sandylee1 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 He didn't lie to me the last 3 years about sexting, this was his only infraction that I know about within the last 3 years. He sexted on and off 6 years ago. I'm not minimizing anything not denying anything. I was merely stating that this particular situation that just happened was supposed to be a chick in her 30's, no way in hell looked young like 16. Some guys were just trying to scam him out of money by scaring him. That said, he still chose to seek out a female to talk to and eventually sext with. I'm not ignoring this fact, but it's not exactly always possible to just up and leave. You only know this time because he was being extorted. Do you honestly think this was the only time in three years it's happened? He was sending nudes.. Is that not reason enough to end it? The age is really by the by. He was sexting. You left before and you can again. Yes.. This may have scared him, but remember that his promise to you 3 years ago wasn't enough to make him stop. You just need to resign yourself to the fact that once the dust has settled he'll do it again. Hopefully he won't get extorted again and you'll never know. Is this the marriage you want?
sandylee1 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 They were trying to scam him by saying she was 16 after the fact and that they had the conversations. What bothers me most is the lying. Time and again he lies to me, begs to keep our family together yet eventually does it again. When you say the lying bothers you most likely what do you mean? Of course he's going to lie and hide the sexting... That's a given. Why isn't the fact that he's sexting an issue for you?
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 If his predilection is for underage girls, then you have a far greater problem on your hands. How do you know he is only sexting these women/girls? 1
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 I want a divorce, and to move out. It will take some time though, that is what stinks. Why will it take time? Do you have family or friends that you can stay with? At the very least, you need to be planning an exit strategy - save your money, talk to a lawyer, educate yourself on what you can expect re: spousal and/or child support.
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2017 Posted July 9, 2017 (edited) This isn't even a case of him having a sex addiction, he doesn't. He just has this habit of when he is overwhelmed and stressed he finds females to talk to you and eventually sext. What hurts me the most is the lying to me. He has time and again lied to me about this and then begs to keep our family together. I'm tired of being lied to. "He just has this habit of when he's overwhelmed and stressed he finds females to talk to and sext." Well, if that isn't minimizing unacceptable behavior, I don't know what is. Seriously, everyone gets overwhelmed and stressed... He needs to learn a better coping strategy than soliciting sex from women and under-age girls online when he is stressed. Don't excuse or justify his behavior. Let's see, your husband has a habit of sexting with women, and a particular interest in under-age girls. That in and of itself, is disturbing. Depending on how far he takes it, it could in fact become criminal. He then lies to you about it - you know about this particular instance because he got caught, but you can't honestly believe that it is the only time? Can you say with any certainty that he is only sexting? You have trusted is man time and again... And he has broken your trust in the worst way. You deserve more than this. It's time to leave. Edited July 9, 2017 by BaileyB
Author LostNtrapped Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 "He just has this habit of when he's overwhelmed and stressed he finds females to talk to and sext." Well, if that isn't minimizing unacceptable behavior, I don't know what is. Seriously, everyone gets overwhelmed and stressed... He needs to learn a better coping strategy than soliciting sex from women and under-age girls online when he is stressed. Don't excuse or justify his behavior. Let's see, your husband has a habit of sexting with women, and a particular interest in under-age girls. That in and of itself, is disturbing. Depending on how far he takes it, it could in fact become criminal. He then lies to you about it - you know about this particular instance because he got caught, but you can't honestly believe that it is the only time? Can you say with any certainty that he is only sexting? You have trusted is man time and again... And he has broken your trust in the worst way. You deserve more than this. It's time to leave. He isn't into under age girls in any way. He was told who is was talking to was in her 30s and looked in her 30s. I have no idea if he has gone beyond sexting. I'm not excusing it, I'm just stating the excuse he uses to justify his own behavior.
Author LostNtrapped Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 When you say the lying bothers you most likely what do you mean? Of course he's going to lie and hide the sexting... That's a given. Why isn't the fact that he's sexting an issue for you? I have stated earlier in this post that I can understand sexting and open to it ONLY if nothing is hidden. The fact that he lies to me is what bothers me most, because I normally would have been open to alternative ideas. He has always told me he doesn't want that though(mostly because he doesnt want me to do it)
Author LostNtrapped Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 Why will it take time? Do you have family or friends that you can stay with? At the very least, you need to be planning an exit strategy - save your money, talk to a lawyer, educate yourself on what you can expect re: spousal and/or child support. I don't have anyone who can help me. I am dealing with my own medical problems and chronic pain, I'm not able to work like most can. I have to somehow work more, save money, and plan on moving.
Author LostNtrapped Posted July 10, 2017 Author Posted July 10, 2017 You only know this time because he was being extorted. Do you honestly think this was the only time in three years it's happened? He was sending nudes.. Is that not reason enough to end it? The age is really by the by. He was sexting. You left before and you can again. Yes.. This may have scared him, but remember that his promise to you 3 years ago wasn't enough to make him stop. You just need to resign yourself to the fact that once the dust has settled he'll do it again. Hopefully he won't get extorted again and you'll never know. Is this the marriage you want? It isn't and I am done, but I am stuck here until I can find somewhere else to live and a way to support myself and my kids. I have chronic medical problems and pain, so working is almost impossible. I have to find a way though somehow.
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