MisterJay10 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Hey everyone, so I need some honest advice here. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 and a half years now and over the years she has gained a ton of weight. She was bullied all throughout school growing up so she has always carried around a lot of insecurity. But over the years the weight has gotten out of control and I find myself becoming less and less attracted to her. To the point of thinking of breaking up with her on multiple occasions. Me and her have had countless very honest talks about this issue and that i just want her to be healthy. I truly do love her, and I do want to marry her, and we have amazing chemistry like I've never experienced but the weight has become such a big issue to me, i just can't ignore it anymore. I just want her to be healthy more than anything and I've even found myself admiring other women, and I feel ashamed for it. I myself am pretty thin and stay active outside by playing basketball, going hiking, and trying to eat healthy in general and I have tried to help get her on the right path, but she always seems to give up and never commit to it. It's so hard because I do love her, and I don't want to break up, but I honestly don't feel as attracted to her as I did when we first started dating. She weighed about 170 when we met and now she weighs close to 240. I just can't stand by and watch her kill herself anymore. The hardest part about it all is that I'm so deeply connected to her and her family I feel like id really hurt her if I backed out of everything. We have a place together and she has from day 1 always mentioned marriage and kids and sometimes it's a bit fast for me. But honestly the main thing holding me back from it has been my issues with her weight. Is this a valid reason to break up with someone after having spent this much time together? I need some advice. I've tried to help her in every way I can but it just seems like she doesn't want to change bad enough. What should I do?
Frostedflake Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Losing attraction is a valid reason to breakup with someone. Why? Because we treat people we are not connected to differently. We wouldn't lift as many fingers for them, we wouldn't support them as much, and we wouldn't be displaying the amount of affections we should in a healthy relationship. My ex was an alcoholic and druggie. Her body changed MAJORLY from day one to the day I left. I didn't respect her because she didn't respect herself. She had problems that she didn't view as problems. Or if she did, she would fall away from the recovery path so many times that it seemed she wasn't serious. So at what point do you say enough is enough? Because I'm not a doctor. You're not a personal trainer. And these people we love aren't getting that outside support because they know we just accept it and love them enough to stay. Well, you do at least. I left. I got tired. I think it's important to keep communicating with your girlfriend though. Tell her exactly what this is doing to her, you, and your relationship. Make a final and concrete plan to remedy it. Get other people involved to make this the strongest method but also the final. See what happens.
guy45 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 You sound just like me halfway through the last relationship I had. I couldn't get over the fact that I stopped being attracted to her. I stayed months and months simply because I cared about her. I was miserable the whole time. I even had fantasies about other women. After breaking up with her my misery was gone. I really don't think you will be happy in this relationship. I know you don't want to accept it because you care about her, but you should care about yourself. If you are not attracted to her please please breakup with her. You are wasting your own time which could be spent finding someone you actually like. Trust me bro. Don't waste your time simply because you care.
preraph Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Nearly all women gain weight as they bear children and get older. So no matter who you start out with, that girlish figure is going to be gone in a few years. These people on tv who come back from having kids looking great have tons of money for corrective surgery. It's not realistic. Yes, there are people who are skinny by nature, but those are few and far between. Women have more fat than men, period. And not everyone can lose weight, and those who can can rarely keep it off. Once you have fat cells, you can starve yourself and exercise your muscles, but those fat cells are still there ready to fill up again unless you take them off with surgery. As a woman, I can't help but roll my eyes that the most important thing to a man is whether he's feeling sexy or not with his woman. Women are not like that. Not to say as young people we aren't all shallow about looks, but once you are in a relationship with someone sharing your lives together and building memories and love them as a person, it's really sad to think someone is willing to just throw that away in hopes of getting another hard body for a couple years, until they too gain weight, then discard them, and just keep having one temporary relationship after another because sex is the most important thing. I just think it's sad. I hope that maybe in the next few years, sex stops being the biggest thing in your life, and maybe it will as hormones decrease. At that time, you will look back on this time and be feeling very lonely and sad that you threw this woman you care about who cares about you away. I say marry her, have a kid with her, and see if maybe the toddler can run the fat off her. 1
