I need some advice, I'm going crazy

July 1, 2017

He works a rotating schedule where he is on for 4 days off 2, but he wasn't sat
Least 2 overtime shifts per week. With the new job it fluctuates between 2-4 extra overtime shifts. He works days but overtime tends to be from 4:00-midnight or from midnight to 8am.

However he has at least 2 weekends "free" per month so I'm asking him to keep one day open a month. Is that realistic?

Why expect so little from your life partner? Shouldn't you spend those 2 weekends a month togheter? why he can't?

How many times he is home on weeknights?

July 1, 2017

Financially he is comfortable working the two overtime shifts per week or more. Typically people want weekends off, so that's when the shifts are. And I totally understand that. He's not a plan ahead type of guy so I understand it's hard to look ahead a month in advance to figure out a schedule for some weekend time off.

Week nights if no overtime, he's home by 5:00 but then he works out which he has to for medical reasons. So by the time he's finished I'm going to bed. And most week nights I'm home at 7pm. So scheduling is an issue.

Why expect so little from your life partner? Shouldn't you spend those 2 weekends a month togheter? why he can't?

How many times he is home on weeknights?

July 1, 2017

Financially he is comfortable working the two overtime shifts per week or more. Typically people want weekends off, so that's when the shifts are. And I totally understand that. He's not a plan ahead type of guy so I understand it's hard to look ahead a month in advance to figure out a schedule for some weekend time off.

Week nights if no overtime, he's home by 5:00 but then he works out which he has to for medical reasons. So by the time he's finished I'm going to bed.

This is when he needs to compromise and get a hint of organization in him. Get a calendar and circle 1 weekend a month he needs to work around and not book himself.

I know you are not gonna tell him this but if I were you I'd tell him you are not dead yet, you are young, in love, and in need of your man. Not prioritizing you once a month will not keep you around.

July 1, 2017

You've hit the nail on the head, I don't want to feel isolated. It's almost like if we were emotionally connected/on the same page, I'd feel less lonely if that makes any sense? But I feel that because of the new job he doesn't have the capacity to have meaningful conversations anymore. Maybe I need to give it a few more months until he is settled at work and he can have a moment to catch his breath.

You would fell less lonely if/when you are emotionally connected to your partner?

Maybe the last sentence is a good idea, pitch it and let him respond (during some down time).

Good luck!

July 1, 2017

The only thing Id add as a concern, is that in your first post you said he was sleeping downstairs. Was that just a one night deal, or does he do that generally? That to me is a huge red flag. Even when couples have serious time issues, theres should always be a little pillow talk time. But purposely not coming to bed? That would be a concern.

July 1, 2017

Anyone with some serious advice would be so appreciated right now. I don't know where to begin...

First, a little background. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, in that time we have been living together for almost the entire time of our relationship and have purchased a house together a year ago. Things progressed fast, he has been divorced and we both knew exactly what we wanted and our lives fit together effortlessly. He is a very realistic, intelligent and moral man that I trust completely, I am younger than he but very like minded and mature. Our relationship felt very easy and it just felt as cliche as it sounds, like it was meant to be. I'm not one to have a serious relationship and I couldn't imagine my life without him so to me this is it. The person that I want to spend the rest of my life with and I know he feels the same.

Fast forward to now, I'm on my second night of not sleeping, I'm in our bed alone while he is sleeping on the downstairs couch after a bottle of wine. I saw
Him for literally 10 mins today, that's it. How can a relationship sustain this? He's had a recent promotion, and lots of added work pressure and extra hours. But still, I find him not interested in making time to be together. He goes to work, works out and goes to bed. I've been depressed the past few months, spending a lot of alone time. Expressing my concerns to him with him not knowing how to respond.

Basically, we don't see each other much and I've become insecure and very very sad. I've cried to him pouring my heart out and he becomes uncomfortable, laughs, says he doesn't know what to tell me, it has nothing to do with me, it's work, he's sorry I'm sad etc etc.

All I know is that I'm so sad, beyond sad. He isn't a great communicator and I like to talk things out to resolve issues.

