bradt93 Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 This is a serious question, how do you when are you actually in love with a girl or you just want sex?
RecentChange Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Lust vs love.... Now ideally you have both. Love, you are enamoured by her charter. You admire her. You want to share everything with her, and want her to share everything with you. You want to spend your life together. Lust, you desire sex with her, you are enamoured with her looks. You fantasize about sex with her.
preraph Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Love, you want to protect her and make her happy and respect all her boundaries, and the very last thing you'd want to do is hurt her some way. 4
Whodatdog Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 You can have sex with someone without loving them, or even liking them much. People do it every day. But when you want to just see someone, be with them, spend time with them, even without sex, then you might have something going on. 1
Author bradt93 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 Are men just chemically engineered to think about sex more than often than women? I've seen studies to suggest that's true.
Author bradt93 Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 Take me for example, not to sound pervy, but I can't stop thinking about sex. Every time I see a beautiful woman,I get hot and bothered, just speaking honestly. I would never rape or anything like that of course not. I just want to know why men think about sex constantly more than women?
Mandy91 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 This is a serious question, how do you when are you actually in love with a girl or you just want sex? I think the real question that needs asking is "is it love, or are you in love". There is a real and profound difference. You can love someone just because the sex is good, or because you're infatuated with them, or even just a sense of having that possession. Being in love is so much more. It's about wanting the best for the other person, about seeing past their shortcomings, about being able to give oneself to them unconditionally trusting that they will not hurt you. Being in love is not about what you can get but what you can give. When you have two people (or more for those that way inclined) that feel the same way about each other nothing can match it. If you need to ask then you're not in love. 2
divegrl Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Guys are wired this way: hunt, pursue, mate. When you are willing to sacrifice for her, then you know it's love. Women think about sex a lot too tho..... Good luck my friend!!!!
CptInsano Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 It's difference in my opinion. Guys think about sex almost randomly, or when they see something that arouses them. How much depends on the guy and the age. Testosterone drops naturally after a certain age, and you won't be as crazy horny at 50 as you were at 15. Women, in my experience, get horny if they are into somebody. If they get (good) sex they want more sex. Or in other words I have never met a guy as horny as a woman who is in love and ovulating. 2
mikeylo Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Guys can have sex with anyone and sometimes even end up having an unplanned child. The relationship usually ends as it's based on momentary feeling of love that was actually based on initial attraction and sex. It's about what he can get. Love is an entirely different ball game. When the above said guy falls in love , he makes compromises, sacrifices, changes dramatically. His emotions and feelings are in fast speed. Here he makes love rather than just have sex. It sways from soft ,sensual to wild and rough. It's more about giving than taking.
SolG Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I think Sternberg's triangular theory of love is useful here. The theory goes that love has three dimensions. Passion (excitement, lust, romance), intimacy (closeness, attachment), and comittment (the conscious decision to stick together). You need all three to experience 'consummate love'; the ideal. If you only have passion, it's just infatuated love and prone to quickly expire without the other elements to sustain it. There are other combos - google if you're interested. I personally think you need to develop all three dimensions to experience real and lasting love. But that's not to say that everyone's optimum mix is the same, or that they will remain stable over time. I think it's more about knowing each other's preferences and balance from stage to stage of the relationship. 1
Midnight.Amber Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 (edited) Women, in my experience, get horny if they are into somebody. ^This is how I'm wired. When I'm really into a man and feel a connection, that click/energy, I'm horny for *him*. Like *really* horny. Unlike many men (and perhaps many women too), I don't just get horny .... and need sex from any ole guy I meet at a bar for example, no matter how hot he is. I would get no satisfaction from that whatsoever. Not judging others for it, but could never have a f buddy or FWB either . Meh. Cold shower. I've told men this, and they don't believe me but it's the truth. 100% truth. When I'm not into a particulat guy, I take care of myself. Edited July 3, 2017 by Midnight.Amber
carhill Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 This is a serious question, how do you [know] when are you actually (a) in love with a girl or (b) you just want sex? It's been pretty easy for me in life because (a) has always preceded (b). However, to more effectively date and get married I found I had to fake (b) a bit more quickly than I would have otherwise liked due to gender role expectations. Adapt and overcome.
