Slept with a guy now what.....

[Jenn2]

So.... there is this guy! I thought he was attractive a while back but we never met each other personally or were introduced. Ive never thought about him.. nothing like that.

 

We'll Wednesday night I went out with some friends and a girlfriend of mine was with this guy, Derek who she has been talking to. She loves the guys and is always talking to multiple guys and sleeping with them (I don't agree with it) but that is just her. The next night.. she meets up with us and is with another guy... this guy that I thought was cute from way back in the day! I was like wtf and we all laughed. She talked about how she had just taken the other guy to another bar and now she was hanging with this guy. We all laughed and said she was going to get caught.

 

She didn't seem in to him AT ALL and she was texting the guy that she has been hanging out with all night!!! This new guy (the one who I think is cute) even took her home and dropped her off and that other guy was AT HER HOUSE waiting for her! She even told another guy friend that she wasn't into him (this new guy) She gets around and doesn't want anything serious. Well..... this is where it gets tricky. We all after partied after the bar closed until LATE and he was so much fun. He was so sweet and was very flirty with me. I lost my ID that night and he dropped me off at my house before taking her home so I asked him on FB if he would look in the back of his car for me because I remembered dropping my clutch.

 

I told him it was nice to meet him and I apperciated him looking and he continued to ask what I was doing and said we should all hang out again. I told him id love that meaning all of us and he went on to ask me if I wanted to hang out that night. I said no because I had to be up early... then he went on and gave me his number and told me to hit him up sometime!!!!!

 

I do not know what to do. I have been single for so long and am the mom of the group. I do not like drama and always stay out of it. I don't go out much and just focus on work and school. I am 28 and SO over the bar scene. I am the calm one of the group. Instead of ignoring him and with me being attracted to him I told him he should holler at me some time (I am not texting him first) and then I told him that if he was starting something with my friend I didn't want to get in the middle of it. I was blunt and thats it. I would be super interested in getting to know him and to hang out with him.

 

What do I do? I am not bringing it up to her right now because there isn't anything to bring up? She went home to another guy? People know they are together? (The guy she went home with. They have been talking for months) I don't feel like I am doing anything wrong? If he does text me I will tell her in the future but I don't want to start anything. I would talk to him or even text him first if she wasn't in the picture. It just isn't fair because she is literally talking to 3 guys and always does this.

Edited June 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge three threads and add paragraphs, member moderated

[smackie9]

Not really that difficult to have 3 guys chasing you when they know there is easy sex at the end of the rainbow.

 

Whatever you tell cute guy it's falling on deaf ears. He still thinks you are going to be an easy lay like your friend because that is how people think. Who#es of a feather will f&*^ together.

 

When a guy says "Hit me up sometime" he's not interested in a relationship with you. If he was he would ask you out on a proper date. Changing the image he has of you ain't gonna happen....that ship has sailed when banged your friend.

 

If you want to date and find a BF, you better keep better company.

[mercy]

Well, she can't have all the fish in the sea, can she? If he calls tell her about it. And tell him yes.

[salparadise]

I have a different take on it. I don't believe that you've ruined your reputation just by being in a group that included this girl... and I also don't think that you owe her dibs on any guy that she has talked to before. If she gets around like you say she might have half of the male population off the market already.

 

Here's what I think you should do... text the guy or message him on FB to indicate that you're interested, but don't accept a "hang out." If he asks tell him you're 28 and too old for that. Depending on whether you're able to be a bit assertive, or have a need to feign demure, you could suggest meeting for drinks and food as XYZ restaurant as an alternative and see how it goes from there. It won't take long to figure out whether he's interested in dating or just looking for low-hanging fruit.

 

Smackie, I must've missed the part where she slept with him... read it a second time and didn't see it then either.

[Jenn2]

She hasn't messed around with him and he doesn't even run around in our crowd. He just met her as well. They've only met up once and texted casually.

[Jenn2]

This was all last night. The last thing that I said to him was "I'd love to hear from you so your more than welcome to holler at me some time!" Then I told him but if your getting involved with Britney I don't want to get in the middle of anything!! It was a super casual convo because like I said, I only messaged him to ask about my ID. He is older and is newly single so he doesn't get around or hasn't yet! Haha! He's older and isn't immature like most guys. Should I wait and see if he texts me?

[salparadise]

Then he's fair game. No obligation to defer to this other gal. Just use big girl social graces to telegraph that you're not interested in hanging out like a teenager and see how it goes. Have a good time, hold your boundaries, and command the respect you deserve. Young women like you need to master the art of being politely assertive. For me at least, that is an extremely attractive quality.

 

PS: you already gave him the opening, so yea, I'd wait.

[Jenn2]

I'm just worried because they showed up together. They were in a group but they had to of been texting to meet up. She told me she has hung out with him once during the week with a group and then she hangs out with the guy she is talking with on the weekends and laughed about it. She told another guy that she was not into this new one though? And she did not act like it at all! He say by me and communicated with me more then her!