I can't keep coming to him sobbing anymore, he isn't responding. I don't know what to do, I'm trying to give him space but I'm so sad that I don't have my partner. 2 days ago when I came to him upset because he had been distant and crabby when he came home from after work, he was nervous laughing and flipping through the tv channels while I cried and begged him to talk to me and tell me what's wrong. After much silence I went on my room crying and we haven't spoke of it since. This is not the first time something like this has happened.

The past few months have been the worst and I can't seem to fix it. Meanwhile I continue to do his laundry, make his lunches for the week, figure out dinner every night, clean our house, buy coffee and bring it to him at work occasionally...which is what I usually do for him but I can't help but feel being taken for granted.

I know the new job is stressful and taking the majority of his time but why am I being pushed away in the process?

What do I do?

My child, you are with a man that not really into you. You're so scared to loose him but you don't even have a grip on him or your own life. You need to pull yourself around. I do things for you and not him. Let him make his own dinner, let him clean his own dirty work clothes. You need to stop baby sitting him. Your not looking a the real picture here. I wish I had a women like you to do all what you said you do for him. Now let me tell you why I just aid that. Because I would first appreciate the fact that you had taken the time and energy to make my life a better one, second you even go to where I work to bring me something to eat or drink you show that your loyal and you care. This jerk (sorry but he's one) that appreciate you.. He got it easy with you. Can't do whatever he wants and doesn't even talk to you. Why would you even stay with a man like that. Come on now get real. This is no relationship this is a total disaster!

If that's his place pack-up your things and move back to your parents or whoever you can move in with. If you have access to the accounts take out 1/2 and go get your own apartment I just don't tell him your going. Why would you tell him since he's not even paying attention to you the way you want him too. This is dead, now leave the dead to himself and leave!

You need life and happiness, you got sorrow and please quit crying he doesn't care how you feel or what you feel. Don't you see you got a COLD FISH and you got some other things he doing. I am not going to get into that right now but you need to either kick him out but if he's the only one paying the bills then you have to figure out what your best course of action here?

He's not talking to you, if he does not what you want to hear. Your need to get space or just take time away from him. Let him miss you if you don't want to fully leave him. I would leave him because he doesn't deserve a woman like you. You would be treated like a queen with me if you did all what you said you did in your first post. Wow!

Anyway I hope you make the right move and get out and find a man who would appreciate all that you do, wants top be with you, make love to you and really can say "I LOVE YOU" everything that goes with that love!

July 2, 2017

hi there,

it sounds as though you've been in each others pockets before he got this promotion and the time you have from him is being focused on missing him and resenting the amount of hours he works whilst desperately trying to please him in some kind of role play expectation.

I'm wondering whether maybe a bit of depression or loneliness is creeping into your routine, certainly there is insecurity.

the whole thing sounds very rushed and intense, did you know each other for a while before getting together or buying a house!!??, I only ask because it sounds as though you are living towards an expectation (and a heavy one at that) to be perfect partner, great home to show off to friends and family, lover home maker etc...but life doesn't always go to plan, as your husband has already found out with a first marriage.

that is no blame for him or accusation its just making a point that perfection (especially in todays must have age and marketing frenzy) creates so much pressure that a relationship let alone a house together only increases when any signs of pressure start to overwhelm or take over.

if there is any kind of underlying depression or mental health fatigue (clinical or just a recent case of the blues), then maybe it might be worth you seeing your local g.p. to get some further advice and helpful contacts.

I admire you seeking the women's group, but if you'd prefer male company your books and your dogs then maybe you are not really giving yourself a chance at the right time to find the things that could help you.

maybe seek out a women's group when you feel more stable in your relationships and your esteem is in better shape, otherwise you may be open to more anxiety and social pressure - self created or otherwise?!

it sounds like what you really need or desire is quality time with your boyfriend not a group that may make you feel more competitive (If they are that way inclined, any group of same sex people men or women may bring out the one thing that you might want to take a break from) competition and expectation!

what happens if you get on with these women and the resentment shifts to your husband moaning that he doesn't see you as you are spending lots of time with them?

one thing that made me concerned in a way is his dismissal of your feelings! is the compatability with him really what you think it is? its only been a few years and you are already feeling pushed away, unhappy and are not getting the empathy you hope for from a partner. and its been going on for months already!!!!

do you know if the divorce was anything to do with a lack of empathy??!! if so I would be even more worried if I were you! maybe now is not the time to ask him, but if you don't know then as you start to get back to recover yourself maybe you should find out just in case you fall for him and marriage is another hope for you.

for the main part you cant change others, but its early days so if you cant talk to him would you consider counselling alone or even better with him, would he be willing to do that? if so then I cant imagine he would be laughing so much with a professional listening to your troubles in life.

