mtp Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 I started talking to and hanging out with this guy in January, a couple months after he and his ex gf broke up. He told me how much he likes me, enjoys my company, how he can be himself around me, etc. A few weeks ago we got into an argument and we were both quite frustrated but we talked it out & it was fine Later, I talked to 1 of my best friends about it just to vent. Here’s the thing, my best friend is also really, really good friends w/ the ex, and all 3 of us knew each other from high school. The ex & I are still cool, and she’s in another happy relationship now. Anyway, when I told my best friend, she said that the guy actually reached out to the ex to catch up and told her about our argument. He said that it reminded him of her because something similar happened between the 2 of them before. He also brought up some other stuff I did or said that also reminded him of her, and that I was how he got over his feelings for her, and asked her why she hasn’t accepted his facebook friend request. I know that they tried to remain friends after the breakup but it didn’t work out & was kinda messy. They still talk when they run into each other here and there, and sometimes their interactions are good and fun but other times it was just awkward. And I don’t think it was the kind of friendship that you’d seek out when you’re going through problems especially since they hadn’t seen or talked to each other in a while. He has quite a few close friends that he could have definitely gone to if he needed someone to talk to Why would he go to her to talk about me? And COMPARE the 2 of us?!?!! Did he just need someone to listen or is it something else?
staggerlee71 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 technically, we are always rebounding out of a relationship. the important part is how much time between relationships was there. people need time heal. dumpers and dumpees. two months is NOT a lot of time. Also, contacting the ex with only 2 months time is a red flag. not sure anyone is ready to be friends after that short time. Based on what you said the conversation was about, I would be really cautious. read like he had an agenda Tread lightly here. Maintain your own interests and don't put all your eggs into this. If you maintain plenty of independence and date him, it will become clearer as to what he wants. Actions not words. look for effort with him
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Especially since you characterize the new relationship your BF's EX is enjoying as "happy" plus the length of time you have been with your guy, I'm not going to classify this as a rebound but I'd be furious that he chose to talk to her about your fight. She can't be his source of emotional support. Discuss his disrespectful choice with him & gauge his reaction which will tell you everything you need to know about the wisdom of sticking around with him.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 It is a really bad sign that he went to his ex to complain about you. That is very telling. I'm sorry, but it does sound to me like he is not over her. If he were, she would very likely not be the first one he runs to for emotional support. That was all kinds of inappropriate.
Author mtp Posted July 3, 2017 Author Posted July 3, 2017 Especially since you characterize the new relationship your BF's EX is enjoying as "happy" That's the thing. He didn't know that she was in another relationship since they haven't talked in a few months and she deleted him off all social media. Hence why he asked why she hasn't accepted his fb friend request
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Maybe the things that are happening between you two are similar to what happened between them, and he went to her to see if she can shed some light on what he is doing wrong to cause this. He doesn't want to make a repeat of it, and mess things up again, but with you. He prob felt she would be the only one that would understand.
scooby-philly Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 So I would love to see a study that produced a somewhat reliable formula for calculating the time people need between relationships, like X(no of months togehter) divided by Y (some unknown number) = time needed between relationships. Of course, it would have to account for a least some individual differences - such as living together, marriage, kids, etc - but alas - have never come across one. Look - the saying goes "if you have to ask how much something is....you probably can't afford it". I think the same thing is true when we ask ourselves a question about a relationship. If you got to ask...there's a least a bit of truth to it. So in your case OP - it's a triple or even quadruple red flag. First, he's only out of the relationship for x amount of time (how long were he and his ex together?) Second, he reached out to her. So either he's not over her or he's simply looking to brag. Third, he didn't tell you what he did - at least that he reached out to her. Fourth - the content of his message and your own analysis suggests something is very not right. As a guy I'll say - when I was younger and very insecure, if I reached out to an ex it was because I wasn't over them or because I wanted to troll/hurt/shame them. Not proud of it, but I've matured. That said I'd be very leery moving forward.
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