shellybing Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Hello, I am writing because I am obviously horrible at reading signals. I am starting to date around and meet people. I met a guy online. I am not in a phase where I am wanting to jump right in. I am just wanting to test out the waters and see what is out there. Anyway, he seemed nice enough so I agreed to a coffee date. He has been texting me almost non-stop with alot of compliments. It is nice to have someone call me beautiful, but he keeps calling me amazing, incredible, and beautiful incessantly. I understand that he is being nice, but it is making me a little apprehensive about the meeting. I will have my kids with me probably, but I really just honestly feel a tad bit uncomfortable with the amount of compliments I have gotten before actually meeting someone. Not to mention he has not mentioned much about himself by phone. Should I go or should I get a stomach bug?
Poutrew Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Stomach bug. If something seems to be too good to be true, it probably is... I can understand the guy wanting to put his best foot forward, but from what you told us it sounds like he is perhaps trying too hard... the ultimate test is to see how he reacts when you throw some cold water on his ambitions. Does he get the message and slow down, or does he disappear? 1
Maggie4 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Don't take your kids to meet a man from online dating the first time. 11
basil67 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Don't take your kids on a meetup date. For that matter, don't let a new guy meet your kids until you're a few months in - make sure he's a keeper. You have an obligation to protect your children from any potential perverts you may meet. And you also have an obligation to not have them seeing different men coming in and out of your life. Just think, if they get close to a guy and the relationship breaks down, they will be hurt too. Regarding the main part of your question, I also wouldn't meet a guy who came on this strong with so many compliments. I mean, I'm sure you're attractive but the guy doesn't even know you. It's not nice - it's weird and over the top. 5
BaileyB Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Don't take your kids to meet a guy from online dating. Don't introduce your kids to anyone you date until you know for sure that they are a keeper. The usual rule is, date for at least six months. Otherwise, it's a revolving door of men that they get to know who then leave - and that is so unhealthy for kids. 5
BaileyB Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 And if your response is that you always have your kids and you have nobody to take them when you go out, so you won't be able to date unless you take them... Then I'm sorry, you are not ready to date. The safety and security of your kids always comes first! 11
coolheadal Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Hello, I am writing because I am obviously horrible at reading signals. I am starting to date around and meet people. I met a guy online. I am not in a phase where I am wanting to jump right in. I am just wanting to test out the waters and see what is out there. Anyway, he seemed nice enough so I agreed to a coffee date. He has been texting me almost non-stop with alot of compliments. It is nice to have someone call me beautiful, but he keeps calling me amazing, incredible, and beautiful incessantly. I understand that he is being nice, but it is making me a little apprehensive about the meeting. I will have my kids with me probably, but I really just honestly feel a tad bit uncomfortable with the amount of compliments I have gotten before actually meeting someone. Not to mention he has not mentioned much about himself by phone. Should I go or should I get a stomach bug? I've met a women like you with kids at the movies it was strange the kids said mommy what about daddy? So that's why you don't bring you kids with you to me someone you just haven't really met yet. You need more time to get to know this stranger. Just be careful. Does he know you have kids? Are you still married or are you divorce yet. Or your just a single mom?
