Gaeta Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Why 3 weeks till next date?? someone leaving on vacations?
angel.eyes Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 Oh, I totally forgot! She's sunning herself on an exotic beach somewhere with a lovely Mahr-ga-REET-ah in hand. Bottoms up!
Imajerk17 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 (edited) Why is the next date three weeks off??? Look, if you listen to the nay sayers, you'll be single for life. I can only imagine what LS would say about some of my excuses. The advice would have been to dump me yesterday when I didn't return my now BF's calls or texts for a couple of days. (I accidentally forgot my phone in another city while travelling and needed to have it express shipped back to me when we first started dating.) Ditto for me. For example, I don't eat meat. On one of our early dates, my BF kept trying to feed me his lamb chop. I could have gotten my panties in a bunch, and gotten all offended. LS would no doubt have been up in arms about how disrespectful he must be based on that single incident. Instead, i turned it into a joke. It's a fun game we play all the time--now it's full of inside jokes and innuendo. Life is way too short not to enjoy it. As for your date's wallet? Who hasn't forgotten their wallet at some point? I've been in the grocery store about to purchase something and realized I forgot my wallet in the car. Or I changed my mind at the last minute in the morning about which pocketbook best matches my outfit, and forgot my office ID, wallet, or some other important item, in a different pocketbook. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt when it's warranted. The only potential red flag in my mind is the fact that she was a little tipsy on your date. Time will tell whether that's an issue. She checks off everything else on your list, so just keep an eye on it as you get to know her better. It's nice to see you actively dating! I'm happy for you. Have fun! That's no big deal. I think a lot of guys on first dates try to feed the girl their lamb chop I know what you meant. I just couldn't resist. In your case ZA, I really think a fling with this woman would do you some good. I agree that the obsession with the "red flags" is a bit much--ZA is going on a second date with this woman, not marrying her. And if he does get to get physical with her and get some confidence and experience around women, all the better. Just because she likes wine doesn't make her a bad person. Also, she doesn't need to turn into the love of ZA's life to make it a worthwhile positive experience for him. ZA, do try to schedule the next date much sooner than 3 weeks out though. That far out and there is a very good chance that it just won't end up happening. Edited July 5, 2017 by Imajerk17 2
joseb Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 In some ways though someone like this might be good for me to bring me out of my shell a bit so if she wants to see me, I'll run with it for a while and see, though I do suspect we are totally mismatched. I cant really decide what I think of her, she has much of what I like but the pressure to drink does put me off quite a lot. Yeah i know I said she had some iffy behaviour, but I agree, it's probably good for you to go with it. You don't need to marry her or anything! As for the pressure to drink thing, I wouldn't read too much into it. Sure, it's annoying, but it's more a cultural thing in many places. For example, the Germans have a saying "don't trust anyone that doesn't drink". Just say no thanks. I give up alcohol for periods and get the same pressure, and it used to bother me but now it doesn't.
act00 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I haven't decided if she's worth a round 2. She has a lot of qualities that you like, and she seems entertaining. On the other hand, you find her voice annoying and she got loud and imbibed a bit too much, which when dining with a nondrinker, it seems a bit excessive. It won't kill you to see if a second date works out better. Maybe plan it for Saturday (or another day) that after work happy hour won't be an issue. It was a "party weekend" this weekend for many, especially those who had Monday off, so four days! People can easily slip into a party mode on the verge of a long holiday weekend. As a nondrinker (not me) I think I would be okay with a drinker, but not okay with getting too tipsy or drunk. It would even be hard at a party where tipsy and excessive drinking is normal (not drunk), but I don't think it would go over well with one-on-one. I think that would be my deal-breaker is if it's always to excess, especially if behavior becomes a little bit embarrassing in a public setting. An annoying voice would really set me off. I dated a guy who thought he was just the funniest guy on the planet and would erupt in rolling laughter at his own (bad, unfunny) jokes, and after two dates, I was done. After three, definitely done. So, I say it's worth a try. It could be a better second experience.
Popsicle Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 My ex -H and I were opposites and we got married. He was the stiff one and I was the more free one. It was just what we needed at the time. I needed for him to help me reign it in and he needed to loosen up some. It worked and was enjoyable for a while.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 She is going away on holiday hence the big gap but having said that communication hasn't exactly been plentiful since the date. Don't think she is much into whatsapp. I think for me this is boiling down to want versus need.
