Zanth Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Hi, I just would like to share and ask something. I thought I was doing pretty well moving on from a breakup...but today is bad. Ever since I woke up I cannot stop thinking about my ex... seemingly out of the blue. The only reason I can find for today is that I have slept very little over the last 3 days... I think little sleep may make one vulnerable for old wounds ripping open all of a sudden. Anyone have other situations when suddenly without any reasonable explanation one is "thrown back"?
Spartakooty Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Anyone have other situations when suddenly without any reasonable explanation one is "thrown back"? Totally normal. I still wake up thinking about her. Now it's turning into more of a self reflection than pining over rejection. Been over 2 months since my breakup and yesterday was kindof a bad day. Comes and goes but gets easier. 1
whatnot Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Over a year ago...our 7 year relationship ended. I rode my motorcycle to the mountains a few weeks back. Standing by the river, imagining us playing on the rocks....it came back with a fury of painful feeling and grief. This may not be the case with you. How important the relationship was to you, time together, how it ended...etc...many factors can play into the dynamics of the way out of a breakup. I think you'll be fine. 2
lonelyplanetmoon Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I was just going to post about this very same question. I am about 1 month BU. I am much better these days than before. Most of the time I am ok with the split but then wham! I feel like these feelings of fear and loneliness just come out of nowhere and I have such anxiety over it. But then it seems to pass. The feelings may hang around for a bit but then they pass. This is normal at this stage? The weird thing is I am fairly independent so I just don't know where the fear of the unknown comes from. Anyone have advice on what to do when these attacks happen?
Spartakooty Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Everything you say is par for the course. The only way around is through. Sounds like you're coping pretty well tho. I was giving a live presentation about a month and a half ago, the wave hit and I nearly forgot was I was talking about and burst into tears!! Lol! I got through it. 1
lonelyplanetmoon Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Everything you say is par for the course. The only way around is through. Sounds like you're coping pretty well tho. I was giving a live presentation about a month and a half ago, the wave hit and I nearly forgot was I was talking about and burst into tears!! Lol! I got through it. Thanks for the encouragement. The surprise element of it is unsettling but I guess that is life. It is great you can laugh about it now. I would be so mortified.
fieldoflavender Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Sigh I hate the triggers. Some are predictable, others you end up just telling way too much to people and then they feel sorry for you. I feel like I'm withdrawing because I don't want to talk about it. I forget about all the other great things going on in my life that I can't enjoy because I feel everyone is judging me for this failure.
lonelyplanetmoon Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Sigh I hate the triggers. Some are predictable, others you end up just telling way too much to people and then they feel sorry for you. I feel like I'm withdrawing because I don't want to talk about it. I forget about all the other great things going on in my life that I can't enjoy because I feel everyone is judging me for this failure. Do you think people are really judging you? Or is it something you may be imagining? If you are lucky enough to still want to do things and enjoy doing things then I don't think you should let anything stop you. Just go and do them and enjoy yourself. Who cares what others think?
Gillys Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Sigh I hate the triggers. Some are predictable, others you end up just telling way too much to people and then they feel sorry for you. I feel like I'm withdrawing because I don't want to talk about it. I forget about all the other great things going on in my life that I can't enjoy because I feel everyone is judging me for this failure. I feel the exact same way. My ex moved away but we shared a lot of mutual friends...thus the triggers can be numerous and unpredictable. I felt like my friends began to feel sorry for me last year due to my unhappiness so I started to withdraw. 1. To avoid triggers and 2. To avoid the pity party 1
fieldoflavender Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 And the other thing is for those with significant others and even those who are single - they get annoyed of your sob stories. It's a huge deal to you but other people just want to move on with their lives and talk about their new boyfriend, trips, work blah blah blah. So I feel like I'm losing connections with all of them. I'm going to try to make new friends who have no idea of my history and won't judge me based on that. I'm glad I started a bunch of new jobs and no one will trigger me there. I mean there will always be a trigger here and there, but nowhere near as bad as with the existing crowd.
fieldoflavender Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Do you think people are really judging you? Or is it something you may be imagining? If you are lucky enough to still want to do things and enjoy doing things then I don't think you should let anything stop you. Just go and do them and enjoy yourself. Who cares what others think? I'm pretty sure they are - I work in a very judgemental field and I know a lot of people do that. But I mean, what can I do - grow a thicker skin. It was easier right during the break-up because I literally had no choice but get through it. Now all of it is hitting me and I'm so embarrassed and feel like such a failure. Sigh. I still want to do things, not sure about with anyone else at this point, but definitely still want to do things. I just wish this pain would go away. Time.
