Brwniyedlady Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Good Morning All, Last thursday, I met up with this guy lets call him Dane. We met up at a bar for some drink and met through Bumble. Prior to this engagement, he wasn't a very heavy texter; meaning that he would text but it would take him a little while to respond sometimes. During our date I mentioned how I didn't think he was that interested due to his texting style, and he basically told me that he gets super busy. So after drinks, we sit out in this field situation overlooking the city skyline. I was laying down in the grass and he leaned over to kiss me. He told me that he doesn't ghost girls, and that he wouldn't definitely not kiss one if he didn't feel like he was interested. So after the date he did text me mentioning a band we talked about. We did make plans to hang out again this past Monday. But I didn't hear from him all Sunday, and texted/call to confirm our date on Monday. Which this is how our conversation went: Me: hey are we still on for tonight? I'm not sure if a show would be a good idea due to me losing my voice Him: Hey! I might have to pass tonight. My brother is passing through town and we're going to try to get together. I can let you know when we're done if you'd like to still try to hang over afterwards? Me: No that's cool. Thanks for responding back. You can be honest though, are you not interested anymore? I don't want to waste anyones time. Him: Still interested, that's why we're talking! I will not ghost you either, I will let you know if I'm not feeling it. But I'm leaving until the 14th so if you don't want to wait around either that's no biggie. Me: Ok just checking , Sorry I don't mean to come off as abrasive, but I guess it would've been cool to have been given a heads up - that's all. Him: I was think the same thing, had no idea he was coming through. Haven't seen him in a year - my bad. I don't know I guess with every guy I've dated, we would communicate daily almost everyday. If they texted or communicated that let me know that they were interested. I have had guys who really did have something come up on the day of our dates - they would send me screenshots of their texting messaging proving it. Just wondering how to proceed I know it's only one date so am I expecting too much? I do have other dates lined up, but really like this one. Looking forward to the feedback
divegrl Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 " I'm leaving until the 14th, so if you don't want to wait around either that's no biggie". He is not interested. Hugs my friend!!!! 4
angel.eyes Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Agree with the others. DELETE. BLOCK. IGNORE. He's not interested, but will string you along and waste your time as long as you allow it. Right now, you're on the back burner in limbo while he basically ghosts on you. Here are some clues, in case you're wondering: "I don't ghost": What a weird thing to bring up on a first date! Did you specifically ask him if he had ever ghosted someone, or did he volunteer this information? What I discovered early on in my OLD experience, is guys who claim to not do XYZ, are precisely the guys who do XYZ. In your case that would be ghosting you. Minimal texting that plummeted post date. Weekday dates only: Your dates were Thursday and Monday. You were never a high priority. Whoever he was excited about got Friday/Saturday. After suggesting Monday to you, a more exciting date option came up for Monday, so he's going with that. I'll be available in ten days : This after basically planning to stand you up/ghost you, if you hadn't reached out to him the day of your never happened second date. (He cancelled when you finally contacted him to confirm) Welcome to the back burner. Keeping things open-ended, allows him time to see if the options he's more excited about will pan out. If nothing does, and nothing better comes along during this time, then maybe he might contact you with some flimsy excuse. That could be ten days. It could be three months. It could be never. Who needs this? Delete, block, ignore. 4
Sara1989 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 " I'm leaving until the 14th, so if you don't want to wait around either that's no biggie". He is not interested. Hugs my friend!!!! Yep this. I would blocked him at this point. Next.