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Too many compliments before you ever met is a bad sign. Do not fake a stomach bug. Tell him you are cancelling because his behavior was inappropriate. Then block him & move on. NEVER take your kids on an OLD first meet. It's one thing to organically meet another single parent at a kid friendly place IRL but taking your kids on a date is mistake. Invest in a babysitter or don't go 3
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 If it doesn't feel right then it's not.....this would make me run for the hills....he's turning creepy! 1
coolheadal Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Nothing wrong giving a woman compliments, we men should do more of that today. I always give them. But still no women should bring her kids with out to meet anyone stranger until she knows him a few months. Some wait until 6 months rule. She either finds a baby sitter or have the family watch them. But this guy doesn't sound off beat with compliments. I see a lot of you women are not getting them either. Where is the romance side to all of this anyway? Women should be swept off their feet. I would say with beauty and grace your looking so charming today with your blue eyes and your great smile. You deserve a compliment today! Most women tell me thank you. 1
Popsicle Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Yeah I don't think anything is wrong with compliments either. But you should always be wary of ANYONE you meet online until you meet them face to face for a couple of dates. That said, do not take your kids. That is sooooo bad. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 A compliment is lovely. Daily compliments before they have met is problematic & unwelcome. 2
Popsicle Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 A compliment is lovely. Daily compliments before they have met is problematic & unwelcome. Just like they can't be serious in giving you so many compliments so early, there is no need for you to be so serious in believing them either. Just take it in stride until you meet. 1
normal person Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Too many compliments before you ever met is a bad sign. Do not fake a stomach bug. Tell him you are cancelling because his behavior was inappropriate. Then block him & move on. I agree with all this other than telling him you're cancelling because his behavior is inappropriate. If this guy is the weirdo we all seem to think he is, then I think it's best to let him keep doing this stuff so it can raise obvious red flags to other women he messages and keep him from dating anyone. Look, this guy has not been able to figure it out. There's clearly something off about him and God knows the bigger implications of that. If you tell him what he's doing wrong (because he's too incompetent or socially unaware to figure it out himself), then he knows what not to do with the next person. And if he's a guy that was so clueless that he couldn't figure out why complimenting someone you've never met is bad on his own, he's probably not a guy anyone should be dating. I say let him keep advertising himself as the weird, overly-complimentary guy until he figures out what he's doing wrong. And if he's not smart enough to figure it out, he's probably not someone anyone should be dating. Let the market decide his fate for him. 1
coolheadal Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 A compliment is lovely. Daily compliments before they have met is problematic & unwelcome. I don't agree, because I give them early and before I even talk to them. Most welcome the compliments because they never got them before. Another would be why are you here looking for someone with your beauty and smile you have any guy you want in the real world. You deserve a compliment today! I had one tough women finally said thank you for that wonderful comment. So it goes to show you giving a compliment anytime won't hurt. The old ways are gone the new ways are where we are today. I don't follow any rules when it comes to romance and love. We all should say what's on our minds, but not to hurt or disrespect anyone is the golden rule. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 (edited) I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment. Although I normally would get on that band wagon that too many compliments upfront before meeting can be cause for pause, it doesn't have to always be a red flag. My current partner is a perfect example. He was very much like this. Overly complimentary upon first talking online to the point that it made me suspicious and put me on guard, like he was too good to be true. We remained friendly for a long time but I was always slightly uncomfortable with his adoration and therefore kept him at a distance until he called me out on it. Reluctantly, I agreed to meet up if only because I was too embarrassed to let him know how I really felt about his saccharine sweetness. How messed up is that? We've been inseparable ever since. Turns out he was/is very genuine and very much the gentleman to boot. He continues to shower me with loads of compliments daily even these many months later. It's taken some getting used to but I actually love it. My advice? Don't jump to conclusions just yet. If you like him, accept a casual coffee date WITHOUT KIDS and see what kind of vibe you get from him. Usually you can't determine real chemistry or true intentions until you're face to face so let it unfold and go from there. I don't thing faking an illness to get out of a date because someone overly compliments you is reason enough. Good luck. Edited July 4, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle 2
BaileyB Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 A compliment is lovely. Daily compliments before they have met is problematic & unwelcome. Absolutely. It's disingenuous and insensere. 1
basil67 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 You deserve a compliment today! I had one tough women finally said thank you for that wonderful comment. That's the thing - you're talking singular compliments here. A compliment is lovely. But a series of OTT compliments from someone we've never even met is alarming. 1
greymatter Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I don't agree, because I give them early and before I even talk to them. Most welcome the compliments because they never got them before. Another would be why are you here looking for someone with your beauty and smile you have any guy you want in the real world. You deserve a compliment today! I had one tough women finally said thank you for that wonderful comment. So it goes to show you giving a compliment anytime won't hurt. The old ways are gone the new ways are where we are today. I don't follow any rules when it comes to romance and love. We all should say what's on our minds, but not to hurt or disrespect anyone is the golden rule. I'm sorry, I'm sure you are trying to be kind and are trying to connect with women but if I were on the receiving end of your comments such as the bolded one above, you would be blocked. It would be a huge turnoff to receive such a message and I suspect the "tough woman" who thanked you was just being nice, or doesn't have boundaries herself. You believe that "most welcome the compliments" but that is such a generalization and is simply your belief, not a universal truth. I would find your approach overly familiar and creepy to say the least. 2
Author shellybing Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 Don't take your kids to meet a man from online dating the first time. my kids are teenagers and I meet for coffee for 30 mins if I meet someone. I dont think that is a horrible thing to do given I have custody of my kds and they will literally always be in my house.