frigginlost Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Almost a year and a half out, and I still get triggers. At times the pain is if it happened yesterday. Guess what? It's normal. The good news? You're healing properly. We could have done it different and jumped into a new relationship, but the baggage we would bring would have caused big issues... 1
Author Zanth Posted August 2, 2017 Author Posted August 2, 2017 Today was a bad day... After a few weeks of relatively easy coping, this morning it all flooded back into my heart. The girl that left is exposing everything she can to be as close as she can with her new BF (LDR). The floor just gave way and I have been off balance even now it is evening. Some peace of mind would be so welcome. The strangest thing...I know about my attachment style, that it was never as big for her as it was for me or that it even would have worked...because I know it never would've. Still my heart overtakes my common sense and goes on this rollercoaster... it just sucks.
Amas5750 Posted August 2, 2017 Posted August 2, 2017 Woke up ok. No huge physical pain. Just confusion (ive had so many failed relationships but im a good person). And some pain. Hopefully being out of the house will feel better. Usually does.
Rogo Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 Been almost 2 weeks NC. After an almost 2 year relationship that she ended out of the blue and it was via text. So hard still. Been making myself go for walks and stuff. But just think of her the whole time. Friends keep my busy but I feel like a shell. I'm with them but my mind is not. Can't even watch a movie or tv. Need it to end. Have been on holidays. Maybe work will make it better. Just wondering if 2 weeks is normal to still feel like this
Littlebird95 Posted August 3, 2017 Posted August 3, 2017 It happens to all of us I guess. She broke up with me 4 months and a half ago, have not talk at all since 4 months. I can say i was doing pretty good for the last 3 months. About 2 weeks ago, without any specific reason, I started to feel like crap. I started to miss her, miss our memories, our relation. Nothing triggered it, just out of the blue and since that, I havent fully recover. Few times a day, her name will just pop out in my head and ruin my day. I have no clue how to deal with this and what it does really means.
Author Zanth Posted August 4, 2017 Author Posted August 4, 2017 Well... I only today found out she is already married with her new BF...we only broke up 2,5 months ago!
Jsos91 Posted August 4, 2017 Posted August 4, 2017 Today was a bad one for me. Our wedding was supposed to be two weeks from tomorrow and I moved stuff into an apartment we picked out together. It also doesn't help that I can see our wedding venue from the intersection by my apartment. So now I'm here, alone on a Friday night and feeling pretty ****ty... I'm also aware that tomorrow is a new day and I'll probably feel better when I wake up. I feel fine most days and my friends and family are always there when I need them but thoughts creep in and I get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've learned to just go with the flow and take it all as it comes. Oh thank god my buddy just messaged me and what's to play NHL on PlayStation lol... cheers to distractions! 1
lonelyplanetmoon Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 First 2 weeks are the absolute hardest. Even week 3 and 4 are rocky but not as bad. After 30 days the constant pain goes away but then it is full of ups and downs / roller coaster / triggers etc. I still tear up a little every day as I am headed to work. It does get better with time. 1
lonelyplanetmoon Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 Well... I only today found out she is already married with her new BF...we only broke up 2,5 months ago! It will keep hurting you if you still keep in contact/look at FB/do things to find things out about her etc. Personally i have found the less I know the better I feel. Focus on yourself, your healing and growth and resist all temptation to find out anything about her. 1
Author Zanth Posted August 5, 2017 Author Posted August 5, 2017 I have noticed that the heartbreak became significantly less (almost gone) after I heard she was married. There is something definite about it (like death) that there simply is no hope of return...it is final! And that brings comfort. What also helped was that I was afraid that she would have been pregnant with me since she married another guy straight away and moved far away... I contacted her and now know that simply is not the case. The context of that particular problem was soooo big that it completely overshadowed my heartbreak over her and I saw myself in battle with her over a child in the coming 15 years...while she would be raising my child in a foreign land with a foreign dad knowing how messed up she really is... I find myself so at ease now I heard that that all isn't the case that the heartbreak has almost completely gone.... in my experience heartbreak vanishes when real actual very important and changing things happen in one's life. Although it was good talking to her and wish her well and asking if she was pregnant...the complete coldness and uninterest in me was incredibly obvious...that also made me realize that I have been waisting my time crying over spilt milk... it is what it is...she has moved on the day we seperated and never looked back (doesn't mean she will one day) and me keeping the heartbreak is selfdestructive and foolish. I feel a lot better now.
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