layla_13 Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Hi everyone I have a group of 5 close female friends (met at work) I went through a really bad breakup last year, it ended suddenly after being together for 9 years (never married or engaged)We had some ups and downs as couples do but I genuinely thought this was it and we were together long term. Although some days I feel slightly better about things than others, generally I am still heartbroken and struggle to deal with my feelings. Anyway, 3 of my friends are encouraging me to meet other men but I am just not ready yet, well not to actively go on dating websites etc but they just don't seem to understand as they have not been in any long term relationships and have said to me on numerous occasions that I have had love and it's worse for them because they haven't, worse than my relationship ending after 9 years, all the hopes and plans just gone but still they say no it's not as painful as never having had a bf (they are in their 30's) It just makes me feel like I can't talk to them as they just don't understand how it feel. It's making me feel so upset and making me not want to spend time with them, i feel so disheartened about love now anyway without listening to all of the negativity that they will never find someone. It's almost like I'm being made to feel like I should be grateful I had my chance and shouldn't be upset because I had what they want. I just wanted some advice, thanks for reading x
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Comparing pain never does anyone any good. Just because you have experienced a different kind of pain than they have doesn't mean it's any less valid. Too bad your friends can't see this . 1
spiderowl Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 You are still grieving what you lost and haven't reached the point where you feel ready to meet someone new. It sounds like your friends don't understand, not that they are being deliberately unkind, they just haven't had that experience. I think you will know when you are ready and they will just have to be patient. They are sad because they haven't met someone. It is a different situation but painful too. I expect their attitude is due to ignorance and they are not being deliberately unkind. They may also be wondering if your unhappiness might be alleviated if you did meet someone nice. While that is a good intention, it is wise of you not to mess anyone around. Is there anyone else you can talk to about your sadness? I know it's not the same but you can always post on here. There are people who understand.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 They are trying to make you feel better because they care about you. Filter everything they say to you through that. Let them say whatever. Thank them for their concern & suggestions then do what is best for you. Translation: let their comments go in one ear & out the other. Don't engage in the comparative analysis of who has it worse. Don't try to change their minds. Their experience is not your experience. If in their 30s they have never had relationships, they are not the best people to listen to. You made something work for 9 years. Even if part of that was in your teens you still understand compromise & working as a team. You'll be OK. Stick to your own timetable.
preraph Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Your friends are probably TIRED of hearing about it because you're hanging onto it like a dog with a bone. So instead of misplacing your anger at them, who are just trying to get you to distract yourself and stop obsessing over your breakup for two minutes, shut up about the breakup and how miserable you are and PRETEND to have a good time and go out. You may be surprised how much better this works at getting you past your grief than obsessing over it.
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