basil67 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Very hard to do. I once confronted her about it. Flat out said that I feel that she only wants to be with me because she wants to settle and finally have a family and stability but is not attracted to me at all. She reacted by making me feel guilty, behaving sad and hurt. Only spoken words were "how can you say something like that to me" (but nothing else at all - like saying that I'm wrong or etc.). But that's pretty much all. It's very frustrating not being able to rationally discuss this topic (I guess because the only rational discussion would lead to her admitting that I'm right). It's basically not possible to have this conversation as I'm immediately shut down with emotional blackmail, as if I'm very inconsiderate and hurtful to even bring this up. I agree that this is not a woman to settle down with. That said, the above is NOT the way to begin a rational conversation with someone. Instead, it's the way to start a fight. Her reaction to your comments was the only outcome to be expected from your opening line. If you want to have a rational conversation, don't start out with "confronting". Confronting someone is an aggressive move. Instead, start out with gentle conversation. Instead of telling her what you think she's doing (guaranteed way to offend), talk about how you feel. Saying something like "I feel like we're not connecting well and I'd like to talk about ways to improve it" would have gotten a far better response. Go and read up on being assertive. It will help you get out of this messy relationship and it will help you with better communication techniques in future relationships.
Tribble Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 I don't get it. Nowhere in your post do you seem to like your girlfriend. You definitely don't respect her. So why are you with her? Why did you get with her in the first place? This isn't working at all so end it already. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 I really feel like the "bad guy" by wanting to break up. You are not the bad guy. People are allowed to end relationships because they are not happy. Yes, it isn't fun to hurt somebody's feelings but doing it now is better than doing it later. 3
Andy_K Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 This is so absurdly stereotypical as to be bordering on trollish. Giving you the benefit of the doubt though. Why are you staying with a woman who clearly isn't attracted to or turned on by you? Think back to previous relationships (assuming you have some) and the girls who were into you. Can you really do without that for the rest of your life? If not, then you already know what you need to do, you just haven't done it yet. Nothing is going to fix this relationship, but you can at least explain your point of view to her. Along the lines of: To feel genuinely complete and happy in a relationship you need to be both loved AND lusted for. Not one or the other. Both. Without both you'll feel unwanted, like a consolation prize. If she can't understand and deliver that, if she doesn't feel and need the same things as you, then the two of you can't be genuinely happy together. 1
central Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 So, lets get to the point: 1. Is she settling for me because I'm a "good and reliable guy"? (her words, the good and reliable I mean) 2. Do I have some mental illness and/or self-esteem issues since I put up with all this? 3. What to do? 1. Yes. 2. Probably self-esteem issues, or maybe just hard to let go of someone who is interested in you, even if for unhealthy reasons. Very doubtful that you have a mental illness. 3. Break up with her. Do you want a cold, sexless relationship? One where she has no passion for you, but may still have it for others, and could act on it if it's missing in her life with you? I think that would be a foolish, and self-destructive path to take.
Versacehottie Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 You are not the bad guy. People are allowed to end relationships because they are not happy. Yes, it isn't fun to hurt somebody's feelings but doing it now is better than doing it later. Wondering if you feel more "bad guy" in this scenerio than most guys would because the ONE thing you are being respected and admired for is your stability and reliability? It's nice, of course but it's not the only thing you are & certainly don't want to be seen as ONLY that with your girl, whoever you are with. Maybe that is the dichotomy that you struggle with in letting this one go? I see no reason to stay.
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