Jsos91 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Hey guys I just need opinions on something, My ex fiancée and I broke up a little over a month ago. After two weeks she wanted to get together and talk but I turned her down because I was still too hurt about everything. The last bit I've been going back and forth on wether I want to talk to her or not and if it would be good for me. She's leaving for 6 weeks on a school placement to Sri Lanka and I don't know if I'm kind of panicking and feeling like I want to talk to her before she leaves. It's not that I'm hoping to reconcile or that I hope she wants me back, I just haven't been able to express myself about everything and really tell her how I feel about the breakup and I feel like once she's gone to Sri Lanka, that's it and it'll be too late. I just want to know if I should have this conversation with her or just let it lie and keep everything I've wanted to say to her inside.
Author Jsos91 Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 My thread about our breakup is posted earlier but long story short, she started a new school program in the city while we were living with my parents. She became pretty unhappy and ended up telling me that she was having doubts about marrying me and she ended things. She also said that she had a crush on someone in her program which didn't help things. She contacted me a couple weeks later (there's another thread about that too). She basically told me she missed me, everything happened so fast, she barely knew what she was doing and what not.
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 As your former FI, I expect you have more to untangle then when a BF/GF break up. Has all the stuff been returned? Did you cancel all the wedding plans? If you have open business, then you need to communicate. She may be young & have a bad case of G.I.G.S. which made her panic especially when coupled with the stress of school. I'd hear her out but if she's not on a reconciliation path, make this the last time you speak.
whatnot Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I think your panicking that her leaving is the nail in the coffin. She broke you with you. Anything short of going to assuage her guilt will leave you hurt more and not give you the closure you may be seeking. If you go with ANY expectations other than to let her know she shouldn't feel guilty and you understand her actions, and you're good with leaving it at that and never seeing her again....if you have more agenda than that...do not go. It will not do what you're hoping for (ie....closure, etc) 1
usa1ah Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Just let her go J. That is the best you can do right now. She knows you loved/love her. No need the try and set things right, because you can't. She is the one that broke it off not you. I read the other post already, stay nc unless she shows up in your door step, which is unlikely considering. 1
Been Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 Why do you want to talk to her when she didn't want to be with you any longer and on top of that told you she had a crush on someone! To top it off she then all of the sudden missed you but in esense that's because the grass turned out to not be greener on the otherside. You remaining silent speaks more volumes then you trying to explain your feelings to someone who already knew how you felt and didn't care. 2
GeekLover Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 Why do you want to talk to her when she didn't want to be with you any longer and on top of that told you she had a crush on someone! To top it off she then all of the sudden missed you but in esense that's because the grass turned out to not be greener on the otherside. You remaining silent speaks more volumes then you trying to explain your feelings to someone who already knew how you felt and didn't care. THIS! Right here. There's something about this line that should motivate you to stay on the path you're on right now and let her go. I felt the same way. I'm now going on 8 months NC without ever getting those answers from him and without ever saying my peace. You know what? I found the answers within myself, which has propelled me forward significantly and has shown me the path to take to find my own closure. I just don't care about saying what I wanted to say anymore. I'm so happy I can say I got to this point on my own. Everyone on here always says, "You won't get the answers from him/her...nothing he/she says will help, they will just create more questions...you have to find closure within yourself...etc". This is all SO true. I didn't believe it back then...even maybe 3 or 4 months ago... It's amazing the clarity that comes with time. 2
Redhead14 Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 Any sound/reasonable person has the ability to empathize. They understand how all this would make another person feel. She knows it hurts. She's probably hurting too. Closure comes from acceptance. You can write your feelings here or keep a journal. But hashing it over with her isn't likely to give you the results you want/need.
fieldoflavender Posted July 8, 2017 Posted July 8, 2017 Would you guys apologize if you felt you were in the wrong on some stuff? Even if you were never going to be together again? I guess that's where the only part would be somewhat helpful - if he at least would apologize to me. Of course he wasn't all in the wrong, but at least take ownership of the stuff he did that was hurtful. But you're all right. Closure comes within. If the person wanted to apologize, they would have done so a long time ago. And everyone's personality is different. I can apologize even if I get nothing out of it - if I was wrong, I can do it. But not everyone can. And that's unfortunate, but what can you do.
Seth0194 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 No, write it in a journal, speak it out loud while you write it. Then when you are done burn it. Set yourself free.
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