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Posted (edited)

My ex and me broke up amicably almost a year ago, because he moved away.

I went NC pretty quickly, as the constant contact after the break up was too weird (like in limbo).

By now, I have been over the breakup since the beginning of the year, and after a long time of NC, I decided to reach out and see how he's doing.

We reconnected on FB and wrote some messages, which was nice.

We always had good chemistry and can talk very easily to one another, so I didn't expect anything else. Normally, I wouldn't want to try to be friends with an ex, but I don't have romantic feelings for him anymore, and I like him as a person, there are no ill-feelings, so it made sense.

 

After a few days, I checked his profile and saw a girl posted a photo on his page, tagged him, and then there was a comment from his mom, saying "He's a lucky guy". There were other hints also that he is not only living with this girl, but dating her.

So I asked him if he is seeing someone, and he said, no.

The girl he lives with has a crush on him, and made a move, but he turned her down, since he's not ready for a new relationship.

I feel like he is lying to me about it, and they actually ARE in a relationship, but I didn't want to bother him about it more, so I moved on to a different subject.

 

What does this mean, why is he hiding his new girlfriend from me?

He knows I am happy with someone new, and he agreed to be friends, which I hoped would be nice. But the fact that he is lying sort of makes me feel uneasy.

I don't get the point of it.

Edited by heavenonearth
Posted

Have you considered that he's not lying? If you are uneasy it's simple enough to go back to nc. You are the one who re-established contact.

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Posted

You dont know if he's lying or not. In fact, you dont know anything about his life right now. Which you probably should keep it that way.

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Posted
Have you considered that he's not lying? If you are uneasy it's simple enough to go back to nc. You are the one who re-established contact.

 

His sister in law told me.

But yeah, he wanted to be in touch and contacted me a few times during NC where I ignored him completely.

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Posted
You dont know if he's lying or not. In fact, you dont know anything about his life right now. Which you probably should keep it that way.

 

He is definitely lying.

And he has his life out in the open on fb, and tells me everything else that's going on.

I don't mind being in touch, it's nice. It just is weird that he's lying.

Posted

He's your EX & he lives far away. His life is none of your business. I don't understand why you need to be FB friends anyway. You don't need front row seats to each other's new love lives.

 

If you truly believe he's lying to you, why do you want to be friends with a liar anyway?

 

Unfriend him. Leave him be. Move on. He's part of your past.

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Posted

There's a saying that's appropriate here.

 

Let sleeping dogs lie (see what I did there)?

 

Or, lay down with dogs, get up with fleas. Whatever.

 

You're not truly over him if you feel the need to dissect his motives.

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Posted

He probably feels it's none of your business.

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Posted
There's a saying that's appropriate here.

 

Let sleeping dogs lie (see what I did there)?

 

Or, lay down with dogs, get up with fleas. Whatever.

 

You're not truly over him if you feel the need to dissect his motives.

 

I am certainly over him. I just see him as a friend. But I don't want a friend lying to me either.

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Posted
He probably feels it's none of your business.

 

Doubt it. He's always telling me everything, usually.

Tends to over share, even.

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Posted
He's your EX & he lives far away. His life is none of your business. I don't understand why you need to be FB friends anyway. You don't need front row seats to each other's new love lives.

 

If you truly believe he's lying to you, why do you want to be friends with a liar anyway?

 

Unfriend him. Leave him be. Move on. He's part of your past.

 

Not sure why people have to always say this. I am friends with a bunch of my exes, if the break up wasn't horrible and enough time has passed, I don't see where the problem is. Not every relationship from the past is toxic or to be thrown into the garbage bin.

We never stopped being FB friends and I am also friends with his family, so it's more unnatural to delete him from my life.

I care about him as a person and about his success, but yeah, I certainly don't want to be lied to by a friend.

 

So I will just lay low on the contact for now, I suppose.

Posted
Doubt it. He's always telling me everything, usually.

Tends to over share, even.

 

Not anymore, evidently.

 

I wouldn't stress it or try to get to the bottom of it. Just assume that he has his reasons and leave it at that.

Posted
I just see him as a friend. But I don't want a friend lying to me either.

Well, he is lying to you.

 

So are you still going to be his friend?

Posted
Not sure why people have to always say this. I am friends with a bunch of my exes, if the break up wasn't horrible and enough time has passed, I don't see where the problem is. Not every relationship from the past is toxic or to be thrown into the garbage bin.

We never stopped being FB friends and I am also friends with his family, so it's more unnatural to delete him from my life.

I care about him as a person and about his success, but yeah, I certainly don't want to be lied to by a friend.

 

So I will just lay low on the contact for now, I suppose.

 

My child you hang on to your Ex's like they're your collection. You need to let this prior Ex have his own life. He doesn't have to tell you what he doing at all. That's none of your business. That's his life now. You kind of stalking around his FB wondering who's he's with and why. Why do you care why. You done and he's done with you so he kept you as a friend but not a friend who has to be in control of his life and who he still sees. Just let it go. If you got a man worry about you and him and not any of your prior Ex lovers. They're Ex for a reason so chill out and relax..

Posted

I am not exactly sure why you are digging up this "friend" just now anyway.

Are you not supposed to be loved up at the moment?

Or were you just trying to show off your new guy?

