brokenshell Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Okay... this may be a long one but its a story of an ex I thought I'd never hear from again just very recently getting back in touch, coincidentally just as I'm healing after another breakup. I was with my ex ex for 4 years in what was a very casual/friends with benefits/on off type relationship. We broke it completely off about 2 and a half years ago just weeks before I met the guy who is now my current ex. I was very much 'in love' with this guy for about 6 years (2 years we were strictly just friends but I always fancied him like crazy and he felt the same too but we never acted on it till the 3rd year where we acted on it. The last time I saw him we had met up and ended up sleeping together then afterwards (literally after we had just done it) he very cruely told me he had a girlfriend. I dropped him off at his place, not saying a word to him and then cried all the way home. All I had ever wanted was to be his girlfriend. I text him as soon as I got home to say that I was completely done with this messed up relationship and I think its best we both cut eachother out of our lives. He agreed and we went our seperate ways. I was upset for a good few weeks feeling heartbroken, its strange because we were never really officially a couple and never acted like a couple so I didnt miss any of the things you miss just getting out of a relationship. But I still loved him very much and just wanted to be in a relationship with him. Anyway I quickly got over it when my now current Ex swept me off my feet weeks after. He pursued me, he poured love onto me like nobody had done before everything I wanted from the previous guy but never got. I thought he was my soulmate (you may have read my previous posts on my current ex) So 6-9 months into my new relationship my ex ex got in touch. I dont recall what was said because I was head over heels for my boyfriend at the time and had totally moved on. But I think he was just checking in, I told him I was in a relationship and he was too. And then heard nothing from him again until a few weeks ago. When the message popped up I was shocked, at first we chatted as friends catching up, he told me he had moved away from our hometown. I told him that I had been dumped and he told me he was thinking of breaking up with his current girlfriend. He told me that he had missed me and that my ex was a complete idiot for letting me go. A few weeks past and I hadn't heard from him until last night. He text me saying that he finished his girlfriend and moved back to our hometown a few weeks ago and was going to ask me to meet him but his friend told him that I was back with my ex so he didnt. (His friend is actually a mutual friend with my current ex) its strange because my ex hasnt even spoke to me in a month. He then said he was really wanting to try and get me back because he loves me and feels like he messed up so bad so he finished his girl and moved back, he said he only realised when I moved on that he was in love with me and he was devastated when he found out I had a serious boyfriend but respected that I was happy so left me alone until I told him we split up so he said he moved back to try and win me back. This shocked me so much. I still cant believe it. It was everything I ever wanted to hear from him... but far too late. I no longer feel that way about him. I always thought he never really cared, and here he is pouring his heart out to me over 2 years later. I told him how I feel and he moved back and I think is now trying to get back with his girlfriend. I never, ever thought I would ever hear from him again nevermind him moving back to my town just to try and be with me when we hadnt seen eachother in 2 years? At first I thought he was rebounding from his girlfriend and that he was just telling me to try and sleep with me again. But even his friends have said that he regrets what he did to me so much and that he genuinley wanted me back. They told me that he regretted it for the last 2 years and always asked about me and if I was still with my boyfriend. Has anyone else ever heard back from an Ex when they thought all hope was lost or when they had completely moved on? I've had this happen before with my first love too. He begged for me back after cheating on me and dumping me for someone else. He even tried proposing marraige 3 years after we broke up!? It makes me wonder if my current ex will ever get in touch.
