JayScott9 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Hi all, I'm going to try and be as detailed as possible so please try and bare with me as I'm hurting right now and I'm just looking to vent and receive some advice.. So I met this female in 2012, she was at the same night club I was at was at with her now ex boyfriend. Over the course of the next 5 years I saw her at numerous concerts and events and we would always talk even though she had a boyfriend at the time. Over time we stopped talking and I just moved on with my life but always had thoughts of us being together due to how natural the communication was and how we had so much in common. I really felt like she was the one as I've never met a female that was so easy to talk to and never had a boring coversation with. Fast forward to 2014 we went out on her first date to a local art gallery, I picked her up, we talked, had a great time but after she told me she wasn't ready to date so soon, but would like to have sex with me instead. Weird right? Now I'm not the type of guy to do hookups, I'm looking for love and to be loved. I've only had one long term relationship in my life for 3 years in which I got cheated on and never spoke to my ex again. I stopped talking to her because she wasn't mature and told me she didn't want a boyfriend at that time and being her friend was just too hard. So I moved on with my life. Lets now get into the the present, its now May 9th and she randomly pops up in the people I should follow feature on Instagram. I figured what the heck I'll give it one more shot and see if anything comes to it (Yes, I really wanted this) So I sent her a iceberg DM and she responds and we talk and talk. She sends me her new number and we talk up until last Friday. Since May 9th, I've done the following: we've gone out on 5 days. I took her to two new museums that opened up, took her to her favorite place (the beach) while we were drinking beer on a balcony so you can see the ocean and such, went to a very romantic dinner on the water, dinner at a fancy steakhouse, took her to my favorite seafood spot, visited a local bar/venue where we met on numerous occasion, went bowling, went back to my house where we cuddled and she had sex with me (in which after I asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said yes), I bought her sunflowers (favorite flower) because it was that time of the month, bought her a new vape pen because hers broke, teavana tea and surprised her on our last date with Disney tickets (she said she wanted to visit Pandora) and I wanted to make it happen to show how much I cared about her. These were all things that were centered around her and what her interests are or things that reminded me of why I fell for her in 2012. I should mention she came over my house after spending a whole day together and we made out in my bed, had sex, and I asked her to be my girlfriend in which she replied yes. The only reason i had sex with her is because she was basically my girlfriend and we were talking non stop practically a couple saying I love you and missing each other non stop She is the one that said I love you first, said I was her best friend, and that she was never going to leave me. That I was the greatest thing to ever happen to her. Everything has been amazing and it's all left me real puzzled. I was supposed to meet her parents last Friday, I asked my ex what her parents were interested in and I bought them gifts to give off a great impression and even told her that I would pay for everyone's meal as I wanted to be a gentleman. She texts me an hour before I was supposed to leave and goes " Hey, do you remember when you ended it with your ex and you had all the time to move on and vent and clear your mind and thoughts and get to know all your ins and outs? Before I came in? Like prior to dating around? I need that. I thought I could do all this but I can't give my 100% and it hurts me SO much because I keep forcing myself to be all in. At first I thought It was just me afraid of something new, of someone new. But I realize it's deeper grounded issues. You're such an incredible man and I appreciate you so much and I'm sure you'll give me the world. But I need to love myself. I need to learn how to be alone. I'm so sorry I can't do this. My gut is killing me. It's too much to soon for someone as broken as me." I was a bit angry after she told me all that and I don't remember what I said to be honest. but she told me I was disrespectful with my response. I wanted to see her to speak face to face as texting was getting nowhere and she was getting ready to go on vacation with her parents like she does every year. She asks me do I love her? I said yes, she goes if you love give me the time to think about this. So I said ok I'll back off and let her take her vacation and miss me. Now for today! She's been on vacation since Saturday. A few weeks ago after our first date she went to a country concert with a few friends one of them was a guy she's claimed to know for a long time that is good friends with the family and the other was a couple she knows. The guy lives about 4 hours from us and he went to the show which I thought was kinda strange but I said whatever, she posted a few pics of them together and I figured that they were just close friends. Since the concert we went out on 4 dates all were amazing. She told me he is nothing more than a friend. The past few