CoolJoe Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 (edited) I started talking with a girl from a dating site. We haven't talked on the phone yet. Just a few texts here and there. We're meeting up Tuesday for our first meeting/date. Going out for dinner and fireworks. Heh, the holiday dictates that we do something unique (I haven't had many first dates on the 4th of July after all). So she commutes 3 and a half hours Monday-Friday for work. That's insane. I gave her kudos for that. She then told me she carpools with a friend and they switch off driving duties by the week. I told her that's a good deal you got going there and she said "yup, I don't know what I would do without my friend. How I would survive my job, lol." I then replied, "real talk: you wouldn't, lol." I immediately followed up with "Hopefully you'll find a better job soon that is more sustainable but good job making it work!" She didn't reply to that and I haven't heard from her since. This was only 32 hours or so ago, and I know people get busy over Friday night/Saturday plus we haven't met yet so I don't feel that my text offended her. But what do you think? Specifically the "real talk: you wouldn't, lol" text. Obviously meant to be a little playful somewhat, but I wonder if she took offense that I don't believe she could do it without her friend switching off. Luckily, I haven't texted her back since to "double check." The old me would do that but I find that can turn a girl off. I plan to text her Monday and tell her I'm looking forward to seeing her on Tuesday. Hopefully I hear back from her before then as a way to break the ice but I'm not banking on it. Edit: to clarify, she admitted to me her current job is not ideal. That's why I texted "Hopefully you'll find something better soon." It wasn't like she told me this is her dream job. She hates it in fact. Just for the record. Edited July 2, 2017 by CoolJoe
Popsicle Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Oooooh. That stung when she heard that. I dated someone who commuted a long way for work. Trust me, it's a BIG issue and huge source of stress for them. It's one that you can't even comment on when you are properly dating. They will stress and ruminate over it ALL THE TIME. You just can't and shouldn't say anything. It's too sensitive of a topic and one that is personal to them. They have to make their own decisions. If you don't want to date someone who has little time for you or who is always tired then don't date her. But stay out of her working life.
Author CoolJoe Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 Interesting that I got two completely different replies. I have a feeling she understood what I meant and was not offended. Her non reply indicates there was nothing to add on to that conversation. Now if she cancels Tuesday then I know I hit a sore spot.
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 It's not a smooth comment, but it's not damaging. It didn't need a response so you are over reacting. You should have followed up with, "I'm looking forward to our date, enjoy your weekend :)" 3
GemmaUK Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Could just be that the weekend came up and she had plans plus there was no question to respond to. But I agree maybe not the best thing to say especially as you can glean that her job is important to her just from the fact she commutes so far each day. Did she tell you she is actively looking for another job?
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 On Monday reach out to confirm plans for Tuesday. The comment while meant to be playful was probably badly received. In essence you disparaged her coping skills & you don't even know her. From a stranger (you) it could be easily interpreted as mean. I might have given up on you too or I would have come back at you in attack mode, claws bared. 2
Erik30 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Just watch it with the sarcasm and jokes over text. It's an easy way to get a misunderstanding, and some people don't like it because it might come across too negative. (Even of you were just teasing) Especially since that comment was at her expense 4
BaileyB Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 That's the problem with sarcasm and texting. The other person misses so much context, it can easily be interpreted the wrong way. 2
Maggie4 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 That's the problem with texting. Someone has to be the last person to text in a conversation, otherwise you go on forever. I think next time I try this on a man by texting "is there anything else I can help you with today?" As for your comment on the commute, I think it's totally fine coming from someone who has done bad commutes because it's from someone who understands. Either way I don't think it's a huge deal.
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