Fishforbreakfast Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Can someone help me please? I'm not getting any better since breaking up with my ex nearly a year ago. I feel like I've lost the will to live and really can't see a future for me that isn't miserable. I feel so alone and lonely. I've gone back on antidepressants for 2 months now and stopped me crying as much but I just feel hollow. The thought of another year suffering this much is just to much, I don't know what to do, I'm so so miserable I feel like I'm dead inside. I got shown what love is then it was taken away I would rather have never know it was possible to be as happy as I once was because I'm suffering so much now, my mum said to me the other day she feels like the mum in Donnie darco (watching her son suffer) I don't want to be like this anymore I want to be better but nothing is working and it has been a whole year
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Consult whoever prescribed the antidepressants & ask them to refer you to some talk therapy.
Little-Wolf Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 I'm sorry you're still feeling like this. You really need help from a proffessional. They will take you seriously and ensure you're getting your life back on track.
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 I'm sorry you're still feeling like this. You really need help from a proffessional. They will take you seriously and ensure you're getting your life back on track. Thanks I'm seeing a psychologist and counsellor and implementing what they say just can't see or feel it getting any better.
lonelyplanetmoon Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 You are stuck thinking about the past too much. You only have one life. As time passes so does life and the lessons it brings. What did you learn during the relationship? You were happy while in it. Yes we were all were there. But once that person is gone, you have to do the work to accept that they are gone. What you had in the past is no more. You only have the now and the future. How do you reach acceptance? By recognizing that it is not the end of the world. Though I know it can feel like it. What do you have that you are thankful for? Think of all the good things in your life and be thankful for them. By appreciating what you have, you will feel better about what you do not have. And if you say you do not have a lot to be thankful for. Then I challenge you to look at all the poor refuges who are without homes due to war. Or those who's lives are physically ruined by an unlucky encounter. And see if you are any better off than them. Baby steps but you have to make yourself do it. Also, it is very important to excercise. Are you excercising at least once or twice a week? 1
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted July 3, 2017 Author Posted July 3, 2017 You are stuck thinking about the past too much. You only have one life. As time passes so does life and the lessons it brings. What did you learn during the relationship? You were happy while in it. Yes we were all were there. But once that person is gone, you have to do the work to accept that they are gone. What you had in the past is no more. You only have the now and the future. How do you reach acceptance? By recognizing that it is not the end of the world. Though I know it can feel like it. What do you have that you are thankful for? Think of all the good things in your life and be thankful for them. By appreciating what you have, you will feel better about what you do not have. And if you say you do not have a lot to be thankful for. Then I challenge you to look at all the poor refuges who are without homes due to war. Or those who's lives are physically ruined by an unlucky encounter. And see if you are any better off than them. Baby steps but you have to make yourself do it. Also, it is very important to excercise. Are you excercising at least once or twice a week? Thanks for trying to put it in perspective for me. I really know I'm wasting my life when I could be happy because I'm in good health and have a job and supportive family and friends and things could be a lot worse. I really try not to think about him but it's like stuck in mind. I learnt what it's like to be really happy in a relationship. I feel like I've tried so much, I excercise every single day, I get in nature every day, I go for cold swims, I drink green tea and take fish oil, I eat healthy, I've taken up new hobbies, I started yoga, do a gratitude journal, listen to the happiness podcast 3 times a day, read inspirational quotes, practice mindfulness, try and think every day it could be my last and to make the most of it, I try to accept and love what is, try to think we grow through pain, I volunteered for old people, joined a group sport, started practising surfing But I honestly feel like I wouldn't care if I died anymore, what is life if I have no one to share it with. 1
Darien 76 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Hi Fish: I'm ten months out from my breakup and I can relate to how you feel. I feel angry, sad, and depressed. My ex and I were together about 7 years and last summer he got back together with his ex wife and was going behind my back. So I was dumped and now they are off and happy together. I go to counseling every 3 weeks or so and it's helpful to talk to someone. This forum is also helpful. It hurts a lot and I also try to do things to distract myself and some things work and others not so much. I'm hoping that when I meet someone new my ex will become more a thing of the past and this sadness will pass. I haven't felt much like dating yet because I knew I wasn't healed from the breakup, but I am starting to think now about meeting someone new and that I think this sadness won't be with me forever. Keep your chin up and keep going even though it sucks. xoxo
lonelyplanetmoon Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Thanks for trying to put it in perspective for me. I really know I'm wasting my life when I could be happy because I'm in good health and have a job and supportive family and friends and things could be a lot worse. I really try not to think about him but it's like stuck in mind. I learnt what it's like to be really happy in a relationship. I feel like I've tried so much, I excercise every single day, I get in nature every day, I go for cold swims, I drink green tea and take fish oil, I eat healthy, I've taken up new hobbies, I started yoga, do a gratitude journal, listen to the happiness podcast 3 times a day, read inspirational quotes, practice mindfulness, try and think every day it could be my last and to make the most of it, I try to accept and love what is, try to think we grow through pain, I volunteered for old people, joined a group sport, started practising surfing But I honestly feel like I wouldn't care if I died anymore, what is life if I have no one to share it with. Wow you have been doing all that? I would be SO proud of myself if I were you. That is really awesome that you have been spending so much time in improving you. Now with that said, do you think that some of your inability to let him go may be related to a fear of being hurt again in the future? You are holding on so tight to those thoughts because you fear that if you start a relationship again with someone else, you will have to open up to them and get hurt again? Just asking because I have been having irrational episodes of anxiety over losing my guy and what we had. Which then developed into fear of being vulnerable to someone else and going through this pain again. This fear just made me hold onto him more. It is hard to describe feelings so hope this makes sense. 1
