Slept with a guy now what.....

[basil67]

I just said I don't do that meaning I'm not judgmental. Can I have an opinion? Yes! I don't care what people do but to me that is being nasty and I have a feeling it is nasty to plenty of guys! I don't want this to turn into anything else because all I am doing is asking for advice. I know I am a great person and I have morals so thats that.

 

You had consensual sex with a guy where there was zero commitment. It's been three days and he hasn't called. Therefore, like many women, you have just had a one night stand. And that's OK.

 

My original advice still stands: don't be down on yourself. And don't be down on other women who have also had one night stands.

[teak]

He's not feeling you like that. Move on.

[Jenn2]

Why do you say that? So I know for next time.

[teak]

The thing that most often brings people together is sexual attraction. Once the attraction is satisfied, that desire goes away unless there has been something else building with it. Sometimes there are exceptions, but this isn't one of them. And it has nothing to do with the kind of person you think you are or he thinks you are. It's just a common scenario. It's fine if you were just interested in sex, then mission accomplished. But it sounds like you hoped something more would come from it.

 

In the future, with other beginnings, hold out a little longer to see if something other than sexual attraction is building.

[basil67]

Why do you say that? So I know for next time.

 

You know they are feeling it when they choose to stay in contact with you.

 

My 25yr relationship started out with the potential to be a ONS. The next morning I woke and figured I should find my clothes and a cab. But he rolled over and kissed me good morning. He then spent all day with me and drove me home that night. He called me two days later to chat and set up a next date.

 

It's possible this guy may call you for next weekend. But don't set any expectations on him unless he's showing himself to be really keen.

 

And please don't feel dirty. Remember that a person is not defined by their sexuality.

[Arieswoman]

Jenn2,

There have been quite a few threads on this site recently from girls, such as yourself, who had sex with a guy on the 1st/2nd/3rd date, have heard nothing from him since and are getting all bent out of shape over it.

 

To elaborate on what teak says post #12, I'll say again;

 

Don't show the movie before the trailer

 

Now, forget about this guy and next time wait until you get to know each other a bit more before hitting the sack

[Bastile]

I mean't he didn't kick me out of bed and say "leave" he wanted me to stay the night unlike most guys. I did have a long term "friends with benefits" and we never stayed together, I always left. It was sex.. thats it.

 

You keep mentioning how decent he was, as though decent people don't have one night stands.

 

I find this common in women. They separate guys into the "FWB box", and the "boyfriend box" based on all sorts of little signs and signals. Any sort of conflicting signals seems to really mess with women's heads.

 

Know that guys don't work like this. If he wants you to be his girlfriend, the real signals are that he messages you often (each day), that he takes you out a few times each week, and then it's building up to exclusivity (which either of you can ask about).

 

He doesn't need to be the caricature "jerk" in order to not want to escalate the relationship further with you for whatever reason (could be anything).

 

I mean, seriously, I very rarely tell a woman to leave my place after sex. Doesn't mean I've tried to be wifing everyone up

 

You need to improve your standards for a better base level of human decency from the people you date going forward, methinks. Because when someone treats you well, you immediately think that he's your next husband or whatever, probably based on other guys treating you badly.

 

Even purely sexual relationships can be positive and meaningful. Operating at that standard for those types of lower-investment relationships puts you in greater stead going forward for the more serious and invested types of ltr's.

[coolheadal]

Why do you say that? So I know for next time.

 

Why didn't just you sleep on his couch and rest off the drinks you had. Why did you just let yourself go drop the panties and had that sex. This is where a lot of girls your age don't think? This guy just wanted to get into your panties that's it. He got it! Because you gave into his little trick. If he was great guy he wouldn't have had sex with you. Now he's gone out of town, you knew this prior then why would you give it so easy. I am not saying you did that like normal, but I guess you felt he was different. Oh he was different alright he left for his trip and got sex without contacting you ever again.

 

If you want a real relationship this is not the way to go. If you want to be different than the rest of the girls then your going to have to say no to sex until it's feels like "in love, I love you when you get to that point" You didn't have time to love him nor did he consider loving you. That's why happen here. I ran into this myself a few months ago. The girl wanted me to go back with her at her place. I said it's okay I live 15 mins from you and plus I was tired. I didn't want to go back to her place. I really didn't know her just met the first day. Everyone is going to treat the going back to their place a lot different. I want it to mean something, not just casual sex deal.