Bastile Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 Some perspective: She's not his next wife. She's a girl he met for a drink on Tinder. Filtering heavily for relationship qualities seems completely over the top and rigid. OP is a virgin who has made multiple threads bemoaning that. Here comes along a "pretty girl", giving him every green light you could want, and he doesn't make any moves. I'm thinking this is self-defeating or something. Next time you get her out, make the date for your area. Restaurant, bit of a walk, pub, back to your place. 2
Author ZA Dater Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 Some perspective: She's not his next wife. She's a girl he met for a drink on Tinder. Filtering heavily for relationship qualities seems completely over the top and rigid. OP is a virgin who has made multiple threads bemoaning that. Here comes along a "pretty girl", giving him every green light you could want, and he doesn't make any moves. I'm thinking this is self-defeating or something. Next time you get her out, make the date for your area. Restaurant, bit of a walk, pub, back to your place. All good and well but I found the constant "drink, have a drink" took the lustre off some of her attractive qualities. When she is sober I will be better able to determine how much I like her.
Bastile Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 (edited) All good and well but I found the constant "drink, have a drink" took the lustre off some of her attractive qualities. When she is sober I will be better able to determine how much I like her. Go with the second date I mentioned, and ye shall be a virgin no more. And learn to loosen up around drink. Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. None of us are going to re-invent the wheel. Edited July 6, 2017 by Bastile
Author ZA Dater Posted July 6, 2017 Author Posted July 6, 2017 Go with the second date I mentioned, and ye shall be a virgin no more. And learn to loosen up around drink. Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. None of us are going to re-invent the wheel. I fine with people who drink, just so long as they accept I am not going to drink. 1
CptInsano Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 I fine with people who drink, just so long as they accept I am not going to drink. That's fine, but don't make it a point of contention, and simply state that you're enjoying yourself tremendously and want to take everything in clearly, or something of that sort. As other posters have said: She may not be your future wife but your chance to see things a little more relaxed going forward. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 Update on this. Very little communication from her in the past week. Been thinking about this whole thing and just seems completely odd to me and the only reason I am thinking is because she was so tipsy. For all I know she does this every evening. I am fundamentally distrustful of people until I am proven otherwise and a few things here don't logically add up. I'll do date two but if the same flags are still there I'll simply just say I don't think we are compatible, which in part is because my initial impressions of someone who turns up tipsy and leaves even more so are not positive. Reading through this thread again it seems a lot of people have drawn similar conclusions. On the other hand I am not exactly falling over with options so as much as this gripes me, maybe I must try and put up with things I fundamentally don't like.
CptInsano Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 to On the other hand I am not exactly falling over with options so as much as this gripes me, maybe I must try and put up with things I fundamentally don't like. Yes, keep on going. Dating women is far more of a craft than it is an art. Practice will make you better and hopefully you'll get to enjoy it more. Just try to keep your eyes off the goal and focus on the here and now. I've gone out with female friends just for the heck of it whenever I wasn't involved. Oddly enough these "non-dates" can often be very enjoyable because there is nothing at stake.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 Yes, keep on going. Dating women is far more of a craft than it is an art. Practice will make you better and hopefully you'll get to enjoy it more. Just try to keep your eyes off the goal and focus on the here and now. I've gone out with female friends just for the heck of it whenever I wasn't involved. Oddly enough these "non-dates" can often be very enjoyable because there is nothing at stake. I'll see IF date two arrives...also I'll need to revert from starry eyes "she is pretty, she likes me" to rather more calculating and objective.
guest569 Posted July 10, 2017 Posted July 10, 2017 I'll see IF date two arrives...also I'll need to revert from starry eyes "she is pretty, she likes me" to rather more calculating and objective. Be sure to "leave the wallet at home". Liquid courage... i enjoy a drink, but i think it is sad when people depend on it to have a good time. Ordering before you arrive. .rude and tight with money. loud. drunk. stood you up - unreliable. Definitely not relationship material. What if you just wanted to lose your virginity? Would you accept ?
