The Groot Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 I would describe myself as a pretty honorable guy. I wouldn’t cheat, I wouldn’t be with someone who was cheating and I would distance myself from people that I knew were. I’d always asked myself the question of whether I would speak up and out the person if such a situation arose. I hadn’t… until now encountered that situation, and I really don’t know what I am going to do. My Mom’s oldest and dearest friend lives overseas. They visit each other every few years. She visited us just recently for about 3 weeks. It was the first time I had seen her in 5 years. I won’t drag this out, we hit it off and ended up having sex a number of times. I am single, she was not wearing a ring and said she was single. I found out after she went back home that she is not single but apparently happily married. I decided to let what is done be done and leave it at that even though I was appalled by her lies and felt a bit guilty that I moved in on another man’s woman. The thing is that she is now emailing me and sending me private FB messages declaring her want to pursue this further. I have told her to desist with the threat of outing her if she didn’t. The replies I am getting are naked photos and declarations of her desire to do it all again. So the question I have is, is it time to out her? Bearing in mind that this will have an impact not just on her (whom I really don’t care about) but also on my parents (whom I obviously don’t want to hurt or embarrass). My head tells me to just delete her from any contact and move on, thus protecting my parents. But just the thought that this poor guy has this ho as his wife makes me empathize with him so much I feel he deserves to know.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 I'd block & delete her. If your mom asks, then you can confess but for now mum's the word. Hopefully the friend won't be stupid enough to get your mother involved. 1
Springsummer Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Wow, this woman has no shame? zero? how can that be? having sex a few times, we can call it mistakes, but keep pestering you after you warn her? wow... I am physically attracted to an intern in my team. we are singles, but because he is so much younger, I don't think it is even appropriate to flirt or show any sign of interest. now attraction seems to diminish with the realization he is really young, dumb and full of c** though... I think her husband and your parents deserve to know. yes, they will be hurt, but you don't want them to be deceived either.
dichotomy Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 I am very surprised she continued to pursue you after you said you were upset she was married and after you told her you would tell her husband. Wow - she is messed up. I mean she can go get another guys somewhere besides you on the side with less risk. Part of me would advise you to just track her husband down and send him all the texts and photos you got. She does not seem to care or fear the risk. But honestly I dont know.
Mrs. John Adams Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 First...it is none of your parents business...so i see no need to involve them. They are friends...not related. This woman lives overseas....you have not seen her in 5 years...so chances are....you are not going to just "run into her". I would absolutley block her after i told her if she contacts me again i will foreward her pictures she sent you to her husband....and if that doesn't do it...I would follow through with my threat...and send the photos to her husband. Let him deal with her. I do think it is strange though that ...if this woman is your mother's oldest and dearest friend..that she would not know whether or not her good friend is married or single. I cannot imagine that your mother did not talk about her arrival and impending visit and mention that she was coming alone without her husband. I find the whole thing kind of strange.... 3
preraph Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 I would tell that woman "I'm no longer interested. I don't want to have to tell my mother what was going on and ruin her friendship with you, so we need to both just walk away and stop contact." 2
Author The Groot Posted July 3, 2017 Author Posted July 3, 2017 First...it is none of your parents business...so i see no need to involve them. They are friends...not related. I think you misunderstand. I would not be involving my parents directly, but if I was to out her then clearly my parents would learn about what happened, if not from her then from her husband. I could probably do it anonymously I guess? I do think it is strange though that ...if this woman is your mother's oldest and dearest friend..that she would not know whether or not her good friend is married or single. I cannot imagine that your mother did not talk about her arrival and impending visit and mention that she was coming alone without her husband. Mom obviously knew. I guess it's not something her and I discussed. In fact I wasn't interested that she was coming at all, she was not my friend. I guess the changes between 14yo and 19yo made a lot of difference. I find the whole thing kind of strange.... As do I. I wont lie, I enjoyed what happened, but knowing what I know now eats me up. I'm now the other man, the affair partner, the one that will likely end their marriage. It's a lot to take in.
Author The Groot Posted July 3, 2017 Author Posted July 3, 2017 I would tell that woman "I'm no longer interested. I don't want to have to tell my mother what was going on and ruin her friendship with you, so we need to both just walk away and stop contact." I have done just that. Although I have not yet blocked her I have not responded to any of her messages for over a week. She has sent 7 in that time. I was supposed to be travelling throughout Europe next year. She offered a room at her house to use as a base which I accepted (I no longer will be). She keeps talking about how she can't wait etc. She is totally oblivious to the fact I am saying no, never again, and it never would have happened in the first place if I knew about her husband. I get that she's probably excited about what happened. We had a great time, I had a great time, I would have loved to do it again. But I now know she's married. How can she not accept that changes everything?
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Your mother was right not to discuss her friends' martial status with her son. She had no way of knowing this cougar would prey on her cub. If you can't tell people straight up don't bother. Anonymous is a coward's way out & you won't be believed. I thought you were too young to be able to tell the husband without support which is why I suggested you talk to your mom since this woman is her friend. You are smart to realize you can't stay at her house next year when you go to Europe. N.B. Certain European cultures are more open to extra marital affairs so for her & her husband your dalliance may not be the marriage altering thing you view it as. I'm not saying you have to accept it. Stick to your morals but steering clear may be a better bet then trying to out her. Again, your mom may be better able to get her to leave you alone.
Author The Groot Posted July 5, 2017 Author Posted July 5, 2017 Certain European cultures are more open to extra marital affairs so for her & her husband your dalliance may not be the marriage altering thing you view it as. It's interesting to hear that. She has claimed that her husband knows. Although when I pressed about why she said she was single she claims she never did. If it was true that her husband knows and is comfortable with it then it would certainly open a whole new world to me. I did have a great time with her, the thought of cheating disgusted me, but the thought of having more opportunities if it's above board is certainly enticing. In any event, I will never know. I have blocked her and don't plan to take it any further. Although I must admit your comments re it being accepted in certain cultures tempted me to re-establish contact to find out. I will however resist that temptation.
Popsicle Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 (edited) Funny that you said she's happily married. I guess people just assume that if you're married that it's happily. In the future, don't sleep with your moms friends. Sigh. Edited July 5, 2017 by Popsicle 1
Popsicle Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I have done just that. Although I have not yet blocked her I have not responded to any of her messages for over a week. She has sent 7 in that time. I was supposed to be travelling throughout Europe next year. She offered a room at her house to use as a base which I accepted (I no longer will be). She keeps talking about how she can't wait etc. She is totally oblivious to the fact I am saying no, never again, and it never would have happened in the first place if I knew about her husband. I get that she's probably excited about what happened. We had a great time, I had a great time, I would have loved to do it again. But I now know she's married. How can she not accept that changes everything? I have a married friend who acts like her. She is so desperate. She likes to fantasize that she's single and often forgets that she's married when she interacts with single people. Yes she's cheated several times.
sandylee1 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 I'd be very peeved, if my friend did this. She sounds like a shameless hussy to me. Or as we say in England... She's brass necked.
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