cru7177 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 (edited) Hi all. I've been dating this guy for about 5 months. I asked him in the beginning if he was looking for something serious and he said if its the right person. He also has not had many long term relationships. 4 months he pulled away slightly. I went with the flow and then eventually questioned if things were progressing. He told me he does not want anything serious because 1. he is selfish 2. he has had bad experiences in past 3. he values his alone time. Keep in mind I value my alone time too and I was never ever clingy. I told him I was looking for something serious and this is not going to work out however of course he wanted to continue to see me. I tried to make the decision if this was going to be ok with me however I did not like wondering where things will go since I'm too familiar with these situations. He also wanted to continue to see me without sex. Also to know- when we have previously gotten together we don't always have sex. I finally walked away. I told him I respect his choice on wanting to be single and he has a lot of personal desires he would like to achieve at this time.I told him, I think its best I walk away and give you the space you need to figure things and hopefully when he does i'm still around. The next day he text me. I didn't respond. a week later he text me saying I can't stop thinking of you. I can't sleep at night. He then asked if i was dating anyone and then asked me to come out for his bday with family and friends. However he when discussed he still does not want to commit. I ended up going to his bday-- I know this was not the best decision. He does call me on phone and genuinely discuss "us" and some future plans but this isn't changing the situation. Should I walk away for good this time or see if things change after the long conversation I had with him. He clearly know how I feel. I told him i want someone 100% in it with me. I was thinking perhaps just staying distant- and let him come to me. Edited July 5, 2017 by cru7177
Author cru7177 Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 (edited) Oh, he also told me if he wanted something serious it would be with me... however he may just be saying that for easy let down. And he also told me he wants to keep seeing me without sex. This is not just an easy way to get me back because he will legit not have sex with me if I don't want. Already done it. Edited July 5, 2017 by cru7177
angel.eyes Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 You're wasting your time and energy on someone who has been crystal clear multiple times that he won't give you what you seek. Your choice. Your life.
heavenonearth Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 You don't want to be an option. You want to be first choice. For him, you are not first choice. You are a place holder. Move on.
coolheadal Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Hi all. I've been dating this guy for about 5 months. I asked him in the beginning if he was looking for something serious and he said if its the right person. He also has not had many long term relationships. 4 months he pulled away slightly. I went with the flow and then eventually questioned if things were progressing. He told me he does not want anything serious because 1. he is selfish 2. he has had bad experiences in past 3. he values his alone time. Keep in mind I value my alone time too and I was never ever clingy. I told him I was looking for something serious and this is not going to work out however of course he wanted to continue to see me. I tried to make the decision if this was going to be ok with me however I did not like wondering where things will go since I'm too familiar with these situations. He also wanted to continue to see me without sex. Also to know- when we have previously gotten together we don't always have sex. I finally walked away. I told him I respect his choice on wanting to be single and he has a lot of personal desires he would like to achieve at this time.I told him, I think its best I walk away and give you the space you need to figure things and hopefully when he does i'm still around. The next day he text me. I didn't respond. a week later he text me saying I can't stop thinking of you. I can't sleep at night. He then asked if i was dating anyone and then asked me to come out for his bday with family and friends. However he when discussed he still does not want to commit. I ended up going to his bday-- I know this was not the best decision. He does call me on phone and genuinely discuss "us" and some future plans but this isn't changing the situation. Should I walk away for good this time or see if things change after the long conversation I had with him. He clearly know how I feel. I told him i want someone 100% in it with me. I was thinking perhaps just staying distant- and let him come to me. Toxic guy you want a serious relationship with an unhealthy ego man. He has too much drama and past issues with women or relationships if he had gone that far. You seem to know what you want and you should have keep your ground. He calls you and wants to be with you but now the way you want. He just want to be your text buddy, or hang-out buddy to show off to his parents. Frankly my dear I don't see why your with him in the first place. Distance yourself and get away from him. He's not a serious guy and you'll never have the pleasure of sex with him. Sounds like sex is issue with him so you need to jump ship and bail out! So many good men out there with a healthy ego on life and themselves with confidence learning, growing and respect women. You need that sort of man this guy thinks women are not for him will the way he's going about it isn't kosher to me. You know not to settle for the worst type then you do it anyway. He will never change and you can't change them. He is who he is a damage toxic guy!
Redhead14 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I was thinking perhaps just staying distant- and let him come to me -- What do you mean? He has been coming to you and telling you he doesn't want a commitment. He will come to you when he's horny, lonely, bored and he still won't want to commit. This guy has been very consistent with telling you what he wants and WHO he is. You on the other hand have been waffling . . . I want a committed relationship, so I'm out and then continuing to see him. You're showing him that you are a doormat and so attached to him as to compromise your dating goals and settle for less than you really want and willing to string yourself along. I was thinking perhaps just staying distant- and let him come to me -- Even if this tactic "worked" and you were able to manipulate him in to compromising his dating goals -- you'll find yourself dating/committed to a guy who is resentful and likely to cheat. The two of you are not on the same page in terms of dating goals -- you should end this right now and keep walking.
BaileyB Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 When a man tells you that he doesn't want a serious relationship - believe him. He has told you that he is selfish. He has told you that he likes his alone time. These are two key phrases that tell you... He's not ready to commit to a serious relationship with you. I suspect that is is the early stages of a relationship where in a few years, women will say "he spends all night playing video games" or "we bought a house and got a dog, but now he says he's not ready to get married and start a family." He's told you how he feels, you need to hear what he's said and respect it. I would walk away. He knows how you feel and you are not being unreasonable. 1
BaileyB Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I was thinking perhaps just staying distant- and let him come to me -- What do you mean? He has been coming to you and telling you he doesn't want a commitment. He will come to you when he's horny, lonely, bored and he still won't want to commit. I love that. It's true. I once had a guy do this to me. My response - "I'd rather not waste my time when I could be out, investing my time and energy into finding someone who does want the same things that I want..."
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