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Question for couples in long terms relationships or marriages


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Posted

Everyone who's been with their partner for a long time, atleast a few years...

 

Do you ever feel like you don't have much to talk about anymore?

 

Do you feel like that the spark and chemistry is gone?

 

If so please tell me about these experiences and how you can get the spark/chemistry back and also have conversations like you did with ur partner in the beginning when you first met?

Posted

I'm chatty. I can talk to anybody about anything.

 

 

The spark ebbs & flows. I lived with a guy for almost 10 years. I have been with my husband for 10 years. Not every day is peaches & cream. When I feel disconnected or he does we stop the other & do something. Sometimes it's simply making love, sometimes it's going on a trip, sometimes it's just having a real conversation at the table -- about life, philosophy, the dreamy stuff when you get lost in each other while dating as opposed to the house, the bills, the obligations etc.

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Posted

It's very much still present after several years. Possibly not 100% as intense as at the start, but really, the steady simmer is much better than the sparse uncertain fireworks IMO.

 

I think an important part of it is making the time to carry on dating the person, even if you've been together for a long time and are living together. Make time for dates. Do something nice for them just because. Make time to engage in a shared hobby together. Make sure the sex is good for both people. Everything in life that is worth having takes time to cultivate, and a relationship is no different.

 

(I am aware that all of the above is much more difficult if young children are in the picture. I have no advice for that unfortunately)

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Posted

First, what do you want? Define it accurately and honestly. Be specific in your mind and it wouldn't hurt writing it all down. What do you want for spice? Go to the extreme. Include the altruistic stuff and the down and dirty stuff.

 

What would make you fulfilled?

 

Then how would you turn your partner into your compadre? Your partner in crime?

 

How does your wants sync up with your vision of your partner being your Bonnie or Clide?

 

Your marriage should be as much fun and exciting as it is capable of handling the day to day needs.

 

You need to take this stuff and talk to your partner about it. Ask your partner to come up with their stuff. Then negotiate what gets done or what you fantasize about.

 

Don't wait for your partner to do this for you both. Be proactive. Keep it fun no matter what. Don't be judgemental. Open yourself to your partner. Offer your partner excitement and fulfillment as well as you asking for it.

 

There is no specific rules or standard set of things. You and your partner are unique. Your package of stuff will be unique as well.

 

Just be prepared to be surprised about what you want, what your partner agrees to and what your partner wants in addition.

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Posted
Do you ever feel like you don't have much to talk about anymore?

 

Do you feel like that the spark and chemistry is gone?

 

No and No. :)

Posted (edited)
Everyone who's been with their partner for a long time, atleast a few years...

 

Do you ever feel like you don't have much to talk about anymore?

 

Actually that's gotten much better - at least on life, work, kids, politics, community, the world, but its mostly intellectual and philosophical- and not intimacy/emotional.

 

Do you feel like that the spark and chemistry is gone?

 

Yes due to the downward turn in sex and emotional intimacy.

 

If so please tell me about these experiences and how you can get the spark/chemistry back and also have conversations like you did with ur partner in the beginning when you first met?

 

On the conversations - we found and shared some growing passions for specific issues facing our community and country. We are both very passionate about making a difference in peoples lives and the world. I guess I got her a bit into this kind of thing. I also coached her on her work and profession and she is now blossoming in these areas and I enjoy the talk more now. I suppose she got me a bit more involved in travel - and we like to converse on this. Money wise and future plans we also have grown more compatible and talk.

 

I suppose there is a certain "spark" in this stuff above, and I do appreciate it. But there is no male female spark at all these days, I tried, really hard to get it back. I guess 1 out of 2 things is not bad.

 

 

 

Replies above.

 

I would say I also worked very hard on my own spark and my own fuel - emotionally, intellectually and even sexually. Thats all on me - and not dependent on a spouse

Edited by dichotomy
Posted

We've always got a lot going on, so there's never been a time when we haven't had anything to talk about.

 

There's been the odd quiet time at home, where hubby will be engrossed in what he's doing and I will be the same. But that's just normal. I know he's a few metres from me and vice versa.

 

We have have one-year-old twin boys, so we're preoccupied with the responsibility of raising them. Does it get mundane? Yeah, sometimes. But that's part of life.

 

Things haven't always been easy. But even when we're having a rough patch, we both know that the other one has our back.

 

My husband is very organised and likes to maximise his time at home since he works long hours. We try to get out for a drive or to visit friends on weekends.

 

At the end of the day, your marriage is what you and your partner make it. If you beleive in giving first, and so does your partner, you'll never run out of ways to make them happy whilst being rewarded in return.

 

I won't lie; having money certainly helps. Couples, especially with children, who find money tough to come by can probably fall victim to what you're concerned about. But it just means you'll need to be more creative.

 

I don't care whether it's a trip to Paris, or an hour's drive down the coast for lunch at a local coffee shop - as long as I'm with my husband and we're sharing quality time, life is good. :)

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