I think that the fantasy of the relationship (ie expecting this is what happens when you meet someone and fall in love etc,, has overtaken the day to day reality of the endless things that can happen and the hard work relationships take).

I'm not saying that you don't know about anything about relationships, I'm saying it sounds as though you've gone into things very quickly. you say things fit together and that he is mature....things don't sound as though they are fitting together at the moment, but its not unfixable, but it has got to be for both of you to want to fix.

what does your man say about working so many hours, cant he get a takeaway or prepare something from time to time or go out for a meal; I'm seeing a wife and tired unhappy unsatisfied mother in this not a girlfriend!

sure you can be of a mature age and still a girlfriend of course, but you sound young (not In a patronizing way) but I mean you don't sound in your 60's or anything. (not that that is considered as old these days, there are women in their 70's 80's who have a more active, fruitful home life and marriage than you do by a long way ill bet!!! but you seem to be responding to him in a generation that may not be yours but an idea of how relationships go, well they often go in the school fairy tale way, in that not everyone is handsome and pretty, some are hot but cruel or vacuous or selfish etc,,,,

is his moral side anything to do with you playing this wife role so full on and finding its not satisfying for your needs?

you are trying "not" to come to him sobbing, you are doing laundry and running round taking meals to his workplace!!!!! WHAT IS HE DOING????

he has the energy to go to a gym!!!!! could it be that he is tiring himself deliberately so he doesn't have to react to you. there is nothing wrong with healthy exercise and wanting to look good, but is there any sense of why he wants to look so good that makes you uncomfortable? maybe join a gym and offer to go with him to get some of that anxiety out of your mind and get fit to and feel better about yourself!

you have to look at the possible unpleasant angles in this situation only because a relationship is at stake here. has he always gone to work out?

I think if he loved you he wouldn't want to be away from you for so long and certainly not be sleeping downstairs!!!!

if he loved you he'd listen to you and feel upset when you were upset (unless there is some medical condition there that empathy is missing totally) and it doesn't sound like that is the real agenda here.

he is working 50-70 hours on a promotion?...do you know that for sure??? or could the workouts and late hours be another guise for a gullible partner.

I fear his laughing at you is him not only not respecting you but is about an age gap (well the feeling of one anyway).

not all age gaps are like this, but when people don't feel others understand they often scoff and dismiss this, this can be down to a lack of shared experience in a situation, and this sounds like what is part of the problem, you are the role of a wife but without the wedding commitment!!!!!!! you are the willing wife without anything a wife has in a legal term.

I'm not trying to unsettle you further, but if it did turn out that he was interested (not nessesarilly) seeing anyone else, then i'll bet they are older than you or he feels they are on his wavelength more than you think he is with you.

was his wife younger, or could it be that you are a trophy for friends or ego?

you are not married luckily so there is still time to fix this if this is what he wants truly, or you are young enough to consider your options and ties if you discover there is something more damaging for you in this.

I hope it is just work hours that are taking his time up, but maybe its time to start waking up to the reality a bit more of living with someone and get away from the fantasy that you seem to be happy (but disappointed by) within this relationship. not all relationships are this way long hours or age gaps, but yours is so you need to look at fixing this and getting his commitment and love to you.

this isn't just about you overwhelming him with your emotions, its about an emotional gap and communications honesty that you and HE need to work together and set some new bounderies and commit to them.

he is older than you, so why cant he or hasn't he learned how to communicate, you are a partner not a stranger, communication needs to be more intimate and open and I worry that if you don't get this your tears are going to be more and more regular.

can you take a short break with friends from him just for a weekend or during a working week and enjoy yourself whilst letting him fend for himself, he's not a child!!!!!

