blackbird_brokenwing Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 First of all, let me say that I'm gay. I frequent the local pro team's games and I met this guy there a few months ago. We both have season tickets so he was at all the games. I thought he might have a thing for me because he'd show up wherever we were and just sort of stand there a little too long and make incredibly awkward small talk but I go to the games with my parents and so I'd just sort of look at my phone and show disinterest and let my parents field it. Then he found me on Facebook and friended me. Fine enough. Shortly after he started Facebook messaging me. There's nothing innately wrong or creepy with him, and he was only talking about our sports team so I responded and we had a decent discussion going for weeks. Then he delved into more personal stuff, but was making fine conversation. Long story short, it's pretty clear he's flirting. He messages me at least once a day, most of the time more than once a day, and he does this whether or not I answer. The content of his messages is fine though and I'll admit I've actually enjoyed most of our conversations (he's way less awkward and uncomfortable over texting than in person unfortunately). The thing is, I'm pretty sure he doesn't realize I'm gay (or maybe doesn't care?). Anyone who spends 30 seconds looking on my profile would know this so I suppose I should gather he's not THAT interested otherwise he would have looked, or maybe he's just completely ignorant to LGBT things and is oblivious. I'm just feeling so awkward. He hasn't asked me out or asked if I'm single or anything so it would feel uncomfortable and presumptuous for me to say out of nowhere that I'm not interested. But I'm also afraid I'm somehow leading him on by not explicitly verbalizing what he's not verbalizing and saying that I'm gay and not interested. I guess the easiest thing to do is to "casually" and subtly mention an ex girlfriend or something else gay-related, but I'm also so shy and nonconfrontational I feel like I've let it go on too long with no mention, hahah. A big part of me just wants to do nothing until he "forces" me to by outright asking me out but then I somehow feel guilty for that. Advice? P.S. I've been single for a year and a half and have no interest in dating anyone right now, but more importantly I am gay so it's never happen regardless.
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Next time you talk to him ask him some Q about the LGBTQIAPK community. For example you could ask if he knows the acronym is growing. Mentioning an Ex-GF would be a good thing too. I'm all about sending signals so people don't ask you Qs whose answers will cause you to hurt their feelings. 1
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Why the hell would you accept his friend request??? All you have to do is delete him off your list and block him. That will give him the message.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I was so confused reading most of this because I thought you were a gay man . 2
Author blackbird_brokenwing Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 Next time you talk to him ask him some Q about the LGBTQIAPK community. For example you could ask if he knows the acronym is growing. Mentioning an Ex-GF would be a good thing too. I'm all about sending signals so people don't ask you Qs whose answers will cause you to hurt their feelings.This is exactly it, I don't want to hurt his feelings. I've always had a problem saying no to people in general because I'm terrified of hurting someone's feelings, but deep down I know you're right and that most people would probably rather know on the front end then to finally find out when they work up the nerve to ask. And at least if I drop the heavy hints now, it doesn't presume anything on my end and he can save face by never asking. Thanks d0nnivain! 1
Author blackbird_brokenwing Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 Why the hell would you accept his friend request??? All you have to do is delete him off your list and block him. That will give him the message.A gay girl can't be friends with a dude? I accepted his friend request because we're both huge fans of this sports team and during the season, I was running into him twice a week or more at games and it would have been weird to not accept it. I don't need to delete and block him, I was asking the question because he's actually a relatively decent person that I wouldn't be opposed to being friends with. Deleting and blocking him would be hella irrational and an overreaction to his geeky but innocent flirtation. 1
Author blackbird_brokenwing Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 I was so confused reading most of this because I thought you were a gay man .oh! Hahah, sorry about that! I forget that I'm a lot more anonymous on this site than I'm used to with social media and my gender isn't obvious. 1
preraph Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I agree that just mentioning an ex girlfriend is a good way to just drop the bomb on the poor guy. Then he'll wonder if you're bi, probably and if there's still a chance. So you might throw in something about how you're glad women are monogamous so you rarely have to deal with girls who are cheaters. Just do it via text and let him chew on it. He will probably eventually give up but it might not be right away because have you noticed how guys tend to think "she wouldn't be talking to me if she wasn't interested"? That's because a lot of guys wouldn't bother talking to women they weren't interested in so they assume we're the same way.
Erik30 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 So you might throw in something about how you're glad women are monogamous so you rarely have to deal with girls who are cheaters. Just do it via text... I'm pretty sure that's not true.... like all men aren't monagamous:confused: You can use it if you want to offend the guy, but I agree with the "casually mentioning you're into girls" part
Purepony Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 So unbelievable how women can complicate something as simple as this, the guy hasn't clearly asked you out he might just be making small talk why is it that if a guy talks to a woman it is immediately assumed that he's flirting with her and hitting on her maybe the guy just being friendly? 1
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I think you are fine. Of course you can be friends. But before he asks you anything you need to be super clear that he knows you are gay. It's not like you can date a man just to avoid hurting his feelings.
