preraph Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 It's a definite no and it's a forever no, so don't waste any more time hoping. A woman doesn't blow off a guy if she has any desire whatever for him. Her circumstances are irrelevant. Accept that it's a no. And totally agree you don't confess feelings for anyone you are not already in a romantic relationship with. The step is to ask them on a real date and kiss them at the end of the night if they will have it. If not, it's not happening. She isn't going to change her mind and changes in her circumstance will not make any difference. She will likely now feel awkward and I doubt this will last, but if you have any desire to remain just friends with her as she proceeds on with life and dating and marrying a man, then you can never speak of it again. Even then, most women would find it too awkward and also have some resentment because you pretended to be just friends so that wasn't acting in an honest manner, plus now she has less respect for you because she realizes you didn't have the nerve to just ask her out when you first met. Or if you did, you didn't take no for an answer. Sorry. I know you are hurting, but it's best to face the truth.
healing light Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I actually think you should just meet her in person and get a feel for it. It's quite possible that she never knew you felt this way and now she needs some time to evaluate or think about it. I'm assuming I can relate to this girl because I have serious, ongoing health issues (that have gotten much worse in the last 5-6 years) that keep me from dating, and thus am relatively inexperienced. For me, I don't feel comfortable dating someone that I don't know because I don't feel like getting into my life story/all the obstacles that directly impact dating/activities and would come out in the wash right away. But I wouldn't be opposed to potentially dating someone who started off as a friend, was familiar with my history, and was okay with accommodating it. So you telling her how you feel may give her something to think about, and perhaps she will envision whether she thinks she would be up for it. My focus is not at all on dating or a relationship. Basically, I just try to get through the day and research things I can do that might eventually give me enough stability in my health so that I can create the life that I want. It's a very day-to-day existence and perhaps it's the same for her. She may not even think that anyone would accommodate her in her current state or have even contemplated a relationship right now would be feasible, so I'd let her process it. And I think it's sweet you told her, btw. That would not and has not been a turn off to me when guys tell me how they feel. And I have a lot of friends where this has happened, just not ones I happened to be attracted to. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 If circumstances prevent you from talking in person, then at least use the voice feature, not text. Video would be better. if you must use technology, use the one that affords you the most non-verbal communication If she's ill & has told you she's happy being single, you blurting this out was off the mark. She probably doesn't feel her best. Her insecurities may have convinced her you like her out of pity or some other misunderstanding. Her circumstances prevent her from dating. What was your vision for this relationship? There are ways to transform friendship to romance but they are subtle. keep talking to her. See what happens when she is feeling better. 1
Author NiGHtS21 Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 (edited) Sorry for the radio silence folks, nice to see so many varied replies *snip* I'm rooting for this to work! Thanks angel.eyes, what you're describing is pretty accurate to what my situation is. My only question is, we haven't spoken since that last conversation I had before I made the thread. How do I continue speaking to her without coming across as awkward, and more importantly, genuine? I think bringing up my confession to her would be a bad idea. @angel.eyes, it may set him apart as being genuine, but where does that get him? *snip* But I am rooting for him too, OP let us know! Thanks Midnight.Amber. I like the rational perspective you gave to the argument. I suppose I should point out, I'm not hurting, and I'm not "in love" with her so to speak...I'm not sure it's entirely possible either, but I'll not be so pessimistic with myself and keep confident *snip* And I think it's sweet you told her, btw. That would not and has not been a turn off to me when guys tell me how they feel. And I have a lot of friends where this has happened, just not ones I happened to be attracted to. Thanks healing light. You've given me some perspective on how she might be feeling. She definitely never knew how I felt, I wonder what must be going through her head...it is a little frustrating to have not received any answer at all, but I can't always expect that. And I'm sorry to hear about your health issues, I hope you're able to find the stability in your health someday.. If circumstances prevent you from talking in person, then at least use the voice feature, not text. Video would be better. if you must use technology, use the one that affords you the most non-verbal communication If she's ill & has told you she's happy being single, you blurting this out was off the mark. She probably doesn't feel her best. Her insecurities may have convinced her you like her out of pity or some other misunderstanding. Her circumstances prevent her from dating. What was your vision for this relationship? There are ways to transform friendship to romance but they are subtle. keep talking to her. See what happens when she is feeling better. Good advice which I will take on board for the future, thanks. Yes it may have been off the mark, and well that thought did occur to me before I told her, I just hoped she knows me better than to do that to her. My vision; I'm not entirely sure, and I'll stress again that this is one of the biggest factors that prevented me from asking her out when my attraction first developed. I've gone through all the what if's and how's in my head. I guess I was tired of making excuses to not telling her. I sort of felt like, it shouldn't matter how she is if I'm fond of her, health issues or not? Maybe I'm subconsciously trying to be too nice/noble...I don't know. In your opinion, what manner should I continue talking to her going forward, given that she now knows how I feel? I suppose it's best to give it a few days first? Edited July 5, 2017 by NiGHtS21 2
angel.eyes Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Resume your old pattern. When would you normally initiate conversations? What would you discuss? How long would conversations last? The next one should follow that template. If you would text her, then text her. If you normally call her, then call her. You mentioned that she communicates with others via calls. If you normally text, I would transition to phone calls in a week or so. For example: if you're texting Thursday night, and it's coming to a close, something like: "I'm off to bed now. Have an early morning at work. I'll call you Saturday." For now, don't mention your confession unless she brings it up. It may be hard to do, but just continue your interactions as if that didn't happen. (If she weren't in the midst of her health issues, my advice would be a little different.) 1
angel.eyes Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Oh, and keep the next few conversations very light and fun...If you can. 2
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