don't panic, but do talk, there are a lot of things you both need to talk about and soon. if things don't work out and you are still unhappy in 2 months from now, then look into where you stand with the house and get your life back.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but sometimes you just need to think about stopping things getting any worse. and if that means you have to grow up and start to face the truth then that is what you must do. I wouldn't waste more than 6 months to a year on this situation. there are so many people out there and if this man doesn't make you happy and you cant sort this out or he isn't willing to sort things out with you you have to start making your own decisions. with or without him!!!

good luck I'm sure you can come to your own decisions, so in quick form, give yourself a time frame for things to really change!!!, consider outside professional/help think of different options and compromise with him on what he wants for you both (not just what he expects!!!!) and if that doesn't work re-read coolheadl and whodatdog and take what they say as wise concern!!! I cant imagine you want to re-read them, but I think you ought if things haven't moved on by then. life is too short for relationship unhappiness that just drags on because you are frightenend or feel you have or the other has failed.

July 2, 2017

Is it really that complicated? Would he really say no to a massage? Not sex, but if that happens, great! Just a foot massage can be very relaxing for a man who is stressed.

July 2, 2017

He lived in the basement completely separate from her for the last 5 years of their marriage.

This is part of the issue. When faced with a problem -- whatever happened in his failed marriage & now with you -- he runs away. At 50+ he should have developed better problem solving skills.

A lot of this is about incompatible schedules. Since we all seem to agree that Gaeta's suggestion about you giving him a solution is a good place to start, can he change his work out routine & work out after you go to bed? For him to come home, work out & ignore you & then have you go to bed seems to be exacerbating your feelings of isolation.

Would you consider changing your hours or getting a new job so you are not up at 4 a.m. & can spend evenings with him?

You also need to fill your downtime without him. You have now recognized that as part of the problem & are willing to seek out something personally fulfilling.

The two of you also need to brainstorm together to make the time you do have off simultaneously fun again. If you can at least get that, I think you may feel calmer.

I suspect if you can stop crying & freaking out so that you can calmly present the issues as a scheduling problem you two need to resolve together you will get results you like.

As you have acknowledged, neither throwing in the towel nor trying to shift all the blame onto only 1 of you is the solution.

July 2, 2017

Over 50, has a medical issue, works crazy shifts, works over time, drinks himself to sleep on the couch.....this is going to kill him. Why is he knocking himself out working like this? Has got a gambling addiction?

And girl you work full time, you do all the cooking, shopping, cleaning and his laundry!... And someone mentions rubbing his feet? Hell no he should be rubbing your feet and he can do his own damn laundry.

Edited July 2, 2017 by smackie9

July 2, 2017

I think I got sound advice earlier and now I'm just getting judgement. How do I close this thread?

July 2, 2017

I think I got sound advice earlier and now I'm just getting judgement. How do I close this thread?

I'm sorry if you think I was one of the ones judging you. I simply came back from yesterday & picked up on some new info. My direct communications style can be off putting to some.

If you want the thread closed, click the Alert button on the bottom & ask the mods to close.

July 2, 2017

I never addressed what cooldog said I missed that one. He has fallen asleep on the couch before after winding down from a midnight shift but always came to bed. So yes, that was the only time he spent the whole night on the couch, coming off of a double shift and coming home at midnight.

There's just no don't in my mind that he would ever be unfaithful. I'm no fool, I know everyone is capable of infidelity. I just know how strong his feelings are towards cheating and lying. It's really the only things he has strong opinions on.

Please consider you all are only hearing my side of the story. Lots of you are so

Quick to say get rid of him, he should be grateful etc... we are both grateful for each other and it would take me days to be able to express to you how well we work together and although it seems like I'm doing all the "woman's work" by myself, that is my choice. It has never been something that was expected of me to this day. He always says thank you for ever small thing I do, I know how much he appreciates those things and I won't stop doing them. I believe those little appreactions are so important.

I feel very lucky to have such a wonderful person in my life and he tells me the same. I still get love notes randomly spread through the house and again, it would take Me many many posts in order to describe the depth of the relationship.