days we have done no contact but I still see her viewing my snaps but no texting or anything. Today I am looking at stories people have been posting and she has a picture of guess who? the guy from the concert.. The guy drove over 5 hours to go on vacation as a friend? I'm sorry I'm not believing this as just a friendship? I called her out on it and it turned into an argument and her more pissed off. I've since texted her the following: "I just want to apologize for the way I've behaved, I shouldn't of spoken to you that way. I was upset, I really do care for you and I wanted you to be my girl. Forever and always, I know you need to take this journey but I'll always be here. I appreciate everything that you have done for me and I'll cherish the memories that we've made. I miss you, If you ever want to talk. You know where to find me" She has since responded and has said: "Hey, I took my time to when I finished with my day to read this message. I accept your apology. I understand that you were upset. It's a pretty crappy situation. But that's exactly why I had to be honest and let you know. I'm being selfless. You deserve nothing but the best." Coincidentally the guy put he was in a relationship on Facebook 40 mins after I did. Am I just assuming or could she of actually left me and got with this ******* and completely lied and betrayed me. Like was everything she said a complete lie? Was the I love you's not genuine? I'm hurting and I don't know whether or not I'm over thinking it all but I think its all to coincidental. Over the past day she has put up three new pictures of him and tags him in everything but all the dates we went out on she never posted anything of us together or mentioned me. Maybe I'm really overthinking all this but I kinda gotta go with my gut feeling. I ended up deleting her last message from my iPhone as it hurts for me to read everything that she says. Should I not even bother to respond? Is there something I should say that would even make things right and make her want to get back with me at this point? In my opinion it seems like what we had is over. Thank you for anyone that reads this as It's been hard to write everything but I need to vent and see if anyone else has been through all of this.
healing light Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Hmm. This sounds suspicious, I'm sorry that you're hurting. When people give disclaimers, believe them. Whether she's not ready for a relationship because she's gotten herself into one with this guy, or she's not ready for one because she's got emotional issues and is "broken" really doesn't matter at the end of the day, unfortunately. The result is the same. Someone who is not willing to give you what you deserve. Coincidentally the guy put he was in a relationship on Facebook 40 mins after I did I didn't understand this part-- did you mean he set this 40 minutes after your message or 40 minutes after you initially changed your relationship status to be in one with her? Regardless, I feel if she is the quality woman that you think she is (and ready for a relationship), something would have developed before now since 2012. She passed on you before and now is backing out again. I know it hurts, especially when you put your best foot forward. Honestly, I think the only thing you can do now is give her all the space in the world and try to do yourself a favor by not looking at her social media. If she misses you, great. But that doesn't mean she isn't broken, is ready, or doesn't have someone else...
Maggie4 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 She is the one that said I love you first, said I was her best friend, and that she was never going to leave me. That I was the greatest thing to ever happen to her. Everything has been amazing and it's all left me real puzzled. You were puzzled because it didn't make sense. It was too exaggerated, over the top, too soon. You never had enough of a relationship history for her to say these things. You were conned. She was never your girlfriend. It appears that she used you to get through a heartbreak with another guy. She was in pain and didn't know what to do. So she found a guy who would make her feel loved, and made her forget the pain. That's why she referred to herself as broken. As for the other guy that drove 5 hours that you suspect she got together with, I'm not sure she was his girlfriend either. He could be in the same boat as you. He just hasn't had a fight with her and so she's now using him instead of you. Of course I'm speculating. But her behavior indicates she's moving way too fast, and too active online, which is consistent with someone desperate to find a bandaid for the pain. Remember this was someone who previously only wanted sex. With you, at the prospect of you meeting her parents, she realized she'd bitten off more than she can chew and you're very serious, this is the real deal, so she figured better not mess with you, she had to put the breaks on. She has this other victim on the hooks. I think another different guy had recently dumped her. You didn't lose much, because you never had it. You idealized her and you're a romantic, but the reality is not the love you had imagined. If you're a rational man, you must admit she can't possibly be the only woman in the world that you can talk to. Your hope and dream was shattered, but it was afterall a dream. You didn't have a real history together.