 

Next time just wait and if the guy can't wait then drop and move to the next guy until the right guy is what you want and get that love and respect, instead of getting ditched like you just did.. How to do this is going to take a change of your attitude. All guys want sex some can wait and some can't wait. They see you and want sex. They should see you and want to be with you and get to know you and fall in love with you. Wouldn't want it that way instead of the quick, hop and drop method your been doing. Even if it's a long time don't you see what's happening. Now your sad, you feel dirty... Well my child stop doing the old method and start doing it right. Listen to all of us here. Get a real man and have fun but don't give in easy if you feel no love then he's not the right guy for you. Like is not love.. Just learn you can have fun but not with these jerks you seem to attract for one-night sex..

Edited July 3, 2017 by coolheadal

[SammySammy]

The rationalizing is interesting.

 

I'm a good person. He's a good person. That means we must have had good people sex, right? We're going to live happily ever after, right?

 

No, dear. It means you had sex. Nothing more.

 

It doesn't determine who is good or bad. Sex doesn't determine whether you'll have a good or bad future with a person.

 

It was just sex. That's all.

 

Stop trying to make it mean something.

[thefooloftheyear]

Its like a case of buyers remorse....You bought it and now you are complaining....

 

Make better life decisions...Not that having casual sex is necessarily a bad decision, but you are trying to make it something that perhaps it isn't...Getting drunk and stupid isn't very bright...Most of us have BTDT, but by 26 it's time to start focusing on other things in life...at least from my perspective...

 

Just chalk it up as a life experience and be thankful that you being drunk didn't cause some other life changing chaos..

 

TFY

Edited July 3, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[Imajerk17]

So I met a guy a while back and nothing happened the night we met. I thought he was into my friend but we talked via Instagram and he told me that nothing happened and nothing was going to with her. He said "I just wanted you to know that." I had given him my number and after he told me how there was nothing going on there he texted me. He texted me and told me he hoped I had a good weekend and we talked a little. Later that day, he texted and asked what I was going to do that night. I told him I might have dinner with friends and asked if he had plans. He told me he didn't but since I was going out he might get out now. We went to a club and I invited him but he told me he was going somewhere else and invited us so we went and met up with them. We all had a good time. We have tons of mutual friends. My girlfriend told me to quit acting stand off ish bc I get that way when I get shy so after a few shots and drinks, I let loose. He slowly started getting touchy, started buying me drinks and towards the end of the night him and his friends wanted to change clubs and asked if we wanted to go so we all went. We talked and had the best time! This is where... UGH... things change. Clock struck 2 and I didn't have my car so he offered to take my home. We actually live very close so I didn't think ANYTHING about it. We got in the car and we talked about if he wanted to come to my house or if I wanted to go to his... he didn't pressure me and asked 100 times if I just wanted to call it a night. We ended up going to his house and of course, I stayed the night. I NEVER do things like this.. I am 26 and never act like that. Yes I have made some mistakes and act wild but nothing like this. I am deff not "one of those girls"

I don't know if it was the booze plus me being attracted to him? It happened...

We laughed all night and had fun. We talked and he wanted me to stay. He mentioned dinner some time in the future and I told him of course. He kept telling me how gorgeous I was. In the past.... When I have slept with someone else... it has been lets get it on and leave. Nothing like this! He dropped me off at home the next day.. I told him to have a good day and to have fun on his vacation and to holler at me later (meaning later in life) and he said absolutely! He is such a sweet guy but comes with baggage. It didn't feel like a random hook up this time. This happened three days ago and I haven't heard from him...... what is the next step? I am NOT texting him. The last "relationship"/hook up buddy that I had.... he did not treat me like this. We were friends with benefits for YEARS and he was straight to the point. Lets do this then go on as friends. A part of me really feels that he might be interested because he didn't need to go above and beyond and be nice and sweet just to get in my pants. I never felt like that was his intentions from the get go? PLEASE HELP

Is that all he wanted? Did I give in? He knows I am not like that. He knows I am a good person and a sweet soul. He knows I am not "one of those girls"

He is older and doesn't have time for BS. Neither do I. I don't do drama or like having conflicts. He knows that because we talked about it. He told me he wishes I would of contacted him sooner but I told him I didn't want to get in middle of anything (Meaning my friend when there was nothing there) I told him I hate drama and I don't do games. I was very to the point.

