xpaperxcutx Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Hi, I just broke up with my boyfriend of 1+ year tonight. He hasn't met my needs in a long time, and I got tired of always having to "beg" him to be more considerate towards me. We have a significant age difference (6 years) and I'm older than him. At first, I fell in love with him because he was slightly more mature than most guys his age. He was working full-time as an IT technician at A+E Networks, and also going to college. He was an old soul trapped in a young man's body, both smart and financially responsible. The only thing that he wasn't, was that he hadn't had alot of dating experience compared to me. He didn't know how to be romantic and didn't know how to plan dates, so it ended up being me dictating much of what we do for the weekends. We would have our little fights here and there, but we learned to move on from them. He got laid off from his job last month due to a misunderstanding that involved the CTO of the company, and since that time, he has refused to look for another job. He told me he was stressed having to juggle work and classes; and wanted to spend the summer taking a summer class as well Youtube vidoes (he believes he can be the next Youtube star). I tried to be understanding, but I've dated people without jobs before and it never ended well (I was literally the one paying for everything). He'd also turned down two $60k jobs in the meantime. To add to his lack of work, I was beginning to see more negatives than positives. He lived at home and never had to pay rent, I was the one slaving away to pay off my own bills and paying for most of our outings together. I also only recently found out he has about $10k of savings in another bank account, something that he hadn't bothered to share with me. He preferred to stay home and play video games and when I asked him to plan something for me for the weekends, he said he had no clue. He also never bought me any flowers and only recently got me a bouquet after I cried to him about it. I feel like I've been dating a selfish little child who only cares about his needs rather than mine. I didn't feel special and anytime I wanted my needs to be met, I have to fight him to get him to understand what it is I expected of him (he retaliated by saying for me not to have expectations). I feel really stupid for dating him. He was the first guy I've dated that was younger than me, and in hindsight, it turned out to be a stupid mistake. I guess I'm just writing here to rant because I have a horrible history of dating guys who are not right for me. How do I start rebuilding myself to not have to go through crappy relationships like this again? I have eyes, but I always end up being blinded. 1
Maldives Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 TheraPY. U also do need to be aware that ur never gonna meet this perfect guy. Sure this guy sounded a lil selfish I think that's his age talking. I think it would be a good thing to maybe do some counselling to try and figure out why ur attracting the same issues wth guys . Btw good luck 1
Frostedflake Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Honestly, it sounds like the best thing for both of you. You guys were dating, not married. That means there was a lot of freedom to live your two different lifestyles despite you wanting him to conform to yours because it would be "good" for the both of you. Yeah, he could have got one of those jobs and he could have planned better. He COULD have been the perfect guy for you by doing all these things. But that wasn't him and he didn't want to. That's the major message here, "did not want to." Don't take it personally. There is going to be someone who embodies the things that you want in a life partner. Similarly, there's going to be someone for him that likes all that Youtube business and stuff he does. Be happy you realized it before the relationship got painful and you started tearing each other apart about your different passions. This seems like a clean break to me. Take it and run.
Maldives Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 A lot of guys and this is to do wth our masculine make up, think hunters, once we get the girl we then back off not becausee of lack of love but because the mistake men make is that we don't understand woman's needs. We think there like us and woman do the same and that's why we split up because we expect the other to already know. It takes a few breakups to learn how different we really r
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 Hi, Thank you so much for your responses. I have been seeing a therapist consistently for 2 years. I feel so alone sometimes and it doesn't help I live on my own. I don't really have alot of close friends and the few that I do have live far away that I only see them occasionally. I guess what I want to do is get myself out there to meet more people and make friends. I don't want to date because I know I have to be okay with being happy on my own. But I have a very introverted personality that makes it difficult to approach people. I usually fake extroversion in public but it can get very tiring.
Maldives Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Hi, Thank you so much for your responses. I have been seeing a therapist consistently for 2 years. I feel so alone sometimes and it doesn't help I live on my own. I don't really have alot of close friends and the few that I do have live far away that I only see them occasionally. I guess what I want to do is get myself out there to meet more people and make friends. I don't want to date because I know I have to be okay with being happy on my own. But I have a very introverted personality that makes it difficult to approach people. I usually fake extroversion in public but it can get very tiring. I can sooo relate to this. I'm the same live on my own faraway from my hometown about a 1000kms and am having the same difficulty. I'm not ry introverted or extroverted but in between. I try and do things and make plans wth others but the difficulty I've found its hard to make a plan people's schedules and stuff. On the other hand my ex is having a great social life mind u at tg he expense of her kids who she left behind interstate. I thought it might be something to do wth being a guy like guys just have a harder time wth bonding and stuff. It's really hard im in my 40s and have thought about going back home a few times for this reason but love where I live plus it's more affordable to live. I'm in a bit of a quagmire as to what to do
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