He lost interest after we slept together

[catgirl1]

So I had two dates with a guy I met online. The first date was great, and he texted me every day after. He kissed me a bit, and told me he doesn't usually get physical with just anyone but he was really attracted to me, that he was ultimately looking for a girlfriend, etc. I went over four days later and stayed the night. I wasn't feeling very well by the end of the night, and was quiet, which he commented on. The next day, he told me he was glad I came over, and I told him why I was so quiet the night before. We had made verbal tentative plans for tonight, and when I texted him on Monday to check in and see if we were still on, he gave an excuse of having to move furniture. This is very different from the "I would love to!" or "You should come have dinner with me" responses I had been getting before. He also hadnt been texting me. So I was blunt and asked if he was still interested. He replied back with "Honestly I'm not sure" and "I didn't feel any type of connection last time...you seemed bored and disinterested". I explained again that I wasn't, that I simply wasn't feeling well, was not myself at all and that was why. I told him if he wanted to give it another try I would love to, if not I will respect it, just let me know. He replied with "ok then its a no"

 

This really hurt because I thought he really liked me and I was starting to really like him. Did I get played, was he just pouring on the attention and saying all of those things to get me in bed, is he just a jerk who is being insensitive to the fact that I didn't feel well and wasn't myself? Hugs and reassurances would be nice.

[coolheadal]

So I had two dates with a guy I met online. The first date was great, and he texted me every day after. He kissed me a bit, and told me he doesn't usually get physical with just anyone but he was really attracted to me, that he was ultimately looking for a girlfriend, etc. I went over four days later and stayed the night. I wasn't feeling very well by the end of the night, and was quiet, which he commented on. The next day, he told me he was glad I came over, and I told him why I was so quiet the night before. We had made verbal tentative plans for tonight, and when I texted him on Monday to check in and see if we were still on, he gave an excuse of having to move furniture. This is very different from the "I would love to!" or "You should come have dinner with me" responses I had been getting before. He also hadnt been texting me. So I was blunt and asked if he was still interested. He replied back with "Honestly I'm not sure" and "I didn't feel any type of connection last time...you seemed bored and disinterested". I explained again that I wasn't, that I simply wasn't feeling well, was not myself at all and that was why. I told him if he wanted to give it another try I would love to, if not I will respect it, just let me know. He replied with "ok then its a no"

 

This really hurt because I thought he really liked me and I was starting to really like him. Did I get played, was he just pouring on the attention and saying all of those things to get me in bed, is he just a jerk who is being insensitive to the fact that I didn't feel well and wasn't myself? Hugs and reassurances would be nice.

 

Did you tell him that day you wasn't feeling so good? If you did then he's a jerk now for acting like he is. If you didn't he's giving you the brush off. Frankly my dear your should feel lucky to know this guy isn't isn't good for you anyway. Please forget him and move on and find another guy who's really into you and not always about jumping into bed. Look for Healthy Ego Guy those are the confidence, learner, go geter and the one that will treat and respect you in the morning. Don't settle for the crap you got from this jerk. He's just about sex and you didn't give it to him so he just dump you like he did. Sorry that happens. OLD = online dating is change so just watch who you pick and make sure they won't do this to you. To find out ask if you were sick would how would you treat things with me?

[mikeylo]

Did I get played, was he just pouring on the attention and saying all of those things to get me in bed, is he just a jerk

 

Probably yes.

[CptInsano]

Yeah, while it is possible to have sex that you wish never to repeat, it is something that would likely have been obvious right then and there. I also think he just wanted to have sex with you.

[stillafool]

I don't understand why if you weren't feeling well you would go over to his house and have sex with him. Why didn't you stay home and take care of yourself. If you weren't feeling well the sex probably wasn't very good for him. Well now you know he doesn't want more and no he isn't a jerk as he was honest with the way he felt. As far as him just wanting to have sex with you I think it was a mutual decision. You seemed as anxious to have sex with him as he was with you that's why you went over there and did it.

Edited July 5, 2017 by stillafool

[salparadise]

Did I get played, was he just pouring on the attention and saying all of those things to get me in bed, is he just a jerk who is being insensitive to the fact that I didn't feel well and wasn't myself? Hugs and reassurances would be nice.

 

Did you get played? Nope, you got rejected... after giving it up on the second date. Did you think that the sex meant that you automatically had rights of first refusal?

 

What's with the going quiet on him after sex? Were you physically ill, or did you mean you were having some sort of shame or emotional issues?

 

Maybe you've not yet learned the basics... many guys are looking for low-hanging fruit. And a lot who aren't looking will still pluck it if it's easy, and they won't feel the least bit obliged to give you whatever it is you want afterward. This is just they way things are, which is separate from how you feel things should be.

 

So if you're not okay with a casual romp, don't be the low-hanging fruit.

[divegrl]

HUGS my friend.

 

HIS loss! Chin up. Onto the next one!!!!!

[Justanaverageguy]

Did I get played, was he just pouring on the attention and saying all of those things to get me in bed, is he just a jerk who is being insensitive to the fact that I didn't feel well and wasn't myself? Hugs and reassurances would be nice.

 

No you did not get played - courtship and attraction has many factors if your looking for something more serious. I could give you hugs and reassurance about what happened ..... but then you might end up back in the same position so instead I'll offer hugs and some pretty straight advice so next time things hopefully go differently.

 

Many men - particularly with online dating - might actually be looking for a long term girlfriend but as said above if they get easy sex they will take it and they tend to view these buckets separate. That is not to say the men aren't initially attracted to a girl and considering her as a long term girlfriend option ...... but often if a girl gives it up on the first date or two a natural thing happens. The guy loses interest. This is not his initial plan - its his reaction to what happened. It is biologically hard wired into men - things that are easy to obtain are not highly valued. This is why people pay loads of money for gold or diamonds ... because they are rare and hard to find. The exact same thing applies to women. Men want a woman of value - and part of her value is linked to the way the courtship unfolds.

 

Men can - and will - try to have sex early in the courtship process ..... but giving it up too soon is often a sure fire way to kill the attraction and interest he had in you. So you need to go in with your eyes open understanding the part you directly play in the attraction process and how a man views you. If your looking to build something more serious then the courtship generally needs to reflect that in order for the man to consider you that way.

Edited July 5, 2017 by Justanaverageguy

[d0nnivain]

{hugs} The best & only reassurance I can give you is that you will live to love again.

 

 

He probably just said what he needed to say to get you into bed. Sorry. I tell you that, not to make you feel bad but to inform you so you know what to look for to prevent this in the future. A person who truly cares proves it by their actions -- by sticking around & getting to know you before falling into bed.

 

 

Hang in there.

[thefooloftheyear]

There seems to be this type of "push-pull" with women and early sex...Little too much complaining about something that anyone would know could easily happen....Either own it and accept the potential pitfalls of it, or just don't do it...I'm not a woman, but certainly if a LTR was the goal, then id make the guy show me he's really interested in the same, before handing him the goods..

 

I don't know where the thinking came about that a guy will immediately bolt if a woman doesn't put out right away.......I can't speak for every guy out there, but most of us actually appreciate that type of vigilance, patience, and discriminatory type of attitude...It shows character in a woman..

 

Hang in there..

 

TFY