babysacay Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Okay... this may be a long one but its a story of an ex I thought I'd never hear from again just very recently getting back in touch, coincidentally just as I'm healing after another breakup. I was with my ex ex for 4 years in what was a very casual/friends with benefits/on off type relationship. We broke it completely off about 2 and a half years ago just weeks before I met the guy who is now my current ex. I was very much 'in love' with this guy for about 6 years (2 years we were strictly just friends but I always fancied him like crazy and he felt the same too but we never acted on it till the 3rd year where we acted on it. The last time I saw him we had met up and ended up sleeping together then afterwards (literally after we had just done it) he very cruely told me he had a girlfriend. I dropped him off at his place, not saying a word to him and then cried all the way home. All I had ever wanted was to be his girlfriend. I text him as soon as I got home to say that I was completely done with this messed up relationship and I think its best we both cut eachother out of our lives. He agreed and we went our seperate ways. I was upset for a good few weeks feeling heartbroken, its strange because we were never really officially a couple and never acted like a couple so I didnt miss any of the things you miss just getting out of a relationship. But I still loved him very much and just wanted to be in a relationship with him. Anyway I quickly got over it when my now current Ex swept me off my feet weeks after. He pursued me, he poured love onto me like nobody had done before everything I wanted from the previous guy but never got. I thought he was my soulmate (you may have read my previous posts on my current ex) So 6-9 months into my new relationship my ex ex got in touch. I dont recall what was said because I was head over heels for my boyfriend at the time and had totally moved on. But I think he was just checking in, I told him I was in a relationship and he was too. And then heard nothing from him again until a few weeks ago. When the message popped up I was shocked, at first we chatted as friends catching up, he told me he had moved away from our hometown. I told him that I had been dumped and he told me he was thinking of breaking up with his current girlfriend. He told me that he had missed me and that my ex was a complete idiot for letting me go. A few weeks past and I hadn't heard from him until last night. He text me saying that he finished his girlfriend and moved back to our hometown a few weeks ago and was going to ask me to meet him but his friend told him that I was back with my ex so he didnt. (His friend is actually a mutual friend with my current ex) its strange because my ex hasnt even spoke to me in a month. He then said he was really wanting to try and get me back because he loves me and feels like he messed up so bad so he finished his girl and moved back, he said he only realised when I moved on that he was in love with me and he was devastated when he found out I had a serious boyfriend but respected that I was happy so left me alone until I told him we split up so he said he moved back to try and win me back. This shocked me so much. I still cant believe it. It was everything I ever wanted to hear from him... but far too late. I no longer feel that way about him. I always thought he never really cared, and here he is pouring his heart out to me over 2 years later. I told him how I feel and he moved back and I think is now trying to get back with his girlfriend. I never, ever thought I would ever hear from him again nevermind him moving back to my town just to try and be with me when we hadnt seen eachother in 2 years? At first I thought he was rebounding from his girlfriend and that he was just telling me to try and sleep with me again. But even his friends have said that he regrets what he did to me so much and that he genuinley wanted me back. They told me that he regretted it for the last 2 years and always asked about me and if I was still with my boyfriend. Has anyone else ever heard back from an Ex when they thought all hope was lost or when they had completely moved on? I've had this happen before with my first love too. He begged for me back after cheating on me and dumping me for someone else. He even tried proposing marraige 3 years after we broke up!? It makes me wonder if my current ex will ever get in touch. My first boyfriend was the only one who got back in touch. He started dating one of my best friends a month after we broke up. Then they broke up and 5 or 6 months after our breakup, he wanted to get back together. I didn't The rest of my exes entered serious relationships and got married a few months after we broke up. Never heard from them, never will. It just depends. 1
divegrl Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Hi!!!! Every single one of my exes, that left me, has come back and tried to get back together with me. Every.single.one. The guy that brought me here, I was sure I'd never hear from again. Well guess what. He came begging me back. But they only come back once you have fully healed and moved on! And you no longer want them anyways!!! Good luck my friend! Hugs!!! 3
Scarlett.O'hara Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 I think there is a big difference between an ex fwb getting back in touch or an genuine ex boyfriend. With an ex fwb, I think it is pretty obvious that the majority would be motivated by the possibility of easy, no strings attached sex. The fact that you even spoke to him again after he announced that he had a girlfriend after having sex with you the last time essentially reinforced the fact that you are willing to accept his deceitful behavior. He might have assumed that you would be more likely to fall for his "I broke up with this other girl because I love you" nonsense than someone else who called him out on his bs and refused to ever speak to him again. The fact he has now gone back to chasing another ex is evidence of that. Your first instincts were on the money. He was trying to get you back in bed, and you were smart not to fall for it. As for your current ex, there is no guarantee that he will ever come back. Depending on the reasons for the breakup, the majority of exes move on with their lives and don't look back. Occasionally people have a change of heart, but even in those cases you should be cautious about their motives. They might not be having much luck dating and want something familiar and safe. However, whatever issues were there before the breakup will still be there, which will likely result in the same patterns repeating, leading towards yet another and perhaps more devastating breakup. As hard as it is to let go, sometimes some things are just better left in the past. 3
Maldives Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Yes my ex wife. She came back but like u it was wen I'd healed and moved on and met someone knew however her contacting me set me back and reset the healing and sabotaged my new relationship. I went back to her the ex wife that is and she went hot and cold wth us and then announced she wanted to go thru wth the divorce. She's the only one thats come back from my relationships so got to give her some credit for that lol 1
4x4storm Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Haha I remember when I broke up with the ex my lesbian friend came over the comfort me. She got all serious and said don't worry every EX always comes back. Haha we'll I'm only young and been in two relationships and neither one has made any attempt to contact me. But on two occasions I have tried to contact my first GF. If I'm honest I never really loved her it was more out of curiosity. But she never replied.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 No, not all exes get in touch again. I have been out of the lives of two significant exes for years now. In one case, I ended it, and in the other, my then-boyfriend actually initiated it. Both are now married and I live on another continent so I don't anticipate we will cross paths again. Sometimes people come back, but in other cases, they really are done and move on with their lives.