Gaeta Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 You need to grow into a confident woman that does not give a heck and stop asking men if they are interested after only meeting them once! You don't know this man so who cares if he is interested or ghosting you. Just do your thing, you go to a date and if the guy calls back good, if he ghost than good too - he's not good enough anyway. Let me share a little secret with you. When a man comes forward and says things like: I don't ghost, I don't lie, I don't mislead = They do. It's just sand to your eyes. A normal person does not feel the need to announce they're honest. They just are. This man in not interested. There is no such a thing as being too busy to send a text or pick up a call. He had no intention on going to that Monday date and had no intention of warning you ahead of time. Block and delete. 5
angel.eyes Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 You need to grow into a confident woman that does not give a heck and stop asking men if they are interested after only meeting them once! Please re-read this. A guy's actions and choices will tell you everything you need to know about his level of interest. There is no need to seek reassurance or affirmation of his intentions. Ignore the words and charm and focus on what he does, especially when there is a disconnect. 3
Imajerk17 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 (edited) I don't like to diagnose people over the internet. That said, this guy sounds both rude AND passive-aggressive. You know those people who have to say outright how they are such Good People (and they really aren't) instead of letting their actions do the talking about how they live by integrity. Yeah. Cancelling plans w you the day of just to hang out with his brother is pretty rude on his part, cancelling plans w you the day of after you checked in to see what was up (which is what happened) is even ruder on his part. This after telling you explicitly that he doesn't ghost on your date before, well that's just the cherry on top. Edited July 5, 2017 by Imajerk17 1
coolheadal Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Good Morning All, Last thursday, I met up with this guy lets call him Dane. We met up at a bar for some drink and met through Bumble. Prior to this engagement, he wasn't a very heavy texter; meaning that he would text but it would take him a little while to respond sometimes. During our date I mentioned how I didn't think he was that interested due to his texting style, and he basically told me that he gets super busy. So after drinks, we sit out in this field situation overlooking the city skyline. I was laying down in the grass and he leaned over to kiss me. He told me that he doesn't ghost girls, and that he wouldn't definitely not kiss one if he didn't feel like he was interested. So after the date he did text me mentioning a band we talked about. We did make plans to hang out again this past Monday. But I didn't hear from him all Sunday, and texted/call to confirm our date on Monday. Which this is how our conversation went: Me: hey are we still on for tonight? I'm not sure if a show would be a good idea due to me losing my voice Him: Hey! I might have to pass tonight. My brother is passing through town and we're going to try to get together. I can let you know when we're done if you'd like to still try to hang over afterwards? Me: No that's cool. Thanks for responding back. You can be honest though, are you not interested anymore? I don't want to waste anyones time. Him: Still interested, that's why we're talking! I will not ghost you either, I will let you know if I'm not feeling it. But I'm leaving until the 14th so if you don't want to wait around either that's no biggie. Me: Ok just checking , Sorry I don't mean to come off as abrasive, but I guess it would've been cool to have been given a heads up - that's all. Him: I was think the same thing, had no idea he was coming through. Haven't seen him in a year - my bad. I don't know I guess with every guy I've dated, we would communicate daily almost everyday. If they texted or communicated that let me know that they were interested. I have had guys who really did have something come up on the day of our dates - they would send me screenshots of their texting messaging proving it. Just wondering how to proceed I know it's only one date so am I expecting too much? I do have other dates lined up, but really like this one. Looking forward to the feedback These men are not looking for a relationship. They are just looking for quick sex and move on to the next. You my like him but you shouldn't have contacted him again. Now he's told you not interested in you still you push it. Why are these men just looking for one night fling. Is that what you want. The app your using i just like Tinder. Drop the panties and run dates. You already have guys lined up so call out the next number and hopefully you end up with your stud! Current stud just rejected you, let see how the next one works out I am sure the second one is not even better than this guy. What do you want quick sex or just something different. Go ask yourself that when you find out then you get rid of the men in the current line-up and find a real man to have a serious relationship with. You do not even want that so you have to deal with these jerks you have now. Just on repeat cycle, never going to end! Until you step up to the plate and change your life!
Author Brwniyedlady Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 Hi All, Thank you for your input. For those yelling at me for contacting him after our date, he contacted me first. He asked me if I made it home after our date, and then communicated with me again afterwards during lunch time. I didn't initiate anything post date until Monday. The reason why it was a weekday day date was because he's a firefighter and his schedule is different every week. He offered a Thursday and Friday date, but I already had Friday plans so we hung out Thursday. For those saying he said he wasn't interested - he said that he was interested. During the date and obviously afterwards. But nonetheless, you guys are right bailing on the day of the date wasn't cool, and it's obvious our communication skills don't match up. I gave him a easy way out, if he truly doesn't ghost I wish he would just say he's not interested ESP since I gave him a easy way out.
