Violetstar Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I started an account just to ask this question! Any advice is greatly appreciated! HISTORY: Guy & I have been dating for a few months. He is the youngest of 6 children and told me from the beginning he is a mama's boy. I didn't mind it because he is really nice and sweet and I figured it was great that he was close to his mom! He told me that after middle school, his mother pulled him out and home schooled him but he doesn't know why she did that. So, for four years his mom was basically his only friend and I sympathized with him. But he has PLENTY of other friends now. We are both 21. PROBLEM: Guy has said and done a few things that have weirded me out lately. 1. He just got a laptop and put his mom's face as a screensaver. 2. He just bought the newest iPhone and put a picture of him and his mom as the screensaver. 3. He told me a few weeks ago that his mother was his #1 woman and that anyone else would come in second as he could never love anyone as much as he loved his mom. I wasn't jealous when he said this, but I just felt like it was a really weird thing to say out loud to someone he was dating. 4. I've spent the last few weeks at his house and whenever his mom and dad fight he immediately runs in to defend his mom. I've listened to these fights and these are personal fights between husband and wife. These fights shouldn't include him WHATSOEVER. In my opinion, it is rude and disrespectful towards his father to do this. He runs in between them and starts to argue with his father and join in on the fight to defend his mother. At first it was sweet but now it's a little weird to me. Last week, the fight between his parents was pretty bad and his mother kicked my Guy out of the house and told us to go for a walk so they could fight in peace. My Guy was FUMING about this because he felt should have been allowed in there. I told him straight out that he can't jump in like that when they don't include him. Those fights are between their marriage, between husband and wife, mother and father. And some of the stuff they've yelled about is PERSONAL (I've heard through the walls!). My guy suddenly snapped at me. He told me that he couldn’t just stand by and let the “only woman he loves more than anything in this world,” be disrespected. He said his father doesn't know anything about truly loving her, and that he should just leave them so that it will just be him and his, "#1 Woman." He continued to fume and snarl and snap about how his dad is a horrible man and how the "love of his life," shouldn't be subjected to such abuse. I SWEAR to you I am not jealous, I'm actually just really weirded out. We've been dating for almost 3 months. I've dated mama boys and it's never been like THIS! His father does not abuse her, he's not abusive in anyway. They argue like normal old married couples do. But My Guy keeps talking about his mother like THEY ARE the married couple! And when his mom kicked him out of the house so she could argue with her husband, he almost seemed jealous to me. So, am I crazy? Does my guy seem to be way into his mother? Or does he just not have boundaries?
Erik30 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Is his name Norman?... No you're not crazy, it's weird. I guess you're just going to have to accept him and his relationship with his mom, or move on. You can't change him 2
act00 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 It's very strange. I think I would be rethinking this relationship. This is not something that's going to go away. Thinking long-term, if you were to get married, his mother would always be in the middle of it. Not physically, obviously, but always there. Always a priority. It's great they're close, but this seems a bit unhealthy. When couples form a union, the husband/wife and the union (marriage or living together) is the priority. I question if he would make you and your union a priority. Mom will always be there and her wishes and desires will trump yours at every turn. I'm imagining the arguments when the babies enter the picture, or the arguments over decorating or choosing a house, planning holidays, with your family or his, and the hen-pecking about not doing things her way, etc. I'm sure you've read about in-law horror stories. She'll coddle him, you'll be second fiddle. You're at a point in your relationship that I think it's normal that people make a choice to part ways or not. How long have you been going out? Once the honeymoon phase ends (2-4 months it seems), the "realness" starts to evolve, and you get to know the real person and all the flaws and if you mesh. It continues forward or maybe it phases out. I think you might be in that stage, and it's time to decide if this is something you wish to continue pursuing.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I'll admit I was ready to write this thread off as soon as I read the title, but now I feel compelled to reply and tell you that you are right to feel completely creeped out by his behavior. There is almost something incestuous about it. Whatever is going on in their "special" relationship, it is clear that he has an unhealthy attachment to her that borders on obsessive. My advice is to get out of it now. You don't want to be involved in whatever mess is going on here. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I would not continue to date this guy. He has a very unhealthy attachment to his mother and he sounds extremely immature. As such, he will not be able to draw appropriate boundaries and will always prioritize her. Always. Run and find a guy who is more of an adult and not in love with his mom. 2