Bromeo Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 No, they all don't. I've said before, I've loved three women. Two came back, one hasn't. There is no science to it. In between those three, there's been many short and medium term relationships. Several of those have come back, though they haven't begged or pleaded. Just tested the waters. I'm happy never hearing from the ex that brought me to LS. I'm in a great place now, and I'm focused on myself, and my daughter. Hearing from her would dredge up things I've worked really, really hard to understand, overcome, and bury. Plus, I would think that the only reason she is contacting me is not because of some romantic notion of true love, but because, as sweet recently said, her supply ran dry. And at this point I am no ones reserve. 1
preraph Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Two things happen after breakups. One is the man comes around and sees if she will still sleep with him. That already happened. That seems to be the thing they miss most and they have nothing to lose by seeing if it's still possible. The other thing that happens is when you move on and get another man or are just going out having fun, they hate that, and see if they can get you back to fretting over losing them. They don't want you but they don't want anyone else to have you . It really bugs most men, whether they give a crap about you or not, for you to be with the next man. So those are the times you hear from them. They want to leave thinking you're still wanting them and pining after them, not that you're out having fun. Ignore him. 3
vickyp Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 (edited) After being nc for 2months, I get a private call at 4am then my ex started texting me today how I was a piece of sh## a cu## and other things. I'm not sure why he did since I don't want to be with him, and if he wanted to be with me well calling me names isn't the way to go. I had to laugh when I read the messages. He's the one who broke up with me, and this is how you want me back. I don't think so Edited July 2, 2017 by vickyp 2
divegrl Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Hi..... again!!!! I just wanted to say that I agree with the above posters when considering reconciliation! It's really important to gauge how much growth your ex has done and their intentions. I reconciled with my very first boyfriend... and it turned into an "on again, off again" nightmare!!! During the end of our relationship he said, " I don't want to be with you, but I don't want you to be with anyone else"!!!! Also I agree that men do come back around for sex. Or their inability to find it anywhere else, gah!!!!! Yet another reason to think long and hard before getting back together! Good luck my friend! I hope it works out for you!!
Blanco Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I'm a guy, so maybe I can provide some insight. What preprah says is, to some extent, true. I've never hit up an ex with the intent of a supposedly easy lay in mind, but I have been Guy Who Breaks Down When His Ex Dates Another Man. It's not something I'm proud of, though I can also say that in any case where that's happened, I had already conceded to myself I wasn't over them even before I found out they were dating.