 

Well, to answer your questions about "next steps", it is pretty simple. Since you said you won't be contacting him first, then the only logical alternative is that you wait for him to contact you. After 3 days though, it isn't looking promising I am sorry to say.

 

 

A few comments:

 

1. I've never kicked anyone out of my bed after sex either even if I am not feeling her as a potential girlfriend. It's a matter of enjoying the night and being a gentleman/respect for the woman. The alternatives--making her sleep on the couch or having her find her way home all groggy at 4AM--seem pretty rude in fact.

 

2. I also find the persistent repeated "I'm not one of those girls" and the like in your narrative to be irritating. Why do you keep saying that in your post. You felt chemistry/connection with someone and you went with it. Just like many other girls do and what is wrong with that?

 

3. Anyway he may have had a great time with you as well, but he may not feel that this was meant to go beyond a night probably because of stuff that has nothing to do with you. It happens. Stop beating yourself up, you didn't really screw anything up, it is not a matter of "not respecting you in the morning".

Edited July 3, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Redhead14]

I just feel dirty... I've never done that with someone I've just met. I don't want him to get the wrong impression. Maybe he just wanted sex but what if not? And now he is turned off by my behavior? I would love to find someone who I could possibly have a long term relationship with if it clicks. I am super interested in hanging with him again and I am afraid I blew it. Will he text me if he wants to hang out again?

 

I don't want him to get the wrong impression -- A person only has one opportunity to make a good first impression. The time to be concerned about that is before you do anything that could create a wrong impression.

 

That being said, he slept with you too. You both own it. Sex with a man doesn't mean he is going to make you his girlfriend and vice versa. It is what it is at the time. So, if he is "holding that against you", he's got a double standard mindset going on.

 

I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, even if it's after a few dates, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise.

 

You owe each other nothing.

 

Will he text me if he wants to hang out again? -- Maybe he will and maybe he won't. You sit back and wait it out, no matter how long it takes. And, if it takes a while, you should be wary that it could be for another one-night stand. So, if he does, and you are still interested, you don't have sex again until he's consistently demonstrating sincere interest and there has been a conversation about what each of you is looking for out of your dating journeys.

 

I NEVER do things like this -- You can't say that anymore . . . so don't do it again if you want to recover from it.

 

I don't know if it was the booze plus me being attracted to him? -- If a person is going to blame their behavior on booze, they need to stay away from it so that they don't continue to make the same mistakes over and over again.

 

Judgement -- Again, this is something you need to be worrying about before you do whatever it is you could be judged for. Judgement should be a deterent -- the reality is that judgement is the word people apply to hearing a harsh reality from another person. Judgement/truth is a hard thing to hear sometimes but there is a reason people are afraid of it -- they don't like mirrors.

Edited July 3, 2017 by Redhead14

[mikeylo]

The place you are now is where you put others on. That's what you are struggling with. You are now ' one of those girls'.

 

Extremely low percentages of relationships where sex happens so early on have a long life. They are based only on initial physical attraction and perceived connection. Once that wears off, you get to see the real person and most break up.

 

If a guy wants a relationship, he will treat his girl that way and she won't have to question.

[stillafool]

I mean't he didn't kick me out of bed and say "leave" he wanted me to stay the night unlike most guys. I did have a long term "friends with benefits" and we never stayed together, I always left. It was sex.. thats it.

I have a feeling he knows id be interested in hanging out again but sleeping with him was not my intentions. I am the type of person who doesn't want to bug him. If he wants to talk to me, I told him to text me then he can. I feel like that is the mans thing to do especially after a night like that. I haven't dated anyone in a long and haven't been active with anyone

 

I really think if sleeping with him was not your intention you would have said "okay I'll go home" after 1 of the 100s of times he told you you didn't have to go to his house. You wanted him and it's okay to admit it. You said you had fun laughing and being with him all night. You had sex, enjoyed it now own it. I think he just looked at that night as a one night stand, enjoyed it and is now on vacation enjoying more.

