Can I win her back, or is all lost?

[HansVan]

I will ask the question straight up so it can be considered as you’re reading.

 

Is there a chance to win her back?

 

I was a boring middle aged guy in my mid 30’s. I was married, it didn’t work out, two boring people leads to a boring life. We are better off apart.

 

I’ve been dating a younger girl (mid 20's) for just under two years. We are total opposites. She is wild. She makes me push my boundaries. I’ve done things I’d never thought that I would do. Travelled to weird and wonderful places, eaten things that I’m not sure humans should eat, and yes, the sex is out of this world. I discovered there are rooms other than the bedroom and positions other than missionary.

 

I love her for what she has done for me and only hoped that I could in some small way measure up and hope that she felt the same.

 

So that leads me to the incident where I ruined this whole thing. I’m not going to spell it out in graphic detail because I’m sure people don’t want to hear it but I’ll do my best to paint a picture without being crude.

 

We’re in bed, latex sheets because of full body oil massage. That’s not unusual. She wants me to tie her up, I do, we have fun. She wants to tie me up, she does, I’m blindfolded, she stands over me and urinates on me. I admit I lost it. I actually chipped a bone in my wrist struggling to rip the cuffs off, I broke the post of the bed, I still have a plaster cast on my wrist. I called her all sorts of names, really inappropriate ones, and left. I never touched her physically.

 

Now that I’ve had time to think about it I’m not so disgusted anymore. I still don’t like that I wasn’t given an opportunity to say yes or no, but given the amount of times I would have said no and she ‘forced’ me to continue I can somewhat see where she was coming from. I mean I ate a deep fried tarantula in Cambodia for pete’s sake because she wouldn’t let me say no. Heck we even went to Australia for the Maslin Beach Nude Games. I said no 1000 times before she got me outside naked. I don’t regret it at all.

 

So I have apologized in person, by text, by email. I’ve sent flowers. I’ve expressed my sorrow and begged for another shot. She will not give me the time of day. She says that no-one ever speaks to her like that. It’s been 3 weeks now, she wont budge. She has apologized for not giving me the chance to say no but also says she knew (not thought!) that I’d be up for it.

 

So is there a chance I could win her back somehow?

[Chilli]

l just wish people would stop telling total strangers all over the world about their damn sex life.

Anyway , on the problem itself , it doesn't sound too positive admittedly , but hey , ya can keep trying until your convinced, who needs pride anyway.

She might come round , personally l doubt it though.

But sometimes when something really sh@tty, or as in this case, pissy haha, happens it just snaps something between the two and there's no goin back for some, thinkin she might be one of those.

[coolheadal]

Really are you serious.. Why would you consider her to come back to you. Your not up to speed with her. You could have fun but the peeing part I would never have done. The shame in that.. You allowed her to make you look silly. You gave her control over you life you let her cuff you to the bed pole. She has some mental issue there one off deep end. Your lucky no one knows about this except for us here. But in your case try to get your confidence back and go and look for someone who doesn't pull this nonsense on you. You ate what and you did what. Man takes guts but at what price. You cursed her out and she'll never go back with you at all she's done. Move on.. Grow some and get your crap back together. What we men have to deal with and you shown it big time here!

Edited July 5, 2017 by coolheadal

[HansVan]

But sometimes when something really sh@tty, or as in this case, pissy haha, happens

 

Yeah, haha.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well, that wasn't graphic at all!

 

Also, they make latex sheets??

[HansVan]

You allowed her to make you look silly. You gave her control over you life you let her cuff you to the bed pole.

 

Is that really a big deal? I think it shows trust in the other person. Ok maybe it was misplaced in this case but I was not to know that. And she did let me cuff her first.

 

But in your case try to get your confidence back and go and look for someone who doesn't pull this nonsense on you.

 

That's the thing, I'm not sure I can, nor am I sure I want to. I can't undo what has happened and to be honest I have enjoyed pretty much all of it. I think I'm hooked for good, even if I have to move on without her.

[HansVan]

Well, that wasn't graphic at all!

 

Yeah, sorry. I wasn't sure how to say it without being too graphic but still having people understand what exactly happened.

 

In my first draft I just said it was an unwanted sex act, but that hardly did it justice.

[Divasu]

Oh bologna!

 

You are not solely to blame.

 

This isn't like "surprise honey, here comes some whipped cream".

 

Sure, shouting obscenities (and thus injuring yourself physically in the process) probably shocked her.

 

I can't say if I were in your shoes I would have acted differently.

I mean, I guess it depends. If it was a RL with the person for a few years, I would just be like, what the h*ll?

[knabe]

Um...I'm pretty open minded, but there are some things you don't do without permission or a conversation.

 

I think you dodged a bullet., She seems to have no regard for your boundaries or comfort, only what she wants.

[olivetree]

Since this was an outburst type of situation, not a loss of love, etc., I do think there is a chance she might come around if you give her some space and a chance to miss you.

 

I don't really see this as a deal breaker on either end, but that's just me.

[d0nnivain]

Sadly for you I think she's more closed minded then she appears.

 

 

Calling her names was definitely a problem but under the circumstances with the shock & especially because you broke your own arm & the bed to make it stop she should have been more understanding when you apologized.

 

 

Things are a one way street with her -- her way or no way. She doesn't take no for an answer. That is not good. There's no compromise. You eventually give in & do all sorts of things not to lose her. For the most part you are happy & glad you did them but apparently 'watersports' are a bridge too far for you.

 

 

I suspect that this girl would eventually get bored of you once she's pushed all your boundaries. When she realized here that you do have a mind of your own & she couldn't manipulate you in all things, she pouted & disappeared. Sorry but she doesn't sound like relationship material.

[HansVan]

Just to close this off. She agreed to met and we went out for dinner. She says she still has feelings but my words cut deeply and they can't be taken back so it's over. It hurts, but I accept that, not that I have a choice anyway. Then we leave, have sex in her car in the carpark. She's just playing with me. I have to stay away or I'll get used up (and probably spat out) by her.

 

Just got to find myself someone with a wild/kinky streak. Not sure i can do, or want to do, what I used to consider normal.

 

Minus the watersports of course.

[lurker74]

No, you probably can't get it back. I'll relate my story that applies, albeit without the watersports. Married, growing apart, wife and I eventually go to marriage counseling to try to save things. At some point, she talks about accidentally finding my porn stash on my computer (we had sex less than 5 times a year to porn was necessary) and tells the counselor that she thinks I'm perverted.

 

First of all, I'm not. The porn was no different than any normal guy's stash - no animals, no peeing...just sex and stuff.

 

But I could never unhear her saying I'm a pervert. When we would try to have sex weeks later, I couldn't get past it and it affected my performance if you know what I mean.

 

We're divorced now and though I will always love her in some ways because she is the mother of my children, once I heard that I could never get back to where we were.

 

Your ex GF should NOT have peed on you without a prior discussion and honestly, if I had to assign blame, it would be to her. But that doesn't mean you can get it back because you wounded her in a way that will never fully heal.

 

But if you want to try, you have to basically go all the way in the other direction. Tell her you can't stop thinking about it and how you want her to do it again. But if you don't want that, it probably will not work.