coolheadal Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Hi all, I'm going to try and be as detailed as possible so please try and bare with me as I'm hurting right now and I'm just looking to vent and receive some advice.. So I met this female in 2012, she was at the same night club I was at was at with her now ex boyfriend. Over the course of the next 5 years I saw her at numerous concerts and events and we would always talk even though she had a boyfriend at the time. Over time we stopped talking and I just moved on with my life but always had thoughts of us being together due to how natural the communication was and how we had so much in common. I really felt like she was the one as I've never met a female that was so easy to talk to and never had a boring coversation with. Fast forward to 2014 we went out on her first date to a local art gallery, I picked her up, we talked, had a great time but after she told me she wasn't ready to date so soon, but would like to have sex with me instead. Weird right? Now I'm not the type of guy to do hookups, I'm looking for love and to be loved. I've only had one long term relationship in my life for 3 years in which I got cheated on and never spoke to my ex again. I stopped talking to her because she wasn't mature and told me she didn't want a boyfriend at that time and being her friend was just too hard. So I moved on with my life. Lets now get into the the present, its now May 9th and she randomly pops up in the people I should follow feature on Instagram. I figured what the heck I'll give it one more shot and see if anything comes to it (Yes, I really wanted this) So I sent her a iceberg DM and she responds and we talk and talk. She sends me her new number and we talk up until last Friday. Since May 9th, I've done the following: we've gone out on 5 days. I took her to two new museums that opened up, took her to her favorite place (the beach) while we were drinking beer on a balcony so you can see the ocean and such, went to a very romantic dinner on the water, dinner at a fancy steakhouse, took her to my favorite seafood spot, visited a local bar/venue where we met on numerous occasion, went bowling, went back to my house where we cuddled and she had sex with me (in which after I asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said yes), I bought her sunflowers (favorite flower) because it was that time of the month, bought her a new vape pen because hers broke, teavana tea and surprised her on our last date with Disney tickets (she said she wanted to visit Pandora) and I wanted to make it happen to show how much I cared about her. These were all things that were centered around her and what her interests are or things that reminded me of why I fell for her in 2012. I should mention she came over my house after spending a whole day together and we made out in my bed, had sex, and I asked her to be my girlfriend in which she replied yes. The only reason i had sex with her is because she was basically my girlfriend and we were talking non stop practically a couple saying I love you and missing each other non stop She is the one that said I love you first, said I was her best friend, and that she was never going to leave me. That I was the greatest thing to ever happen to her. Everything has been amazing and it's all left me real puzzled. I was supposed to meet her parents last Friday, I asked my ex what her parents were interested in and I bought them gifts to give off a great impression and even told her that I would pay for everyone's meal as I wanted to be a gentleman. She texts me an hour before I was supposed to leave and goes " Hey, do you remember when you ended it with your ex and you had all the time to move on and vent and clear your mind and thoughts and get to know all your ins and outs? Before I came in? Like prior to dating around? I need that. I thought I could do all this but I can't give my 100% and it hurts me SO much because I keep forcing myself to be all in. At first I thought It was just me afraid of something new, of someone new. But I realize it's deeper grounded issues. You're such an incredible man and I appreciate you so much and I'm sure you'll give me the world. But I need to love myself. I need to learn how to be alone. I'm so sorry I can't do this. My gut is killing me. It's too much to soon for someone as broken as me." I was a bit angry after she told me all that and I don't remember what I said to be honest. but she told me I was disrespectful with my response. I wanted to see her to speak face to face as texting was getting nowhere and she was getting ready to go on vacation with her parents like she does every year. She asks me do I love her? I said yes, she goes if you love give me the time to think about this. So I said ok I'll back off and let her take her vacation and miss me. Now for today! She's been on vacation since Saturday. A few weeks ago after our first date she went to a country concert with a few friends one of them was a guy she's claimed to know for a long time that is good friends with the family and the other was a couple she knows. The guy lives about 4 hours from us and he went to the show which I thought was kinda strange but I said whatever, she posted a few pics of them together and I figured that they were just close friends. Since the concert we went out on 4 dates all were amazing. She told me he is nothing more than a friend. The past few days we have done no contact but I still see her viewing my snaps but no texting or anything. Today I am looking at stories people have been posting and she has a picture of guess who? the guy from the concert.. The guy drove over 5 hours to go on vacation as a friend? I'm sorry I'm not believing this as just a friendship? I called her out on it and it turned into an argument and her more pissed off. I've since texted her the following: "I just want to apologize for the way I've behaved, I shouldn't of spoken to you that way. I was upset, I really do care for you and I wanted you to be my girl. Forever and always, I know you need to take this journey but I'll always be