DaveyT Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Hey All, Just looking to get some advice, but I think it's going to be what I already know/don't want to hear haha. So, almost a month ago, my ex broke up with me. It hasn't been fun in any way, as we all know. We were together for three and a half years, we had just signed lease a week or so prior to the breakup (which I was able to get out of,) but it still sucks. Essentially, she went on a trip to Prague with her old friend from her childhood the week before, she came back, and broke it off with me. She told me she never loved me, she doesn't get the "butterflies" she wants from a relationship, etc... Let me preface this with the fact there is a six year age difference between us. She is about to turn 23, I am 29. I had already gone out and done the partying thing years before we met, so I was over that scene. She said in her home country, she used to do all of that, and wasn't interested anymore. She had really conformed me into her lifestyle, where we spent pretty much all our time together and did whatever she wanted to. Whether is was cleaning her place every saturday, food shopping, going to the gym, etc... We became co-dependent, which I have always known is unhealthy for a relationship, but I effin love the girl, ya know? Now, if we're being honest, things haven't been super great the last year. The times we were intimate were few are far between. I wasn't a fan of that, but when it did happen, it was great. But she really was my best friend. The things we could do together that we wouldn't do with anyone else, the things we laughed at, became upset about, there is something genuine between us which she denies. Also, I was not the best with this, but she is a beautiful girl and attracts a lot of guys. She tends to become friendly with guys as well, as every guy she meets she becomes friends with. She met this dude at the gym, and actually thought he was gay, but he's not. I know she's been hanging out with him, but she said she's not interested in him. Now it's been almost a month, and unfortunately I was not smart but breaking NC several times. The main force for this is that we have a dog which we both love dearly. I don't want to be a jerk and tell her she can never see him again, so I've tried my best to make sure she can see him. Also, when it rains it pours. I have had a pretty rough year as far as my life goes, which this certainly adds to, but some other stuff has happened to me and unfortunately I had no one else to talk to about it, and I had contacted her. As of last night, she had watched my dog for me while I was out with some friends. I made sure to say thank you to her through text this morning, and left the ball in her court if she wants to see him anytime soon. She'll be watching him for the a weekend in August while I am away. All she could say was, "You're welcome, it was pretty cool." Lol wtf is that? So after that text, I am sticking hard to NC until Aug 11 when I drop him off at her place. Do you guys think there is any way to salvage this or is it completely over and I should just completely move on? Thank you.
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 She wants to chase the fairy tale -- the butterflies & all that. If she was smart she'd realize they go away quickly in any relationship. So no there is no way to salvage this. Do get a different dog sitter. You can't keep picking at the open wound in your heart just so she can see the dog. 4
JJNY Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I hate to generalize break-ups as every situation and every individual is different, but this really does sound like classic GIGS. I think you answered your own question when you mentioned how you already got the "single/partying" life out of the way. Given her age, and how long you guys have been together, it sounds like she just isn't ready to make that kind of commitment without exploring her 20s a little more. I think her trip drove that point home. Additionally, it sounds like you guys just got too comfortable. Your girlfriend can be your best friend to an extent, but this sounds way beyond it. "She conformed you into her life and you did whatever she wanted to...cleaning her place every Saturday"...dude, no. It became far too easy for her. At some point you became less a boyfriend and more a best friend. And that text she sent you about "it was pretty cool" doesnt sound like something you'd send to your romantic partner. Your instincts are right on about that one. Regarding the dog, do you really have this dog "together"? You werent living together yet, right? So where did the dog stay? It sounds like with you. If that's the case, this girl can't be the one to watch the dog, unless your comfortable knowing her new guy is going to be keeping them both company as well. I know you'd feel bad, but guess what, she broke up with you right after you signed a lease. Put your feelings first. I would just say your peace (if you haven't already) and start a hard NC. Given where she is in her life I wouldnt expect to hear from her very soon, if it all. And if that day comes, you can decide then if you want to get back in touch. Stay strong and know you're not the only one going through something like this. I'm right there with you.
spiderowl Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Unless she is contacting you and suggesting you get back together, I would move on. She is not feeling the same way as you. If you push to maintain contact, it will cause her to back off more. The lack of intimacy shows that she was losing interest (sorry). The age gap makes a difference as she is still at the stage where she is exploring options whereas you want to settle down. I think it best to leave her to explore options and you seek what matters to you. I know you love her and want her, but it is not going to do you any good to hang on and wait for her. She has moved on. I am sorry it didn't work out. You sound a genuine guy who could have what you want with someone else. When you are ready, you will realise that.
Author DaveyT Posted July 7, 2017 Author Posted July 7, 2017 In what may be a bit of an epilogue for us, I unfortunately had to break NC the day I said I was going to start it haha. One of the things that's been stressing me out is that corporate told our office that they're closing us come Aug 11. Now there is an opportunity for me to relocate to Dallas, which I am taking into extremely high consideration. Unfortunately, with that being said, I did have to contact her to let her know I'd be going away for two upcoming weekends and asked if she could watch the pup, to which she said, "sure." Haven't spoken to her since, but this move, a fresh start for everything may be good after the year I've had. 1
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