guy45 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Nearly all women gain weight as they bear children and get older. So no matter who you start out with, that girlish figure is going to be gone in a few years. These people on tv who come back from having kids looking great have tons of money for corrective surgery. It's not realistic. Yes, there are people who are skinny by nature, but those are few and far between. Women have more fat than men, period. And not everyone can lose weight, and those who can can rarely keep it off. Once you have fat cells, you can starve yourself and exercise your muscles, but those fat cells are still there ready to fill up again unless you take them off with surgery. As a woman, I can't help but roll my eyes that the most important thing to a man is whether he's feeling sexy or not with his woman. Women are not like that. Not to say as young people we aren't all shallow about looks, but once you are in a relationship with someone sharing your lives together and building memories and love them as a person, it's really sad to think someone is willing to just throw that away in hopes of getting another hard body for a couple years, until they too gain weight, then discard them, and just keep having one temporary relationship after another because sex is the most important thing. I just think it's sad. I hope that maybe in the next few years, sex stops being the biggest thing in your life, and maybe it will as hormones decrease. At that time, you will look back on this time and be feeling very lonely and sad that you threw this woman you care about who cares about you away. I say marry her, have a kid with her, and see if maybe the toddler can run the fat off her. Ideally that's what everyone would want, I wanted that with my previous relationship to just over look all those things, but I'm telling you it's not possible. She will be happy at his expense best case.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Nearly all women gain weight as they bear children and get older. So no matter who you start out with, that girlish figure is going to be gone in a few years. These people on tv who come back from having kids looking great have tons of money for corrective surgery. It's not realistic. Yes, there are people who are skinny by nature, but those are few and far between. Women have more fat than men, period. And not everyone can lose weight, and those who can can rarely keep it off. Once you have fat cells, you can starve yourself and exercise your muscles, but those fat cells are still there ready to fill up again unless you take them off with surgery. As a woman, I can't help but roll my eyes that the most important thing to a man is whether he's feeling sexy or not with his woman. Women are not like that. Not to say as young people we aren't all shallow about looks, but once you are in a relationship with someone sharing your lives together and building memories and love them as a person, it's really sad to think someone is willing to just throw that away in hopes of getting another hard body for a couple years, until they too gain weight, then discard them, and just keep having one temporary relationship after another because sex is the most important thing. I just think it's sad. I hope that maybe in the next few years, sex stops being the biggest thing in your life, and maybe it will as hormones decrease. At that time, you will look back on this time and be feeling very lonely and sad that you threw this woman you care about who cares about you away. I say marry her, have a kid with her, and see if maybe the toddler can run the fat off her. I agree with some of what you say, but this woman has gained 70 pounds. That is not just normal weight gain due to age and child-bearing, especially since it doesn't sound like she's had children. Taking care of your physical body is just as important to a relationship as taking care of your mind/emotional health is. 1
preraph Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Again, not all people are able to control their weight. Especially as they get older and especially after they get any, for example, injury or illness that makes it harder or impossible to exercise. Most people gain weight as they get older, and the point being to him that he won't always be able to find a new skinny girl to date and is going to one of these days look back and miss the solid relationship he had.
guy45 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Again, not all people are able to control their weight. Especially as they get older and especially after they get any, for example, injury or illness that makes it harder or impossible to exercise. Most people gain weight as they get older, and the point being to him that he won't always be able to find a new skinny girl to date and is going to one of these days look back and miss the solid relationship he had. He's thinking about other women. He feels trapped. If he stays with her the only thing he will feel is regret and resentment for her being happy and not him. 1
Marc878 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 You'll only be trapped in a life of misery if you let yourself be. You don't put on a lot of weight unless you overeat. You'd be smart to cut that cord. It's your life too isn't it?
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Imo it's normal to want to be attracted to your gf and the woman you choose to marry. Yes, women do tend to gain weight over the years so that however she is now will probably increase in size if she shows no motivation to keep her size down. I know lots of women who have had children who maintain their figures, though, but they are motivated to do it for themselves. It takes discipline and work most of the time. Seems to me if you marry her this will be an issue probably for your lifetime and most likely resentment will build in you and her both as the two of you try to deal with the issue. She deserves to find someone whom her weight doesn't bother and you deserve to find someone you're attracted to. 1
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