here. I appreciate everything that you have done for me and I'll cherish the memories that we've made. I miss you, If you ever want to talk. You know where to find me" She has since responded and has said: "Hey, I took my time to when I finished with my day to read this message. I accept your apology. I understand that you were upset. It's a pretty crappy situation. But that's exactly why I had to be honest and let you know. I'm being selfless. You deserve nothing but the best." Coincidentally the guy put he was in a relationship on Facebook 40 mins after I did. Am I just assuming or could she of actually left me and got with this ******* and completely lied and betrayed me. Like was everything she said a complete lie? Was the I love you's not genuine? I'm hurting and I don't know whether or not I'm over thinking it all but I think its all to coincidental. Over the past day she has put up three new pictures of him and tags him in everything but all the dates we went out on she never posted anything of us together or mentioned me. Maybe I'm really overthinking all this but I kinda gotta go with my gut feeling. I ended up deleting her last message from my iPhone as it hurts for me to read everything that she says. Should I not even bother to respond? Is there something I should say that would even make things right and make her want to get back with me at this point? In my opinion it seems like what we had is over. Thank you for anyone that reads this as It's been hard to write everything but I need to vent and see if anyone else has been through all of this. Forget it! You didn't have a real relationship with her. She seeing the other guy because she wants too. She knew she was going to see him on her vacation. So she did what most women do is give you a white lie about it. Saying she has to think things through give her some time. That time can mean anything and in her case she's seeing another guy why you wait for her to come back from her vacation. You need to block all contact with her and don't even answer any messages. She not caring about you she's loving another guy. It's best you understand what's going on. Yes we're all been though those as guys. Now we can share and teach each other not to continue with this sort of woman (trash) You have to let go, and don't look back. You and her are not engaged, your not married she has no ties with you. She can do whatever she wants to do and that's what she did to you. Now pull yourself together sure it's hurts but you have to do it. Why don't you fly out of the country and go have some fun at resort just maybe you'll meet someone who's really into you instead!
Author JayScott9 Posted July 4, 2017 Author Posted July 4, 2017 Hmm. This sounds suspicious, I'm sorry that you're hurting. When people give disclaimers, believe them. Whether she's not ready for a relationship because she's gotten herself into one with this guy, or she's not ready for one because she's got emotional issues and is "broken" really doesn't matter at the end of the day, unfortunately. The result is the same. Someone who is not willing to give you what you deserve. I didn't understand this part-- did you mean he set this 40 minutes after your message or 40 minutes after you initially changed your relationship status to be in one with her? Regardless, I feel if she is the quality woman that you think she is (and ready for a relationship), something would have developed before now since 2012. She passed on you before and now is backing out again. I know it hurts, especially when you put your best foot forward. Honestly, I think the only thing you can do now is give her all the space in the world and try to do yourself a favor by not looking at her social media. If she misses you, great. But that doesn't mean she isn't broken, is ready, or doesn't have someone else... Sorry for any confusion, we became "facebook official" 40 minutes before he changed his status.
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 News flash: if you are still connected through social media, you are not NC. You have to unfriend the other person & stop virtually following them. You have always been way more into this girl then she ever was into you. She has a pattern of a long lead time before she drops a BF & starts dating an orbiter. You were the orbiter from 2012 -- 2014. When she got back with you, this other guy was the orbiter. I'm not sure why you felt compelled to tell us every expensive thing you got for her as you rekindled this acquaintance: museums, romantic dinners, flowers, expensive tea, Disney etc. I read like you think she owes you because you spent so much. She doesn't owe you because you were generous. For whatever reason this woman has said she doesn't want to date you. She said it was because she's not over somebody else. It may have been a lie. She simply may have preferred the other guy. Either way, she chose somebody else. You need to accept that. Block her. Unfollow her. Move forward.
Ieris Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 @JayScott9 ~ I'm sorry to say that you may have been a rebound. She used you and kicked you to the curb so walk away now and don't crawl back. The more you beg and plead, the more she will just lose respect for you.
OatsAndHall Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 I'm sorry that you're so upset, my friend.. The trials and tribulations of dating can be painful at times. To be blunt, she displayed immature, self-centered, co-dependent behavior from the very beginning and it should have ended there. To me, it sounds like she is a serial-dater. Every other guy is nothing more than a rebound for her but she's good at convincing herself and her significant others that they're not. But, I know what it's like to become infatuated by someone and let it cloud your judgement; I went down the road and paid for it dearly. Just let this be a learning lesson for you. Pay attention to red-flags early on and be mindful of them. Remove yourself from a situation when something glaring pops up and don't look back.
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