[Jenn2]

I was going to upload our convo but I don't know if I can post pictures?

[d0nnivain]

If she is multi-dating & the guy you like is just one of many in her rotation, I think you are free to just go for him. If her friendship is more important to you than the guy, tell her you will be doing this in advance. Notice I said "tell" not ask her permission

[Jenn2]

I've since found out that she is NO longer interested in him and wasn't ever really. I left it in his hands... I told him to contact me if he wasn't interested in starting anything with her and so I don't think there is anything else I can do..... I don't want to be buggy

[Jenn2]

Ive since found out that she isn't interested in him (Like i thought) so I left the ball in his court. I had told him before I knew this (When he told me to holler at him and gave me his number) that Id love to hear from him and if he wasn't interested in starting anything with her to holler at me. I told him I didn't want drama I was too old for that and laughed it off that I knew we aren't in high school but I didn't want to be in anything.

 

 

More info

I want to add that two of our mutual friends that I've brought it up to laugh and say "who isn't she "talking" with".... and that she likes the guys a ton! She just doesn't think about others and isn't really a kind person. She just wants to be sexual and doesn't care much about anything else. She's wild and having fun! And he is 32 and has kids..... definitely not the same people.

Should I message him and say hey, I didn't mean to come off rude because I feel that I did when I told him if he was talking to my friend then basically leave me alone lol... do I message him and ask when we are going for drinks? He said he wanted to again some time...... or do I actually text him? He gave me his number... I never do this! I never take chances... he is also newly single so maybe they are the same person just wanting to have fun? But also has his stuff together and I don't see being a hoe! Haha he has two older kids and is very well put together.

Edited June 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[harrybrown]

Hopefully find a way to get together soon.

 

 

He is wasting his time and will get hurt from your player friend.

 

This is not the 1950s. You can invite him for coffee. or whatever.

 

nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[smackie9]

 

Smackie, I must've missed the part where she slept with him... read it a second time and didn't see it then either.

I was referring to her friend not her, and as the saying goes you are the company you keep....well from his perspective. Or he is hoping that's all she is interested in like her friend.

[William]

OK, moderation handled things and we can now get back to the topic. Thanks!

[Jenn2]

[]

 

I did bring it up to her the other day and she told me to go for it. She said she didn't feel the chemistry but he had called her to hang out. Th have only hung out 2 or 3 times and it was with a group. I just don't want to be sloppy seconds and him talk to me be she isn't in to him? He is newly single and is just having fun. I do not want anything serious either!! What's my next step? Text him? Message him? I'm afraid I came off rude when I messaged him last so maybe I could apologize? I never go for anything and feel like I need to right now....

Edited June 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content ~6

[d0nnivain]

I was kind of wondering about the tone of your last communique with him. I wouldn't be so direct. Instead, next time the group is getting together make sure to include him. Hey a bunch of us are doing X over the weekend; hope you can make it! Then talk to him in person & make it clearer that way that you are open to something more with him.

[Jenn2]

So I met a guy a while back and nothing happened the night we met. I thought he was into my friend but we talked via Instagram and he told me that nothing happened and nothing was going to with her. He said "I just wanted you to know that." I had given him my number and after he told me how there was nothing going on there he texted me. He texted me and told me he hoped I had a good weekend and we talked a little. Later that day, he texted and asked what I was going to do that night. I told him I might have dinner with friends and asked if he had plans. He told me he didn't but since I was going out he might get out now. We went to a club and I invited him but he told me he was going somewhere else and invited us so we went and met up with them. We all had a good time. We have tons of mutual friends. My girlfriend told me to quit acting stand off ish bc I get that way when I get shy so after a few shots and drinks, I let loose. He slowly started getting touchy, started buying me drinks and towards the end of the night him and his friends wanted to change clubs and asked if we wanted to go so we all went. We talked and had the best time! This is where... UGH... things change. Clock struck 2 and I didn't have my car so he offered to take my home. We actually live very close so I didn't think ANYTHING about it. We got in the car and we talked about if he wanted to come to my house or if I wanted to go to his... he didn't pressure me and asked 100 times if I just wanted to call it a night. We ended up going to his house and of course, I stayed the night. I NEVER do things like this.. I am 26 and never act like that. Yes I have made some mistakes and act wild but nothing like this. I am deff not "one of those girls"

I don't know if it was the booze plus me being attracted to him? It happened...