I was venting on here and seeking help with communication, not to be told to leave him, that I am still young and still have time. That's so insulting, can't you tell that I'm not an idiot here? No one is perfect, but I do believe we are perfect for each other and I can't help if others have a lower threshold for mistakes. I don't for one minute think this is a deal breaker. But yes, I agree if this is a 6 month + issue then it becomes bigger than I originally anticipated and I'll deal with it then. 2 months of a rough patch to secure a lifetime of happiness is no big deal to me.

Again, I can't Thank most of you enough for listening and giving me opinions. Talking this out has reall made me see my shortcomings as well which I didn't before. I think I need to work on my stability in order to expect him to be receptive. I am slightly depressed I imagine, never had that feeling before and I will be speaking to a professional about it. Do I accept his actions so ok...no I don't. However, I do believe it was a knee jerk response to my continuous beating him down with my emtions and offering no change on my part.

So please enough with telling me I have options and what I should do to get out. That's not what I was asking here. Sorry to be a little harsh but I don't believe some of the things I'm being told. To someone more naive and easily swayed I think some of this could be very dangerous advice. Not pointing the finger...there have been several responses that I was a bit shocked to hear.

I'll close in saying thank you again to those who've understood where I was coming from. Just talking it out with you has helped immeasurably. And as a bit of an update I didn't have the original last talk I had planned on and I feel better and so is he. I will not Be brushing this under the rug because I don't believe that solves anything. But I do need to table it until I feel confident in my own stability and personal happiness. He has been very receptive, there is no tension I mentioned I will be joining the local gym on Monday and jokingly suggested he come with me since I could use some tips and he said that sounds like a great plan. He's a wonderful person and he is not and won't shut me out, but I have to come at him in a different head space. I'm very hopeful.

hi there,

it sounds as though you've been in each others pockets before he got this promotion and the time you have from him is being focused on missing him and resenting the amount of hours he works whilst desperately trying to please him in some kind of role play expectation.

I'm wondering whether maybe a bit of depression or loneliness is creeping into your routine, certainly there is insecurity.

the whole thing sounds very rushed and intense, did you know each other for a while before getting together or buying a house!!??, I only ask because it sounds as though you are living towards an expectation (and a heavy one at that) to be perfect partner, great home to show off to friends and family, lover home maker etc...but life doesn't always go to plan, as your husband has already found out with a first marriage.

that is no blame for him or accusation its just making a point that perfection (especially in todays must have age and marketing frenzy) creates so much pressure that a relationship let alone a house together only increases when any signs of pressure start to overwhelm or take over.

if there is any kind of underlying depression or mental health fatigue (clinical or just a recent case of the blues), then maybe it might be worth you seeing your local g.p. to get some further advice and helpful contacts.

I admire you seeking the women's group, but if you'd prefer male company your books and your dogs then maybe you are not really giving yourself a chance at the right time to find the things that could help you.

maybe seek out a women's group when you feel more stable in your relationships and your esteem is in better shape, otherwise you may be open to more anxiety and social pressure - self created or otherwise?!

it sounds like what you really need or desire is quality time with your boyfriend not a group that may make you feel more competitive (If they are that way inclined, any group of same sex people men or women may bring out the one thing that you might want to take a break from) competition and expectation!

what happens if you get on with these women and the resentment shifts to your husband moaning that he doesn't see you as you are spending lots of time with them?

one thing that made me concerned in a way is his dismissal of your feelings! is the compatability with him really what you think it is? its only been a few years and you are already feeling pushed away, unhappy and are not getting the empathy you hope for from a partner. and its been going on for months already!!!!

do you know if the divorce was anything to do with a lack of empathy??!! if so I would be even more worried if I were you! maybe now is not the time to ask him, but if you don't know then as you start to get back to recover yourself maybe you should find out just in case you fall for him and marriage is another hope for you.

for the main part you cant change others, but its early days so if you cant talk to him would you consider counselling alone or even better with him, would he be willing to do that? if so then I cant imagine he would be laughing so much with a professional listening to your troubles in life.

I think that the fantasy of the relationship (ie expecting this is what happens when you meet someone and fall in love etc,, has overtaken the day to day reality of the endless things that can happen and the hard work relationships take).