Sloppyseconds Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Sex: I just want my jollies as much as the next person. I feel more about the mechanical aspects of the act than the emotions attached. I feel sefish. When it is over I feel indifferent. Love: I feel heightened sensations and emotions run rampant. I feel connected to my partner in ways I cannot describe, right down to our breathing togwther being in sync. I feel my inner animal emerge, primal yet sensual. I yearn for my partner afterward. I allow myself to just be in the moment, places of my soul exposed without judgement. The real prize is being able to have a partner you can have both with, finding someone who allows all of those aspects to blend into this beautiful experience of pleasuring and being pleasured. Not feeing self conscious or the need to hod anything back. Someone who is familiar yet each time you are intimate you manage to find something new to try or expand on an old favorite. As I've grown as a person, I find it harder and harder to really be able to just have sex without love behind it. I can no longer feel comfortable giving those elements of myself to someone without the whole package. It makes me feel cheated, or that I am cheating mysef out of an amazing experience. It makes my marriage stronger, it keeps us immensely close and bonded. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I think the difference is a lot trickier than people give it credit for. Sure there is basic lust where you just want to jump someone's bones because they are attractive. But there are also cases which are something more than that. You find them attractive, but you are also infatuated with them. You think about them, you enjoy time with them. Yet it still isn't necessarily love. It's honestly hard to tell the difference between love and lust when you are in the first couple of honeymoon months of the relationship.
Author bradt93 Posted July 4, 2017 Author Posted July 4, 2017 I bet a lot of guys are enjoying their 4th of July too with their girlfriends, I don't have anyone, except family members to spend it with. It makes me sad.
dichotomy Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 (edited) Guy here .....I think about sex all the time, and my hormones are as good or better at 50 as they were at 25 (thats good and bad for me). I am very visually stimulated in a sexual attractiveness way at certain women -its powerful - however its not really in a "I would jump them if they gave me the nod" way - more a simple basic brain response, maybe even just plain reproductive assessments in the core of my brain. But despite that strong visual reaction - I have most of my life equated sex with closeness (maybe not fully love, but a feeling of deep like/affection that I hope leads to love) - I dont like have sex with just any woman (although I might fantasize as much) or women I dont like. I am what used to be called a serial monogamist. To me love is an act - you give to (or do things) for person you love more than you do for someone you don't. This could be time, effort, sacrifice, money, having kids, or sex. I dont blame anyone who feels differently about sex, or can happily enjoy sex with someone that have no emotional attachment, its just how I am wired. Unfortnautly it has just led me to disappointment in this specific area because most men and women these days - sex is just sex. Again no blame or shame just not how I feel about it. I have tried casual sex a few times, but it just did not work for me. Sex normally gets better for me as time goes on in a new relationship. We could have a debate about how women are different - but I have come to believe the stereotypes about women's sexual drive (tied to commitment or security or love) as mostly a product of men's control and domination of women. When empowered and free - I think women can be just as sexual and casual in their approaches to sex as men. Parts of the reasons adultery and even sexual predatory/abuse is on the rise with women. The truth about female desire: It?s base, animalistic and ravenous - Salon.com but in the end everyone is an individual and their sexual preferences, inclinations, or orientation vary and can;t be always tied to being male or female. Edited July 4, 2017 by dichotomy
Overtaxed Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Guy here .....I think about sex all the time, and my hormones are as good or better at 50 as they were at 25 (thats good and bad for me). I am very visually stimulated in a sexual attractiveness way at certain women -its powerful - however its not really in a "I would jump them if they gave me the nod" way - more a simple basic brain response, maybe even just plain reproductive assessments in the core of my brain. But despite that strong visual reaction - I have most of my life equated sex with closeness (maybe not fully love, but a feeling of deep like/affection that I hope leads to love) - I dont like have sex with just any woman (although I might fantasize as much) or women I dont like. I am what used to be called a serial monogamist. To me love is an act - you give to (or do