Any reconciliation stories?

[eXistential]

Hello Loveshackers.

 

Do you have any reconciliation experiences or stories that you or a friend experienced or anything like that? After how many months the reconciliation occured, who initiated contact (Dupree/Dumper) and how? What was the reason for the breakup? And if I want a reconciliation what is the best strategy in your opinion if months have been passed since the breakup?

[smackie9]

There are good ones and bad ones, and ones that should never have happened.

 

Most of the positive ones were my married friends. They had a lot to lose so they made it work after they were separated for about 6 months. They tried dating others to move on and I guess they came to the realization the grass isn't always greener and figured out what the issues were in their marriage. The split actually just opened their eyes to what was really happening in their marriage....gave them time to reflect. Infidelity, being unhappy/unsatisfied was what caused the split. So far everyone is happy and faithful years later. It brought them closer together.

 

Now I know of other relationships where it was just pure selfishness that was not making them get along. On again, off again relationships, breaking up like every month over stupid crap. Just let it be over and move on was their best option.

 

My tip is, it will only work if both are on board with repairing what's broke in the relationship, and keep putting in effort so it won't happen again.

Edited July 2, 2017 by smackie9

[d0nnivain]

I posted this one a few days ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/628045-little-hope

 

Bottom line: it takes YEARS & a lot of maturing

[OatsAndHall]

My best friend graduated college and moved two hours away from his girlfriend. She got upset and called it off. He was pissed off about it for weeks until I pulled him aside and told him to get over it, get a hold of her and make it work. This was hard for me to do because I didn't care for her. He initially told me to screw off but heeded my advice after a few days.

 

They're married with two kids right now.

[No_Go]

All my exes that I dated 6+ months returned 6-8 weeks after the break up (it is hard to say were they dumpees or dumpers - in my cases I always started the process and they always ended it). I tried repair work with 2 of them. Both time it lasted 3-4 months and then all the old issues resurfaced.

 

Sorry this post is negative as a whole ... but the point is exes (men)!more often than not return, the problem is that unless a major amount of time and self-work have happened- old problems will still be there. People don't break relationships that they are happy in to start with (oh, and there is a single reason why men tend to return: sex - seems like 6-8 weeks later if they can't get any they reach a point of frustration)..

[act00]

I can't speak of successful, long-term reconciliation, but I've had a few pop back and contact me after ghosting me. I am in a year-long on again, off again, and I don't know why I keep doing it, except I just like him. I don't think this will ever be a couple/marriage thing, but he pops in, disappears, comes back, etc. I think I'm on my final round with this one...so I say.

 

The one that ghosted me a few months ago contacted me. I decided to give it another try, but at no point was he available to actually get together in person, just text. We did make loose plans to meet one day, finally, and when I was contacting him for time and place and try to solidify, there was no response. He fell asleep. I broke it off with him, officially, after weeks of sporadic texting. He contacted me again, and now we're on round three. After a few more weeks of texting, I told him that I want time together and if he can't do that, we can't have a relationship. A week went by, and he texted me again with a "Good morning, gorgeous" text, which is sweet and endearing but also pissed me off. He hasn't been able to produce the time, so now I'm ignoring him. I have officially cut ties with him twice...he just ghosts.

 

I had an old boyfriend of 20 years ago contact me. It turns out, we live sort of close together and have gone out a few times, but things aren't really connecting well, so I have no idea where it's going, but oh my heavens, my toes are curling all over this one! Work and distance and kids get in the way, but yowza!

 

I know someone who reconnected with an old boyfriend from high school. She was raised in a strict religious home and he was not someone of the same religion, and ultimately they never dated or connected. Years and years later they bumped into each other...can't remember how, both having been married, kids, divorce, and here they are, a happy couple.

 

Contact has always (mostly) been the "dumper" for me. I, as the dumpee, have not reached out to them. They dumped me for a reason, and that reason probably won't change. Back when I was younger, I fought for reconciliation, which didn't work, but at my age now, I'm just kind of done. If he thinks he made a mistake, he can contact me.

Edited July 2, 2017 by act00

[basil67]

eXistential, you may get more value from your post if you tell us what happened.

[eXistential]

eXistential, you may get more value from your post if you tell us what happened.

 

Thanks everyone for the posts.

 

I have been in a relationship with this girl for 3 years. We were really attached to each other, mostly her (we were talking about marriage, how much we loved each other and this kind of things), but somehow for whatever reason that she didn't tell me, she broke up with me almost 6 months ago. I didn't plead or beg, but I tried contacting her during the first weeks following the breakup and she was as cold as ice.

 

I didn't reached out since then, she reached out about business and she was really cold, distant and "to the point". We met a month ago to return to her some of her stuff, we had a friendly conversation but not about the breakup, she acted as if that never happened...