 

I guess if some ex suddenly contacted me to parade his new gf, I might be less than forthcoming too, unless I really wanted to play, "my new guy is better than your new gf..."

Posted

Maybe he feels uncomfortable talking to you about something like that? I've recently been in touch with an ex from many years ago and to be honest I feel a bit uncomfortable when she asks me about who I'm seeing and stuff. I know she's just being nosy but I find it kinda weird as I never ask her because I don't want or need to know such personal information.

 

At the end of the day you're not really friends, you're ex's and while its nice to see how people from your past are doing, especially those you cared about, I think a loooong time needs to pass before you can have those sorts of conversations.

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Posted
My child you hang on to your Ex's like they're your collection. You need to let this prior Ex have his own life. He doesn't have to tell you what he doing at all. That's none of your business. That's his life now. You kind of stalking around his FB wondering who's he's with and why. Why do you care why. You done and he's done with you so he kept you as a friend but not a friend who has to be in control of his life and who he still sees. Just let it go. If you got a man worry about you and him and not any of your prior Ex lovers. They're Ex for a reason so chill out and relax..

 

I think most of you are completely misinterpreting this situation.

It's him who wants contact, not me.

It's him who wants to talk all the time and know what I am up to.

He even knows i am with someone else.

Most of our conversation is about mutual interests, but I just thought it was weird he was lying, and I really didn't want it to be like this.

 

I will cut down contact with him, it just doesn't feel right. But yeah, I am relaxed, don't worry.

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Posted
I am not exactly sure why you are digging up this "friend" just now anyway.

Are you not supposed to be loved up at the moment?

Or were you just trying to show off your new guy?

 

I guess if some ex suddenly contacted me to parade his new gf, I might be less than forthcoming too, unless I really wanted to play, "my new guy is better than your new gf..."

 

I am not trying to show off anything, but ex has been contacting me for a while, and I always ignored him. He's been in touch with my mother too, I just wanted to be nice, and we had some nice conversations lately, just as friends (I have no more feelings for him whatsoever).

 

 

Maybe he feels uncomfortable talking to you about something like that? I've recently been in touch with an ex from many years ago and to be honest I feel a bit uncomfortable when she asks me about who I'm seeing and stuff. I know she's just being nosy but I find it kinda weird as I never ask her because I don't want or need to know such personal information.

 

At the end of the day you're not really friends, you're ex's and while its nice to see how people from your past are doing, especially those you cared about, I think a loooong time needs to pass before you can have those sorts of conversations.

 

 

Mh, yeah, maybe it's true. He wanted to be friends, but perhaps it's too good to be true, and better to not 'force it'. I know he cared a lot about me and wants me in his life, but I really don't need him anymore.

 

 

My child you hang on to your Ex's like they're your collection. You need to let this prior Ex have his own life. He doesn't have to tell you what he doing at all. That's none of your business. That's his life now. You kind of stalking around his FB wondering who's he's with and why. Why do you care why. You done and he's done with you so he kept you as a friend but not a friend who has to be in control of his life and who he still sees. Just let it go. If you got a man worry about you and him and not any of your prior Ex lovers. They're Ex for a reason so chill out and relax..

 

 

Not stalking, just clicked on it once and scrolled through the past 4 posts or so. I wouldn't call that stalking. But yeah, anyway, I am not your child, and I don't consider my exes to be a collection either, that's quite a statement you are making there. I was just trying to be his friend, he's been through a lot lately and I was just trying to be there for him, when others doubted him.

But I guess it's not for me to be that person right now. I have better things to do.

Posted

OP, even if he is the one making contact with you, he is obviously still hiding a big part of his life from you.

 

Friends don't lack this degree of transparency. Whatever his reasoning, he doesn't consider you to be someone he will be fully honest with. Sure, it's weird he's lying, but at the end of the day, does it really matter why? The very fact that he's lying is all you need to know about how sincere this friendship really is.

Posted
I am not trying to show off anything, but ex has been contacting me for a while, and I always ignored him. He's been in touch with my mother too, I just wanted to be nice, and we had some nice conversations lately, just as friends (I have no more feelings for him whatsoever).

 

 

Ok but if he has been contacting you for ages and you kept ignoring him why have you suddenly decided to reach out now? Yes it may be nice but it was probably a nice thing to do before, but you decided not to then.

 

I decided to reach out and see how he's doing.
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Posted
OP, even if he is the one making contact with you, he is obviously still hiding a big part of his life from you.

 

Friends don't lack this degree of transparency. Whatever his reasoning, he doesn't consider you to be someone he will be fully honest with. Sure, it's weird he's lying, but at the end of the day, does it really matter why? The very fact that he's lying is all you need to know about how sincere this friendship really is.

 

 

Agreed.

 

Ok but if he has been contacting you for ages and you kept ignoring him why have you suddenly decided to reach out now? Yes it may be nice but it was probably a nice thing to do before, but you decided not to then.

 

Yup, I'll just go back to sporadic contact. This sure is not gonna work. Sad but true :/

Posted

Lol I speak to her on Facebook all the time.

 

She tells me everything about her men. In her life.

 

Trust me she is not stressing over her ex. If she is hung up or not over a guy, her real life mates will be sure to know about it. LOL.

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