things) for person you love more than you do for someone you don't. This could be time, effort, sacrifice, money, having kids, or sex. I dont blame anyone who feels differently about sex, or can happily enjoy sex with someone that have no emotional attachment, its just how I am wired. Unfortnautly it has just led me to disappointment in this specific area because most men and women these days - sex is just sex. Again no blame or shame just not how I feel about it. I have tried casual sex a few times, but it just did not work for me. Sex normally gets better for me as time goes on in a new relationship. We could have a debate about how women are different - but I have come to believe the stereotypes about women's sexual drive (tied to commitment or security or love) as mostly a product of men's control and domination of women. When empowered and free - I think women can be just as sexual and casual in their approaches to sex as men. Parts of the reasons adultery and even sexual predatory/abuse is on the rise with women. The truth about female desire: It?s base, animalistic and ravenous - Salon.com but in the end everyone is an individual and their sexual preferences, inclinations, or orientation vary and can;t be always tied to being male or female. CAN women be as sexual as men, and be as casual in the approach towards it, yes, they can. Is it common? No, it's not. Here's where economics comes into play. Prostitution would not be so prevalent through history if there wasn't a significant imbalance in sex drives between the genders. And prostitution is almost always female professional, male client (or male pro and male client) and almost NEVER male pro, female client. Yes, it exists, but it's very, very rare. Economics is telling you the story here, there's a "scarcity" of sexuality from females and an abundance of resources (cash) for men, if the genders were equally sexually driven, this would not, in aggregate, be the case. Male/male is a different story, there's a drive in many of those encounters for anonymous sex, that's a different drive than "sex". Men, in general, have a much higher drive for sex where women have a higher drive for love. Do we both desire love/sex. I think yes, most of us do, but it's just a different level of desire for each sex. It's only useful to speak in generalizations when talking about this because we all know people who break the mold, the guy who never wants anything but to marry one woman and the woman who loves going out on the weekend and having anonymous sex. But those are corner cases, not what we see when we look at the interaction between the sexes in aggregate. I think the articles like you posted are an attempt to make men and women more alike. That was a perfect description of what I would consider the typical male sex drive. And a terrible example of what I hear my group of friends describe as their wives/GF's sex drive. The reason is clear. Testosterone. A little aside, I used to be a serious bodybuilder, and was using steroids and "in that circle". Well, at the time, I was friends with a lesbian couple who were also really serious in the gym. One of the partners was the "wayyy TMI" type, but, we got along well, and shared a lot of training tips and tricks. Anyway, a few years after knowing them as a couple, one of them started a testosterone cycle (for bodybuilding purposes). The amount she was taking was about 1/2 of what a man in his 20's would have, not a big dose at all, but a LOT more than a woman is supposed to have. Anyway, the point of this story, she related to me a few times how it changed her sex drive. Probably the funniest was; "I beat off in traffic a few times a day". Also, "my "bits" are raw because I masturbated 10 times yesterday". I laughed; all I could think was "welcome". Now you understand why men are how we are, even a low drive man, IMHO, has far more raw sexual motivation that nearly all women. Again, IMHO, female "hypersexuality" is more a mental thing, they want to be loved/accepted/validated/etc than that same condition is for men. Men really do just "need to get off" a lot, and lots of sex is the side effect of that. I know there are some women on here who've been on testosterone and might jump in to comment, but, let me tell you, the overwhelming report I've gotten from women who've done it is consistent "OMG, now I understand". It's a drive simply for sex, and it's present in nearly every man.
dichotomy Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 (edited) I think the articles like you posted are an attempt to make men and women more alike. The article was a discussion with an author who published a book summarizing current research in to sexuality and women by leading experts. Examining not only evolution of primates, human historical and cultural factors but actual biological and psychological tests being done. I enjoyed reading the book. Its okay if you don't agree with the research or its points, but I found some interesting arguments on womens desire which challenged stereotypes. Edited July 4, 2017 by dichotomy
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