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted July 4, 2017 Author Posted July 4, 2017 Wow you have been doing all that? I would be SO proud of myself if I were you. That is really awesome that you have been spending so much time in improving you. Now with that said, do you think that some of your inability to let him go may be related to a fear of being hurt again in the future? You are holding on so tight to those thoughts because you fear that if you start a relationship again with someone else, you will have to open up to them and get hurt again? Just asking because I have been having irrational episodes of anxiety over losing my guy and what we had. Which then developed into fear of being vulnerable to someone else and going through this pain again. This fear just made me hold onto him more. It is hard to describe feelings so hope this makes sense I don't think I'm scared about being hurt again because I know any hurt in the future will not be as bad or in the least I'm verrry prepared for it now I have done so much emotional work on myself. I guess i loved him and love doesn't just go away quickly because it is so rare to find (for me at least it is)... thanks so much though for replying
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted July 4, 2017 Author Posted July 4, 2017 Hi Fish: I'm ten months out from my breakup and I can relate to how you feel. I feel angry, sad, and depressed. My ex and I were together about 7 years and last summer he got back together with his ex wife and was going behind my back. So I was dumped and now they are off and happy together. I go to counseling every 3 weeks or so and it's helpful to talk to someone. This forum is also helpful. It hurts a lot and I also try to do things to distract myself and some things work and others not so much. I'm hoping that when I meet someone new my ex will become more a thing of the past and this sadness will pass. I haven't felt much like dating yet because I knew I wasn't healed from the breakup, but I am starting to think now about meeting someone new and that I think this sadness won't be with me forever. Keep your chin up and keep going even though it sucks. xoxo Omg that fing sucks so much!!! I'm so sorry to hear that you must feel crushed and betrayed I can't even imagine the pain you went through... it kind of helps hearing everyone's stories and seeing other people be strong and get through it, we are all in this together in a way. You keep your chin up too !! 1
whatnot Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Thanks for trying to put it in perspective for me. I really know I'm wasting my life when I could be happy because I'm in good health and have a job and supportive family and friends and things could be a lot worse. I really try not to think about him but it's like stuck in mind. I learnt what it's like to be really happy in a relationship. I feel like I've tried so much, I excercise every single day, I get in nature every day, I go for cold swims, I drink green tea and take fish oil, I eat healthy, I've taken up new hobbies, I started yoga, do a gratitude journal, listen to the happiness podcast 3 times a day, read inspirational quotes, practice mindfulness, try and think every day it could be my last and to make the most of it, I try to accept and love what is, try to think we grow through pain, I volunteered for old people, joined a group sport, started practising surfing But I honestly feel like I wouldn't care if I died anymore, what is life if I have no one to share it with.Good gosh, no wonder you're depressed! You're not living in today....as far as people get...never understood what that meant....it's not connected....the psyche of the relationship is still intact....without the relationship....tells me...obsessions about "him" are not about him. You do not miss him. You will....when it is time. But...not yet. It will come. Until then...you live in a world disconnect....from yourself...and cannot connect to today. Do not despair (though such is the nature of the beast)....do not *worry*.....also the nature of the beast. You do. You *are* miserable. And that's *OK*. You will be. Until....the reality of the present occurs. (painful....difficult....but not impossible). A baby comes when it's time has come. *footnote... What's happening with you has nothing to do with your ex. and very little to do with "Sharing" with someone (although always nice)....at least in this season....of pain. The pain must flow through....and be stepped into....which happens in stages....not one event...unless looked at from a lot of perspective...which you do not have YET....and will have in time. There's worse things than dying. Take care...
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted July 4, 2017 Author Posted July 4, 2017 Good gosh, no wonder you're depressed! You're not living in today....as far as people get...never understood what that meant....it's not connected....the psyche of the relationship is still intact....without the relationship....tells me...obsessions about "him" are not about him. You do not miss him. You will....when it is time. But...not yet. It will come. Until then...you live in a world disconnect....from yourself...and cannot connect to today. Do not despair (though such is the nature of the beast)....do not *worry*.....also the nature of the beast. You do. You *are* miserable. And that's *OK*. You will be. Until....the reality of the present occurs. (painful....difficult....but not impossible). A baby comes when it's time has come. *footnote... What's happening with you has nothing to do with your ex. and very little to do with "Sharing" with someone (although always nice)....at least in this season....of pain. The pain must flow through....and be stepped into....which happens in stages....not one event...unless looked at from a lot of perspective...which you do not have YET....and will have in time. There's worse things than dying. Take care... I don't understand what you mean????
Darien 76 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Thanks Fish. It does suck royally. I haven't been up to much this 4th of July. Last year he and I took a trip together and I guess this year he's enjoying with her. I'll keep following this thread because any good advice you get will probably help me too. I just keep going because what other choice is there? Am I happy right now? No. But I take pleasure in small things where I can and I count my blessings and I just keep going. I hope I meet a good guy one day.
Recommended Posts