TemporaryForever Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 I feel so stupid even typing this...yes he broke up with me a third time after 2 and a half years, but also the last time. I will never give him another chance again. We just came back from vacation and everything was great, but now 2 weeks later we're no longer together. I'm so hurt and I feel like I'll never have a connection with someone like him again. I feel like I'll never meet anyone like him again. I tried to date other people during our breaks, but I can't find anyone I click with like I did with him. He set the bar so high. He's never never given me any closure any time we broke up. He would always just say he was wrong, he was stupid and it was nothing I did. It's obviously something about me that he doesn't like for him to keep leaving me. I tried to get closure this last time and all he could say was that it's not in our best interest. He said he didn't want a terrible end to our friendship. I can't help but to think I wasn't interesting enough, smart enough, pretty enough or whatever. I was the best girlfriend I knew how to be, but he never communicated with me how I could be better for him. Im so hurt and I can't stop crying. Maybe it was another woman. Anyone ever go through a break up a third time with no closure? Do you have any advice to help me move on? I feel like I'm getting older and dating is getting harder. 1
isolatedgothic Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 I am so sorry to hear about your heartbreak. It sounds like you feel like you lost a part of yourself, and there is a big hole left that used to be occupied by him. If you're anything like me, waking up in the morning is so depressing, and going through the day feels empty because he is no longer a part of who you are, what you do, and he isn't there to share with any longer. Break ups are really hard, especially when you have convinced yourself he is "the one." When it comes to closure, it isn't something that someone else gives to you. It is something you decide for yourself. There isn't one thing that this guy can tell you that will make you say, "Oh, now I feel better! I think I have closure now." If he says it's because he has another woman, you are still going to hurt. If he says it's all your fault because of A, B and C, you are still going to hurt. Closure is something you do for yourself. It is you looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, "That girl deserves so much more than this." It's making up your mind that you are walking away, once and for all, and there is nothing that will make you go back to the h*ll that is him. Time and involvement in building a new life for yourself is the only way out of this. Don't allow yourself to sit up in the middle of the night googling him and looking for answers. That only keeps you stuck. Put your mind on new things - find a new focus that makes you happy. Make you the center of your world for a while. That is closure, and that is sweet revenge, because you will find satisfaction in something that nobody can take away from you, and that's you. I'm thinking of you as you go through this pain. It's unfair, it's cruel, and you are worth so much more than what he did to you. 5
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 He didn't set the bar very high if he walked away from you three times with no reason and no explanation. Surely, you deserve more than that... Seriously, I know that it feels like you will never find someone else you "click" with in the same way, but you will. In fact, it's something to look forward too. Just give yourself some time to heal from this loss, and then look toward the future. Someone who really loves you will never be so inconsiderate with your feelings... He will hold you tight and never let you go this way. Good for you for walking away! You must protect your heart - this man does not deserve to be taken back again such that he can come and go from your life as he wishes. You deserve so much more. 1
staggerlee71 Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 I'm in my mid 40's. my ex dumped me three times. she gave me all the clichés for why it wasn't working. it wasn't working for many reasons, mostly fear, but it had nothing to do with whether I was good enough. and the same is true for you. breakups have many elements, its not always about good enough. there are a host psychological and social elements that work on an unconscious level. I mean if you were a total ass, that's different, but this is about him and what he thinks about himself and how he reflects that towards you. many times, people are not happy about certain elements of their life and attribute that to the relationship, only later to grow and realize they were way off base. see, you cant make him happy. only he can!! you are uniquely awesome! flaunt your awesomeness everywhere you go. focus on your own internal happiness. everything else will follow 4
stillafool Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Thank God you've made up your mind to not go back with him again. You will meet another guy you like but you have to give it time. Of course you are not going to find another guy if you are still not over your ex. Give yourself time to heal first and then start dating again. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 The third time is the charm. Let this break up be permanent. You two have a long history together. You have to mourn the demise of the relationship. That doesn't happen over night & neither does closure. You will eventually find somebody else. You just can't see that right now because you are in the acute stages of grief. That's OK. You have to be here right now. It's part of the healing process. In time you will get your closure. You couldn't find somebody else during the breaks because you knew he was coming back. You weren't open to somebody else. This time you will fully heal & then eventually you will be ready. Since you think the bar was set so high, take some time & make 2 lists. One of the reasons you two need to be apart. Two of all his bad qualities. Read them over in the next months. Eventually you will move on. Hugs. 3
