friend and they've known each other for 2 years. We both discussed about this guy before, saying that he started to have bad behaviour like treating other people badly, being rude, and most importantly, being flirty in front of my girlfriend (even he has one). She said it is okay for her to not be too close or talk too much to him anymore.

 

But a few days ago, I just accidentally saw she was snapping that guy on snapchat and with a few streaks on the side. She was like she didn't even know why they got the streaks.

 

And on the following day, she told me that it is impossible for her to not talk to him. So I thought she was being so ambivalent, cauz if I started to hate a female friend, I would try not giving any **** about her anymore ( if she asks me sth I would just quickly answer and get away and showing I aint feel comfy), under the consideration of my gf hates that mf madly. I would try anything to get away from the girl and keep our relationship better without bringing her up anymore.

 

But she said they still gonna chat a bit, because they are in the same year group and have been friends for 2 years. Well I thought she either didn't put our relationship as 1st priority, or she actually have a crush on him. That guy used to treat my gf good, like buying things she likes and made her felt incredibly happy, taking pictures with those gifts. Besides, she always mention him in our daily conversation.

 

I just feel very resentful right now because I am being very loyal to my girl but she won't do as much as I want to in our relationship. She and I havefought FOUR TIMES because of that guy. She claimed that there's nothing between them but she keeps on sending snaps, why??? She just won't give up omg. What should I do guys?

Edited July 5, 2017 by Relasam

[doyathinkso]

Stop considering her to be your girlfriend.

 

Move on.

[kendahke]

So my gf has a male friend and they've known each other for 2 years.

 

How long have you and she been dating?

 

But a few days ago, I just accidentally saw she was snapping that guy on snapchat and with a few streaks on the side. She was like she didn't even know why they got the streaks.

 

Humor me here, because I don't use snapchat--what are streaks?

 

And on the following day, she told me that it is impossible for her to not talk to him.

 

Translation: I don't care how you feel about this guy, I'm going to still deal with him and talk to him.

 

It's very easy to do something--you do it, it's done. No, not only is it quite possible, it's also doable. She just doesn't WANT to do it. There is your issue.

 

So I thought she was being so ambivalent, cauz if I started to hate a female friend, I would try not giving any **** about her anymore ( if she asks me sth I would just quickly answer and get away and showing I aint feel comfy), under the consideration of my gf hates that mf madly. I would try anything to get away from the girl and keep our relationship better without bringing her up anymore.

 

When someone's behavior doesn't match up to what they are saying to you, that means they are lying to you. Perhaps this is her way of managing your expectations. She'll say what she needs to say to get you off her back, but she has no intention on changing tack.

 

The thing is: whatever it is that he's doing is not enough for her to end dealing with him. I don't know what it will take to get her there, but I can say that based on what you've said here, whatever it is he's doing or how he's acting--it hasn't reached the point of disgust with her. Hard to say what will get her there with him--it may take way more than this, and that may be well beyond what you can tolerate.

 

 

But she said they still gonna chat a bit, because they are in the same year group and have been friends for 2 years.

 

Like I said: she doesn't want to stop chatting with him. That is the point from where you proceed with this.

 

 

Well I thought she either didn't put our relationship as 1st priority, or she actually have a crush on him.

 

I dare say it's both. She may be attracted to the "bad boy" element with him.

 

That guy used to treat my gf good, like buying things she likes and made her felt incredibly happy, taking pictures with those gifts. Besides, she always mention him in our daily conversation.

 

I'm curious as to why he didn't become her boyfriend when he was doing this? Were you in the picture then?

 

I just feel very resentful right now because I am being very loyal to my girl but she won't do as much as I want to in our relationship. She and I havefought FOUR TIMES because of that guy. She claimed that there's nothing between them but she keeps on sending snaps, why??? She just won't give up omg. What should I do guys?

 

When you say "she won't do as much as I want in our relationship", what does that mean?

 

She keeps sending snaps to him BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO. It's really that simple. No one does anything they haven't already given themselves permission to do. She knows you're not going to level any serious consequences (like dumping her), so she's really not afraid of your reaction. She knows you'll complain, but you won't end things, so she has nothing to fear.

 

What you should do is take a few days and determine if this is they kind of mess you want to put up with in order to have a girlfriend. Do you want to keep going through this in order to have her? Do you like how you feel about yourself when you have to deal with her putting you behind this guy? If you feel you deserve better treatment, then you know what you need to do.

 

Mind you, she will do everything in her power to try to talk you into staying her steady, old reliable, but in actuality, she wants the thrill of the bad boy who doesn't really treat her well. Maybe that's what love feels like to her: to be treated badly and kept off balance. Who knows? Nothing you can do to change that dynamic--she has to want to change how she is and if she doesn't, there's not much you can do about it outside of accepting her and how she is or bouncing.

[BluesPower]

Yes she is being shady...

 

Lose her yesterday, not at all worth the trouble.

[healing light]

I wouldn't want a boyfriend to try to control who I was friends with and who I talk to.

 

However, it sounds like this girl has a crush on that guy. Mentions him daily in conversations?

 

You'll have to determine if this is something you can put up with because it doesn't sound like she's going to quit him any time soon.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I have no clue what Snapchat "streaks" are since I don't use the app, but my general feeling is that if you're in a heterosexual relationship, there's no need for your partner to be buddy-buddy with someone of the opposite sex.

 

But now that has me wondering how this translates to gay relationships...hmmmm...never thought of that before.

[smackie9]

You complain about her chatting with a friend that happens to be a guy...and yet you have np cheating on her because she didn't put out enough. You know what this is called? Projecting guilt. Get off her back jack.