Author shellybing Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 My kids know and understand what is happening - and It is a coffe date to meet someone new. It's nothing more than meeting someone. Period. Yall are acting like I want to make him my baby daddy on the first meeting? Um NO. TBH my kids don't need a father and I am not looking for a father figure. A respectable human being that interacts with my kids sometimes is what I am going to say it is. The guy has kids too - and meeting up for coffee for half an hour is not a huge deal (man or woman) And everyone so solemnly telling me about the "safety" of my children - - eh hem. I am a deadly weapon. Nobody is going to hurt us. I fact check, run backgrounds, and check the sex offender registry before I ever let anyone in my home. I support and fully support my kids and have for a long time. I am prepared to pay a babysitter - but theyre teenagers and there is not a damn thing wrong with having them at a coffee shop. New people are introduced as friends. Because that is what we are doing. Meeting friends. Or do yall just change your relationship status every time you meet someone new? Because that's not me.
Author shellybing Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 Don't take your kids on a meetup date. For that matter, don't let a new guy meet your kids until you're a few months in - make sure he's a keeper. You have an obligation to protect your children from any potential perverts you may meet. And you also have an obligation to not have them seeing different men coming in and out of your life. Just think, if they get close to a guy and the relationship breaks down, they will be hurt too. Regarding the main part of your question, I also wouldn't meet a guy who came on this strong with so many compliments. I mean, I'm sure you're attractive but the guy doesn't even know you. It's not nice - it's weird and over the top. as stated - my kids are teenagers. I have rules about this, and they are always clearly stated in a relationship. But I am meeting a person. Not getting married. Am I supposed to just NOT bring anyone new into my life because my kids are present? pfffft. What if I am out having the time of my life (like to night, just me and my kids at the 4th of July festival, and I happen to meet someone by accident. Just because it is deliberate, it changes? I dont think so. That is ridiculous statement. Imagine that: I am standing there with my kids and Mr.Wonderful walks by and says hey, I'd like to get to know you better. Am I supposed to shoo him away because my kids are standing next to me? Because Oooooo There is a person talking to my mom, and he is my new dad? Excuse me? My kids are smarter than that.
Author shellybing Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 Don't take your kids to meet a guy from online dating. Don't introduce your kids to anyone you date until you know for sure that they are a keeper. The usual rule is, date for at least six months. Otherwise, it's a revolving door of men that they get to know who then leave - and that is so unhealthy for kids. Getting to know people is not healthy. Leading them to believe that this person is going to be their new dad is unhealthy. People meet all the time. I just don't get how you all think it's unhealthy. It's not like I am slamming a new guy every day. I am meeting up with someone for coffee and I am going to drink a cup of coffee with a person. How is that bad? New people are always welcome, any gender. Why is this even a thing? We live in 2017.
Author shellybing Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 I've met a women like you with kids at the movies it was strange the kids said mommy what about daddy? So that's why you don't bring you kids with you to me someone you just haven't really met yet. You need more time to get to know this stranger. Just be careful. Does he know you have kids? Are you still married or are you divorce yet. Or your just a single mom? I can see that with smaller children, but my kids are mine. I have full sole custody, and they are teenagers. They know about their dad, and they know these are people we are meeting. Not people we are dating. Because meeting someone doesnt necessarily mean I am dating them, or even going to date them. They sit at a seperate table with their devices and soak up the wifi at starbucks. I have been divorced for a long time - I have been single for a long time. And "just" doesn't do it justice. I am freaking wonderwoman. I support and take care of myself. I am not looking for a relationship for any of the "gold digging" or "baby daddy" reasons. I got all that on my own.
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