coolheadal Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I started an account just to ask this question! Any advice is greatly appreciated! HISTORY: Guy & I have been dating for a few months. He is the youngest of 6 children and told me from the beginning he is a mama's boy. I didn't mind it because he is really nice and sweet and I figured it was great that he was close to his mom! He told me that after middle school, his mother pulled him out and home schooled him but he doesn't know why she did that. So, for four years his mom was basically his only friend and I sympathized with him. But he has PLENTY of other friends now. We are both 21. PROBLEM: Guy has said and done a few things that have weirded me out lately. 1. He just got a laptop and put his mom's face as a screensaver. 2. He just bought the newest iPhone and put a picture of him and his mom as the screensaver. 3. He told me a few weeks ago that his mother was his #1 woman and that anyone else would come in second as he could never love anyone as much as he loved his mom. I wasn't jealous when he said this, but I just felt like it was a really weird thing to say out loud to someone he was dating. 4. I've spent the last few weeks at his house and whenever his mom and dad fight he immediately runs in to defend his mom. I've listened to these fights and these are personal fights between husband and wife. These fights shouldn't include him WHATSOEVER. In my opinion, it is rude and disrespectful towards his father to do this. He runs in between them and starts to argue with his father and join in on the fight to defend his mother. At first it was sweet but now it's a little weird to me. Last week, the fight between his parents was pretty bad and his mother kicked my Guy out of the house and told us to go for a walk so they could fight in peace. My Guy was FUMING about this because he felt should have been allowed in there. I told him straight out that he can't jump in like that when they don't include him. Those fights are between their marriage, between husband and wife, mother and father. And some of the stuff they've yelled about is PERSONAL (I've heard through the walls!). My guy suddenly snapped at me. He told me that he couldn’t just stand by and let the “only woman he loves more than anything in this world,” be disrespected. He said his father doesn't know anything about truly loving her, and that he should just leave them so that it will just be him and his, "#1 Woman." He continued to fume and snarl and snap about how his dad is a horrible man and how the "love of his life," shouldn't be subjected to such abuse. I SWEAR to you I am not jealous, I'm actually just really weirded out. We've been dating for almost 3 months. I've dated mama boys and it's never been like THIS! His father does not abuse her, he's not abusive in anyway. They argue like normal old married couples do. But My Guy keeps talking about his mother like THEY ARE the married couple! And when his mom kicked him out of the house so she could argue with her husband, he almost seemed jealous to me. So, am I crazy? Does my guy seem to be way into his mother? Or does he just not have boundaries? Why are you in this relationship with him. You will always come second to him when it means a woman to love. Now does that sound right to you? It sure doesn't sound right to me either. He acts like his mom and him were way too close and I am not treading in that direction. You know more than we do and what the arguments with his mom and is that his true dad or step dad, you don't say. So you have guy who's really into his mom more than what should be that's all I am saying. If I was you end what you have with him, because look hows he acting with you when you confronted him about his mother and his dad. First off you shouldn't be involved either, no place for you with him. He got as a mental disorder complex or something happen with him and his mom. I not going there either but this is not good. Look at he talks about her does that sound right to you come now you had other men when last did you he such talk. He's very possessive over his mom and you are okay with that, what's wrong with you! You need to look at you and see what your getting involve with. So this is how it would be with him. Mother #1 Him #2 You #3 Now you see what your in for, just trouble. Get tell him this is not going to work. You can't deal with him and excess close possessive bond with his mother. Way to sick for you.. Get away from him! 1
Els Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I don't know if he "has a thing for his mother", but their relationship dynamics sound really messed up to me. I'd bail.
amaysngrace Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I'd be more concerned that his parents frequently fight in front of you, a total stranger. So when he runs to be with the mom after the fights you're left there with the dad or are you left there all alone?
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