I'm not saying that you don't know about anything about relationships, I'm saying it sounds as though you've gone into things very quickly. you say things fit together and that he is mature....things don't sound as though they are fitting together at the moment, but its not unfixable, but it has got to be for both of you to want to fix.

what does your man say about working so many hours, cant he get a takeaway or prepare something from time to time or go out for a meal; I'm seeing a wife and tired unhappy unsatisfied mother in this not a girlfriend!

sure you can be of a mature age and still a girlfriend of course, but you sound young (not In a patronizing way) but I mean you don't sound in your 60's or anything. (not that that is considered as old these days, there are women in their 70's 80's who have a more active, fruitful home life and marriage than you do by a long way ill bet!!! but you seem to be responding to him in a generation that may not be yours but an idea of how relationships go, well they often go in the school fairy tale way, in that not everyone is handsome and pretty, some are hot but cruel or vacuous or selfish etc,,,,

is his moral side anything to do with you playing this wife role so full on and finding its not satisfying for your needs?

you are trying "not" to come to him sobbing, you are doing laundry and running round taking meals to his workplace!!!!! WHAT IS HE DOING????

he has the energy to go to a gym!!!!! could it be that he is tiring himself deliberately so he doesn't have to react to you. there is nothing wrong with healthy exercise and wanting to look good, but is there any sense of why he wants to look so good that makes you uncomfortable? maybe join a gym and offer to go with him to get some of that anxiety out of your mind and get fit to and feel better about yourself!

you have to look at the possible unpleasant angles in this situation only because a relationship is at stake here. has he always gone to work out?

I think if he loved you he wouldn't want to be away from you for so long and certainly not be sleeping downstairs!!!!

if he loved you he'd listen to you and feel upset when you were upset (unless there is some medical condition there that empathy is missing totally) and it doesn't sound like that is the real agenda here.

he is working 50-70 hours on a promotion?...do you know that for sure??? or could the workouts and late hours be another guise for a gullible partner.

I fear his laughing at you is him not only not respecting you but is about an age gap (well the feeling of one anyway).

not all age gaps are like this, but when people don't feel others understand they often scoff and dismiss this, this can be down to a lack of shared experience in a situation, and this sounds like what is part of the problem, you are the role of a wife but without the wedding commitment!!!!!!! you are the willing wife without anything a wife has in a legal term.

I'm not trying to unsettle you further, but if it did turn out that he was interested (not nessesarilly) seeing anyone else, then i'll bet they are older than you or he feels they are on his wavelength more than you think he is with you.

was his wife younger, or could it be that you are a trophy for friends or ego?

you are not married luckily so there is still time to fix this if this is what he wants truly, or you are young enough to consider your options and ties if you discover there is something more damaging for you in this.

I hope it is just work hours that are taking his time up, but maybe its time to start waking up to the reality a bit more of living with someone and get away from the fantasy that you seem to be happy (but disappointed by) within this relationship. not all relationships are this way long hours or age gaps, but yours is so you need to look at fixing this and getting his commitment and love to you.

this isn't just about you overwhelming him with your emotions, its about an emotional gap and communications honesty that you and HE need to work together and set some new bounderies and commit to them.

he is older than you, so why cant he or hasn't he learned how to communicate, you are a partner not a stranger, communication needs to be more intimate and open and I worry that if you don't get this your tears are going to be more and more regular.

can you take a short break with friends from him just for a weekend or during a working week and enjoy yourself whilst letting him fend for himself, he's not a child!!!!!

don't panic, but do talk, there are a lot of things you both need to talk about and soon. if things don't work out and you are still unhappy in 2 months from now, then look into where you stand with the house and get your life back.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but sometimes you just need to think about stopping things getting any worse. and if that means you have to grow up and start to face the truth then that is what you must do. I wouldn't waste more than 6 months to a year on this situation. there are so many people out there and if this man doesn't make you happy and you cant sort this out or he isn't willing to sort things out with you you have to start making your own decisions. with or without him!!!

good luck I'm sure you can come to your own decisions, so in quick form, give yourself a time frame for things to really change!!!, consider outside professional/help think of different options and compromise with him on what he wants for you both (not just what he expects!!!!) and if that doesn't work re-read coolheadl and whodatdog and take what they say as wise concern!!! I cant imagine you want to re-read them, but I think you ought if things haven't moved on by then. life is too short for relationship unhappiness that just drags on because you are frightenend or feel you have or the other has failed.