Altair0770 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 No, they all don't. I've said before, I've loved three women. Two came back, one hasn't. There is no science to it. In between those three, there's been many short and medium term relationships. Several of those have come back, though they haven't begged or pleaded. Just tested the waters. I'm happy never hearing from the ex that brought me to LS. I'm in a great place now, and I'm focused on myself, and my daughter. Hearing from her would dredge up things I've worked really, really hard to understand, overcome, and bury. Plus, I would think that the only reason she is contacting me is not because of some romantic notion of true love, but because, as sweet recently said, her supply ran dry. And at this point I am no ones reserve. I appeared at LS too around the same time. *fist bump* lol and am in the same boat as Bromeo here. I've seen people have their exes contact them all the time. I've read numerous times that "Exes always come back" on many sites when I was desperate. My ex is too scared to confront me, so she tried other tactics to try to get me to initiate contact. Unfortunately, any that I saw I completely ignored and it boosted my self esteem. We typically start the first few months after being dumped hoping they would come back. Heck, that sometimes never really fades. I'd be lying if I said part of me didn't want my ex to reach out, but then I realized that I only held a lot in my chest that I wanted to scold her for. But now? I don't really want her to come back. I've had a great past 2 weeks dating someone new and doing everything I wanted to do with my ex but now with this new girl. That being said, a part of me at times wonders if, now that she knows I moved on, if she's going to reach out or beg. I don't think she's strong enough to not continue to peak at my social media. My guess is right now she's trying to "win back" the guy that rejected her (That she rejected me for). Do I want someone like that? No
mike.c Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 I know there is not much sympathy for dumpers around here, but here it is: I broke with my GF a year and a half ago. At that point I had been on medication for mental problems for a few months and I couldn't take it anymore. My love had faded and I got really insecure that I might hurt her more if we continue being together. A year passed and I decided to get off the meds and see a therapist, who helped me to work on my emotions and feelings and to open up more about them. She helped me to understand why I quit on my ex. I decided to work hard on myself to get off the meds completely and become a genuinely better person. As I was getting better and getting down from the meds my feelings for my ex started to come back. I fought all my problems for another 6 months and finally came out on top, it wasn't easy but I did it. I was missing my GF and thought about her everyday. I already decided I'd do everything to get her back. I wanted to spend the rest of my life taking care of her through thick and thin and spending every single day with her. I reached out and found out she had been with another guy for almost a year at that point... It wasn't about sex, or security, or being bored or anything else. I needed that time to learn how to process my feelings and how to love another person with no safety net. And just as I learned all that... It just killed me. It put me down and keeps me down. I already said that in another topic. We are not all bad people.
BG1 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Thanks for all the insight guys. You can learn something out of everyone experience. My case is slightly different from the OP. With my first girlfriend I broke up and I wanted to remain in touch so I could help her in the process, as she was more in love with me and I didn't develop feelings I wanted to end up because love wasn't reciprocal. After a few weeks, we agreed to cut it off and she never heard anything back to me, although 8 years later more or less she added me on FB and I accepted the friend request. She was married and with 2 kids. (she got married to the guy she met after me). I was dumped in my second relationship, was a bit sudden and she wanted to see me after a few weeks with the excuse that I had a sweater at her place, I didn't see her. Again, she sent me a Fb friend request a few years later and I accepted. She is the same guy she met after she broke up with me. This break up hurt but not that much. My 3rd relationship was my first real love. I broke up with her but only because she drags the whole relationship to that point and she didn't want to do it. (I wanted to see her face to face to make a final decision but she asked me not to go after I got my tickets). So we ended up agreeing to break it up but I had to take the initiative. We were thousands of miles apart, we didn't do NC in the following weeks as we still cared for each other and it did work for me. But I can deny it was very painful, especially the first few weeks. After 6/7 months she contacted me (I didn't respond for a few weeks as I still needed time). She wanted to come to visit me, and I accepted. I had already moved on, and I made that clear although she stayed with me. She was saying that she couldn't find a man like me and that she missed me a lot (we were still based far apart and for me, I knew that reconciliation was not possible, especially because she didn't do personal work and didn't change at all). We saw a couple of other times in France and Spain because we both were there at the same time, and we acted like friends. Although, and till very recently we have been talking every few months and she keeps saying how happy she was with me and how difficult it's to find guys like me where she is from. And then my 4th relationship, the biggest love of my life (so far). This break up is the reason why I'm here. She broke up with me via Skype after 2.5 years together, and she was coming to town to visit me for a few days a week after (we were in a LDR for a few months by that time). I went NC as I was devastated (I had a few difficulties, all happening at the same time), then she emailed me apologising and stated what she wanted to see me. I accepted after a long thought, and we saw a couple of times to talk. I managed to get closure as I had a chance to share my feelings. She went back to US where she is based now and we haven't talk in 4 months. No a single like, comment,... A part of me thinks that she will get in touch down the line, I'm healing but I still need time. I've done a ton of personal work and I still investing in myself to not repeat a pattern I've seen between my last 2 relationships. By wanting to see me she wanted to feel better about herself but I believe she didn't want to burn the whole bridge down. After all, she loved deeply. We are continents apart and I don't know anything about her, so I don't know is she will get in touch or not down the line.
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