Author ZA Dater Posted July 11, 2017 Author Posted July 11, 2017 Be sure to "leave the wallet at home". Liquid courage... i enjoy a drink, but i think it is sad when people depend on it to have a good time. Ordering before you arrive. .rude and tight with money. loud. drunk. stood you up - unreliable. Definitely not relationship material. What if you just wanted to lose your virginity? Would you accept ? No I wouldn't. The idea of being with someone so tipsy is a total unappealing. 2
Author ZA Dater Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 Well can confidently say date 2 isn't going to happen after I was blocked on Whats App. No communication, nothing but blocked. Last Friday it was "talk when I am back from holiday", today I am blocked. I did reply to the last text but I guess something better came along. As much as I detested the drinking she was at least sort of into me it appeared, should I have tried to make more out of it, I don't know, a different guy probably would have taken things to the next level. There was some connection with her but again I suppose I just did a whole list of things wrong, sometimes I feel like I should be carrying an instruction manual on dates. I really try not let this bother me but it does, such is life I suppose.
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 You did nothing wrong, she turned out to be a drunk. How can you blame yourself when she's the one getting tipsy before meeting, forgetting her wallet, getting down more drinks, getting loud, getting inappropriate. She's a train wreck, it's a good thing she's gone to waste some other man's time.
Author ZA Dater Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 You did nothing wrong, she turned out to be a drunk. How can you blame yourself when she's the one getting tipsy before meeting, forgetting her wallet, getting down more drinks, getting loud, getting inappropriate. She's a train wreck, it's a good thing she's gone to waste some other man's time. I guess that's true but I had been looking forward to going on a date this weekend, she was ok company besides the tipsy part and seemed to like me at that moment. She was attractive looks wise and she did bring something of my personality out which few seem to do. If it wasn't for the drinking there would have been a lot to like about her, more so anyone else I have met in probably the last few years (excluding the tourist because that's not viable dating material, likewise the seeking arrangement dates). Well there is always work to get busy with to distract myself because there isn't anyone else to go out with on Sat.
olivetree Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) Question... are you fun and humorous on dates? You come across as quite serious and doom and gloom on here. Just came to mind when you mention that you "just did a whole list of things wrong." Not trying to add to the heap of failings you seem to think you have, but I think if you focus on having a good time with your date it will serve you well whether or not they are a good candidate for an LTR. Edited July 18, 2017 by olivetree 2
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Try not to sweat it... Because it was never really meant to be. There will be someone else...
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Question... are you fun and humorous on dates? You come across as quite serious and doom and gloom on here. Just came to mind when you mention that you "just did a whole list of things wrong." Not trying to add to the heap of failings you seem to think you have, but I think if you focus on having a good time with your date it will serve you well whether or not they are a good candidate for an LTR. Fun, no, dry humour yes. When people say "fun" I honestly don't know what that is, how do you have "fun" having dinner. For me its more a selling exercise and a "try get her to laugh" exercise. I cant really ever cast away the seriousness but I can hide it reasonably well. What irritates me is the rude manner this was done "Hi sorry, I met someone on vacation/met someone else and I don't feel we would work", that to me is the polite way to do this, not summarily block someone. For me what makes this disappointing is personality wise this person was someone I did like, she would fit in well with what I do and the hobbies I have in that she is well spoken and intelligent. I don't find these people very often, at least never on OLD type platforms.
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Fun, no, dry humour yes. When people say "fun" I honestly don't know what that is, how do you have "fun" having dinner. For me its more a selling exercise and a "try get her to laugh" exercise. I cant really ever cast away the seriousness but I can hide it reasonably well. What irritates me is the rude manner this was done "Hi sorry, I met someone on vacation/met someone else and I don't feel we would work", that to me is the polite way to do this, not summarily block someone. For me what makes this disappointing is personality wise this person was someone I did like, she would fit in well with what I do and the hobbies I have in that she is well spoken and intelligent. I don't find these people very often, at least never on OLD type platforms. I lol when you said you don't know what fun is. But yea it's like that. Just making each other laugh, but also being a little laid back/easy going. You do come off pretty solemn from your posts. But if that is your personality, then I think you can find some who enjoys someone more serious, with dry wit. I totally agree what she did was immature. I don't think you seemed to like her as much as you feel you did now that she did that. Your OP you paint her out to be a tarty drunk with a grating voice. It just didnt seem like the beginning of a beautiful romance
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