July 2, 2017

I don't feel that way about your responses at all! I think you totally get what I was trying to put out there. I'm very appreciative:)

I'm sorry if you think I was one of the ones judging you. I simply came back from yesterday & picked up on some new info. My direct communications style can be off putting to some.

If you want the thread closed, click the Alert button on the bottom & ask the mods to close.

July 2, 2017

Just sending best wishes. I hope you are in a happier place soon...

July 2, 2017

You're bringing balance & insight to this. You will get through it, especially if you are both willing to work.

Leaving a bad situation is always an option but it shouldn't be the first one. You got frustrated (understandably). Now that you have been altered to other perspectives, I think you will be well served to try some other, less emotional, strategies to address the difficulties in your relationship.

If you act as a team there is a good possibility that you can work through these bumps.

Best wishes.

July 2, 2017

Thank you so much Bailey, and thank you for your insight - truly.

Just sending best wishes. I hope you are in a happier place soon...

July 2, 2017

Thank you so much d0nnivain for your help, I know I sound like I broken record, but thank you again! This has been so helpful.

You're bringing balance & insight to this. You will get through it, especially if you are both willing to work.

Leaving a bad situation is always an option but it shouldn't be the first one. You got frustrated (understandably). Now that you have been altered to other perspectives, I think you will be well served to try some other, less emotional, strategies to address the difficulties in your relationship.

If you act as a team there is a good possibility that you can work through these bumps.

Best wishes.

July 2, 2017

You don't sound like a broken record

You get all sorts of responses & reactions on an internet message board.

Once years ago on a family vacation I had a huge fight with my husband. My extended family started planning my divorce. I was bowled over. I wanted to be pissed off for 12-24 hours then make up. I wasn't about to throw away my marriage over a cell phone. (DH & I were fighting over who didn't transfer the cell to an International plan before we left the US)

Hang in there. Keep us posted.

Check out some of the other threads if you want to see some real relationship blunders & people who need to be apart.

You also need to understand the culture around here. Had you come here before buying a house with a man you're not married to, only 2 years in, I would have been one of the loudest nay sayers. That type of financial intertwining is as big of a commitment as marriage & I see too many people making it without appreciating that. You two seem to be making it work but now there's hindsight & a track record.

Again, best wishes.

July 2, 2017

And I totally get that from the outside it looks rushed and crazy to jump into something as serious as home ownership. It wasn't the plan, it was just what made the most financial sense and allowed us to live together which we had been prior. I know this course is not for everyone, and I wouldn't for a second endorse it. That being said it works, I do not regret doing it and still have no doubt that it will last forever. Now who knows if I'll feel that way a year or two or more from now but in this moment it's a good thing. We aren't your typical girl and guy. Maturity is abundant in this relationship and we are both very practical and moral people. Not bragging AT ALL...it's just the facts. Which is why I had no reservations in purchasing the house together. We both pay the mortgage it's very much a partnership, I'm not a kept woman although who wouldn't mind that?! Lol!

You don't sound like a broken record

You get all sorts of responses & reactions on an internet message board.

Once years ago on a family vacation I had a huge fight with my husband. My extended family started planning my divorce. I was bowled over. I wanted to be pissed off for 12-24 hours then make up. I wasn't about to throw away my marriage over a cell phone. (DH & I were fighting over who didn't transfer the cell to an International plan before we left the US)

Hang in there. Keep us posted.

Check out some of the other threads if you want to see some real relationship blunders & people who need to be apart.

You also need to understand the culture around here. Had you come here before buying a house with a man you're not married to, only 2 years in, I would have been one of the loudest nay sayers. That type of financial intertwining is as big of a commitment as marriage & I see too many people making it without appreciating that. You two seem to be making it work but now there's hindsight & a track record.

Again, best wishes.

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