hippychick3 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Never ask a man if he is interested in you. The mere asking about his interest level is a turn-off in and of itself. Men like confident women. Don't forget that you are evaluating whether or not he is a good fit for you just as much as he is evaluating you. You have just as much power. If a man is not showing enough interest in you through his actions, you have the power to say "next" which is exactly what you should do in this situation. 3
angel.eyes Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I didn't see anyone yelling at you or giving you a hard time about calling him first, but maybe I missed it. Anyway... For those saying he said he wasn't interested - he said that he was interested. Men (and women) say lots of things. Words are cheap. What do his actions tell you? If you hadn't called on Monday, the day of your date, what do you think would have happened? Is this a man trying to put his best foot forward? Or a guy treating you like a complete after thought? I think you're hoping the signs and your intuition are wrong because you like him and want this to work. Unfortunately, that's how you end up stringing yourself along, getting frustrated over men who don't value you, and burnt out. He's simply a distraction from finding a guy who is capable of giving you what you want. All this guy will do is waste your time if you continue to hang on hoping he comes around. He'll toss you just enough to keep you sitting on that back burner. It's on you to realize where you are (Plan Z on the back burner) and move on. 2
Dis Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Girl, I totally understand where you're coming from as I was once there myself What everyone is saying to you in spot on, I know it doesnt feel good to hear it though. From his words not matching his actions, to him saying he wont ghost you even though thats exactly what he was going to do, to minimal communication/ignoring you, to sweet talking you, to blowing you off last minute When I first started dating after a break up about 2 years ago...I had the same thought process as you Guys would give me breadcrumbs and I would be over the moon thinking we were going to get married someday I was also too hopeful, just like yourself, and that blind hope prevented me from seeing and acting on red flags One of the big lessons I've learned is, as much as we dont want to listen to our gut, we have to. Our intution never lies. You had an iffy feeling about this guy didnt you??? Thats why you posted here. Well, you were right I ignored my gut for a long time because everyyyy guy I dated set of my spidey senses. I wanted to ignore that feeling so I could believe one of these guys would be right for me I did myself a disservice but in doing so...I learned a lot and am able to weed out the not so great guys more quickly and without investing too much time and emotion Learn from every guy you date. Become smarter, stronger, more confident and totally capable of standing on your own two feet You'll get there 2
act00 Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I think part of me thinks you need to not be so uptight about the texting - some simply aren't texters. Another part of me thinks he's not terribly interested. You just need to let it go. Don't throw your heart out and demand he does the same so fast after one date. Even before the date, this guy wasn't a big texter, so you're really working on his "normal." Now is he interested and not big on lots of in between conversations, or is he not really all that interested at all? That's the million dollar question, and the only way you'll know is if you continue dating, but don't fawn all over him. Just let it go. If he wants to see you, he'll reach out. That doesn't mean that you can't reach out too -- send a funny meme, ask how his day is (don't do this daily if he's not a huge communicator), or something simple -- "Hey I'm here" sort of a thing. I just kind of reached a point where I'm not going to do that anymore. I've involved myself with a guy (who I really like), and it was just kind of "accidental," meaning, neither of us expected to date and life is busy and we don't live close together, so it's just life that gets in the way...it's going to work or it's not. I'm done stressing over it (not entirely). I texted him after we had some communication but he never expressed plans to meet again, and I asked about seeing each other, and it felt forced, and I just figured, I can't keep chasing. Granted, he contacted me as well, but with him not expressing to meet, I wasn't going to be the one who was the only one to bring it up. So in the interim, I've written a couple times and we've talked a couple times, which he has initiated as well as me, but I didn't bring up meeting again. He asked me out. I appreciate your need to clarify, but I think you also need to accept different communication styles and not freak out it's not as plentiful as you like. It's okay that they don't want to text as much as you. To pull full radio silence is an issue. He stated his brother was in town last minute...okay...you have no reason to not believe him, but if he bails again, you might want to rethink this relationship. It seems he has a lot going on in that you are not a priority in any way, but you're brand new in a relationship and people have made plans instead of putting their lives on hold "just in case," so give it some more time, but if your gut is telling you something is off, or you feel the time available that he can give is not enough, you need to move on.
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