Bromeo Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Sweetpea, let me assure that I completely understand what you see going through. I was left three times. The third time it appeared to be permanent, and she began playing hot / cold games. Then I ended it for good. Four months later I still think about her, but the pain is far, far diminished. I've been on this board for almost a year now, and these exs all seem to follow the same pattern. They like to keep things as ambiguous as possible to give the illusion of control and options. What you have to do is rally your emotional fortitude and walk away for good. Looking back, I was so unstable emotionally, that I never want to feel that way again. It was an acute combination of frustration, pain, and anxiety. To this day she's never said it's over, we are broken up, I don't love you, etc. Even when I asked her to do so for months, so I understand closure. As the previous poster stated, closure is internal. Best part is, the dumpee is in a lose-lose no matter what. Because we care more than they do. Best part is, the pain caused a shift in my thinking, and because I've been focused on me, I've been happy. I invite you to try the same. Be safe. 1
Funny bunny Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Temporary forever yes I've been broken up a third time. That's why I'm on here. Do you want to maybe talk through pm or messenger? I'm at a wedding right now and trying my best to be a trooper but it's hard watching someone else get married when you're going through a breakup.
stillafool Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Make sure you block him from ever contacting you again. 2
staggerlee71 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Damn Bromeo, I swear the same girl said the same crap to me. man that resonated I look back and also realize how crazy unstable I was. I never want that. I'm sure she will reach out again but I am sure I'm done her last words, I love you , we will work it out. the fn audacity of that girl!! Cheers to three times a charm!!
Author TemporaryForever Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 Thank you all for the support. I just feel so lost. I don't understand how one week he was telling me how much he loved me and a few weeks later he leaves me. isolatedgothic: I do feel like I lost of part of me. It takes me a while to get over things, and it's going to take me a while to get over this, again. His last few words keep replaying in my head "not in our best interest and he doesn't want a terrible end to our friendship." I'm driving myself crazy trying to think of what I could have said or done differently. A part of me wants to ask him, where did we go wrong? Why didn't you want to try and work it out? But then you're right, that may not be a good idea because no matter what he says I'm going to be upset. I can't change his mind either. I will continue to look for closure within myself and focus my attention on other things that make me happy. Thank you. BaileyB: He had all...well...most of the qualities I ever wanted in a man. However, I keep holding on to the guy he used to be, or should I say pretended to be when we first met. You're right, I should look forward to someone who isn't inconsiderate of my feelings. Who won't run away every time there's a problem. staggerlee71: I like your view. Breakups do have many elements and it's not always us. I hope he does realize later he was way off base. D0nnivain: That's a great idea. I'll make a list of all his good and bad qualities. Bromeo: Like your situation, this time it does appear to be permanent. I have a feeling I'm going to think about him for a long time, even when I'm over him if that makes any sense. I do see how can I be very emotional, but I never want anyone to make me feel this way again. You say you asked for closure for months, I thought about asking again. But then like you said, it's internal. Funny bunny: sure, message me.
Author TemporaryForever Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 Make sure you block him from ever contacting you again. He's blocked!
Author TemporaryForever Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 Ha anyone ever asked for closure after a breakup and got it? How did it go?
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 D0nnivain: That's a great idea. I'll make a list of all his good and bad qualities. No. Just his BAD ones. You don't need any help romanticizing this guy & thinking he's better than he is. You need a concrete reminder of his flaws. 3
staggerlee71 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 It opened up a thousand more questions. thousands of hours analyzing the conversation. more pain and anxiety. it took me a long time to take my thoughts from its me, I suck, to its her, she has issues to deal with and I cannot help! you will se clarity as well, in time Hang in there, this too shall pass
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Ha anyone ever asked for closure after a breakup and got it? How did it go? Closure comes from within, not the other person. 2
Author TemporaryForever Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 It opened up a thousand more questions. thousands of hours analyzing the conversation. more pain and anxiety. it took me a long time to take my thoughts from its me, I suck, to its her, she has issues to deal with and I cannot help! you will se clarity as well, in time Hang in there, this too shall pass Deep sigh....yeah, with time it'll pass.
Recommended Posts