[Jenn2]

So... what is the next step after hooking up with someone? I met a guy a while back and we hung out as a group. We had tons of fun so a week later I started asking around about him and what not. I actually added him on Insta and we started chatting. I messaged him to ask if he had found my credit card because I thought it fell out in his truck and he ended up giving me his number and we chatted. I ended up giving him my number and told him to contact me. He texted me one day and said he hoped I had a good day. That conversation carried on into the evening and he asked me what I was going to do. I told him I had plans to meet up with some friends for dinner and asked what he was up to. He said he thought about getting out and since I was, then he deff would. (Thought that was sweet.)

Us girls ended up at a bar and so I texted him to tell him and he invited us to meet up with him at a different club. We all hung out all night and had the best time ever. He started getting touchy/feely and I didn't stop it. We were a few drinks in and not causing any harm! Well... he offered to take me home because we are somewhat neighbors so I went with him. I didn't have any intention in my mind to go home with him like that but I did.... He offered to take me to my house a million times but we ended up at his place. I felt like we had chemistry and we had fun. We talked and laughed all night long and had a good time. It wasn't like a "hit it and quit it" type thing to me? I haven't had many sexual partners but it deff wasn't like one I've experienced before. After my long term boyfriend years ago I met a guy who became more of a friends with benefits and that was wayyy different. We would have fun and go our separate ways right after. But this time with this guy.. it didn't feel that way. He told me he wanted me to stay the night. We cuddled and laughed the night away. He mentioned taking me to dinner some time. We are both older and the bar scene isn't really for us. We talked about family and our pasts. I am 30 and he is early 30's. I am not the type of girl to just go home with a guy even though it seems like it. That's just not me. I am not confident enough and I am really shy plus that just isn't something I want. I just hope I didn't jump the gun. No I don't want to marry this guy.. I am a girl who prefers to be single VS being with someone just to have someone. I am the type of girl if it happens, it happens! I am not looking for anything. But like I said at the beginning... I felt like I could be interested in this guy thats why I started asking about him... have I blown it now? What is the next step? I really don't feel that it is my move to text him? When he dropped me off in the morning I told him to have a good day and he smiled. We laughed about how terrible work was going to be because we both had to be there within the hour. I told him to holler at me later and he said absolutely and smiled.

Any advice?

[Arieswoman]

Jenn2,

 

You chose to ignore it and yet again have sex with a guy you hardly know. And yet again you find yourself in a quandry.

 

"The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" (Wrongly attributed to Einstein)

Save

Edited July 4, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

The ONLY next step that makes any sense is to wait and see if he contacts you for a date otherwise move on.

[Jenn2]

Thank you! That's all I wanted to know. People get on here and start judging... ticks me off! I didn't word any of that the right way. I'm just a little worried bc I am super shy and come off "bitchy" when I'm deff not so I hope he knows I'd love for him to contact me some time. What about adding him on snap chat? Is that too clingy or weird?

[stillafool]

Leave him alone and wait.

[Bastile]

I'm just a little worried bc I am super shy and come off "bitchy" when I'm deff not so I hope he knows I'd love for him to contact me some time.

 

You had sex. That's a pretty obvious indication of your interest, don't you think? More so than adding him on Snapchat?

 

If he wants to do it again, he'll contact you. The only problem being whether it'll be a club-night hook up, or transitioning into something more than (because the precedent has been set).

[Jenn2]

Okay... I sure will! I just feel awful and totally regret doing it. I definitely wanted to get to know him and didn't plan on going that far. Im afraid I've ruined it all. I deff didn't plan for this

[Jenn2]

just feel that I might of gotten "sloppy" and that isn't me usually. We all were having so much fun and the shots started flowing and bam... it happened. That isn't me... I don't drink much anymore. I was out with my best friends and it just happened bc we were having so much fun. What am I supposed to do if I see him out? A part of me wants him to know that I had a blast but that isn't me and I'm afraid I didn't make a good first impression. Whether we are just friends in the future or not.

[stillafool]

Okay... I sure will! I just feel awful and totally regret doing it. I definitely wanted to get to know him and didn't plan on going that far. Im afraid I've ruined it all. I deff didn't plan for this

 

Stop regretting the sex. You knew what you were doing and wanted it. You are a full grown woman and you need to just own it.

[Redhead14]

afraid I've ruined it all -- Ruined what? The idealized vision that this guy might have been the one?

Edited July 7, 2017 by Redhead14