Author blackbird_brokenwing Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 So unbelievable how women can complicate something as simple as this, the guy hasn't clearly asked you out he might just be making small talk why is it that if a guy talks to a woman it is immediately assumed that he's flirting with her and hitting on her maybe the guy just being friendly?Because I'm not an idiot and can read signs. I didn't include them in my post because I didn't think it necessary, but since you're an ******* I'll spell it out for you. He sends me good morning and good night texts, he asks me how I'm doing, what I'm doing, what I'm watching, where I'm going, etc. He's told me many times that I look very nice in my pictures, asked me my religious persuasions because it's "so hard to find someone to date with the same beliefs." He said we should see a show sometime, invited me to the park with him, sent me a drop box upload of his favorite band's latest album, sent me a "sobbing" gif when I said I wasn't going to the rookie game that happened last weekend. He sent me 3 messages yesterday (just one liners) but I didn't answer until today I mentioned that I had 4th plans with my friend John. His only reply was "who is John?" There's so much more, it's just obvious. I'm not over complicating it or seeing things that aren't there. I never assume someone is into me without oodles of evidence.
angel.eyes Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 You're overthinking this! You aren't leading him on. Leading him on would be him asking for a date and you agreeing but forever delaying, or saying you're too busy right now but maybe next week, knowing full well you have no intention of ever dating him. That's not what's happening here. He hasn't asked you for a date. It's a little presumptuous to assume that he must. Maybe he's just looking to be friends since you're both loyal supporters of this team and none of his friends go to their games or have any interest in the team. You say it's clear from your FB page that you're gay. Even IF he truly were oblivious, IF he were to ask you out, just say, "You're a great guy, but I'm gay. No." How is that hurtful? How is that wasting his time? He asked you a question. You responded immediately and gave him a definitive answer. If he then confesses that he's secretly liked you for two years or whenever you first started attending these games? Well, that's on him for not getting to the point sooner. He wasted his own time. He's responsible for stringing himself along for two years in such a scenario. 1
preraph Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Because I'm not an idiot and can read signs. I didn't include them in my post because I didn't think it necessary, but since you're an ******* I'll spell it out for you. He sends me good morning and good night texts, he asks me how I'm doing, what I'm doing, what I'm watching, where I'm going, etc. He's told me many times that I look very nice in my pictures, asked me my religious persuasions because it's "so hard to find someone to date with the same beliefs." He said we should see a show sometime, invited me to the park with him, sent me a drop box upload of his favorite band's latest album, sent me a "sobbing" gif when I said I wasn't going to the rookie game that happened last weekend. He sent me 3 messages yesterday (just one liners) but I didn't answer until today I mentioned that I had 4th plans with my friend John. His only reply was "who is John?" There's so much more, it's just obvious. I'm not over complicating it or seeing things that aren't there. I never assume someone is into me without oodles of evidence. I agree. Most women can tell when a guy is leading up to something. I mean, for starters, most guys don't try that hard to just befriend a woman. It's not that hard reading these signs. They're pretty blatant. I think it's wise and also humane of you to head this off at the pass because the longer someone stays invested, the harder it is on them to let it go.
Purepony Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 (edited) Because I'm not an idiot and can read signs. I didn't include them in my post because I didn't think it necessary, but since you're an ******* I'll spell it out for you. He sends me good morning and good night texts, he asks me how I'm doing, what I'm doing, what I'm watching, where I'm going, etc. He's told me many times that I look very nice in my pictures, asked me my religious persuasions because it's "so hard to find someone to date with the same beliefs." He said we should see a show sometime, invited me to the park with him, sent me a drop box upload of his favorite band's latest album, sent me a "sobbing" gif when I said I wasn't going to the rookie game that happened last weekend. He sent me 3 messages yesterday (just one liners) but I didn't answer until today I mentioned that I had 4th plans with my friend John. His only reply was "who is John?" There's so much more, it's just obvious. I'm not over complicating it or seeing things that aren't there. I never assume someone is into me without oodles of evidence. Then be an adult and put a stop to this ! You should have stopped this a long time ago remember it was obvious right ? Need to set a better boundaries because Innoway I do think you let a man if he was texting you and talking you about random stuff you should've brought it up earlier instead Waiting this long and they're making it seem like you're the one with the problem! At the end of the day he still has not asked you out so I still think you're jumping into conclusions flirting with someone is one thing but asking you out on a date is another ?! Maybe once you figure out the difference you can find a solution to your dilemma Edited July 5, 2017 by Purepony
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