Angel29 Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 (edited) I fell for a guy 12 years old than me who was at my hiking group. Over the years we have had a rocky relationship where he would show me interest but would serial date other people. As a result I would ignore him as I was hurt and then he would get annoyed I ignored him but he didn't know why. We made amends recently but he went back to blowing hot and cold. His brother once told me that he has had a very bad time with relationships and has bad anxiety, I do believe this as he stutters and gets nervous around me. If he is socially awkward how can he ask the majority of the women out of the hiking group? The women get annoyed with his strategy so now he is a member of over 100 hiking groups - something not right there. I fell hard for this guy even though he let me down many times. He is very impatient and moans a lot, I cannot stand those traits. He will be on a hike soon and I have not seen him in 6 weeks. I am fed up of him leading me on and I hate having feelings for him when I know I deserve better. I don't want any animosity and don't see why I should avoid the group. Should I go to the walk or completely cut him out of my life? I am having sleepless nights and anxiety attacks over this. Edited July 1, 2017 by Angel29
scooby-philly Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Take a cue OP from how battlefield trauma works. In this case you have every right to enjoy the group. His behavior speaks of immaturity, possible emotional issues, and a lot of self hate or doubt on his part. I'd reach out to him before and set the terms and conditions clear. Better to do it now that for something bad to happen. Slice off the broken limb and remember that unlike body parts - your desire for others will grow back. 1
teak Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Forget this guy. "Hot and cold" is code for not really interested in you. People don't change without trauma or a major life event. He hasn't had one. Skip the walks or find another group until you can put him behind you.
basil67 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 How was he leading you on? Did you ever have a discussion about dating each other? If so, what did he say about it? 1
Maggie4 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Just don't go to this hike. That's what I'd do if I know someone I don't like is going to be there. There are plenty of trails elsewhere. Enjoy a hike somewhere else and save yourself the aggravation. 2
coolheadal Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I fell for a guy 12 years old than me who was at my hiking group. Over the years we have had a rocky relationship where he would show me interest but would serial date other people. As a result I would ignore him as I was hurt and then he would get annoyed I ignored him but he didn't know why. We made amends recently but he went back to blowing hot and cold. His brother once told me that he has had a very bad time with relationships and has bad anxiety, I do believe this as he stutters and gets nervous around me. If he is socially awkward how can he ask the majority of the women out of the hiking group? The women get annoyed with his strategy so now he is a member of over 100 hiking groups - something not right there. I fell hard for this guy even though he let me down many times. He is very impatient and moans a lot, I cannot stand those traits. He will be on a hike soon and I have not seen him in 6 weeks. I am fed up of him leading me on and I hate having feelings for him when I know I deserve better. I don't want any animosity and don't see why I should avoid the group. Should I go to the walk or completely cut him out of my life? I am having sleepless nights and anxiety attacks over this. You have fallen love with this guy my child for you to get so emotional over him like this. He no better than you. Talk it out with him if not don't go on the same hikes as he does.. If you can avoid him at all cost, but you see you love him if you got to the deep love it's harder to break away from that love..
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 I agree with Maggie4, do not go on the hike. He may appear "nervous" and socially awkward but he is probably a player. Players don't often look like what everyone imagines a player to be, they often assume this shy, introverted, awkward exterior to make women fall for them, to make women pity them, to make women feel protective of them... This guy is joining multiple hiking groups with the sole intention of getting into women's pants, not because he is into hiking. Ugh! What exactly is there to like about him?
Violetstar Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 IGNORE HIM! Honestly, if you can find another hiking group, I think it's best to do that. If you see him there, you will want to talk to him, you will want to be around him, you will be angry/hurt/jealous if he's speaking with some other woman in the group. It's a dangerous game for your heart to continue being in the group and you might tell yourself that it'll be okay and you can easily ignore him, but it's not that easy. Believe me, I've been there with someone in my old volunteer program. If you have plenty of other friends in that group, then keep busy with them. But I suggest you date other guys. And maybe bring those guys (or other friends) to the hiking group. My suggestion is find another group though. If you can't for whatever reason, you need to ignore him and bring in your own friends or bring another guy. He's not worth it. He's blowing hot, he's blowing cold, he's wasting your time and hurting you. Come on, you know you're stronger than that!
OnlyHonesty Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 You have fallen love with this guy my child for you to get so emotional over him like this. He no better than you. Talk it out with him if not don't go on the same hikes as he does.. If you can avoid him at all cost, but you see you love him if you got to the deep love it's harder to break away from that love.. That's not love, it sounds more like various negative, and addictive forms of codependency and infatuation that are confused as love, by our ego.
BaileyB Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 (edited) Based on what you have described, I have absolutely no idea why you would find this man attractive or think that there is anything to be heartbroken about? If he wanted to date you, he would have done so long ago... He has lead you on, only because you have allowed it. Honestly, I'm not sure why you would have any interest in this man - I would have been gone long ago. He is not into you, and he does not want you. Even if he did, this kind of hot-cold relationship is really unhealthy.... Forget him. Live your life. Edited July 3, 2017 by BaileyB
loverboy69 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Now now. Next time one of us suggest that a guy who has a problem with dating go and join a local meetup or hiking group.......
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