 

It seems like she has "lost her feelings". The strange fact is that weeks before we were talking about our relationship and when I asked her if she was happy she said "yes".

 

The first 3 months I was devastated, then I thought I was really going well getting over her (going out, missing her less and less), and suddenly at 5 months mark it hit me again, missing her as bad as hell... I want to reach out to her again to reignite some of the feelings, but I am considering it is better not to. I am also afraid of having to face once again that coldness from her...

 

I am once again thinking of her constantly, hoping and wanting to reach out as if it is month 1 all over again... :/

 

I am to a point that I know that reconciliation may not happen (although I want it to happen), and I am fully aware that she might never come back, so save your ultra-negative, "awakening" comments about "how she might never come back etc" and share some stories and ideas that you think is worth sharing.

[eXistential]

I posted this one a few days ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/628045-little-hope

 

Bottom line: it takes YEARS & a lot of maturing

 

that's a nice story d0nnivain! Thanks for sharing!

[d0nnivain]

If she lost feelings, you two are not going to make it to happily ever after. As soon as you acknowledge that, real healing can begin.

 

When getting back together works, there was a specific problem that got fixed in the interim. In my story the couple always liked each other. They just knew they needed to grow up & they did. Your story is not like that. She's done & therefore, gone.

 

For now you can grieve the loss of something that had been precious to you but you need to let go of hope for a reconciliation. Sorry.

[eXistential]

If she lost feelings, you two are not going to make it to happily ever after. As soon as you acknowledge that, real healing can begin.

 

When getting back together works, there was a specific problem that got fixed in the interim. In my story the couple always liked each other. They just knew they needed to grow up & they did. Your story is not like that. She's done & therefore, gone.

 

For now you can grieve the loss of something that had been precious to you but you need to let go of hope for a reconciliation. Sorry.

 

No d0nnivain, I think you are wrong... I had also "lost my feelings" towards her two months ago, because of the way she treated me after the Breakup. I was almost sure that I didn't care about her and that she didn't worth it. I started even going on dates, and I was even happy. And then suddenly all this came up once again, all these feelings, one day I woke up and they are there... Although I would agree that I should not sit and wait for her feelings to come back because they might never come..

[d0nnivain]

You broke up because she lost feelings. That is code for I want to be with somebody else / I think I can do better than you.

 

You "lost feelings" after the breakup because you didn't like the cold way she was treating you.

 

She was treating you coldly because you aren't accepting that it's over. At this point if you insist on being in touch with her all she's going to do is resent you.

[eXistential]

You broke up because she lost feelings. That is code for I want to be with somebody else / I think I can do better than you.

 

You "lost feelings" after the breakup because you didn't like the cold way she was treating you.

 

Either way I thought that my feelings were dead at some point, as she did/does..

 

At this point if you insist on being in touch with her all she's going to do is resent you.

 

That I would agree. But that's not the point of the thread

 

Meanwhile, I have (at some point) many times lost my feelings towards gfs having them coming back (my feelings). I think falling in/out of love is something that can happen indefinite number of times.

 

I don't know what brought you to LS d0nnivain, but I think you are being overly negative in your posts and that's not necessary.

[d0nnivain]

I'm not negative. I'm a realist, but I tend to be blunt. I don't believe in false hope or blowing sunshine in people's faces. I apologize if my matter-o-fact style is off putting. I'm not trying to hurt you.

 

You may run hot & cold -- losing feelings then having them come back. I don't know anybody who works like that. When the feelings are gone, that's it.

 

You came here looking for reconciliation stories. I gave you one but I don't see that in your future.

 

It is your life. You know this woman. I don't. I'm some voice on the internet. I do hope you find peace & happiness.

[eXistential]

I'm not negative. I'm a realist, but I tend to be blunt. I don't believe in false hope or blowing sunshine in people's faces. I apologize if my matter-o-fact style is off putting. I'm not trying to hurt you.

 

You don't hurt me. I know my chances.

 

I am just thinking that sometimes, we suppose that by being pessimists we are more "realists" somehow.. The fact is that nor positive nor negative attitudes are the real answer, because each case is obviously different.

 

The fact is that I have seen stories here and in real life, similar to my own, that they worked in the end and some others that they didn't.

 

So, obviously there is no "realistic" answer, the only realistic anwer will be the outcome of each of our stories. Reality is much, much, much more complex that just someone proclaiming that his ex has "lost her feelings" (what that even means?). I am not in her head, you are not in my head, I don't know each different, complex circumstance that is going on in her life, or in her head or in my head... So in the end we know just nothing! We are all trying to figure out the whole picture from collecting bits and pieces of information and ideas from others.

 

That's why I think you are not being a "realist", but just "negative". You de facto can't know my reality or my exes reality. But anyways, that's maybe your view, so thanks for replying, I really appreciate that.