We laughed all night and had fun. We talked and he wanted me to stay. He mentioned dinner some time in the future and I told him of course. He kept telling me how gorgeous I was. In the past.... When I have slept with someone else... it has been lets get it on and leave. Nothing like this! He dropped me off at home the next day.. I told him to have a good day and to have fun on his vacation and to holler at me later (meaning later in life) and he said absolutely! He is such a sweet guy but comes with baggage. It didn't feel like a random hook up this time. This happened three days ago and I haven't heard from him...... what is the next step? I am NOT texting him. The last "relationship"/hook up buddy that I had.... he did not treat me like this. We were friends with benefits for YEARS and he was straight to the point. Lets do this then go on as friends. A part of me really feels that he might be interested because he didn't need to go above and beyond and be nice and sweet just to get in my pants. I never felt like that was his intentions from the get go? PLEASE HELP

Is that all he wanted? Did I give in? He knows I am not like that. He knows I am a good person and a sweet soul. He knows I am not "one of those girls"

He is older and doesn't have time for BS. Neither do I. I don't do drama or like having conflicts. He knows that because we talked about it. He told me he wishes I would of contacted him sooner but I told him I didn't want to get in middle of anything (Meaning my friend when there was nothing there) I told him I hate drama and I don't do games. I was very to the point.

Edited July 3, 2017 by Jenn2

[act00]

Your story is very conflicting. You say you "never do that," and "never behave that way," and "never do things like this," yet you speak of hookups, "get it on and leave," and FWB, so I'm really lost on exactly what's going on.

 

You shouldn't apologize for your sexuality and enjoying it, but there are obvious risks involved, and you do have to set some personal boundaries.

 

This guy was after the tail, got it, and is now on vacation with other things to do. He might contact you when he's home, and maybe then he'll be up for a real relationship, or maybe he'll be after more tail.

 

You seem to be extremely casual about all of this, "holler at me later in life." I'm actually confused on your intentions. Is he? Is your effort to not express you want a relationship with him making you appear way to aloof and happy with just some more FWB?

 

I would probably just call this one a bust. If he contacts you later, and you feel he's worth a second chance, define what you want and go from there. I'm one who will toss out a text, "How's the vacation going?" and if no response, I have my answer...hint taken. It hurts, but at least you have something to work with. Cry and move on. He might text back and be thrilled you were thinking of him. You just don't know.

 

I'm really wondering if you're putting out some mixed signals. You really do come across as rather aloof in this, and he may just be taking your lead.

[basil67]

I would say the reason that you're beating yourself up is because you've scared of being judged in the same way that you judge others.

 

Thing is, you are no different to the girls you've judged for being 'one of those girls'. You've also discovered that nice girls can and do have casual sex and one night stands. It doesn't make them any lesser of a person and it doesn't make you any lesser of a person. And please remember that those who are good people with sweet souls treat those who make different life choices with respect rather than disdain.

 

It was a completely consensual one night stand. That's nothing wrong with that. Now, I want you to be kind to yourself over this and be kind to others who've done exactly the same thing you have. Be the sort of person you believe you are.

[Jenn2]

I mean't he didn't kick me out of bed and say "leave" he wanted me to stay the night unlike most guys. I did have a long term "friends with benefits" and we never stayed together, I always left. It was sex.. thats it.

I have a feeling he knows id be interested in hanging out again but sleeping with him was not my intentions. I am the type of person who doesn't want to bug him. If he wants to talk to me, I told him to text me then he can. I feel like that is the mans thing to do especially after a night like that. I haven't dated anyone in a long and haven't been active with anyone

[Jenn2]

No I am not afraid of being judged like I judge people because I don't do that. If you go home with a different guy every weekend.. that is turn off. That is nasty. I am deff not like that. I haven't dated anyone in quite some time and it was been a LONG time since I have been active so after a few drinks and the fact that I was into him led to a decision that I have to live with. Girls who behave like that ALL the time get a reputation especially in my small town. I am deff. not that girl and never will be. That is what I mean't! If people want to fool around, go for it! I am getting older and don't want to play games. Most of my friends are younger and want to play the games! Not me

[basil67]

No I am not afraid of being judged like I judge people because I don't do that. If you go home with a different guy every weekend.. that is turn off. That is nasty. I am deff not like that. I haven't dated anyone in quite some time and it was been a LONG time since I have been active so after a few drinks and the fact that I was into him led to a decision that I have to live with. Girls who behave like that ALL the time get a reputation especially in my small town. I am deff. not that girl and never will be. That is what I mean't! If people want to fool around, go for it! I am getting older and don't want to play games. Most of my friends are younger and want to play the games! Not me

 

In this case, I suggest you rethink your description of yourself. Kind and thoughtful people aren't judgmental.

[Jenn2]

I just feel dirty... I've never done that with someone I've just met. I don't want him to get the wrong impression. Maybe he just wanted sex but what if not? And now he is turned off by my behavior? I would love to find someone who I could possibly have a long term relationship with if it clicks. I am super interested in hanging with him again and I am afraid I blew it. Will he text me if he wants to hang out again?

[Jenn2]

I just said I don't do that meaning I'm not judgmental. Can I have an opinion? Yes! I don't care what people do but to me that is being nasty and I have a feeling it is nasty to plenty of guys! I don't want this to turn into anything else because all I am doing is asking for advice. I know I am a great person and I have morals so thats that.